//------------------------------// // The Farm Hand (Applejack) // Story: The Man With Two Names // by Tarot Card //------------------------------// For the third day in a row, I awoke before the sun rose. With a grunt, I twisted my back and limbs, creating an orchestra of pops and cracks. I hopped out of bed and smacked my lips, now ready for the day. ‘Have to wake up Apple Bloom’. I heard a chorus of birds tweeting, fluttering around the apple trees, taking pecks out of them. I grumbled and shuffled out of my bedroom. Gently I opened the door to her room and saw her sleeping like a log, even muttering something or other to her dreams. I couldn’t help but smile. She didn’t have to get up right now, did she? I walked to the window and squinted into the darkness. Though the sun was nowhere to be seen, a few ponies were already making their way up the path to the barn. I sighed. No sleeping in for anypony today. “Apple Bloom, rise and shine!” I said softly, nudging her. “We got ourselves a big day ahead of us.” The yellow filly turned to the other side. “Five minutes.” “All the helpers are already coming, we need everypony awake and ready ta work, and that includes you.” Reluctantly, she stirred, and plopped out of bed. We went down to the kitchen. On the stove was a pot half-filled with oats, still warm by the looks of it. I squinted at the little note attached to the side, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.  Gone out to get everypony organized. Come out when you finish eating. Grannie’s with me. - Mac “Could yah grab us some bowls?” I spooned Apple Bloom a generous portion of the sludge. “Ah don’t get it. Why do we have ta harvest each and every field? Aren’t we supposed to rotate crops or something? We never had to find other ponies ta help us before,” she asked between bites. “Remember, us Apples have had a rough year. What with the Parasprites eatin’ our house, the damage Flim and Flam did during the contest, all of them stampedes, Cerebus rampaging, and don't forget Vinyl’s party. We weren’t doing so good. Luckily, Granny went out and talked to Filthy Rich, and they set up something or other. Can’t really make heads or tails of it m’self, but we’re gonna sell him a whole bunch of extra crop to help make some more money. All we gotta do is get all the crops harvested, and get it packed up.” We all knew what dire straits we were in, no need to frighten her. “But that’s so much work!” “Ah know.” This is the first year we’d be taking from the entire farm. Before, we just did a fraction of the fields, cause that’s all we had the pony power to do, and that’s all Ponyville really needed for food. “Lucky thing we got us a whole mess of farm hands.” I gulped down another mouthful of oats. I wasn’t too keen on really thinking about all the ponies Big Mac had wrangled up for the job. Sure, all we needed were some laborers, and it wasn’t like you needed a farming cutie mark to figure out how to pick apples. But I was worried for the fields. Not every earth pony is cut out to be a farmer, let alone Pegasi and Unicorns. Hay, Pinkie could barely keep her ficus alive. “Let’s just pray our farm comes out of this in one piece.”   By the time we both made it to the barn, half the ponies were already assembled around the opening gate. I surveyed everypony gathered around. There were about twenty of them.  All around was the murmur of conversation and the caws and calls of crows. Some were chatting idly, others were trying their hardest to keep their eyes open. Mostly earth ponies, but a hooffull of unicorns, and two pegasi. unicorns aren't much for farming, but after seeing Twilight pick a whole mess of trees all at once with her magic, we were willing to see what other unicorns could offer. And by “we”, I mean Big Mac. I just wanted to round up some family from Appleloosa, ponies who actually know something about crops, Not a bunch of folks Big Mac found around town. But nopony ever listens to little old Applejack, do they? Half these ponies I knew for a fact have never even picked up a hoe before. Well, at least harvesting is a mite easier than planting, we got that going for us.   I hope. I felt a hoof rap on my shoulder. “Applejack, What is that thing doing here?” The blue hoof pointed towards a barrel resting against the side of a barn. What the hay is he talking about? “Pokey, that’s just a barrel. We use it ta hold apples.” “Not the barrel! What’s leaning on the barrel!” I squinted, seeing a seafoam green unicorn nearby, scribbling something in the notepad slung around her neck. “Lyra? She’s gonna be sorting, or picking, ah reckon.” Pokey took my head in his hooves and directed my eyes at the figure next to her. Was, that, the human? “What the hay is he doing here?” Pokey face-hoofed. “Listen, AJ. As much as I want to help you, I don’t feel safe here, with that...that... animal ready to tear anypony apart!” “Don’t fret, ah got this under control!” I galloped over to the monstrous looking thing. It was waving its limbs up and about as it was telling some story to Lyra. Wait, two limbs? Sure as sugar, its left arm was freed of its restraint. He was using it in a thoughtless gesture, as Lyra listened intently. It was a mite thinner than the other though. But something else seemed different about him as well. He seemed, neater, almost. Less dingy, less tired. His clothes were new, and very pink. Like, Pinkie Pie sorta pink. And yet even so, he seemed paler, more... gaunt than he did in Cheerilee’s classroom. Like he hadn’t eaten in so long, he was hungry enough to maul anypony to bits if they so much as looked at him funny. Aside from the green mare he was talking to, everypony kept their distance from him. The sooner I got him out of here, the better. “There’s not much we can do about it really, Just build sturdy houses and cross our fingers. But usually, we don’t have to worry about the weather getting too—” “Excuse me Mr. human, but we Apples got a strict no rabid animal policy on our farm. So if you don’t have any business with us, you best be leaving...” I cut him off by shoving him out towards the gate with my nose, nearly causing him to lose his balance. He dug his heels into the ground, halting his slide forward. “Excuse Miss, but I do have business here, with Mr. Macintosh.”  