• Published 6th Apr 2012
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The Man With Two Names - Tarot Card



A human is off to a rough start when Fluttershy finds him eating one of her chickens, and breaks his arm. Can Derpy and the human convince Ponyville to give him a second chance?

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The Customer (Rarity)

Snip.

Snip.

Snip.

I checked the design in the book. It would definitely need more frills, and I would have to modify the trim just a tad.

“I’m glad I finally got you away from your cottage darling. I haven’t seen you in ages!” I said, trying to engage her in a conversation. I dreaded working in silence. She simply nodded.

“So, I haven’t seen you much since the incident.” I ventured. I knew I was walking on eggshells. The last time any of us had directly mentioned the break-in, she hadn’t taken it too well. “What has kept you so busy?”

“Oh, I, um, I just was making some home improvements is all,” she said ever so softly.

”Would you be referring to the giant fence around your yard?”

“Yes. It’s been awfully hard to build.”

“Fluttershy, I know you’ve been going through a lot, and I have no right to judge, but don’t you think that’s a tad excessive?”

“I haven’t been spending all my time building the fence! I also dug a trench, and put locks on my windows.”

“Perhaps you should put that little project of yours on hold for a while, and maybe we can finally go the spa!”

“Oh, no no no. Ever since Elizabeak-” her voice faltered, and became almost inaudible, “passed, I’ve been trying to make sure that nothing like that ever happens ever again.”

I bit my lip. I never knew fluttershy to be so devastated. I wondered if her construction of a fortress was really healthy. It had caused her to miss our last two spa appointments. It wasn't like her to be so preoccupied.

The dress I was making was originally supposed to be worn by me, but I needed some excuse to get her to spend some time away from home.The last time any of us saw her was when she was tip-toeing around the marketplace, searching for some building supplies.

Luckily she wasn’t as frightened as she originally was at the prospect of modeling. Still, it had taken a lot of coaxing, (and dare I say whining) on my part, Just to get her to leave that cottage-turned-fortress.

I heard the bells on the door ring.

“I’ll be with you in a moment!” I called over my shoulder, catching a glimpse of the walleyed mailmare. Whilst there was a customer in my shop, they took priority over any and all side projects. And besides, it was best if I attended to Derpy before she collided into something. “It’ll just be a minute Fluttershy, try not to move too much or the dress will fall apart.” I rushed to fasten the train to the main body with as many safety pins as I had at my disposal.

It was shaping up to be a lovely thing. Most ponies in the costume contest for Nightmare Night would be aiming for the most fearsome and uncouth disguises they could assemble. I however, was crafting an aristocrat’s dress of the finest silk, like those worn in the days of old. Luna herself was going to grace the town with her presence on the second Nightmare Night since her return, and she was to be among the judges for the costume contest. And what better to win her favour than a dress from her own time?

A loud clatter from behind broke my concentration. The yellow pegasus let out an eep as I accidentally pricked her flank. “Sorry!” I whispered. “Derpy, please be careful!” I called, dabbing at the little drop of blood with a scrap cloth.

“But that wasn’- I mean, um my bad!” she said. I looked around. Curiously, she was sitting in the relative center of the boutique, far removed from any furniture or clothes racks. I trotted over to her.

“I’m sorry dear. Welcome, as always, to Carousel Boutique! And how may I be of service this fine morning?”

“Um, I’m looking,” Derpy took a giant step directly in front of me, blocking my view of the door, ”for eee, um service. To make clothes.” she forced a nervous smile, and waved at Fluttershy. “How ya doing?” She coughed unnecessarily loudly.

“Well, then, You certainly came to the right place.” I peered at her curiously. “Derpy, tell me. Are you feeling okay?” The bells on the door jingled. Another customer? I tilted my head to the side just in time to see the door shut. I let out a sigh. It was going to be one of those days, I just knew it.

“I’m feeling just fine!”

“Very well. What exactly do you need?”

“Hang on, let me go ask Jerry,” she said, and headed for the door.

“Who’s Jerry?”

“Oh, he’s umm.... a stallion,” I cocked an eyebrow.

“Go on...”

