• Member Since 19th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Aug 10th, 2016

Dynamic Dragon


E

First impressions are important, but often inaccurate. For example, Gilda. When she first met Pinkie, she seemed like a controlling, abrasive, thieving jerk. But is that all there is to her? Or is the real situation much more complicated? When Gilda returns to Ponyville to try and fix her friendship with Rainbow Dash, the truth will be revealed.

AN: This is my first fic on this site, and any constructive criticism will be appreciated. I would also appreciate any corrections you have to make. I'll also do some fine-tuning to this fic after the fact. Updates will be sporadic, but I'll try to get do so at least twice a week. Thank you for understanding

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 39 )

178761

Sry, I'll try to find a different name to pick.

178779

Don't take it as a substantive criticism. I like the story. :twilightsmile: Have 5 stars.

178779

I found one! Check again, and see the 20% cooler title!

i love Gilda fanfics, i never come by them.

Really great start! :pinkiehappy:

Interesting. Very, interesting. Tracked.

Tracked! Love a good Gilda fic and this seems to be just that!

This is a good idea....You should continue..I believe 5 of these stars outta be motivation, no?

184740

Sorry, but what does that mean?

185038
Ok here's I make of it.

Anger,sadness,craziness,suprised craziness,insanity,GASP,Pinkie Smile,Spike'stache,unamused,sleepy,feelin smug, feel cool,surprise again, Love(for what?) slight sadness, bad, ouch.

That almost hurt my head to think about.

Awww Gilda.....Evil plots don't make friends.....
Must....Resist......Urge...........To......Make Quagmiresque.....Joke

187900

:rainbowlaugh:

Anyway, if you have any suggestions for the story, let me know

Sry about the chapter, I accidentally hit the delete key in the middle of typing the chapter. Just ignore it until I fix it, plz

185038 i dont kow what my feelings are doing

Sry I haven't updated in a while, here's a short chapter to tide you over!

So...Gilda dreams of cupcakes does she?:pinkiecrazy:

First major problem with this story: none of the viewpoints really "sound" like the character they're following, which exacerbates the real problem.

You DO NOT have multiple viewpoints in a 1st person story! ESPECIALLY when you do not use any signals to tell the reader who the viewpoint character is when the pov switches!

Here's a downvote.

257168

Fine, then, I'll work on changing the perspective.

That is, provided you don't mind delayed updates while I fix it.

Sry if it detracted from your experience. This is my first fic, so criticism is appreciated. Next time, however, I'd appreciate it if you'd be a little more constructive

I'll be putting the story on hiatus for a little while, until I do some editing and deal with a few personal matters. Stay tuned for the new and improved "First Impressions", coming soon!

An overall great story –– very creative, and I especially like the idea of putting the baddie Gilda in better light –– but there are quite a few punctuation mistakes here and there.

very nice, and intense.

really like where this is going, and the transition helps.

Huh, I'm using the same Idea in my new fic. The only difference is that Guilda is shipping with somepony.
Good story, great concept.

Hmmm, bats and apples. Very macabre. :duck:

gee, I wonder what that monochromatic beast could be :rainbowlaugh:

How is this not taken down? You have twenty-one character tags, HOW?
(Not that I want it taken down.)

Okay, only read this first chapter but I'll definetly continue. :pinkiesmile: Only one thing, you've got some problems with keeping the narration consistend.

for example:

She smiled, happy I wasn't alone on her vigil.

I presume you meant 'happy she wasn't alone on her vigil.'

As I grabbed the animal and ended its life with a quick snap of the neck, I took out an apple she had been holding in her bag. She ate the bat and the apple

Who is this 'she' Gilda is talking about here? It comes off weird, is there another person in the cave?

All in all, I'll read the rest, since the premise is interesting enough and I kinda like your style. Also: Tasty bats! :derpytongue2:

how soon tell ther might be more on this story. :pinkiehappy: it is a great sttory and I :heart: how it is going

I like it over all. It has good pacing, and character development.
One thing that I noticed, was you wobble between first person, and limited third person. An example would be, “I took out an apple she had been holding in her bag. She ate the bat and the apple, noting that the Apple family now knew there was a thief. Certainly took a while for those hicks to catch on, I thought. Gilda would have to be even more careful in the future. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light,”
You go “I…she…she…I…Gilda…my…” all while talking about the same person. It is quite confusing and distracting. This is just one example, but you do it before and after this passage.
I’m not going to tell you which point of view to pick, but your writing will flow and be less distracting if you pick one and stick with it.
That being said I loved the first chapter, and am going to read the next.
Let me know if this helps, or if you want me to stop commenting.

~Lexomancer

Hello again. This is really interesting. You had me on tenterhooks trying to guess Gilda's plan. Good job.

One thing that seemed really unclear, was this passage.

"Yet, for some reason, she was beloved by nearly everypony in town. Then again, there were those in the Kraftalkon tribe who were nostalgic for the days of Vladimir von Feldkamp, a brutal, paranoid, megalomaniacal, psychotic, borderline genocidal dictator whose only real redeeming quality was his courage. It probably helped that she was considered to be attractive."

I had to reread it a couple times to figure out that you stopped talking about Vladimir von Feldkamp and returned to dissing Fluttershy. Maybe try putting a line break, "whose only real redeeming quality was his courage. [Here] It probably helped that she was considered to be attractive."

That being said, keep up the good work.

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