I stopped pushing and looked up at him. “Say what now?” “He’s hired me help with the harvest.” The unicorn beside him nodded vigorously. What the hay? I knew Big Mac’s taken a few knocks to the head, but this was jaw dropping, even by his standards. I looked him up and down. Even though he had full use of both his upper limbs, they were lean. It didn’t look like they were much good for anything except hunting and killing. “An’ exactly does that big lug plan on having you do? Ah don’t see how ya can be lifting anything with those doo-hickeys,” I finally managed to say. He forced a grin. “I’m on scarecrow duty ma’am. Not so much lifting as the other ponies.” What the hell was Big Mac thinking? This thing’s gonna scare off more ponies than birds working for us. “Ah thought we had a pegasus taking care of that.” I surveyed the scene of ponies entering, and saw my brother, sitting on a bench. He had his reading glasses on and a pencil in his mouth. Even so, he was still squinting to see with only the first rays of morning lighting the sky. “Mac, did you tell that human thing to come here?” I hissed. “Eeyup.” He scribbled something onto the roster on the table. “And why in all of Equestria would you need him ta be here?” “Workin’.” He didn’t look up from the list. I gritted my teeth. “Ah thought that’s why we brought ponies here.” “Eeyup.” “Have yah ever stopped and thought that maybe bringin’ a wild animal straight outta the Everfree forest home might be, ah dunno, dangerous?” He finally looked up at me. “He’s not dangerous. Apple Bloom found out all about him in Cheerilee’s class.” “Just ‘cause Apple Bloom says he won’t eat us doesn’t mean you gotta invite him on the farm and put him on payroll! What if he gets inside the house? What happens if he gets hungry, and when he can’t find any birds to eat and that the cattle look nice and tasty? You know that thing can break locks and hop fences? Ah’ve seen what it can do. And it ain’t pretty. What happens if he breaks into the pen, Big Mac?” “He’s not gonna—” “What if he goes after a pony? What if he goes after little Apple Bloom?” “He’s—” “That dirty son of mule thinks he can go ahead an’ eat Apple Bloom from right under noses, does he? Ah’m gonna go over there right now and buck him straight outa Sweet Apple—” “Applejack!” Big Mac butted in. “We don’t hafta worry bout that. He’s gonna have plenty of birds ta eat. Ah hired him to scare away the birds.” My eyes went wide. “Yah mean, yer gonna let him eat birds... on our farm?” “Eeyup.” I shook my head, that was goin’ too far. Birds have always been picking at and damaging our crops, and they’re annoying as anything, but damn it if I’m going to let our farms become a hunting ground for that thing. No way I’d ever let one of the fields turn into what Fluttershy’s lawn looked like. The blood, just sitting in a little pool in the dirt, droplets flung onto the blades of grass... Okay, don’t think about it, don’t think about it. “Nothing deserves that. You hear me? Ah thought you cared about this farm, but you’re ready to just let that human turn it into his own personal slaughterhouse!” “Ah don’t like it either AJ, but it’s the only way. Filthy won’t take crops that were touched by birds. If we wanna keep ourselves out of the poor house, We gotta keep those birds away from the crops.” “So what do yah plan on doing? Just have him kill all the birds, till there are none left?” I could feel tears welling up in my eyes. “He won’t hafta do that. If he...” Big Mac eventually forced himself to verbalize his plan. “kills a couple, the rest’ll be too scared ta come back.” “And what happens when everypony sees him rip a bird apart, and put it on a spit?” Big Mac scrunched up his face for a moment at the mere thought, but quickly found his resolve. “That human, for what it’s worth, has enough sense to not do that in front of anypony. He knows enough to make a good first impression.” He turned to look me right in the eye. “AJ, I ain’t exactly happy about these circumstances, but you can’t tell anypony bout what we’re letting this human do.” “An’ now you want me ta lie ta ponies?” He of all ponies, should know I can’t lie to save my flank.   “There’s a difference between straight up lyin, and ommitin’ information.” “Big Mac, these ponies have a right to know  if there’s gonna be a rabid animal chomping on birds round here!” “AJ, whaddya think will happen when we tell everypony that?” Why would anypony stay where there was a carnivore running about. Course’, we never told them bout the Timberwolves, but that’s different! I studied Big Mac’s dumb, stupid, calm face, trying to think of a comeback. He said softly, “If we’re gonna keep the farm, yah can’t tell anypony about what we’re letting this human do.” “Ah don’t know...” But I did. As much as I hated it all, and wanted to tell Big Mac that the human should go buck himself, this all had to happen if there was going to be a future for Sweet Apple Acres. I sighed, and bowed my head, and cantered back to Lyra and the human. Nothing good could come of this. I banished the thought, and looked up to see a very smug look on the human’s face. “Well? What did he say?” “Just no funny business, ya hear?” I shoved my hoof against his chest, causing him to flinch. Then I gestured to Lyra. “And she better be leaving at the end of the day in one piece!” Lyra pouted, and levitated her pen and notepad to write something in response, but I just turned and walked away. Big Mac finished up his list, and got to directing ponies to the fields, While Apple Bloom led the ponies to the tents where they would spend the day packaging and shipping away the harvest. I was following Colgate and Lyra to the East field, but Big Mac tapped me on the shoulder. “Applejack, before ya can go help harvest, ya need to make some rounds, and know for certain everypony actually knows what they are doing. And keep an eye on you-know-who.” I sighed, and nodded. “Pardon me Mac, but exactly where am I supposed to go?” the human said, coming up behind him. Something was different about the human from when I first saw him. It was more than his newly freed limb. Even though his manecut was neater, and his clothes pinker, I saw a sort of unsteadiness in his stature. His hands shook slightly whenever they weren’t doing anything. I spotted the periwinkle pegasus, and pointed to her. “Ya see her? She knows what fields both of ya are supposed to hit. Follow her around and remember. No. Funny. Business.” I punctuated each word with a poke of my hoof to his gut. Just because he was going to get away with eating a crow or two didn’t mean that I’d let him even entertain snacking on something, or somepony else. “Fine, Christ. You only need to say it once,” he muttered dejectedly, as he hustled to catch up with her. “AJ...” “Ah don’t wanna hear it Big Mac.” It was time to tour around the fields anyways. I gulped. Given the human prancing around the farm, and all the unskilled labor, something was bound to happen. I just wanted to get this little job over with and join em in the field. I spotted Caramel giving Pokey instructions on how to buck the apples. Looks like he wanted his bits more than he wanted to stay away from the human. Good thing we had at least one stallion that actually knew what he was doing. Of course, earth pony advice won’t be doing him much good if he’s gonna just use magic to pick the apples. Regardless, the two stallions started rhythmically bucking the same tree, knocking a few apples off with each kick. I snorted. I could have emptied the whole tree with a single kick. I had to stop them both, and tell Pokey to use his magic, and Caramel to back him up. Once they got started, they were only somewhat faster. I borrowed another pony from the packing tent to lend a hoof to Caramel. Only then were they working fast enough. By time they got another cart full, the sun was well into the air.   I moved along, and saw Colgate and Lyra forming a sort of assembly line. The blue mare used her magic to throw the apples into a nearby bucket, while The seafoam green one brought the filled buckets back to the cart. As spacey as the two unicorns usually were, they seemed focused enough on the task at hoof.  Not the most efficient method, but at least they weren’t screwing anything up. Colgate gave a shout of greeting, and Lyra a wave of her hoof as I passed by. I nodded my head at them and went on to the adjacent field. So far, so good. I looked around quizzically. Every tree had a bucket underneath it, but there was no pony in sight. “Hello? anypony around here?” Did Big Mac forget to have somepony come to this field? “Hey! Over here!” I turned around, and saw Vinyl Scratch. She was grunting, pulling some kind of large black contraption behind her. “Vinyl! We’re payin’ you to pick apples! Quit horsing around!” The DJ pulled the black box up to where I was, and let out a hearty chuckle. “Oh, but I am.” She ran her hoof through her electric blue hair. Part of me wondered what compelled Big Mac to hire such a mare for apple bucking. "That sure don't look like buckin' apples." “Watch!” She kicked a button, and the box unfolded into a set of speakers. It took a moment for me to register her plan, but by then, it was too late. I could only open my mouth and reach my hoof out before she kicked the button a second time, causing the sound system to roar to life. A clunking, rhythmic feedback sound filled the air. It sounded like somepony dropped a microphone into a tumble dryer. The sonic bombardment shook the apples, and a few fell. But with each rhythmic thump, the ground gave a mighty shake, and bark would flake off the trunks of the trees. As I struggled to I watched in horror as chips of brown fell into the buckets along with the apples, leaving exposed wood. “Shut it off!” I hollered, but even I couldn’t hear my own voice. Vinyl looked at me and mouthed the word ‘What?’