“And he’s been...um living with me for the past few weeks...” Derpy was with a stallion? I didn't think she’s dated anypony since her husband had died. I wondered what Oatmeal would make of this new development.

“Oh? Is he new in town?

“Well, he’s been here over a month,”

“I’m surprised Pinkie hasn’t found him, not to mention thrown him a party.” Curious. One would think that he would have come visited my shop by now. Downtown Ponyville was far from tremendous. Most ponies new in town ending up poking their heads into every shop in town over the course of their first afternoon here. Was she having a long distance relationship finally come to fruition? I would simply have to contain my inquiries, unless she brought up the topic. “Would this be a new coltfriend of yours?” I blurted out.

“No no no. Ehehem, we’re just roommates,”

“So, does that mean he’s an eligible bachelor?”

“Umm, I guess so?” I was probably among the last mares to be introduced to the new stallion. Ah well, I’ll have to just track him down, and arrange an “accidental” meeting with him. I would have to begin a subtle set of inquiries about his character, before I took any action whatsoever.

“Speaking of which, where is this stallion of yours?”

“I think he’s outside, wait here.” She trotted through the door.

She came back a moment later. “Sorry Rarity, but would you come outside? Jerry’s nervous about Fluttershy being here.”

The buttery yellow pegasus’ ears perked at the mention of her name. “Who’s nervous?”

“Oh, No one. Nopony I mean.” Derpy answered hastily. I looked at Fluttershy. Then back at Derpy. Then back at Fluttershy.

I grinned conspiratorially. “Derpy, are you thinking what i’m thinking?”

“No?”

“Your friend Jerry, he’s rather shy, is he not?”

“I guess?”

“And is he single?”

She nodded, utterly confused.

Clearly, I needed to be more direct. “So, would he not be the perfect stallion to court our lovely and eligible Fluttershy?” I squeed. I could already hear wedding bells! “We must introduce them to each other. And of course, nudge them along into a date.”

“I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Well, they already met once, and that... well they didn’t get off on the right hoof.” Nonsense! Fluttershy making a bad impression? That’s simply unheard of. I also wondered how in the world the meekest pegasus in Ponyville managed to meet an eligible stallion before I was able to. But I put that matter to the back of my mind.

“I’m sure we can patch things up between them. Doesn’t everypony deserve a second chance to make a first impression?”

I cantered outside to meet this mysterious stallion. I ran nose first into somepony... something.

“Oh, my apologies! Tell me, have you seen a stallion by the name of Je- OH MY CELESTIA!” It was... It was the human! The one that had pillaged and marauded and murdered across the countryside, all the way to Fluttershy’s little cottage!

Lumbering and tall as a minotaur, but viciously lean, as though designed for dexterity instead of strength. He was fully clothed, each article bearing an assortment of stains and tears. They were well on their way to becoming rags suitable only for a vagabond. One of his appendages lay folded to his side, while the other dangled freely.

Upon the sight of him I screamed as loud and high as I could, and collapsed. Good. That kind of scream would be enough to curdle blood.

I waited to slip into the blackness of unconsciousness. One moment passed, then another. I moved my hoof around. Much to my chagrin, it responded accordingly. I was still awake. Damn, forgot to hold my breath.

“Are you alright Ma’m?” I heard him say.

I took a peek out of the corner of my eye. I got a good glimpse of his working boots. The human was squatting down, looking quizzically at me. Damn. Too late to play dead. Okay Rarity, you’ve gotten yourself out of trickier situations. I got up, and dusted myself off. Maybe if I bucked him in the face, and then dropped something heavy on him, I could make a quick escape.

“Would you happen to be Ms. Rarity, the dressmaker?” he asked suddenly. He dropped onto his haunches, and sat on the ground.

“Why yes,” I replied, slightly confused. A barbarian raider addressing me by a formal title? And speaking coherently?

“Any reason in particular why you pretended to faint?” He sounded more offended than anything else. He wasn’t so scary when he was the one looking up at me.

“Um, yes?” I batted my eyelids flirtatiously. He seemed unamused. Well, this was rather embarrassing. “In my defense, your stature is rather imposing. Can a girl help it if you startle her so?” I heard galloping footsteps behind me.

