• Member Since 18th May, 2013
  • offline last seen Wednesday

Pump It Up

Dead, but also undead. It's complicated.


satisfaction brought it back. Or at least, that's what they say. I'm waiting for that to happen.
I hope it happens.

Opal is waiting to get home, and has no one to talk to until you come. She then starts talking.

NOT a second person fic.
This story was written for the One-Shotober challenges started by CartsBeforeHorses and Redigar. I hope you enjoy.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 7 )

Quite a few spelling errors dot the landscape. I'd suggest writing the story, then waiting one or two days, then going back to edit. Also, while editing, make sure to say everything out loud. This will catch lots of grammar issues right away.

As far as everything else goes, this story turned out fine. Opal has a rather refined voice, but I'm kinda surprised she opens up to the reader right away. I guess being dead has that effect on cats?

Thanks for the feedback. I'll be sure to edit ASAP.
And being lonely and dead does have that effect, I would think. :twilightsmile:

A few errors here and there, but nothing to serious. Just some misspelling. I was kinda lost at the begin,but soon understood what was taking place and where.
One question, who is opal talking too? The reader? Or someone else? Can you answer my question. I'll like to know.
Overall. It was a decent story for your first sad fic. Nice work. :moustache:
---Aruzo Night

Sweet little monologue. So touching and sad. :twilightsmile:

Thanks. Yeah, the spelling errors were probably because I type too fast. Plus, my autocorrect must be stupid; onlyu is not a word. :ajbemused: I have an edited version, I just have to it put here. Opal's talking to the reader.

Thanks. :pinkiesmile:

I have to say, this story left a lot to be desired. For starters, Opal seemed out of character and her untimely demise lacked a certain heartrending feeling to it. :rainbowderp: I didn't mean it sucked. The writing was fine, it was just the content that was bad. (This is coming off as far more harsh than I had intended. :facehoof: Pardon me while I hide in the corner somewhere.)

Yeah, this story has needed to be edited for over a year, but I haven't got the time nor desire to work on it. I can be a lazy butt on the shelf sometimes.

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!