The Assistant (Lucky)
I had to fire him. Frankly, it was a mistake to even take him under my wing in the first place. It wasn’t until he attacked me –and tried to break into Pokey Pierce’s house– that I realized how dangerous he truly was. Carnivore or not, he was bloodthirsty. Say what you want, but firing him was the best thing I could have done.
What happened before I fired him? We were finishing up a job, when he started flipping out on me, and went straight for the Pierce’s. I had to tackle the human, and chase him away. There’s not much more to it than that. Elaborate? Fine. We were working on that theater near the big fountain on Anise Street.
“Hold it up,” I grunted. He positioned the display case against the wall of the theater entrance, holding the bottom corners in his hands. All I could see were those simian appendages grabbing my Lyra, stroking her mane, running down her back; those hands just as easily twisting her neck as caressing it. “Higher.” He lifted it up another foot, his chest pressed against the wall. I took a nail in hoof, and drove it into bottom left corner.
Jerry moved his hand away in the nick of time. “Hey, careful there Lucky, you almost gave me Stigmata.”
Thump.
Thump.
Thump.
I drove the nail home. “Watch your grip, you son of a mule. It’s too dark to see.”
Jerry stepped aside, and I began driving the next nail in. “Actually, I was meaning to talk to you about that. I was thinking that maybe we could start working in the daytime.”
“Move. You’re blocking the light.”
He reluctantly obliged. His shadow moved off the display box encasing a poster for the next performance of Othello. I was never one to go to shows, but I was somewhat familiar with the plot. It was about this pony named Iago, and how he took revenge on his friend for sleeping with his wife. I reflected bitterly how similar my situation was.
“Lucky, did you hear me?”
“Yep.”
“Aren’t you sick of working by streetlight? Don’t you want a full night’s sleep?”
I didn’t reply.
“I know I am,” he added hesitantly.
“I get plenty of sleep during the day.”
“A friend suggested that everypony would get used to me if they saw me in daylight more often.” I wondered if it occurred to him that I didn’t work in the dark for his benefit; I did it to protect everypony from him.
“Would this friend happen to be Lyra Heartstrings?”
His face went a shade paler. “I don’t think that’s relevant.”
“I think it is.” I drove the last nail in. A large patch of wood in the corner splintered and broke off.
“Derpy suggested it.”
“That’s funny. I haven’t seen you walking around with Derpy.”
“Are you all right Lucky? You’re acting a little off,” he said. He looked warily at me, and I got the distinct impression that he was choosing his words very carefully.
“I’m fan-fucking-tastic. Even more so now that you expect me to work in the daytime, so that everypony can see you in public, and give me crap for whatever you did.”
“Hey, I haven’t done anything, at least not recently,” he said. I gritted my teeth as he continued speaking. Didn’t do anything my flank! “But this is the kind of thing I’m talking about. Maybe, if the ponies see me in the light of day, they’ll stop being so suspicious of me.”
“Can we just clean up and get out before anypony sees you and makes a scene?” I snapped.
Reluctantly, he packed up along with me. He held open the bag as I threw each tool inside, one by one. One hammer landed on his hand. The impact did almost nothing, and he placed the hammer back inside before zipping up the bag with a leery glance.
I began making my way back home, ready for a good beer before sunrise. All I wanted was to forget about this bastard of a human, but I was stopped by Jerry’s hand clasping my shoulder.
“Lucky, I actually did something you won’t complain about.”
“What the hell do you want?”
He frowned as he produced a multiple page form, and flipped through it. “I got a work visa application right here. You wanted me to be registered as your employee, right? All you have to do is fill some stuff out for me.”
He had finally got the work papers, after three god damned weeks. It was about time. I flipped through the pages, and my heart froze. The first page was filled out by none other than Lyra. She couldn’t find a moment in her day to so much as look me in the eye for the past six months, but she found enough time in her day to fuck an animal, and then write him a letter of reference.
After all I had done for her. I devoted my heart, my home, my life to her. I gave her everything she could possibly want, only to have her spit in my face, and leave me sobbing in the dust.