“Wait Rarity! Jerry’s actually the human!”

“Darling, this would have been excellent information a few moments ago.”

“Sorry. I didn’t want to scare Fluttershy. She was listening, you know.”

I turned my gaze back to the lumbering figure. “So this is the human?”

“I’m Jeremiah Walker. I must apologize for us not meeting in more, shall we say, relaxed circumstances,” He extended his hand towards me. Despite the appearance of the shoddy clothes (which were ripping apart at the seams), his hands were free of mud, dirt, and any other undesirable refuse. I gingerly met it with my hoof.

So this was the marauding bandit? The one that brutally murdered the poor pegasus’ birds? Oatmeal’s description of him was a far cry from the truth. He had no razor talons, or blood foaming from his mouth. Well, at least not at at the moment. He was dressed shoddily, that’s for sure. Every scrap of cloth on his body, while wearable, was a completely lost cause.

“So, Mr. Jeremiah. What brings you to my boutique?”

“I was hoping that such fine dressmaker as yourself would be able to sew me some new clothes, perhaps a new hoodie, and maybe three or four shirts.”

“That’s certainly a large order! Do you wear clothes often?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.”

I smiled painfully. As much as I wanted to discard those rags he wore and lavish him in some respectable threads, there was no telling what Fluttershy would do when she found out that I let her aggressor into my shop. Let alone allowing him into her presence.

“I’m very sorry Mr. Jeremiah, but I don’t think I can offer you my business. Nothing personal. But my dear friend Fluttershy doesn’t have the kindest opinion of you, and she would consider it an act of betrayal if I were to transact business to you.”

The human scowled. Derpy scratched the bottom of her chin thoughtfully, while her eyes examined Jerry, as well as cloud floating by.

Without warning, her eyes lit up, and crossed themselves. “We just didn’t come for clothes!” she proclaimed suddenly.

“We didn’t?”

“We also came so he could apologize to Fluttershy!”

I raised an eyebrow. “Oh?’

“That’s right! What we really wanted was for you to help us find Fluttershy.”

“In that case, I would be delighted to offer you my services, and an opportunity to speak with my friend.”

The human tapped Derpy on the shoulder. “Can I talk to you for a second?” The gray pegasus and the human relocated themselves behind a tree. I carefully drew close behind them.

Oh come on! Don’t look at me like that. Just because I’m a lady of refinement doesn’t mean I’m impervious from curiosity.

“C’mon Jerry, this is good! If Fluttershy forgives you, then she might want you to stay, and help you build a life here!”

“Nuh-uh. No way in hell I’m getting anywhere near her.”

“Why not?”

“I fear for the safety of my right arm.”

“Jerry! Think! If you can get Fluttershy to like you, then everypony else will stop being afraid.”

“No good can come of this. The way I see it, It can go two ways. She still wants to murder me, and I’ll be stomped to a pulp. Or, she’s still afraid of me, and she’ll run off and find one of her giant lion friends in the woods. Then I’ll be stomped to a pulp.”

“She fears you as much as you fear her.”

“I doubt that’s possible.”

“Jerry, c’mon,”

“No. We’ll just get clothes somewhere else.”

“There’s nowhere else to get clothes in Ponyville.”

“Wow. This really is a one horse town, isn’t it?”

“What?”

“Gah...nevermind,”

“Like it or not, this is the only way to get new clothes.”

The human turned away from her. “Fine.”

I pondered why he would go through so much trouble to get clothes, when he would be just as well off without them. Still, I’m not one to turn away a potential customer.

I trotted back to the entrance of the boutique, and looked as innocent and unassuming as possible. They approached me seconds later.

“Have you two reached a consensus?” I said nonchalantly. I casually examined my hoof.

“Yep!” Derpy said, rather chipperly.

“Allright now. Fluttershy can be rather, how shall I put this? Easily startled. It would be for the best if you were to make a more meek entrance.”

Jerry looked at me timidly. Good. He was playing the part perfectly. “How about we skip that part. Couldn’t you just measure me outside?”

