• Published 15th Apr 2014
  • 12,317 Views, 466 Comments

Twilight Sparkle And the Very Confusing Day - kudzuhaiku



Twilight and her friends get together for a sleepover, and Discord wants to join. Twilight insists that the sleepover is mares only. Discord obliges the only way he knows how.

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Chapter 2

“Ooh, it is all veiny and dry looking. Quickly now, somepony help me rub moisturiser on it!” Rarity whined and pleaded. “And it is all hot and throbby right now… This can’t be normal!”

“Oh no!” Rainbow said, streaking away from Rarity, “I’m not helping you rub moisturiser on that. No way.”

“Some friend you are.” Rarity pouted. “Won’t somepony pleeeeeease help me?”

Fluttershy stood and sniffed for a few minutes. Her wings sprang out erect. She let out a low throaty rumbling growl. She took off at a run and bowled over Twilight Sparkle who still stood in the door. Fluttershy was gone. Screams could be heard from outside.

“Spike! Take a letter!” Twilight waited for Spike’s reply. Which did not happen. She facehoofed, remembering she had sent him to Canterlot.

There was anarchy in the streets.

Twilight Sparkle shifted her legs, trying to hide herself from view. It was very embarrassing. All around her, she could smell mares. And mares smelled good.

It was almost impossible to control her own urges. All she could think about was grabbing somepony and… She slapped herself with a hoof.

She thought about waking up with Rainbow Dash and suddenly felt very, very confused.

“Moisturiser!” Rarity squealed behind her. Twilight gritted her teeth. “Somepony help poor Rarity with some moisturiser!” Twilight barked.

“How ‘bout NO!” Applejack retorted.

“Rarity is well hung! She’s practically the spirit of generousity!” Rainbow Dash guffawed.

“Dashie.” Applejack said.

Twilight heard a loud crash and the sounds of Rainbow Dash choking and struggling to breathe.

“Applejack! Watch where you point that thing!” Rainbow cried in alarm.

Twilight Sparkle felt a vein throbbing in her temple.

Pinkie Pie pushed past Twilight Sparkle and went out into the open. “Hey everypony! Look what I can do with my party cannon!” Pinkie exclaimed.

“PINKIE NO!” Twilight commanded. Twilight realised her voice was still the same voice, coming out of very masculine body. She felt a strange feeling of panic.

“D’aw, Twilight, I can make confetti shoot out.” Pinkie Pie pouted.

Twilight snorted, causing a single piece of confetti from earlier to shoot out of her nostril.

“Twilight! Help us! Something is wrong!”

Twilight Sparkle saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders rushing up to her.

“Is my sister still here?” Apple Bloom inquired.

“I’ve got a big problem! Sweetie Belle shouted.

“I’ve got a bigger problem!” Scootaloo added.

“And my problems the biggest!” Apple Bloom said proudly.

Twilight Sparkle facehoofed several times.

“Girls, go inside the library and stay in there. It isn’t safe out here right now.” Twilight was rapidly losing her patience. And her mind.

“Gosh darn, Apple Bloom, if the Apple family don’t grow ‘em big.” Applejack announced as her sister came in the door.

“Everypony try to stay calm!” Twilight shouted.

Rainbow Dash shot past Twilight, taking to the skies. “I gotta go find Soarin’!” Rainbow cried, streaking off.

“Dash, get back here!” Twilight shouted. But it was too late. Rainbow Dash was gone.


Fluttershy stalked her prey. She couldn’t help it, she had needs. She saw a big red mare. A BIG red mare. And the mare was exceptionally well endowed, gifted with the rare set of exceptionally large pony teats. Fluttershy watched Big McIntosh and licked her lips. Big Mac’s teats hung down past his knees. Her knees. Fluttershy couldn’t tell any more, and didn’t care.

“Oh hi there Big Mac.” Fluttershy said in sultry tones.

Big Mac looked terrified.

“Are you scared of little old me?” Fluttershy said, tittering and hiding her mouth behind a hoof.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac replied.

“Oh, you shouldn’t be.” Fluttershy said. “Don’t you trust me?”

“Eenope.” Big Mac replied.

“Oh, but I am weak.” Fluttershy said.

“Eenope.” Big Mac said, looking even more worried.

“And I am helpless.” Fluttershy said seductively.

“Eenope!” Big Mac shouted, taking off at a gallop, his teats waving from side to side.

Fluttershy took off in hot pursuit.


Berry Punch wandered around town, trying to figure out what was going on. Something was terribly wrong. She had woke up this morning and what she had saw had sobered her up instantly. Sobriety was a terrible state of being, but doubly so now that she was under so much stress. The world had gone mad. Not only was she stone cold sober, but she had a terrible problem. The scent of mareflesh replaced wine as her favourite smell. All around her, she could smell it. It made her burn with desire. Hot throbbing pulsating desire. For the first morning in most of her adult life, she had woken up and she didn’t want a drink. Other needs were far more pressing.

