The Rule of Fives
“So, Twilight, what’s the deal? Why hasn’t Soarin’ turned back into stallion like everypony else?” Rainbow Dash asked, looking puzzled.
“I still don’t have an answer.” Twilight said, looking worried and a bit puzzled herself.
“It isn’t so bad.” Soarin’ said. “Dash and I are at least getting to have a bit of mare on mare fun. And that’s been nice. So I can’t complain too much.”
“Ugh.” Twilight groaned. “I didn’t want to know that.”
“You’re one to talk Twilight!” Rainbow retorted. “Or should I start calling you Mrs. Lulamoon?”
Twilight glared at Rainbow fiercely. “If anything, she would be Mrs. Sparkle.”
Rainbow rubbed her head with her hoof. “Sorry Twilight. I’m a little stressed. I was being a jerk.”
“Really, being a mare isn’t so bad. Less drag at high speed, if you know what I mean.” Soarin’ said, grinning wickedly.
“Yeah, actually I do know exactly what you mean Soarin’. Flying with… Well, you know, was tough. The wind tugs at it something awful.”
“You’re like the most understanding mare in the world.” Soarin’ said.
“I dunno Soarin’, I think after everything that has happened, both sexes are a lot more understanding of one another. I mean, look around you. The whole world is changing. Everypony is being a lot nicer to one another and trying to communicate their needs. Things are changing. This has been a good thing.” Rainbow Dash smiled. “Plus, you’re learning a lot about oral sex and what it takes to satisfy.”
Soarin’ blushed. “I never thought it was so complicated.”
“The world certainly has changed. At least Ponyville has. We are all a lot more aware of what sets us all off and the little things we do that drive one another crazy. And ponies are a lot more appreciative of one another.” Twilight Sparkle commented.
“Funny, but without meaning to, Discord made the world a better place. Who would have thought that would have happened? I mean, think about everything over the past month or so.” Rainbow said.
“Cadance, I’m still a mare.” Shining whined. “Why am I still a mare? And I think I am dying.” Shining lamented.
Cadance cradled her husband close, snuggling him on the couch. “I don’t know what is wrong Shiny, but I have contacted Twilight. There are still a number of stallions who are stuck as mares."
“Cadance, I am so needy. All my emotions are so weird. How do you live like this? I am either ridiculously happy or on the verge of crying. And I can’t stop craving chocolate.” Shining said. “Do you still find me attractive?”
Cadance sighed.
“You don’t, do you, I knew it!” Shining Armor’s eyes began to tear over.
Cadance sighed again. Was she really this frustrating? At times, Cadance supposed, she was. She stared at Shining for several minutes before kissing him silently on the nose as he sniffled.
“My teats are sore and I keep cramping down there! This is unbearable!” Shining whined. “And my bladder is so small. I keep having to pee every five minutes. And I used to fuss at you for the same problem and now I am doing it myself and I have been such a horrible husband.” Shining Armor began to sob, tears streaming from his eyes, leaving dark wet drops on the couch. Shining Armor burst from the couch and ran into the bathroom, his hooves clopping on the floor.
Cadance heard the sound of Shining Armor losing his breakfast and felt a pang of worry. She hoped that Twilight would figure out what was wrong soon.
It wasn’t so bad having Shining Armor as a mare, Cadance reflected. He was a lot cuddlier now. He needed snuggle time just as much as she did, to be held, stroked, cuddled, and appreciated. And they spent a lot of time doing that now. It was pleasant. He had tried to be attentive before, and he was, as far as husbands went, he was pretty good, but Shining Armor understood now, and that made a difference. Mares had needs, and Shining Armor was getting to experience first hand just what those needs were.
Cadance had also learned that stallions had needs. She had made a silent vow to herself to always, always think back upon the day she was a stallion and what it had felt like. How badly her needs caused her to ache. How difficult it was to concentrate. How irresistible Shining Armor was and how much self control she had to exert later on when they had finally ventured out of their bedchambers. Shining Armor clearly had more self control than she did, and she knew that now. And she felt a great deal of appreciation for his constant gentle care and patience. He had certainly treated her better than she had treated him. The whole situation had left Cadance a little shaken in her confidence, a little confused, and more than a little ashamed. As the Goddess of Love, she had learned a couple of very valuable lessons. She had placed her own need to be satisfied ahead of Shining Armor’s needs, something she swore she would never do again.