I gave him a reassuring smile. “Oh, don’t be ridiculous darling. If you want some clothes, you’ll need to step into the boutique.” I sized him up. I could probably use the minotaur mannequin I kept in the back. Then again, maybe not. He was dreadfully scrawny compared to the hulking mass of canvas musculature. I would have to make whatever he needed, with only his physique as a reference to the shape of what I designed. I smiled. How I relish a challenge.

“Maybe I could come back later. You know, when she isn’t here?”

“No. Why all the resistance?”

“Because, last time we parted, we weren’t on the best of terms. And she’s responsible for this,” he gestured to his sling.

“Oh ho ho, There is NO way Fluttershy is responsible for that. Having known Fluttershy for four years now, I can tell you she would never harm a fly.”

“She’s a friend of yours?”

“Of course!”

“I mean this in the best of possible ways, but your opinion may be a little skewed in her favor. What I saw wasn’t a meek little pony, but a murder machine.”

Funny, that’s exactly what everypony was referring to him as. “She only overreacted because you were hurting her pets. She can be very sensitive about that.”

“And exactly why I don’t want to go in.”

“No. You’re going to come in, and address the elephant in the room. I know for a fact that Fluttershy is positively torn up about how she acted towards you.” This last part was, of course, a lie. It always helped to embellish the truth, did it not?

Derpy nudged him forward. “C’mon. I need to go to work soon.”

Jerry grudgingly moved forward, following me into the boutique. “I thought you said you had plenty of time,” he grumbled.

“Now careful dear, we don’t want to startle her,” I said gently.

“Startle who?” I heard Fluttershy say. I turned to her. She was exactly where I left her.

“Fluttershy, I have someone that would like to speak with you.” I heard a loud clattering to my right. Jerry was hiding behind yet another mannequin. I rolled my eyes, and levitated his impromptu cover away from him. Upon his reveal, Fluttershy let out a huge gasp, and flared her wings, ready to fly through the nearest window. “WAIT! THE DRESS!” She halted mid pose.

She opened her mouth to speak, but she could only spit out incoherent syllables. It was a good moment before she found her tongue again. ”What- What’s he doing here? Could you please, please, please get him away?” She started backpedaling. Her flank bumped into the mirror, and she jumped forward in fright.

“Mr. Jeremiah is here to buy some clothes. And I also believe he has something he’d like to say to you.”

“I, um, I think I actually need to finish digging out the moat right now...” she said meekly, starting to shrug off the dress.

“Now Fluttershy, It would be incredibly rude to simply shirk off somepony who wants to have a quick discussion.” I turned to the crouching human, who now was hiding behind a fern.”Now darling, would you be so kind as to step right next to Fluttershy? I left all my measuring tapes there, and I believe such a spot would lend itself to conversation.”

“Actually, I think I’ll be on my way out now.” He started to creep towards the door.

Derpy stepped in front of the path.“No! Bad Jerry! Bad!” Derpy scolded him. “You go and talk to Fluttershy right now!”

The human crossed his forelegs and pouted. “No.”

“Yes, you will.”

“No.”

I rolled my eyes. I didn’t have time for this. I levitated him by his hood, and placed him right next to the yellow pegasus. His forelegs were still crossed and his pout as pouty as ever. She took a good step away from him.

“Fluttershy! Be a dear and don’t move too much! You’ll damage the dress.” Glumly, she ceased her retreat.

There was a moments pause. I levitated the tape measure over to Jerry. “Legs out please.” He widened his stance. “No, your other legs.”

He looked at me for a moment. “You mean my arms?”

“Yes. whatever they’re called.” He lifted his unbound appendage for me.

I got to measuring. The room was completely silent. She took yet another step away from him. Well, this was going swimmingly.

Finally, Fluttershy spoke out. “Um, Mr. human? You wanted to tell me something? I mean, it’s okay if you don’t, because I really need to leave.”

The human scratched his head. “Uh, yes... Listen, Ms. Butterfly-”

“Fluttershy,” Derpy cut him off.