After all I had done for him, giving him a job when nopony else would, taking flak from other ponies, and moving my work to the dead of night. I stuck up for him when Twilight Sparkle wanted him gone, and that ape repaid me by mounting my marefriend in an alleyway! Then he has the audacity to try ask me for my blessing to become part of this community.
He would be nothing without my support, without my grace. I gave him everything he has in his pitiful existence, and I can just as easily take it away. I gave and I gave, and I sacrificed for this wretch, and he takes the one treasure in this world I hold dear. If Twilight wanted him gone, she could get her wish. I smirked. “No.”
“What do you mean, ‘no’? Lucky, if you can’t sign this, I’m not officially your employee. Twilight’s liable to throw me back into the forest.”
“I’m not signing shit.” I donned my saddlebags, and began walking down the road. “And as far as Ms. Sparkle is concerned, you’re not my employee.”
He ran to catch up with me. “Hold on, hold on. What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t work for me anymore. You’re fired.”
“Excuse me? What did I do to get fired?”
“You know goddamn well what you did.”
“Actually, I don’t. If you could please enlighten me on why you’re fucking me over, that would be just dandy.”
“They may not have such a thing as common decency wherever the hell you came from, but we ponies don’t sleep with each other’s marefriends,” I growled.
“Is this about Lyra? Okay, Bon Bon warned me about this. I know that things have been rough between the two of you, but I’m just her friend. That’s all. I’m not trying to steal anypony away from you.” He seemed to regain some sense of composure. Of course Bon Bon was speaking ill of me. I hope the irony of warning the human about me wasn't lost on her.
“Friends? You mean the kind of friends that try to have sex in public?”
“Lucky, this is crazy—”
“You had the audacity to mount my marefriend in front of my face,” I snapped back at him. He went pale. “Then you have the nerve to show up and act like everything’s sunshine and rainbows, like we’re best buddies. Guess what? I don’t want to sign a paper just so you can stay in Ponyville and keep screwing my girlfriend!”
“It wasn’t like that Lucky.” His voice was dangerously low. “I was just explaining something about my own world. Are you really going to fuck me over because of a little misunderstanding.”
“Don’t try to pull that shit with me. The only kind of explanation that requires wrapping your scrawny legs around Lyra isn’t something I want to hear about. In fact, the only explanation I want is why I shouldn’t get Twilight to throw you into the fucking forest this instant. I want you away from my mare, away from me, and away from my town! Take your god damn papers back.” I threw the packet into his face.
He glared at me for a moment, but picked up the packet, and shoved it back into my hooves. “I don’t think you understand the gravity of this situation. All I want to do is live, and you’re wrapped up about my stealing some girl that broke up with you months ago. I’m not the reason Lyra doesn’t talk to you anymore. All I need for you to do is sign this, and we’re good.Think, Lucky. You need me, and my hands just to get work done. You were struggling with business before I showed up.”
“You think you’re better than me? I fucking made you. The only reason why you’re not hippogriff chow is because of my good graces. Fuck you.” I took his precious form, and ripped it in half. I let the bits of paper fall to the ground, and I stomped on them for good measure.
He stared at me in disbelief. I could see his whole pitiful existence come crashing down around him in his eyes. He had crossed me, and he would pay dearly for it. Not only did he lose the mare he had tried to steal from me, he also lost his means of support, the only barrier between him and exile. Soon, guard ponies would be knocking on his door, ready to throw him back into the forest from whence he came. I knew it, and he knew it. The sense of doom and despair was palpable on his face. I allowed myself a satisfied smirk, as any hope he had slowly died.
Then he punched me in the nose. Hard.
I stumbled backward. My snout had throbbed horribly, and blood flowed freely from my nostrils. “God damn it, Lucky, god fucking damn it! I thought you were my friend. I thought you wanted to help me.” I caught a glint of a tear in his eye. “Then you just fuck me over, like every one of these god damned ponies. I thought you were different, you bastard!”