“What?”
It was a question and a demand.
“What do you mean I am pregnant?” Windburn said.
“Just what I said.” Replied the doctor. “You are with foal.”
“But I am a stallion.” Windburn retorted with a snort.
“Maybe at one time, but right now, you are a mare.” The doctor replied.
“I don’t understand.” Windburn said.
“How do you want me to explain it? Didn’t your parents teach you about these things?” The doctor said impatiently.
There was a strangled gasp from the third pony in the room.
“So you are telling me that a foal is going to come squirting out of my plot?” Windburn asked.
“In about ten months or so, yes.” The doctor replied.
“I am going to be a father?!”
The doctor nodded.
“And I am going to be a mother…” Windburn said, shaking his head.
“I am going to be a father…” Celestia repeated.
The doctor looked annoyed. “Look, what went on between you two was your business, but this is what happens sometimes when two ponies go cavorting not so innocently and making the beast with six legs or two backs.”
“Oh by the sun! Luna cavorted with her guard!” Celestia screamed.
Zecora eyed her new housemate, who was eyeing her back over a cup of tea. Iron Will was still a cow… And it was the cause of much concern for both of them. They had become quite close. Iron Will was shockingly different now that Zecora had rode the bucking bull and tamed him. She… He… Zecora couldn’t tell any more… was really rather quiet, shy, and well mannered. Excellent company really.
They sat, drinking tea and eating oatmeal together. As it turned out, they both loved blueberries in their oatmeal, one of the many things they had in common.
“Finish up, it is time to screw… Hop in my bed, and I’ll make you moo.” Zecora rhymed teasingly, taking a bite of oatmeal.
Iron Will downed his tea in a long swallow and licked his lips.
“If a pony wants to make you shiver, than their promise they must deliver.” Iron Will said demurely.
“I woke up in the mood for beef… But I must ask that you do not queef.” Zecora tittered coquettishly, her eyes gleaming wickedly.
Iron Will blushed. “If a pony makes you blush, you must tell them they need to hush!”
Zecora smiled and took the last bite of her oatmeal.
“Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight struggled to open her eyes. Trixie stood by the bed, looking mildly panicked.
“What Trixie?” Twilight mumbled.
“Trixie has been a very naughty filly and may require some detention.” Trixie said in a low voice.
“Trixie, is the sun up yet?” Twilight asked. “No detention until the sun is up. And I’ve had coffee. And you fix me breakfast.”
“No Twilight… Trixie is in trouble!” Trixie murmured, now in a near panic.
“Trixie, I decide when you are in trouble. Now come to bed.” Twilight begged. “It’s cold without you. And I like waking up next to blue things.”
“Twilight Sparkle, Trixie Lulamoon is with foal.” Trixie said hesitantly.
“Oh.” Twilight said, nearly dozing off.
“OH WHAT THE HELLO?” Twilight said, sitting up, her eyes flying wide open. “TRIXIE HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE? WE ARE BOTH MARES!”
“Except that one time.” Trixie said. “You know… Where you made Trixie write that Trixie was a bad filly on the chalkboard and paddled me for using the third pony with a yardstick.” Trixie fanned herself with her hoof, flushing, nearly turning purple, her red blush mixing with her blue pelt. Trixie crawled into bed with Twilight Sparkle and cuddled close to her, pushing her down upon the bed, and covering them both up with a blanket.
“Trixie is a little worried.” Trixie confessed.
Twilight pulled Trixie close and comforted her. “I’ll go easy on you in detention.” Twilight promised, burying her face into something blue. It was nice cuddling a pony and not feeling like there was a whiskey bottle trapped between you.
“Trixie peed on a stick and was very, very surprised. And I am the Pregnant and Foal Bearing Trixie. And I feel very, very confused.” Trixie whispered.
“Discord… Eris… made a mess. Trixie, we’re all confused. I fell in lust with you as a stallion and now I love you as a mare. And everything is all weird and I don’t know how to tell Rainbow Dash and Soarin’ that Soarin’ is going to have a foal and nothing in the world makes sense right now.” Twilight said, her voice tickling Trixie and causing her to squirm.
“You love me?” Trixie said, her tone surprised.
“I suppose I do. I’ll love you more if you let me go back to sleep for a few hours.” Twilight yawned, stretching out her jaw.
“Twilight Sparkle?” Trixie asked.