Fluttershy,” he continued, “I know that we didn’t exactly get off on the right foot. I was lost in the woods, I was hungry, and I didn’t know what was happening. I was so desperate for food I would have done anything. You can’t judge a man’s character in his darkest hour, can you?” He botched the saying! For the love of Celestia, it was all I could do to prevent myself from shoving my hoof in his mouth. I gritted my teeth, and tried to look preoccupied with the sketchwork. “Still, that doesn’t make what I did any better. I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m sorry.”

“Nothing you say will bring Elizabeak back,” she whispered through a curtain of pink hair.

“I know that. I was reckless, and thinking only of myself. I just want to make it up to you, and the community.” The pegasus looked away from him, saying nothing. He pulled a necklace out that was hidden beneath his shirt, and fidgeted nervously with the beads. After a minute of no sounds save those made by the scratching of my pencil and the snipping of scissors, I realized he needed some assistance, I nudged him with my hoof. This bolstered him enough to speak once again. “Um, so how are the rest of your chickens?”

“...”

I facehoofed. That’s the best he could have come up with? I was nearly dying of the embarrassment I felt for him. Fluttershy turned to me. “Um, Rarity, I think I should really, really, really be going now.”

“Wait, before you go, I need to give you something back.” He reached into his boot, and drew out a kitchen knife, with a pink butterfly engraved on the end. All three of us gasped at the sight. I was about to buck the knife out of his grasp, but gingerly, he offered the handle to her. I breathed a sigh of relief, knowing my friend would live to see another day. Still, I couldn’t help but notice the spots of dried blood. “I kinda, stole this from you without asking, and then I kinda... well, you know. Would you like to have it back?” He grinned sheepishly.

“Umm... That’s okay, you can keep it.” Poor Fluttershy was trying to unpin the dress, and back away from him as fast as possible. The moment the dress hit the floor, there was a gust of wind as she flew straight out the window, leaving the human holding the handle out to his own reflection. I stared disdainfully at the scraps of cloth that were destined to be a beautiful piece of art.

“Well, that went about as well as expected.”

Derpy trotted over to him. “I thought she would have warmed up to you by now.”

He sat back down, numbly fumbling with the beads of his necklace. “I guess I’m a big old scary monster, aren't’ I?”

“Don’t say that! She’s just a little scared, is all.””

I scowled. This whole thing was just embarrassing to watch, filled with faux pas by each party. Maybe she was intimidated by his size, just as I was. I berated myself for not thinking this through. I would be able to speak to Fluttershy later, but right now, I had a customer to attend to. I was eager to divert everypony’s attention to more practical matters, and alleviate this humiliation I felt. “Is there a particular color you would like for your shirt and jacket?”

“Some non-threatening color,” he said apathetically. I never had such a peculiar request before. That’s far from the truth, I realized, after recalling my friends various demands for their gala dresses. At least he didn’t want his shirts to be French haute couture.

“Okay, Let’s see what little old me can come up with.” I checked the bureau in the corner of the room. Every major color I had found its home here. Black and red were far too aggressive. White cloth would quickly become dirty, and soiled. Yellow and green were simply not in this season, and the olive colored cloth was too much like camouflage. It would give him the appearance of belonging to a militia. I pulled out another drawer. A magenta roll of cloth caught my eye. Not the best color, but what could be less ‘intimidating’ then the colors that are wrapped around newborn fillies? I hovered them over to the minotaur mannequin. I looked at it and back at Jeremiah. I brought out the baby minotaur mannequin. A much more similar size, although I would have to make it several inches longer.

Within the hour, I had his order filled. Three shirts, and a jacket, all in magenta, designed for a human.

“Well, aren’t you going to try them on?” I beckoned. I was eager to just how well I did. I planned on saving the designs, should I ever need to cater to another human. Reluctantly he peeled off his ruined clothing, and replaced it with the new magenta garments. I embellished his original requests with some accent thread. He looked much more well assembled with fresh clothes, and quite pink. I suppressed a giggle as I noticed how much he reminded me of Pinkie Pie. He looked much better nonetheless. Still, his muss of a mane looked simply dreadful.

He appraised his reflection, moving his arms around, feeling the fit of the cloth. He nodded approvingly, and offered me a pouch of forty bits. “Mr. Jeremiah, I must say that you look simply marvelous with your new clothes. Why, all you need is a nice manecut, and you’ll be the most dapper human in all of Equestria!”

