• Member Since 17th Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Sunday

Tarot Card

Absentee fanfic-author. Formerly known as donald trump card, a celebrity pun that was maybe funny in 2012 but HAS NOT AGED WELL.



When Fluttershy finds a human in her backyard trying to eat one of her chickens, she and a majority of the residents of Ponyville only want this dangerous creature as far away from their town as possible.

After a less than stellar first impression, Derpy Hooves and the human struggle to quell the rumors surrounding his diet, and convince the townsfolk that he's harmless.

Will the human be able to make himself meek enough to coexist? Or will he be driven out of town with torches and pitchforks?

Each chapter is told from the perspective of a different pony.

Chapters (19)
Comments ( 2157 )

This is my first fic, Blah blah blah

Any and all feedback, positive or negative, is much appreciated! :pinkiehappy:

Derpy? Cherelii? Applebloom?

Strangely obscure character list, but I'll give you an upvote for good effort :pinkiehappy:

Well I certainly like the way your taking this. most HiEs are just focused on the monotony of Ponyville life or figuring out how to get home. While both of those are good, this is certainly a unique idea. I dont there been a fanfic about a human trying to fit in among ponies. Tracking.

Great story. :) Looking forward to the rest of it. Why isn't there much back story about how he got there?


Unless it's a crossover. With crossover's, the author is drawing from an outside source that actually makes sense instead of having to come up with new material all their own. :ajsmug:

Hah! Nice backstory for Cheers, and a good explanation for "why do the names seem to match?" Definitely will be tracking this one.

Frigging herbivores, though. At least we kill our food and THEN eat it instead of tearing bits off it while it's screaming in pain (well, emitting chemical distress signals). :twilightangry2:


Well, two reasons why i don't say how he wound up in Equestria

1. every possible method (died, dimensional travel, struck by lightning, travel,) has been used and abused in hiE fics, so no back story would be very original.

2. the story starts en media res, and its not a detail that's important to the plot.

Glad you like it:yay:

Very good, my only criticism is the letter at the end felt rushed.

I tend to stay a bit far from most HiE stories but this one was really good! Tracked and favorited. Keep up the good work.

I call BS... there is no way this is your first fan-fic. The writing style flows really good and is filled with very descriptive words. When I was reading this I felt like you fit the characters' personalities very well. Do you have an expected date for the next chapter? I can't wait for it to come out.
btw... the part with lyra made me crack up.. lol
I'll give this 10 out of 10 pony eating visitors from a far off land


Either you must really like HiE stories, or your too lazy to look at his user page :rainbowlaugh:

Yes.. I LOOOVVVVVEEEE HiE stories. They...are...awesome!!:rainbowkiss:

yes, this is my first fic, although i had the benefit of a good editor to catch all the errors and plot holes:pinkiegasp: I'm really excited that you guys like this story so much

As for the next chapter, i'm tentatively saying by next week. SPOILER ALERT it's going to take place on sweet apple acres.

okay that wasn't much of a spoiler was it? Ah well. anyone who can find the song title reference i put it will win one free internet

EDIT: might not actually take place there, haven't decided yet.

You mean there is a song title reference in this chapter or in the next one?

this chapter, its kinda hidden, but it's towards the end, and it involves the farm cheerilee grew up on

416625 The only thing I can think of is that song by Journey.
Mainly cuz "she's just a small town girl... livin' in a loooneelyyyy worrllddddd"
Am i right? :3 :twilightsheepish:


"black horse and a cherry tree", Kt Turnstall.
a cherry farm called "black horse farms" eh? eh?
its pretty subtle, but hey

416865 It would help if I knew what that was referencing lol.. Still. I stand by my conclusion on the Journey song.

Well this looks far more interesting than most of the HiE fics I've read. Theres gonna be some conflict here. Don't forget that humans need certain nutritional proteins and other things to live. That is one of the reasons why we eat meat, it gives us proteins that our muscles and many others parts of our body need to rebuild and keep us alive.

why didnt anyone ask about his past its one thing humans eat meat its another when we have wars every few years when equestria only has war like a couple hundred years apart if there was any at all there is rarely any talk of modern medicine,weaponry and technology in HiE fics :applejackunsure:/:applecry: thats for the sadness and montone to the subject (p.s good job for your first)

The primary difference between an Earth cow and and Equestrian cow is Sentience. I love to eat meat, but I would never eat something self aware and intelligent. Probably.


First and this guy has some realy bad luck

thinking of submitting this to EQD. what do you guys think?