I whirled around, and delivered a buck to his stomach, he grunted, and fell against the wall of a nearby house, nearly banging his head on a window sill. “Listen, you greasy morlock. You thought the two of you were alone in the alley, didn’t think anypony would see the two of you, huh? I’m not going to put up with that kind of shit. You’re in for a world of hurt, you sick fuck.”
I raised my hoof, ready to return the nosebleed, when he stared at me, with fire in his eyes. “Go ahead, beat the crap out of me, chase me out of town. Kill me if you want. Is it going to win Lyra back?”
“Shut up!”
“She’s not even you girlfriend anymore. You fucking blew it months ago. If you do anything to hurt me, any chance you have of getting her back.”
I wanted to strike him, but I knew it was true. As perverted as the whole situation was, Lyra would never speak to me again if I was the one who chased her little pet away. But if someone else were to beat the snot out of him all the way to the Everfree forest… I peered through the window into the dark room, and I made a out a family portrait sitting on the mantel. It was of Pokey Pierce and his wife, Rain Drops,with their two children beside them. He was a family stallion, who harbored a strong, and rather vocal animosity towards the human. My lips curled. It was almost too perfect.
“No, Jerry! Don’t kill the poor ponies in this home!” I shouted as loud as I could.
His eyes widened. “What?”
I smashed my hoof into the glass window, sending shards flying into the house. Within moments, I heard anxious murmurs, and hoofsteps from within the house. Jerry must have realized that what was happening and turn to flee.
I wasn’t going to let him get away with trying to kill Pokey’s family that easily. I caught him by the back of his shirt, and I clamped down tight. He was going to stay here, and be caught by Pokey, come hell or high water. He threw an elbow at my jaw, but I held on tight. I swept my leg under his, and sent him crashing down. But as he fell, he grabbed onto my neck, and brought me down with him. He landed on top of me, and he pressed his hand under my jaw, hard, until my vision swam, but I still held onto his shirt. I thrashed and trashed, until I was on my back, and had managed to hoof him in the chest a couple of times. He recoiled in pain, and rolled out of range of my wild swings.
“Who’s out there?” I heard Pokey call out. Check and mate.
I saw pure animalistic fear in his eyes. He frantically grabbed the pink fabric I was biting down on, and pulled with all his might. I pulled back until my teeth ached. The fabric gave way and ripped. I laid there, dumbly watching him, with a scrap of his shirt in my mouth.
I tried to get onto my hooves, and give chase, but he shoved me back down with the heel of his boot. I writhed in pain. I watched in agony, as he grabbed his tool belt and fled into the October night. Just like that, the desperate melee between the two of us was over. “You better run! Mark my words, the next time I see you I’ll have you strung from a tree!” I shouted.
The front door of the tudor house flew open, and Pokey stepped out, his mane a muss. He frantically searched around until he spotted me, panting and sore, blood still dripping from my nose. “Lucky, what the hell is going on?”
“The human tried to break into your house. I stopped him.”
“Oh my Celestia, he messed you up bad.” He ran inside, and got me a rag.
“If it wasn’t for me, he’d be gnawing on your wife’s wings right now,” I grunted. I pressed the cloth against my nose.
He gulped. “Lucky, I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“Tell me something. You have two kids right?”
“Yes, Featherweight, and Sparkler.”
“Do you love your family?”
“With all my heart and soul.”
“And do you care about your friends and neighbors, right?”
“What are you getting at?”
“This is the second time he tried to break into somepony’s home. It’s time we do what’s best for everypony, and get rid of him.”
Pokey raised an eyebrow quizzically. “Wait, if he was so dangerous, why did you even hire him?”
“Call me stupid, but I thought I could train him. I thought maybe, if we just gave the human a second chance, he wouldn’t hurt anypony, and he could make himself useful. That way everyone would win. He needed a home after all. But he took that trust and ran with it, and now look what’s he done. He’s trying to steal away my Lyra, and he’s tried to eat your family.” I gestured to the window.
“Well, what are we waiting for? Let’s report this to the police, they’ll have him carted out of Ponyville. I know a hoofull of ponies that are just itching for a reason to get him out of here.”