His eyes went wide, brimming with hope. “There’s other humans? Here?” Oops.

“Terribly sorry dear. There’s only you. You are the most dapper by default.” Stupid stupid stupid. I’m fairly surprised that we all didn't just save ourselves the trouble and just swallow our own tongues right then and there.

“Oh. Right. Yeah...” His head drooped. The poor thing looked like his heart was going to break any minute now. Quick, think of something that won’t make him sad!

“Mr. Jeremiah? Do you have the means to get your mane cut?”

“Actually, Dinky gave me a haircut a couple of weeks ago with her school scissors.” Well, that explained the state his hair was in.

“Well I just happen to know of this marvelous spa and salon. Aloe and Lotus know manecuts like the back of their hooves.”

Derpy, who was examining the latest issue of the Foalfree Press, looked up and frowned. “Rarity, That would cost a lot. Jerry and I don’t have enough money for that.”

“Oh nonsense.” I scribbled a hasty note to the two owners of the spa, and presented it to Derpy. “Just have them charge it to me. Just give them this, and you’ll have no trouble at all!”

“That’s awfully generous of you. I don’t know what to say.” Jerry looked puzzled, but I could see the warmth of my gesture spreading across his face.

I gave him a delicate chuckle and twinkling smile. “Think nothing of it dear.”


I sighed, batting a ball of yarn over to Opalescence, who persistently remained asleep. "Oh you were never much for fun anyways" I scoffed. The human had been the only one to enter my boutique all day. I made the mistake of working too quickly, and finished all the orders by noon. And deprived of a model, I was unable to make any headway with the Nightmare Night costume. I briefly considered closing the shop for the day. I trotted over to the window, and pony-watched for a smidge. Maybe I should visit Twilight? Nothing better to do.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a steel blue stallion drag himself to the adjacent house. Despite his clover cutie mark, and his name, he seemed to be anything but lucky. What was wrong?

Come to think of it, Lucky was looking dreadfully melancholy as of late. Perhaps it had something to do with the absence of his marefriend? I haven’t seen them walking together these last couple weeks. I pondered if there was anything I could do to cheer him up a smidge. Maybe a bottle of wine? No.... that would send the wrong message. The last thing I wanted to do was incur the wrath of a jealous lover. Or worse, I would become the new object of his affections. I shuddered at the thought of inadvertently breaking a stallion’s heart, as demure ladies such as myself are prone to doing in their more careless moments.

Perhaps a tie! Perfect! Something any stallion would be in need of. A gift I could readily provide, and one with little connotations. Just a neighbourly seamstress, delivering a present to her platonic neighbour! Within minutes, I had a lovely blue bowtie stitched, and ready. I quickly put it in a gift bag, and trotted over to his door, giving a light rap. The door swung inward, revealing a very melancholy stallion. “Oh, hello Rarity. What’s happening? Sink needs fixing again?”

“Lucky darling, I just wanted to treat my neighbour to something special! I had some silk left over, so I threw together a little present for you!” I levitated the tiny bag to him.

He peered inside. “Oh, a tie...Thanks,” He tried to contort his features into some semblance of a smile.

“It’s the least I can do for such a helpful neighbour! Well, ta ta for now!”

“Rarity?” He looked up at me. His blue, bloodshot eyes betrayed a world of hurt.

“Yes?”

“What am I doing wrong?”

“I’m afraid I don’t follow.”

“With... with Lyra. Why isn’t she talking to me?” He looked away, and scraped the ground with his hoof. “Why does she hide from me?”

“If she can’t see what a marvelous stallion you are, then she isn’t worth your time.” Idea! “Lucky, are you familiar with my good friend Fluttershy?”

He shook his head.

“She’s a lovely pegasus, with a beautiful yellow coat, and she’s single! You two would adore each other! Just say the word, and I will make it happen.” I put my hoof to my chest, and waited for a response.

“I’m sorry...”

“But, she’s-” I huffed.

“She’s not Lyra.” I heard him whisper, as he walked inside, and slammed the door shut.

Yep. One of those days.