. This clearly wasn’t going to work. I spied the extension cord trailing behind the blaring behemoth, as it was flung into the air by the shaking of the ground. I jumped after it chomped down on it, and as I landed, yanked it as hard as I could. There was a snap, and crackle of electricity, and the machine fell silent. I spit out the cord, and glared at the white pony. “That's. NOT. how we pick apples.” “But it worked!” Her voice was tinny and far away. My ears were still ringing. I looked around and my jaw dropped. The nearest trunks were stripped bare. Even the buckets below the tree were more bark than apple. Did my eye just twitch? I’m pretty sure my eye just twitched. She came up and nudged me in the ribs expectantly. “Eh? Eh?”   What would Big Mac say? I turned to her slowly, and tried to keep even, calm tone, just like he would. “Vinyl, yer gonna clean up this mess, and then buck the apples the right way, or yer flank is fired!”  Well, so much for that plan. She began wheeling the speakers away, grumbling as she eyed the severed wire. “Yeesh, I try to show a little creativity...” “Yah aren’t being paid ta be creative!” I shouted after her. This is what happens when Big Mac decides to use unicorn ponies, instead of our family. I really really hope we have a farm by the end of this harvest.  As I passed into the cornfields, I saw a flock of birds making a merry feast of the crop. I gritted my teeth. Where the hay were the pegasi?  Flitter flew overhead, fruitlessly trying to herd the birds elsewhere. “Shoo! go away! There’s corn all the way over there!” Flitter said to a sparrow, pointing to the rising sun. The tiny bird paid her no heed as it plucked at the kernels. “Please leave! We need this food to eat!” The bird chirped in response, and resumed its meal. She let out a frustrated scream, and turned to me, almost on the verge of tears. “Applejack, this is nothing like leading the birds South! I don’t know how to get them to stop!” I gulped. Neither did I. “Uhhh.... Try harder?” I heard a whooping shout, and a flock hastily dislodged from the corn at the far end of the field, flying away. A few seconds later, the human walked out of stalks of corn, swinging a large stick over his head, whooping like some hunter drawing out its prey. With each swing, another crescent of birds fled from the cornfield. “Has he been doing that the whole time?” I asked the Pegasus. She nodded, as she touched down, exasperated. “I don’t know how he does it! It’s like they’re afraid of him!” Poor thing, she was really worked up. I patted her on the shoulder. “That’s because they are,” he said as he came up to us, merrily swinging the stick. “I guess a little birdy told them I find their feathers pretty tasty.” He gave an airy laugh. I stared at him angrily. Flitter gulped, and made an effort to hide her wings. The grin on his face dropped. “Wait, that came out wrong.” Flitter, in spite of her fear, seemed impressed by his bird wrangling prowess. “Walker, how do you get the birds to go away?” “You’ve got to scare them. I have a natural advantage, seeing as they know they’re on the menu whenever I’m around.” I made another face. I was under the impression he was at least going to be a little discreet about the whole ‘I’m going to eat a whole flock of birds’ bit. If he was going to be that unsubtle about killing his bird, then I’d absolutely need to keep Flitter away. At least, she’ll be spared the knowledge of these bloody secrets. “Scare them? Like, isn’t that a little mean?” “Hey, Flitter, it’s what works. Go on, try.” “Okay...” Flitter adjusted her bow, put on her best war face, and flew up behind the sparrow. “OOGGGA BOOGGA WOOGGGA!!!!” she shouted, flailing her hooves madly. “I’m going to eat you, and stuff!” the tiny sparrow looked at her quizzically, gave a single chirp, then flew off to join its companions. Flitter gleamed. Jerry grinned, and offered his fist out, and she bumped her hoof against it. “You’re getting better! Come on, let’s go to the next field.” “Ah’d like to talk to Flitter in private for a moment.” “Oh, okay? Walker, I’ll catch up with you there!”   The human nodded, and swaggered off to the next field, when he began singing to himself. “Some glad morning, When this life is over, I’ll fly away, I’ll fly away, To my home on God’s celestial shores, I’ll fly away, Oh glory, I’ll fly away...” What? It sure didn’t look like humans could fly. In spite of his singing, I couldn’t help but notice the knife handle that bobbed up and down in his boot with every step he took. “Is something the matter, Applejack?” Flitter asked tentatively, breaking my train of thought. How “Oh, um... yah see, ah think that you should keep yer distance from him...” “Walker? Why?” “Because... Because...” Because if you stay with him, you’ll see him kill birds, and see him eat their hearts. Because if you don’t stay away, you’re going to see a whole mess of blood, and every bit of a bird that was never meant to be seen . Because if you know what Big Mac is letting the human do, you’ll tell everypony about it, and then we’ll lose the farm. I faltered, desperately wracking my brain for some reason, that was anything but the truth. “Because he...uh...” “Because he’ll eat me?” She scoffed. “Haven’t you heard? He only eats birds and veggies! Duh! He wouldn’t want to eat a pony. I thought that everypony totally knew that.”  Flitter rolled her eyes. “Uhh... But you have wings?” “And?” “And, uh... Birds have wings too.”  