“What?” Twilight groaned.
“After Trixie has your foal, can you make Trixie a stallion so you can have Trixie’s foal?” Trixie inquired in a small faint voice.
“If you promise to let me go back to sleep, then yes.” Twilight grumbled.
“Sleep then Twilight Sparkle.” Trixie cooed softly.
Discord strolled through town, walking on his hind legs, enjoying the sun and whistling to himself as he went. It was great to be back to normal. He was back in his body again. He strolled, his tail swishing from side to side, carrying thirteen rainbow coloured roses under one foreleg and a package tied with a big bow under the other.
Discord strutted.
It was good to be back.
Ponies stopped and waved at him hesitantly. Discord smiled back, grinning broadly. He strutted and whistled, shaking his hips in an odd feminine fashion as he walked, a trait left over from his time trapped as Eris. But now, he was Discord.
Eventually, he reached his destination, and knocked upon the door.
“Who is it?” A quiet voice called out.
“Discord.” Discord replied.
The door opened and Fluttershy peered out, looking scared and nervous. “I’m so so sorry for what I did, please forgive me, I feel so awful.”
“My dearest Fluttershy, I forgave you the other day, and the day before that, and then many, many times before.”
“But I can’t live with what I’ve done. It is so embarrassing.” Fluttershy squealed. “And I hate that I enjoyed it so much.” Fluttershy paused and looked at him. “You’re normal!”
“Yeah I am!” Discord chuckled. “Can I come in?”
“Do you feel safe coming in? I’m a monster…” Fluttershy whispered.
Discord pushed his way in, pausing once to kiss Fluttershy lightly upon her head, causing her to squeak in protest. “These are for you.” Discord said, placing the rainbow roses into a vase and conjuring up some water.
“Oh… Thank you. I don’t deserve those.” Fluttershy protested.
“And this is also for you.” Discord said, holding out the package wrapped in silver paper and tied with a large bow.
“Oh no, Discord, I couldn’t accept it. It wouldn’t be proper, not after what I did.” Fluttershy cried.
“I must insist.” Discord said solemnly, all traces of humour now gone.
“Okay.” Fluttershy squeaked.
She sat down upon her haunches and pulled the box close. It was heavy. She carefully pulled the ribbon, untying the bow, and carefully placed the ribbon on the floor next to her. She pressed a hoof to the lid, pausing as she did so, and looked up at Discord. “Whatever this is, I don’t deserve it. What I did was awful, just awful.”
“Open it.” Discord said gently, now smiling faintly.
Fluttershy lifted the lid off of the box and looked in. She gasped, her breath panicking and fleeing from her lungs, leaving her breathless and unable to squeak.
Inside the box were five eggs.
“Surprise!” Shouted Discord. “I made them myself! Well, I had your help, but look what we did!”
Fluttershy fainted dead away, leaving Discord to stand there cackling all by himself.
The end. For now. Maybe.
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Haha! The world is only gonna change more.
You have to do all those couples, especially Celestia, Luna and the guards
More. Please?
4250732
No no no no no please no.
Not Celestia, Luna, and the guards.
Think about the title of the chapter and how many eggs there are.
Please, have mercy.
do the squeals this was hilarious
..
Do a sequel of how all the babies are doing. And what happened to meh precious Derptor?
4250740 you could do both....Discord/Fluttershy and the Princesses/guards
4250778
The end was all about five couples.
Derpy had a lovely time spitting the doctor, don't worry.
And yes, every character in this story that engaged in making the beast with six legs was affected by Eris' curse.
Even Time Turner...
4250790 I know Doctor was a mare. That was in Ch2-3 right?
4250782
Too many characters... Luna tagged a dozen guards. Do some math!
Ugh, no. I just can't juggle that many characters!
Have mercy on me!
all for the sequel! all ponies!
4250802
No. You don't understand.
Eris cursed everypony who had sex. Everypony pregnant is currently carrying quints. Five eggs at the end of the chapter was a hint, get it? The rule of fives... Now do five foals for each couple and then about, oh, sixty foals for Luna because she tagged a dozen or so guards. I just can't juggle that many characters.
4250822 Please? I'd use a Luna emoticon, but they don't make them...
4250834
Just naming all of them.
I mean, think about it. I can't get all of them in one story.
4250860 Ok then, I'd just go with Fluttercord, Soardash, Twixie, CelestiaxGuard. That's about it.
4250881
That is TWENTY foals right there.