"Reluctantly, I tried to start a conversation. I asked him how he got lost in the woods, and he said he doesn’t really know he ended up here,"
----Do you mean "doesn't really know how he ended up here"?

There are quite a few minor spelling/grammatical errors in this chapter. You didn't capitalize the first letter of a lot of sentences, you didn't capitalize the word 'I' on multiple occasions, and there were a few basic spelling errors. Just give this chapter a thorough read and you should easily find them all.

Other than that, this chapter was very good. I loved the part with iron will doing the exact opposite of what he did on the show, it made me laugh quite a bit. I also got a laugh out of him being derpy's pet. lol. I was so glad that you came out with another chapter and it was well worth the wait. Can't wait for the next chapter! :rainbowkiss::pinkiehappy::twilightsmile::raritystarry::derpytongue2:

490983 Also give it a bit more time before submitting to EQD, you would want more chapters out before doing so.


Absolutely should go for it. They may send it back asking for some things to be fixed (they're very picky that way)... but, personally, I think this has the potential as a story to be featured.

Thank you for alerting me. that really needed to be fixed.

491146 There were a few other small things, just give it a read. If you want me to, I could do a full edit for you but it wound't be done until noon tomorrow.

When you say some of the characters names, they are not capitalized. Capitalize the names of people as well as the letter i

The Jeremiah and Fluttershy at the same place after the chicken incident .awkward :pinkiegasp:

Glad to see him and Derpy getting along :D

Damn! Twilight is being a bitch

Oh joy, Fluttershy doesn't respond well to her chickens being eaten.

Dr Horse, you so specist!:rainbowkiss:

wait they should know he isnt an animal if he can talk that automatically makes him a sentient being.

This story makes me want to smack some ponies around. But I like it.

Poor guy, it's been a month and they all still run at the sight of him. Twilight seemed somewhat eager to get rid of him...no love and tolerance from her.

I really dont understand whats so confusing about rock farming,
you farm rocks for cobblestone (for paving and building houses)

hasnt anyone ever played minecraft?

Wait, wait, wait wait wait.


Just because he eats meat, he's considered a threat?

That makes no sense! Applejack has a pet dog, and Rarity has a pet cat, and those are both PREDATORS! Dogs are descended from FREAKING WOLVES! Cats are descended from LIONS and TIGERS! There are plenty of carnivorous animals living in and around Ponyville, including the eagle that Fluttershy kept at her house in "Find a Pet"! Why such a big deal about the human?

Don't get me wrong, I like this story a lot, just... seems like a bit of fridge logic to me.:unsuresweetie:


A valid point.

However, his taste for meat isn't the reason why they're afraid of him. He broke into Fluttershy's cottage. Even though carnivorous animals live in the Everfree Forest, they (for the most part) stay in there. Aside from parasprites, they mostly keep out of Ponyville.
a quote from Cheerilee in the first chapter:
"Two things. First off, as far as I’m concerned, what I said is the truth. And don’t try to contradict me; my stomach’s full of lunch, and I plan to keep it that way. Second, if ponies even for a moment, believe that you might eat something that talks, then you can expect them to chase you out of this town with torches and pitchforks. It’s one thing to be a carnivorous animal. It’s another to be a carnivorous animal that breaks into ponies’ homes, and tries to eat their pets."
and from this chapter:
“After what happened I wouldn’t expect him to be. He woke up in Everfree forest, and had no idea how to get back to his home. Then he broke into Fluttershy’s house and killed one of her chickens...”
“Why would I want to let it anywhere near my home?” I asked in horror.

Jerry, for one, is taller than the ponies, and far more intimidating than the cat or dog. Nor is he a domesticated animal in their eyes, capable of being tamed. And he is smart enough to break to your house.

So yeah. To them, he's a hungry grizzly bear that will break into houses and kills ponies' pets.

And the hysteria is kept alight by the rumor mill. At this point in the story, the ponies in the town have a "I don't what that thing in town. Move it somewhere else" attitude.

I hope this banishes that pesky fridge logic :scootangel:


It does work wonders. Sadly, Multiple levels of fridge logic were at work, so AFTER I wrote my review, but BEFORE I got yours, I thought of the Grizzley Bear thing.

It does make a little more sense... and given the kinds of things that DO go outside of the Everfree and break houses and property (Parasprites, Ursas, Cerberus, etc.), they are right in being a little cautious.

Still, something that you did that I do like is you pointed out that they still consider him dangerous... even though he has none of the normal advantages Equestrian Predators have. No wings, fire, immunity to magic, claws... WHOO! Apex predator due to our brains and thumbs FOR THE WIN!

Yes there is. Many. Most of them aren't very good, though.

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