I gave a large grin. She looked at her feathered appendages, and gulped. “Wings...But pegasi and birds are completely different! He wouldn’t want to eat me. Right?” Wait, me lying is actually working? I tried to carry it on. What was everypony saying about him? “Ah dunno Flitter. He hasn’t been able to eat another animal in ages.” “He- he wouldn’t! He’s nice to me!” “That’s cause he’s... buttering you up. Gettin’ you an’ everypony else ta trust him, and when you least expect, he eats you, strip by strip. Watch your feathers ‘round him, is my advice.” At this point, I was stealing words right out of Oatmeal’s mouth. It didn’t feel like lying so much when I was just telling her what other ponies said to me. The Pegasus’s eyes became tiny pin pricks, as she looked at her trembling wings, as if a tiny square of butter was slowly rolling down her feathers. “AJ, I don’t wanna be eaten!” she looked at me, eyes full of terror. I felt a pang of guilt shoot through me. “Ms. Flitter, are you coming?” the human called. “If yah want, ah can send ya to work with Vinyl in the orchard.” I murmured gently. Flitter bit her lip fearfully, and then flew to catch up with him. Except, she didn’t touch down, and walk side by side with him. She stayed hovering  far above his head, well out of range of his swinging stick. “Actually Walker, AJ wants me to work the apple orchards. I’m gonna go now.” The cheery features dropped from the human’s face. “Okay, I guess... I’ll see you at lunch though, right?” But Flitter was already gone. My tongue felt all wrong though, like it had twisted itself into a braid. I felt a knot of guilt form in my throat. I hate lying, but a pony’s got to do what a pony’s got to do. And if that means lying to save her farm, so be it. I swallowed, but that knot wouldn’t go away. “Ms. Applejack, you do realize that means i’m the only one acting the part of a scarecrow?” Ah ponyfeathers. I looked around, and sighed. If it was going to be anypony working alongside the human, it was going to be me. I guess I’d be really keeping an eye on him now. I gulped. “How strange, I’m a Dorothy being a scarecrow,” he chuckled. Was it just me, or was this human slowly turning into Pinkie Pie? “All right Mr. human, looks like i’m gonna be your scarecrowing partner.” “Excellent! Grab yourself a stick.” “Ah know how to do my job, thank you very much.” I jumped up on my hind legs, and flailed my hooves. “Go on! shoo!” a few birds fluttered away. And so we worked in silence. Well not in complete silence. He was still whooping occasionally, and each time it gave me a start. And he kept singing the odd little song as we walked from field to field. “You’re Apple Bloom’s mother?” he asked suddenly. “Sister. Our parents passed when she was born.” “I’m terribly sorry.” He was silent for a minute. “She’s a wonderful little pony. She was the only one in her class that was brave enough to come to me and ask me questions personally.” “When was this? Ah thought I told her to steer clear of you.” I eyed him warily. I didn’t like all these questions about my little sister. “In Ms. Cheerilee’s class.” I didn’t say anything back. Once it was clear that I wasn’t responding, he began humming his little song. By noon, I left him and checked on the two unicorn mares, and lo and behold, they were almost done, and every tree was picked clean. I could see their exhausted faces, and their magic flickering in and out.  “Lyra? Colgate? Why don’t you two take a breather?” I heard the clanging of the lunch bell, and as if on cue, my stomach grumbled loudly, causing Colgate to giggle, and put a bemused expression of Lyra’s face.  “Heh heh, guess my stomach knows what it wants.” “Rather pavlovian, don’t you think?” Colgate asked, as we all walked back towards the front barn. “What now?” Lyra smiled, and her horn glew for a second. She stopped momentarily, and felt around her neck with her hoof.  she gave me a surprised look, and held her hoof up, as if to say ‘just a second’, and ran back to the field. “What in all of Equestria is she doing right now?” I asked her blue companion. Colgate shrugged. “Probably forgot her notepad. Or her quill.” We waited for her, and she came trotting back with the lanyard carrying her pad and paper slung around her neck. the little pad kept on thumping her against her chest as she ran. “All good now?” Lyra nodded, and we went on our way. A heard the sound of Winona barking. My ears perked, and I froze. It was coming from the field I left the human in. “Ya’ll go on ahead. I gotta check on something.” I galloped as fast as I could into the cornfield, trying to find the source of the staccato barking. all the sudden, the barking stopped, and my heart froze. “Winona! Winona! Here girl!” I called desperately. I stepped out to see the human hunched over the frame of Winona. My friend, my rodeo buddy, being attacked. “Don’t you dare eat her!” I sprinted towards him. “How could I? She’s so lovable!” The human cooed and made baby noises to her. I halted. He was, petting her? Winona was lying belly up, and licking his hand. “What the hay are you doing? Get away from him.”  The human looked startled, but moved a step back, and took his hands off my dog. “Not you. Winona.” She came up to me, and I patted her head reassuringly. “Stay away from the mean old human, okay girl? He’s straight outta the Everfree forest, and he might try to eat you.” She licked my hoof. The human just scowled at me.   I set the plate of food down at the table, across from Big Mac, and Apple Bloom. Granny Smith was running the buffet line. Most of the dishes were cooked with the corn, apples, and medley of roots and tubers that were harvested just hours ago. We dug in. “Excuse me Mr. Big Mac, Ms. Applejack, Ms. Apple Bloom. Would you mind if I sat with all of you for lunch?”  