I eyed the scraps of papers on the ground. Somepony high up must have given him that form. Lyra, Derpy, and Bon Bon had signed it to. “He has more friends than you realize. I don’t think we’ll get his ass carted off with just a broken window as evidence. We need to catch him doing something a lot worse.”
“Screw that. I’m not going to wait around for him to try to attack my family again just so we can have somepony else chase him out of ponyville. I say we find that son of a bitch, and take care of him ourselves.”
I winced. Lyra had a certain affection for the human, and hearing of me chasing him out would make him the martyr, and me the villain. There was no way she would ever speak to me again, even though I would be doing it for her own safety.
Oatmeal’s words echoed through my mind. Every mare loves a hero. I thought of Lyra’s affection for the scrawny beast, in spite of the inherent danger. I saw Pokey Pierce, ready to do whatever he could to rid the town of the human, and something clicked. I grinned. “I think I have a better idea.”
What about the window? No, I told you, the human broke the window when he tried to break into Pokey’s house. Look, all I did was stop him from hurting Pokey’s family. You know what? I’m done answering your questions.
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shit just got real
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I HAVE ONLY JUST BEGUN TO HATE.
Damn you for getting me so emotionally invested in this story!
Update soon, you bastard.
these ponies are asses.
Talking to........ Luna! or Spike?
Something tells me that Jerry is dead, and they're all talking to Celestia after this all went down.
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This is getting sad. At this rate, Jerry is best off doing Hara-kiri...
Gifs for Lucky:
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If Lucky doesn't get a satisfying-as-hell madness mantra/breakdown, so bad it showed the other ponies what they've become, this story will not... something. Live up to expectations? Not be satisfying-as-hell enough?
2941929
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Jerry needs to tell off all these prickish ponies, need some revenge and vengeance
Also, I think they're talking to Twilight Sparkle as she tries to solve the mystery of Jerry's murder. Hence why she doesn't have a chapter yet.
I think they are all talking to Celestia in disguise, hopefully she isn't as racist as most everypony.
...Well then, I think Lucky is overloading my anger circuits/breaker or whatever. Now I simply want him to be trapped in the human world and to hell with moral high ground.
Can Jerry not work for Time Tuner aka Doctor Whooves
I'm not sure how much more of this story I can read.
It's just getting worse and worse, and I just know there isn't going to be a happy ending.
Hate, I'm starting to really feel it.
*clenches fists*
that....that...that Son of A BITCH!!!!!!
Goddammit Lucky, you piece of crap! If I could get a hold of you I'd...I'D....GRAAAAAH!
Ok...calm down....Just...FUCK. People like that make me SICK. Breaking into someone's house in the middle of the night, pinning it on someone else, and then accusing them of something ten times worse than vandalization....
It haunts you.....trust me, I know. It's on my record that I was accused of threatening to kill a classmate, when said classmate just decided to get out of class by making up an emergency at the cost of my good name.....It's been years and I STILL hear about that day.
The scary thing is, this seems like it's a police report or something....I shudder to think of what this means, but I can only hope Jerry's in ICU or something, instead of dead.....Oh dear god, I hope I'm right....
Edit: I was apparently on the floor, nearly unconscious for 45 minutes.... You know how they say stress kills? Apparently, the stress from my dog dying yesterday, having to repeat the story 8 times, and crying in between combined with the stress I got from this chapter knocks me on my ass for almost an hour.....Also, I feel like shit now.
With that hint it looks like they're talking to the police.
To avoid false advertisement, ya might want to switch the Comedy tag for Tragedy, this reminds me of Planet of the Apes (the original)
Lucky is just one of those people that cannot understand that he is at fault. It's always someone else, something that wasn't his fault.
Lyra left me? It wasn't because of me! Lyra hates me? It wasn't because of my actions! Lyra likes him more than me? It wasn't because of my drunken rage!