Do you have any idea how difficult it would be to juggle that many characters plus all of the other characters, IE, the parents?
Impossible!
**Faints**
4250897 Umm, timeskip? Use kids only, about CMC age?
Yez, sequel! Doo et! Have a different chapter for each couple, and perhaps a paragraph or two at the end of each about Luna's plight at being a baby-daddy-mommy... I dunno, for the entirety of her guard.
moremoremoremoremore!
4250740 Sorry. All outta mercy....
Go-Go Gadget Sequel!
Se-qual-de-doo-da! Se-qual-de-day! Discord and fluttershy bucked the night away!
you don't have to make every character have 5 children, in fact that would be incredibly hard on the ponies, as usually ponies only have one child. I say you use the rule of 5 to say that a number divisible by 5 is the number of pregnant 'mares' and then give us a sequel! Of couse it's your story, so do as you please. I thoroughly enjoyed this and wouldn't mind reading more
And I find nearly everypony talking about math??
...Anyways, though scary, I braved it...
I think this was interesting, considering and not, and pretty creative...
^_^... Yes, something like that.
4250991
The Rule of Fives is a hard and fast rule.
Plus, it is a play on words... A pun if you will, as I am a Discordian Punslinger, about the effect of five foals on a parent's life.
The rule of five little tyrants.
Zecora and Iron Will would be the worst one to write.
4250822 Well yous are fucked! Plus you wrote it so you wrote your own grave!
4251049
Well, crap.
**Grabs Cloudburst my chromebook and goes and lays down in a grave.**
I like it here.
4251056 Is there room for two?
4251067
I don't know. That depends.
4251078 On what?
4251082
A variety of factors. A coffin is close quarters.
Sooo... Derpy's gonna be a mom... and a kinda dad? I suppose that the Doctor can at least regenearte back into a stallion... although going on current evidence in his past regenerations the odds aren't in his favor.
4251089 Hmmmm we could add an upstairs to it and a basement. But thats all up to you.
4251098
No, after the birth, magic will restore and make things normal.
4251103
It is more of a Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle waking up with a whiskey bottle between them sort of scenario. Coffins are cramped quarters. Trust me, I actually know.
4251112 Meh I woken up in a few of those before. Thank god no one died. I still don't know how that car got stuck on the roof without bringing down the house though.
4251491
Classic sense of arrogance. You can do no wrong...
PLEASE make a sequel!
definitely want to see Dishy's kids.
I knew from the first couple of lines that the stallions stuck as mares were pregnant.
If I had emotions I would laugh.
~Signed the NobodyMare or TheMareThatNeverWas
Normally I favorite a story after I read it but this... this is going into the favorites right away.
4251164 *wishful thinker
4247251
Comedy covers wide territory. Bad puns to dead baby jokes. Fart Jokes and dick jokes. Repetition makes all of them stale. I don't care if it is part of comedy, about the 4th time I'm bored of the same joke.
sequal with all of them a collection maby
I added this to my favourites expecting a short story I could laugh at and leave. However you've given me a brilliantly comedic I story that can't get enough off that I desperately want more. Bravo author bravo. Now. Give me more!
Ahahahahaha
That ending was freaking amazing. I'd love to read about Discord and Flutters trying to raise a bunch of draconesomethings. 
Five little Discords... oh my!
*Chanting* SEQUEL! SEQUEL!
4250998
I have to admit, that the concept is interesting, but I am imaging the spontaneous population growth that such a rule would ensue. I'm assuming that Discord / Eris' magic spread through the entirety of Equestria. You're talking about thousands of possible foals in a world that's in it's early industrial age. The put it very simply they would not be able to feed that many foals and wars would break out, now I know Discord likes chaos, but isn't that a bit much for him even?
Also the combination of Zecora and Iron Will certainly would be hard to write, I can't even write Zecora, so I tend to leave her entirely out of stories.
Also you stated yourself that the amount of characters your creating with your rule would be nearly impossible to keep up with, I certainly agree, I have a high IQ, and I'd need a notebook to keep up with just the characters that would have to be mentioned in a true sequel using 'the rule of five'.
Just my personal opinion though, I do look forward to reading more if you continue the story.
oh, and Suggestions for Discord and Fluttershy's kids:
Treachery
Greed
Malice
Gloom
Deceit