I looked up and saw the human looming over us, a plate in his grip. I looked at Big Mac, and back at the human. I gulped down the food in my mouth. “Uh... we kinda thought you already would have eaten...” I eyed the drawstring bag on his back warily, noticing a new bump in it. “When would I have had time to do that?” “Weren’t ya alone in the field for a while? Didn’t you have time to.. uh eat somethin then?” I face-hoofed. I was with him the whole time! He didn’t have a chance because I was there. His face lit up in recognition. “Oh, no, I was going to er, save that.“ A hint of worry flickered across his face. “What happened to Flitter? Is she mad at me for something? We were really getting along, and we were supposed to eat lunch together, but then she just left, and now she won’t even give me the time of day! Did I do something wrong?” “Maybe she realized that yer a big scary animal that nopony should ever be around?” I offered. The human looked hurt, his normally erect posture buckling into a slouch, his gaze shifting to his work boots. Big Mac shot me an angry look. “What?” “Don’t mind her. Yer welcome to take a seat with us,” Big Mac said, gesturing to the seat right next to me. Now it was my turn to shoot Big Mac an angry look.   “Thank you.” He looked at the corn hash on his plate. “Umm, Mr. Macintosh, would you happen to have any silverware?” My brother looked up at him, utterly at a loss of what to say. “Fer what?” “Because, I can’t really eat this without any utensils, can I?” “Sure ya can!” Apple Bloom piped up. “Yah just do it like this!” She shoved her face to the plate and started munching away at some greens.  “and yah wouldn’t need anything ta eat wif unleth it Hearth Warming Eve dinner, or yer a unicorn.” she said, her mouth still full. “I’ll just go make this into a sandwich.” He grimaced, and went back to the buffet table. “God damn sick of sandwiches,” I heard him mutter under his breath. I turned to Big Mac. “It’s bad enough that you hafta have him work on the farm, where he’s a liability, but now the thing has to eat with us?” “We need the help. And ah don’t want you scarin’ him away. We need him if we wanna keep the farm, remember?” He whispered harshly, but quiet enough Apple Bloom didn’t hear us. “Whatcha guys talkin’ about?” Her ears perked. “Not right now Applebloom, The big ponies are talkin’,” I said. There’s no way Mac could understand. He didn’t see the bloody mess he made of that chicken, he didn’t see Fluttershy bawling her eyes out. He didn’t see the knife in his boot. He doesn’t know what the human’s capable of doing. I bit my tongue, and stared down into my food. It’s up to me to make sure Apple Bloom is safe, and I gotta protect the farm as well as everypony working on it. He settled back down, with a newly formed sandwich on his plate. We all sat there, eating in tense silence.  His hands were shaking, I realized, but he didn’t seem distressed in the least. He still had that wily look in his eyes. Big Mac just sat there munching lazily on some hay. Finally the somepony spoke out. “Ahm done!” Apple Bloom called out in a sing song voice, and began trotting off to talk to some of the younger ponies. Her plate was clean, save a conspicuous bulb of anise still on her plate. I caught her before she got too far and pointed to the last vegetable on her plate. “Yer a growin’ filly, and ya need to eat all of yer vegetables. Not just hay n’ apples.” “Ah, come on AJ! Anise is gross!” She wrinkled her nose in disgust. “That jus means its good for yah. Now, ah won’t let you leave till you eat yer anise.” She her eyes welled up, and her lip started to quiver. Not this again... “Ms. Apple Bloom, would you like some fennel instead of anise? It’s very similar, except a bit better tasting. More licorice-y.” What? “But they’re the same—” I protested. I was cut off by a shushing from the human. “Ah love licorice! Can ah get the fennel Big Mac? Can I? Can I?” Apple Bloom shouted. Big Mac suppressed a smile, and nodded his head curtly. The human took her plate with a smile, and said, “I’ll be right back with some fennel for you, Ms. Apple Bloom.”  He began walking back to the food table. Apple Bloom was just beaming, and talking non stop to Big Mac about everything she learned at school about him. She seemed to forget how I almost took her right out of school when I saw that thing. Only thing that changed my mind was that he was still crippled back then, and Cheerilee knows how to take care of herself, and her students. Still she definitely spit her bit.  Something was fishy about this whole thing. I trotted after him, and saw him draw out the knife out of his boot. I froze, and looked around. There weren’t any ponies around to be stabbing, except for me. He looked at me briefly;  I gulped, and took a battle stance. If I was going down, I was going down fighting. But he sighed, turned back to the plate, and began slicing up the bulb of anise. Okay, at this point, I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I rose up, and observed him. Was he poisoning the food? Shoving needles in it? All the while he was just slicing up the anise, and whistling the same song he was singing earlier. He seemed to be painfully aware of my presence, and his whistling slowly died down. Eventually, I spoke up. “Mr. Human?” “Yes, Ms. Applejack?” “Remember when ah told you ‘no funny business’?” “I do.” He didn’t