2941976
I don't think they're talking to Celestia herself, but either a journalist or guardspony, or perhaps a resident of ponyville. I don't think the ponies could go whole chapters without saying the word Princess if they were doing these interviews with Celestia herself. As for Jerry being dead, that seems increasingly likely. Either that or he was chased into the everfree and recovered later.
Though this all makes me wonder how Celestia will catch on to what her horrible ponies are doing. Is she going to get a disturbing friendship report from Twilight? Is Jerry going to escape into the wilderness and start hunting the ponies for food and sport, alerting Celestia when the news starts reporting about a string of murders/disappearances? (highly unlikely, I think, but it's what I want him to do) Is she going to see his desecrated corpse pictured in a newspaper?
And finally, Jerry should have knocked lucky to the ground and crushed his throat with a few well-placed stomps. It's time for Jerry to make ponyville a better place, one pony at a time.
I'm really starting to hate this story. It's just one big clusterfuck of shit after the other being dumped on the protagonist, with never anything good happening to him. The ponies aren't acting in-character, the villains always win and our "hero" can never do anything right. Replace "comedy" with "tragedy" please, since this clearly isn't going anywhere good or happy-ended. When will the poor guy ever catch a break? When will the canon, non-racist ponies finally come in to castrate Lucky and all these fake-Ponyvillians who've somehow replaced the real population of Ponyville? When will the real Applejack come in to buck Liarjack's teeth out? When will Discord be revealed to be the mastermind behind it all? When will we, as the reader, feel a bit of satisfaction and a sense of justice being done? When will Celestia come in to burn this village of racist pricks to the ground, and all its inhabitants with it? When will something good happen?!
Jesus Christ, a story shouldn't make me this angry. I really hope this turns out in the human's favour in the end.
Agh. AGH. AGHHH. Lucky. Lucky,I freaking swear.
All of these upset feelings in my heart right now. Jerry punches Lucky in the schnozz and I'm caught in this awful place between righteous satisfaction and abject horror because there is absolutely no way this will end well. Aw, Jerry! JERRY. You poor baby, you need a hug. Or a nicer town. Both.
trump card why must you chew up all my feels this way.
2942168
And using his pov makes him all the more hateable. Actual teeth gnashing, over here.
2942217 Never, because I now believe that Jerry has been dead all along and Equestria is a layer of hell that Dante never even thought of.
2942261
Unfortunately, it looks like you're right.
I'm not...I...GAAAH!
Fuck him. I hope Lucky dies. I hope he dies by being stung by a million angry wasps. By Lyra. I just want her to hold a jar of those wasps over his most sensitive area after shaking the jar a couple of times. And then...
Just, holy shit I'm angry! Fuck everyone. Fuck Applejack, Twilight, all of the other ponies who can't look passed their own specist ways, and most of all, FUCK LUCKY! Just...GOD DAMN IT!
I really just want this to end with the Elements of Harmony using their elements on him, and them not working. Because they don't deserve to represent the elements anymore. And that causes Celestia to realize what her little ponies are doing, if she's not as specist as them.
Oh, Lucky...
I just want to rip his head off. The only thing I hate more than anything is a real lie. I despise when someone muddles the truth, twisting it to his own ends but THIS? Damn you Lucky...
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You are already dead.
2942217
Haven't you wondered who all these ponies are talking to?
You know, these pieces of paper will make a nice warm fire, since they don't exactly need them anymore.
2942298
Since whoever they're talking to isn't bashing Twilight's skull in for being an absolute farce and liar at the whole friendship thing (all the things she put in her reports she learned about friendship? All a lie. Just look at her behaviour in this story. She's obviously a liar and a horrendous mare to boot. How has Celestia not dismissed such a liar from being her student yet?) and isn't castrating Lucky on the spot, no, I haven't particulary wondered about it. Or cared, for that matter. Unless it happens to be Celestia who wants to amuse herself with hearing these monsters' self-righteous babbling before she sentences them to the pyre. That would be nice, admittedly.
All this hate people are feeling, UNLEASH THE FORCE LIGHTNING LET THE ANGER FLOW!!!!
You guys are acting like a good ol fashioned police investigation + trial + a subsequent lawsuit won't put Lucky in his place.
