dude i'm so good at nfts they used to call me "the blockchain ballerina"
Twilight just wants to go back to sleep. She finds her room lit up in the middle of the night, and can't help but to investigate the source. Twilight soon finds that Rarity is the latest victim in a wave of paranoid witch-hunts that have swept across Equestria.
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Hmm, not bad. The whole, "Mane Six member is a changling" thing is a bit old, but this was well done. Thumbs up!
That was intense.
I like the question posed by the end of the fic — is it sad/dark because the captain is dead and Rarity has been replaced? Or because two changelings are stuck in a hostile land that will incinerate them on sight, their heroic leader missing and perhaps dead, and will probably soon be discovered by the most powerful unicorn in Equestria?
Hmm, I'd kinda like to see more of this. I think you have a great story here, actually. Something that is deserving of more than just a one-shot.
The last sentence is fantastically revolting to think about; these two creatures that have taken and destroyed the image of characters I love are fighting for something they believe in. Kinda begs the question whether they are so different?
Damn. Really good stuff. Thanks for the time & effort that went into this one.
Very interesting premise! There are a couple of spelling and grammar mistakes, but otherwise it is well written. Despite the "complete" tag I really do believe this story is deserving of more than a one shot. I genuinely want to know what happens next, and the social implications of a changeling witch hunt would make for a fascinating read. Hope you write more!
Stories that present the viewpoint of the "enemy" side are always fascinating to read.
Good work!
Only one thing I noticed at the start, when you mentioned it not sounding like bacon in a pan, the ponies are all vegetarians and the dragons eat jewels so bacon is out of the question.
2386390
three words.... HAY.....BACON....STRIPS
2386762
seems legit
Sure this should be marked as complete?
I was a bit apprehensive seeing Sad and Dark tags used together and an ominous description but I don't quite understand what's so dark/sad about this...
"How did a man like this ever make Captain?"
Good job on the TWEEST tho.
Oh.
Snap.
Well played. Well played.
That ending... was anticlimactic. The concept behind this story is something more suited to a long story, not a one-shot. The story elements towards the end are just... there.
I see what you were going for with this, what with the plot's twisting around, but it didn't work.
The story is very well-written-- it's just your choice of story elements that's the problem.
I just realized something
NOBODY EXSPECTS THE CHANGLING INQUISITION
Megalomania - Black Sabbath
Oh GODS.....this is very seriously amazing.....damn, talk about grabbing your attention...shit. You really spung the whole thing around.....damn. I'm suprised thast Celestia did not know her student was a changling, being the Goddess of the Sun, you would have thought she would have picked up on that but DAMN!!! Wonder if Spike is also one....wow, you really know how to change a game plan
I'm following you, you very much earned it.
Though I saw hand when it should have been hoof, very well made though.
Haha, wow.
That
Dang, need more like this. Damn you why only one shot its great start for good long story
Vhat a tvist!
I was hoping this was going to be a Crucible sort of thing, but oh well, this was interesting too.
Love this! Very nicely done! You, sir, have just earned yourself a follower!
waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
that. was. AMAZING!!!!!!!! 
great job!
this was the first story that I've ever actally flipped a table over, keep up the amazing work, also, please post as much as you can!
PS. I would pay to read this stuff!
Hmmm, I wasn't expecting that ending.
Favourited and upvoted!
Meh.
2386789
It's wrapped up in what 2385881 said, with a few other elements. You're right: this isn't an archetypal dark/sad fic, but dark fics don't have to be gushing in blood and death and sad fics don't have to be overwrought in sorrow. This is more subdued elements of both, but I believe it still qualifies.
2387464
Any chance I could convince you to elaborate?
What about this ending didn't click for you? Yes, a lot of the enjoyment in this story is probably in the "gimmicky" twist that Twilight was a changling all along, but I think the ending approaches a more subtle revelation that, hey, changlings have individual emotions, ambitions, fears, loves, etc. They're living in a hostile world that won't hesitate to burn down a house on the mere suspicion of their presence. It allows the reader to sympathize with the changlings – something that didn't really enter consideration in the piece up until that point.
Doesn't that ending have any power at all for you?
2388539
but has no twist.
Oddly enough, there's a story in the backlog awaiting editing that stars
Wow, I can honestly say that I was not expecting that twist at all. Amazing work!