She turned the corner and saw Thunderlane, backed into a corner by the Flower Power Gang, Roseluck, Daisy, and Lily Valley. They were talking sweetly and seductively to him, making him promises, begging him to hold still. Thunderlane must have remembered he / she had wings at some point, because he / she flew away, leaving the Flower Power Gang grunting in frustration.

Berry Punch saw Raindrops taking off after Thunderlane, pleading for him to slow down. She? Berry Punch couldn’t tell.

She trotted under a window at Sugarcube Corner, and heard Mr. and Mrs. Cake going at it. Clearly, some ponies were making the most of the odd situation.


Celestia arose to raise the sun that morning, only to find something else was raised. She sat for several minutes staring at the tentpole protruding up from the blankets. This was certainly awkward. The slightest movement causes the blanket to rub along the tip, creating a most terrible horrible delightful wonderful sensation.

And Celestia felt a powerful sense of confusion as she lay there blinking and trying to figure out how to face the day.

There was a knock at the door.

“Your Majesty, are you, uh, forgive me for asking, decent?”

“Enter.” Celestia commanded.

Her captain was now a mare. Celestia felt confused. And intrigued.

Captain Windburn stared at the tent pole rising up in the middle of the blanket, saying nothing, trying to look away.

“Captain, we have a problem.” Celestia said in a careful controlled monotone.

Windburn nodded, saying nothing, gulping, still having her gaze drawn back to the bulge rising several feet out of Celestia’s blankets.

“I seem to have a very large problem.” Celestia calmly commented, seemingly very pleased with herself. “Sol Invictus has risen to power.”

The captain nodded. “There is a larger problem… Your Majesty.”

“There is a larger problem? Celestia said in disbelief.

Windburn nodded and licked nervous lips.

“Do tell.” Celestia said.

“The Princess Luna rampages, frolicking with the willing guard. She, well, His Majesty actually has a much larger problem.”

“HOW?” Celestia bellowed in Ye Olde Canterlotian.

“Uh, my guess is, Goddess, er, God of the Moon, who controls the spheres of fertility.” Windburn said, very distractedly. “The guard are very competitive, many have tried to see who can take it all in, nopony yet has managed.”

“Captain, you are aware of your duties and privileges of being a captain of the guard, correct?” Celestia said softly. “The old laws and traditions. In the books covered in dust.”

Captain Windburn nodded fearfully.

“I may require your services if I am to raise the sun. There is no way I could concentrate with this.” Celestia made a circular gesture with her hoof as she spoke. “I’ll try to be gentle, but I make no promises.”


Big Mac sought refuge in the library. He told a terrifying story of being chased by a visibly aroused butter yellow pegasus that was no longer shy, but wily and dangerous. He had escaped, just barely, with both his dignity and his fresh marehood intact.

And Twilight Sparkle was having trouble concentrating, The sway of the teats was most distracting. And Big Mac certainly looked…

“Girls, we must go stop Fluttershy. Applejack, bring rope. Rarity, I am going to need your help. Pinkie Pie, you too. Big Mac, you stay here and watch the Crusaders.” Twilight commanded.

“They keep staring at my teats. I feel so dirty and embarrassed.” Big Mac mumbled.

“Big Mac, I keep staring at your teats. And I feel dirty and embarrassed.” Twilight admitted.

The library door burst open. Rumble came running in. “Help me! Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon keep chasing me!”

“Oh hi Rumble!” Scootaloo said excitedly.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaargh!” Rumble screamed.

“Big Mac, keep an eye on them and make them behave.” Twilight said, feeling a brief moment of pity for Rumble. He made for an adorable little filly. “Come on girls.”

Twilight and her friends left the library and went into the anarchy on the streets of Ponyville.


Cheerilee waited, watching Twilight and her friends leave. She could be patient. She had needs though. She had trailed Big Mac and had watched him run into the library. She ran forward and banged on the door.

“Go away!”

“Big Mac, let me in, I am so scared and alone out here!” Cheerilee shouted.

“I bet.” Big Mac said, noncommittally.

“So will you let me in?” Cheerilee begged.

“Eenope.” Big Mac answered.

“Why not?” Cherilee pleaded.

“There are foals in here.” Bic Mac replied.

“Class is in session then…. We can teach them all about the birds and the bees.” Cheerilee said.

“Ee-that might be nice. But eenope.” Bic Mac said.

“Aaaw please?” Cheerilee said, banging on the door. “This is a public library. You have to let me in, so let me in right now, this instant!” Cheerilee insisted.

“Let me out!” Rumble cried, banging on the other side of the door. “I look at Apple Bloom and I feel like I am less of a colt!”

Cheerilee let out a hot and bothered grunt of frustration. She would have to relieve her tensions elsewhere.

Author's Note:

Somepony help Rarity apply moisturiser for crying out loud.

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