Am I the only one who wants to see pretty much every character in this story die a horrible, painful death? Like maybe Jerry was there as part of a plan to stop a horrid Cthulhu like monster that ends up sucking most of the skulls in Ponyville out through their owners respective ANUS!?!?
... No? Just me? Drat.
2942327
Crooked cops (or clops if ya want to do the horse pun)
And we have finally reached the climax. Time for the big bang.
Jerry is about to get really screwed over because of a pathetic loser hung up on a girlfriend he treated like shit.......................... You really do think of everything, don't you author?
tread carefully dude. when the time that Jerry explains himself comes, the ponies better not get off on some "We're sorry we treated you like that" bullshit. there needs to be an entire chapter or three on them reflecting on the fact that they treated a civilized creature form a superior race like some kind of animal.
Or have them give some kind of piss-poor apology and have jerry's response be:
"seriously? you're sorry? after all you shit-heads put me though all you can think of saying is you're sorry?" turns away from the crowd
Pony: where are you going?
"to the everfree forest, where i "belong". maybe if i find my way back home, i'll be able to tell everyone how horrendously bigoted and racist this place is!"
or hell,l have him die, and a year later, all of humanity makes first contact with equestria, flaunting their culture, technology and everything else, and they'll always have the fact that they killed jerry hanging over their heads.
*sigh* Maybe i should start meditating, all this anger is bad for my health.
KILL ALL THE RACISTS KILL ALL THE RACISTS, I BET THEIR COMMIES TOO KILL THE RACIST COMMIES KILL ALL THE RACIST COMMIES
Can he just like pull a darksouls, and hurl lightning spears at their asses? Please? Get some sun praise up in here!
2942070 I think we should introduce him to some of our more welcoming people, oh shoot what are they called again? Oh yes, serial killers.
I'm still waiting for at least ONE pony to put down the Idiot Ball for five minutes.
Saw this story in the feature box. Came here to comment that your user name is awesome. Read the story description, and added it to my ever-growing "read later" list. I will provide my
quasi-expertamateur critique after I've finished reading it. Also, being an admin for the "Good HiE List" group, my review will also be pertinent to [hopefully] immortalizing your story there.I'm also happy to see that chapter 3 features best pony.
2942476
Fireworks are cool, but live fragmentation grenades are more fun.
2942030
I think you forgot this one
.....Damn you for that. Now I want to knooooooooooowwwww!!!!!!!
I am going to guess that it's Celestia, with some kind of truth spell or something.
I'm just going to point out, as an author you should be proud of the amount of rage you have created in the comments around Lucky. Its a good sign that you have created an effective and believable antagonist. Bravo.
2942301 To be fair, we have yet to see either princess so the last one is not garbage...yet. Of course, the rest of that is accurate, and the really pitiful thing is that it is not even out of character given what we saw around Zecora.
Speaking of Zecora, has she met Jerry yet? She seems like the one other character that would sympathize with him, and he could live just fine in the forest with her.
Of course, what I really want to see is the US military get involved because that would be all kinds of vindictively hilarious. The royal guard would be little more than a bad joke in the face of modern weaponry, and I am sure the US government could learn all kinds of interesting things by studying the ponies. After all, it's not like they qualify for protection under human rights or cruelty to animals.
2942320
Yup, you don't even know that this isn't Celestia in disguise silently judging them.
Also... We didn't have Twilight chapter yet. We will see what is her reaction to telling her side of story.
And then all the bad ponies die. The end.
Let's see now.....
I have dawws that gave me diabeetus, love fit for a changeling, murders and mysteries Sherlock Pones best, adventures across the land, alicorns that became cannon, every shade of gray imaginable, oneshotting straight through my skull, laughter out of my chair, and creepiness that chills my soul.
Thank you. I needed something to grind my gears of unfathomable loathing.
:Hatred beyond all scale added to favorites list:
2942217 I hate this antagonist, and love this story for making me hate it. I needed a hate story to add to my fave list.
2942338
Fetlock Holmes