look up from his work, but only started slicing harder. “This right here counts as funny business.” I glared at him. “What do you mean to be doing by lying to my sister, and buttering her up with all that fancy talk of yours? Pretending to be all polite might work on some ponies, but it sure as hay won’t fool me!” He didn’t answer right away. He just kept on chopping, and staring right at bulb. “Anise has two names, does it not?” “Ah guess.” “And you want your sister to eat her vegetables?” “What’re you trying to say here?” He finally looked up at me and gave a mirthless smile. “Ms. Applejack, I think your sister would find her vegetables a little more palatable given a different identity.” Are we still talking about vegetables? He stopped cutting, and showed the plate to me. “Look, nothing wrong with it, Just now that the fennel is chopped up, see?” “Ah guess... and I ain’t a Miss. I’m just Applejack, got it?” “Alright Applejack, whatever you say.” He slid the knife with the butterfly on the handle back into his boot, and walked over to present the new “fennel” to Apple Bloom, to which she graciously accepted. We again sat in silence while Apple Bloom ate, and the human finished his sandwich.  “Mr. Human?” “Please, call me Jerry.” “All right, Jerry. What was that weird human song you were singing out in the field? About Celestia, and flying around. Humans can’t fly. It doesn’t make a mite of sense. Is it one of them nonsense rhymes?” He chuckled. “Who says humans can’t fly?” I looked at him flatly. “Ah do. Cause ya aint got wings.” He pretended to examine his back. “I suppose you’re right.” Apple Bloom let out a guffaw, and the human seemed fairly amused by his own joke. “It’s a song we sung a lot back at my town’s church.” “What’s a church?” Apple Bloom asked. A nostalgic smile spread across his face. “It’s what a community is anchored around. A pastor runs it, helps his community by giving guidance, and helping everyone help one another. I was going to actually be a man of god, before I ended up here.” Apple Bloom wrinkled her nose in confusion. “But you aren’t a jelly fish.” “Just an expression. I was going to be the pastor for my church.” Big Mac’s curiosity was piqued, inspiring him to contribute to the conversation. “Seems like a nice place, ah reckon. How come you left yer pack of humans to come here?” “I didn’t really mean to.. I went for a walk, got a little lost in the forest, and wound up here. In Equestria, I think it’s called?” “So you just walked into Equestria?” I cocked an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.” “Which is a big ole island?” The human gave a shrug. “All I know is I’m not going back into that forest anytime soon.” Something’s really fishy. A carnivorous animal that doesn’t know how it got here? This reeks of Discord. We ought to get this thing packed away in the Everfree forest. Or the Neighvarro frontier. Really any place that’s not here. Grannie Smith jangled the bell again, and we all got up to resume our work for the day. For the fifth day in a row, I awoke before the sun rose. In the quiet of the dawn, I rolled out of bed. Woke up Apple Bloom, filled two bowls with oats, gulped down the oats, and made our way outside. Count the ponies. Flitter didn’t come back. We had no pegasi left anymore. There were a hoofull of other ponies missing; Carrot Top, and Colgate, to name a few. Go up to the human, tell him to mind the funny business. I went up to Big Mac.  “I hope yer happy. That precious human of yours scared off our only pegasus. This human better be scarecrowing double time today.” “AJ, What do you hear?” I perked my ears up. Heard general murmurings of ponies. Melody going off about his chickens or something, The human explaining something to Lyra. I wrinkled my nose disdainfully. It was like the two were drawn to each other like magnets. Still, it seemed there was something absent from the scene. The ponies chattering, the wind blowing... “The birds! Ah can’t hear any birds!” “Guess our scarecrow scared em off fer good.” “Does that mean we can send him home? And he doesn’t need to ever come back?” “Nope. We need him to fill in fer all the ponies missing. We need every bit of help we can get today.” “Has it occurred to you Big Mac, that maybe these ponies aren’t coming back because that human is scarin’ them away?” “Let him. Ah’ll bet he can do the work of ten ponies sorting apples. The way ah see it, all these ponies not coming back are just saving us money. So long as no pony else leaves on account of him, We should have more than enough labor to finish the harvest.” Macintosh went over to explain the new work situation to the human, leaving me silently grumbling. I surveyed each field. The few ponies on each were hard at work. Seems like the useless ones had weeded themselves out, leaving only the dyed in the wool, grit-in-your-hooves farm ponies. As much as I hated to admit it, Big Mac, was sort of right. Despite the absence of at least a dozen ponies, the same amount of work was getting done. I stepped into the South field, where the human was supposed to be working. A good quarter of the field was already picked, a few carts full of Red Delicious waiting to be pulled over to the shipping tent.  