• Member Since 26th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 2 hours ago


She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.


Smirk, a young unicorn mare from Vanhoover, comes to Princess Celestia to ask a question.

A questionable question. The sort of question that gets one tossed out of society.

Of course, Princess Celestia has an answer.

An entry in the Weedverse.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 55 )

I like Raven's reaction to the cutie mark. Like someone looking at a great new toy. Great story! Looking forward to the further adventures.

You may be able to get more with a kind word and a shiv to the back, but Celestia always likes to try the kind word first.

The paragraphs that start with Hesitant and Put have a stray quotation mark at the end.

So where does the line between guarding people on the road and 'escort mission's get drawn?

Celestia recommends the first but not the second.

The roads between cities are perilous and travellers are always in need of protection. Walking the roads and offering help to those in need is a great way to begin a career in adventuring.

Perhaps it is a bit like the difference between zone and man on man in basketball?

I would like to see more of Smirk. I not completely read up on all the stories right now, so I don't know exactly where she might appear. Doesn't mean I won't keep and eye out for her.

Agree with the reactions here I like Ravens reaction to Smirk's cutie mark.

Rough guess as to where she'll be next seen: The Underwatch?

Celestia knows that Paragon gets you the most War Assets down the line. Mostly because they involve phoning everyone who ever owed you a favor, and most renegade interactions don't leave survivors.

And Celestia does indeed have sage advice here, as on all things.

Idk, but I guess now you've got your rogue for your bbeg dungeon now.

Good girl smirk.... Now roll for initiative.

Her name even feels like it fits with her upcoming party.


Deliver the kind word while they don't know you've got the back of their head in the crosshairs.

Canterlot has Rodents of Unusual Size?

ROUSes? I don't believe they exist.

Ah, a fellow of culture. Also, YES.

Turns out the real villains are the gerbils!!!

9001655. Very unusual size, intelligence and nastiness.

Smart folks should be able to figure out where she'll be seen next.

If you've seen Smirk, it's already too late for you. That's generally the way it goes in the skullduggery business.


Escort missions you're stuck with the escort.

Clearing out a road, well...you can go at your own pace and it's not a mission fail if you end up using the best weapon most new adventurers have.

A high flee speed.

Smirk will return in The Underwatch.

Smirk's talent of Skullduggery is all about subtlety and misdirection. The Underwatch are competent and cunning but you would never call them subtle.

The phrase "cloak and dagger" can mean anything from mystery to espionage. Besides, it's not as if a group of people can't allow new members who aren't exactly the same type of person that they are...

Sounds like a good reason to add some subtlety to their tool kit. A good adventuring party is well rounded!

It's always rats for the new associates. Is it some initiation test or something? :rainbowlaugh:

So, fresh meat for the Underwatch?

In response, Princess Celestia’s solemn mien returned in force. “Oh no, you wouldn’t last against those. The rats of Canterlot are quite dangerous

No R.O.U.S. reference? It was the perfect opportunity!

Damn skaven, in pony land as well those greedy bastards.

Dammit Narbon!

edit: I suppose as a pony she's Mad Whimsy II?

No R.O.U.S.'s in Canterlot. They get eaten by the R.O.O.S.'s. Otherwise known as Rodents Of Outrageous Size.

what color is the cloak on her mark?

Smirk winning that contest was fortuitous for someone, though not necessarily for her.

It’s not everyday I get to hear Celestia give out adventuring advice and I’m also surprised at how massive the wilds of Equestria can be.

I just want to thank everyone in the comments for the kind words, I'm feeling like the prettiest unicorn right now.

Oh a theif pony tier !!!! This one has to either hook up with tarnished or flicker nicker maybe even pair of eyes in the dark for gosling the options are endless !!!!!

i did not read the author name before reading the story. I felt surprised to see someone using Weedverse cameos for their tabletop-equestria-rpg-parody oneshot.

I corrected my mistake when the punchline reveal never showed up, and enjoyed the confusion that followed.

Great story! I can't wait to see more of Smirk.:pinkiehappy:

I dunno, you could get a decent sneaking bonus from everyone else being distracted by the chainsaw-wielding maniac.

Smirk vs Dim ‘The Sneer’ Dark

FIGHT! :pinkiecrazy:

:rainbowlaugh: Good set up. Smirk is great, she'll do well down below.

This left me with a smirk ;) Can't wait to see what this troublemaker gets in to!

No offence, but Dim would wipe the floor with Smirk's entrails. Or atleast, he would beat her senseless and then take care of the body neatly for he is not a disgusting primitive.

She'll make a good rogue.

Huh. So just start with standard RPG quests and see what comes your way after you've got a reputation? Neat.

The way that the princess’ brows furrowed left little room for argument, and she learned forward

So is she going to be some sort of spy for the Underwatch?

Neat ... still in the featured list :twilightsmile:

In response, Princess Celestia’s solemn mien returned in force. “Oh no, you wouldn’t last against those. The rats of Canterlot are quite dangerous, and this, this is why we have the Underwatch. No offense, dear, but the rats would eat you for breakfast.” After a deep, calming breath, the princess relaxed a bit, and studied Smirk with a thoughtful expression. “Never take an escort mission, that is, if you can help it. There’s something I learned the hard way from my many years of experience. Escort missions are the worst. Some boneheaded dimwit with a deathwish and no sense of survival… no thanks.” Eyes rolling, she shook her head and snorted with disgust.

I fear the rats now.

At long last, Princess Celestia had something to say, and the corner of her mouth curled upwards into a sneaky, princessly smirk that was awe-inspiring to behold. “Tell me, Smirk… how would you like a job? As it turns out… I have need of an adventurer. It may or may not involve rats in dark places.”

Yes, those rats in dark places.
We ALL know what they REALLY are.
and that's communist leaders of communist countries

OK, Smirk sounds like quite the interesting oc, I'll be keeping my eye out for more stories with her in em.

Looking forward to it with as much excitement as the next chapter of Sunflowers. ^-^

You should. They are undead, invisible, and use magic. Sometimes all at once.

And worse.....they plan.

Login or register to comment