2391532 The sinisterness of the fact that they had replaced the Main 6 completely negated that for me. I got the impression that that was the point instead of their feelings. It seems the revelation of these emotions was much too subtle, acting more as elements of character depth. What you intended as a plot point, I saw instead as simply part of good character design-- something I would've expected to see whether it was part of the plot or not.
The actions they took before and during the story, their plan, their loyalty to the queen... all those factors ultimately led me to see these changelings as the villains of the story instead of characters I should be empathic to.
The reason I didn't elaborate earlier was because I wasn't quite sure myself. I had a general idea of what it was I didn't like about it, but I didn't know how to put it into words until you told me your intentions for the story.
Like I said, though, this is otherwise an amazingly well-written story, which is what made it so hard to describe its shortcomings. If someone asked me about it, I'd definitely recommend it, despite its missing of the point it tries to make.
Wow. Completely unexpected.
There aren't enough mustaches to show how well this worked.
What an excellent twist. I sorta saw it coming, but not all of it. Very thoughtful - great job with this. You actually got me to feel how wrong the tone of the setting was, just burning down someone's home like that based on fears that weren't solid enough to not be stopped. It got me thinking about the red scare and all that. Really enjoyable.
Hmmm... Honestly, I figured the story would be WAY more grim. I'm glad it ended where it did and didn't go any farther.
All in all, good story, impressive twist, and defintiely worth reading...even if it is dark.
This was an intense, compelling short story that I found difficult to like. I had a sick feeling at the beginning, not justbecause Rarity's home was on fire, but because Rarity's home was on fire, Twilight was coming to investigate, and the one character to whom those two are the most important people in his life was not listed as a character at all.
It's a beautiful piece of writing and a good, creepy story, but even though it was clear by the end why his presence would've been a little hard to work with, it was a little blemish in my enjoyment of the story. It seems awful that he would keep sleeping while such a fate was befalling the pony he would do absolutely anything for, even though it turned out that wasn't the case; surely it couldn't have been that difficult to come up with a less degrading role to keep him occupied? Even Rarity's cat is listed, for Pete's sake.
Man... I just finished reading "The Crucible" in school too. (I forgot what you put on the title of a novel, underline or quotations.)
This needs a sequel.
2393094
I have a problem with that sentence.
Hands.
No opening " mark at the beginning.
I also saw men used a couple of times.
2394203
"Could you all give me a hand here?" - Applejack
"You, on the other hand, better keep practicing" - Rainbow Dash
"They're quite a handful." - Rarity
I don't see the issue.
And even so, they're changlings! There's no telling what nomenclature they use for their physiology!
On the subject of "men" (this is a genuine question, not me trying to be a smart-ass), do you have a problem whenever people use 'boy' instead of 'colt'?
2394532
I don't have that big a problem with them, but most authors treat them as mistakes and I've fallen into that lot and they tend to break immersion for me when I see it. Also, I do prefer to maintain consistency (something the show has never been good at) with the more pony-like words. If they're there, we might as well use them.
Anyone else reminded slightly of body snatchers, here?
Nice. The story manages to be creepy on several levels at once. I think if it relied only on the shock of the twist, it wouldn't work; but it doesn't, so it does. There's a cultural collision here which cannot help but wreck everyone it touches.
Along the lines of 2391762, I find myself wondering how the story would have worked differently if you pulled the dramatic reveal right up to the beginning — I think it would carry less impact, but it would shift what I see as the story's primary theme (the tragedy of the changelings' desperation in a hostile society) front and center, which is worth something.
That ending...
stickerish.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/JackiechanBlackSS.png
But anyways, it was well written and if you couldn't tell that twist got me. Good job.
DAT TWIST.
Dat Rarity is a changelin'!
Woah! I'm always on the look out for plot twists but I did NOT see that one coming! That was well done, nice work!
2391213
We meet again.
Well, I wasn't expecting that end! XD
I'm two minds with this - on the one hand, the twist is extremely sneaky and causes a rethink of the sort of story I think I'm reading and the oppressing atmosphere builds up nicely. On the other, it means Gladburr was entirely right, there really was a changeling and it made sense to set fire to the building instead, and everyone is right to be on a paranoid witch-hunt because there really are shapeshifters that want to capture & factory-farm them all over the place,and (since we're seeing this from the changeling's POV) I'm not sure that's where it was meant to go.