And sure enough, there was Lyra, with a big ole grin on, standing by a bucket of apples. Apples were flying at her, and she caught each one with her magic, and lowered it into the bucket. I looked up to see where the apples were coming from. Sure as sugar, there was the human picking apples, and tossing them at Lyra. He still seemed pale in his cheeks, but he was chuckling, enjoying the little sport he and Lyra made of the precious crop. “Lyra!” I shouted. I broke her concentration, and an apple skewered itself on her horn. The human stopped his picking and was now looked guiltily at me. All these crazy antics weren’t accomplishing anything, except slowing the work and bruising the apples. “Yall stop horsing around, and pick the apples the right way! Lyra, you grab em with magic, and the human carries them back.” Lyra knocked the apple off her horn, and then trotted over to me. She wrote something in that notepad of hers, and showed it to me. Jerry is having trouble carrying the apples, so we decided that we should pick all the apples together, then we both carry them back. “Whaddaya mean he’s having trouble? And that doesn’t change the fact you two were more interested in horseplay than the harvest. ” “Applejack, this is my fault. What with my arm having just healed, coupled with the fact that I haven’t been feeling very well, I don’t have all that much energy for lifting. I think Lucky’s starting to notice.” I looked to Lyra sympathetically. “Just stay focused on getting the work done, okay sugarcube?” Then I turned to the human. “And no—” “No funny business? Got it “ “Somepony’s learning.” I sat down with Big Mac and Apple Bloom, and set my plate down. Thank Celestia that he decided sit with Lyra today. Still, I couldn’t get a single bit of peace of mind, with that human hanging around. After letting Apple Bloom ramble on for awhile, I asked her why the human had two names. “Ah dunno. He didn’t really explain it. Can ah go and ask him about his church?” “No.” “Aww....” She nudged the food on her plate. “Ya know, This fennel stuff tastes an awful lot like anise.” I spotted Jerry scraping off some food from his plate for Winona. She really seems to have taken a liking to him. Usually she’s the one to go barking at any dangerous creature, but here she is licking his hand, and letting him scratch her ears. It seemed like Winona was spending just as much time with him as Lyra. She hardly comes up to me, cept when I call her. I walked up to them. “Hey, how’s my girl doing?” She yipped happily, and I patted her head. Jerry looked up at me. “Hey, Applejack, Lyra and I are sorry that we were goofing off in the field. I know you have a deadline with this, and we should be productive as possible.” I was a little taken aback. While most of the ponies here were just doing the work for the bits, he seemed to want to prove something to everypony. He was one of the few hired ponies that were taking pride in their ethic. “Well, it’s fine I guess, just don’t let it happen again.” I took a glance back at Apple Bloom and she looked expectantly back. “Mr. Jerry?” I couldn’t believe what I was about to say. “Apple Bloom wanted to ask you a question or two about your thingy-ma-bobber.” “My what?” “You know, your human convention place.” “You mean church?” “Somethin’ like that. Anyhoo, why don’t you and Lyra sit with us, and you and Apple Bloom can chat a while.” He smiled. “That would be lovely.” Lyra and him got up and transferred tables. There were a few grumbles as the three of walked back to the center table. “Apple Bloom is quite the inquisitive spirit, isn’t she?” “I guess that what Cheerilee keeps on telling us.” We sat down at the main table, much to Pokey’s chagrin, who scooted away from Jerry as much as possible and shot me a dirty look. I couldn’t quite blame him though. Apple Bloom wasted no time in bombarding the human with questions. Big Mac nodded approvingly at me. Lyra tapped me on the shoulder, showing me her notebook. Thank you for inviting me and Jerry over.  she added a smiley face underneath her text. “Heh heh, don’t mention it.” I was doing my best to ignore the chorus of murmurs and complaints rising up from the other ponies. Maybe if I show the other ponies I’m actually giving him a chance, they’ll ease up on him. “So, Mr. Jerry, how are you liking Equestria so far?”             He broke off from his conversation with Apple Bloom and turned to me. “Well, there’s no place like home, that’s for sure. But of all the places to be stuck, this isn’t the worst, even if I started on the wrong foot. Er, hoof.” He took a bite of his food, apparently, he started bringing his own forks and spoons. “You know, this corn hash is really great. Send my compliments to the chef.” “That’d be Grannie Smith, and our su chef, Apple Bloom” Big Mac said. “Ah cut the corn all by myself!” Apple Bloom chirped. Jerry ate another spoonful. “It’s like my mom used to make. Y’know, this’d be really good with some country fried steak.” My jaw dropped. Did he just say that aloud?   As soon as the words left his mouth he smacked his hand over his mouth in shock.  I heard Pokey gasp. Immediately the murmur of conversation was gone; it was so quiet, you could a ladybug yawn. A plate crashed to the ground that nobody bothered to pick up. I dangered a look around and winced. Every single pony was staring at him, mouth agape. you could almost read their thoughts on their faces. Carnivore. Murderer. Cannibal. Not only did he eat cows, but he knew ways to cook them. Lyra looked almost as panicked as the human. Even Big Mac was at a loss of words. Only Apple Bloom sat, brow furrowed. Finally, she broke the silence. “Steaks. Ya mean the things you put in the ground?”