• Member Since 4th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Kaliann25


E

Is 2025, year of the MMO-RPG of Virtual Reality. Two gamers named Asuna Yuuki and Kazuto Kirigaya start a new game called Legends of Equestria thinking is just a game, but probably is much more.

Twilight, as the new Princess, has to deal with the visit of the two warriors Kirito the Black Swordsman and the Flash Asuna. Are they friends or perhaps a new threat to the Ponykind? And why they call her an NPC? What's the truth about them?

This is a translated version you guys, my original is posted in Spanish, my mother language. If you speak Spanish you can find the original

here.

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 133 )

I ought to warn you, with story formatting like this you're going to be facing a storm of down votes. I suggest you start by getting rid of the extra exclamation marks and looking for missing periods and commas.

This can be a good story and a very good SAO crossover

i've been trying to do an SAO story because they so little of them and i like the anime and this brings it up to three and like and fav

I agree with 3464971 when looking for errors. One of which I noticed right at the beginning as the use of a semi-colon instead of a comma.
Also you should change "Ursa Mayor" to "Ursa Major." Last time I checked Canterlot didn't have a bear as a mayor, just screwing with you there :twilightblush: .
I liked when SAO when it came out and this does have potential to be good, just remember to do a little double check on your work before you hit "publish" on your next chapter.

Uh. This looks alright, but... Do you need an editor, or something? I usually only edit two ongoing stories at a time, but one of them is being rather inactive. I can edit this, if you want. Just PM me if you're interested.

really good if a bit choppy not to bad

Hm...

I haven't watched much SAO, but somehow Asuna and Kirito seem a bit out of character.

Exactly how much time has passed in these four chapters? They've become awfully infamous awfully quickly.

Aside from these oddities, the story's interesting so far.

3479721 yes they seem to be less kind and doing stuff or saying that they wouldn't really do

Yes sao, my wonderful anime

.... i just gonna say that because i liked MOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Editing is a must.
Example: I think you meant to write "sign" instead of "sing" in relation to the bounties.

they didn’t found it or heard about it.

Change "found" to "find" and "heard" to "hear."

She didn’t found the server

Same thing here, change "found" to "find."
Other than those three things no other glaring errors stood out at me.

This should've been playing in the background during the fight:

sorry he's a boy i think akihiko is the only one there

Dude... Zecora talks in rhyme and you desperately need an editor. Im going to keep reading cause im enjoying it but I have to be honest... seeing you break Zecora's character like that nearly made me stop.

3488926 He also needs to use proper wording on 60% of the sentences here, and even add words to a few for it to make better sense

3582513 whilist I do agree with you there, I may have been partially drunk when reading :twilightblush:

3582746 Authors dont let authors type drunk!

So amazing, you have earned my Fave and a big Mile stone too. #140
thank you for writing this I like Sword Art Online. :pinkiehappy:

Hmm this reminds me a lot of a certain kingdom hearts fanfiction by one shire folk

OK you had my curiosity, now you have my attention....and fave

He didn't include it but I can make a fairly accurate guess on how they traveled into the human world: when kirito and asuna log out their avatars faint, at this point the avatars are, in a sense, dreaming. At this point its simple to use Luna's dream walker skill to appear. Its like a pathway

This, and another good, but non-cancelled Kingdom Hearts crossover, is just what I needed. One of my friends is going to be PISSED when he finds out about this. He loves SAO, but hates when I talk about ponies. He`s not an Anti-Brony, in fact, he encourages us to do what we do, but it annoys him to no end.
:trollestia:

3734384
:pinkiegasp:WHICH ONE!? I NEED A KH CROSSOVER THAT`S NOT CANCELLED OR ON HIATUS! :applejackunsure:Unless it`s Elements of The Heart.
#AlreadyReadIt:moustache:

The Black Swordsman nodded and started to think. This game didn’t feel like a game; just as SAO. Something very odd was going on.

YA THINK SO?:ajsmug:

"As I said to Twilight, my dear sister, they’re just children who thought they were playing. But you know? If one day our technology advance to that level I’ll forbid games that simulate violence"

That`s exactly what they tried to do 3 decades ago. Then Mortal Kombat came along and changed the game...
No pun intended.:twilightsheepish:

3744768
Its called guardians of magic by shire folk, its really good and ongoing. He also has a fanfiction account under the sane name where he's written a series of kingdom hearts fanfics collectively called the Annels of Darkness (between you and me its like THE bestfanfic to anything)
GUARDIANS OF MAGIC FOUND Here
ANNELS OF DARKNESS found here
There's also one that I haven't read yet but you could try it
Called kingdom hearts friendship is magic where sora is human still

Um, this feels... rough? Off? Something

That was so good, I like what you did.
You mixed the world incurably well.

Thank you for writing this.
Good luck best fortune in the future.
.:pinkiehappy::twilightsmile:

Actually there afraid of the mark because someone told them of the cutie pox.
And its the blank I'm talking about.

hummmm yep but me think discord :heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

hummmm some of the key's are in play :heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

hummm it look like the shit just hit the fan lol and lovely set-up on the chapter hear :heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry:

yes yes yes and i see too many goodies from this chapter that it got me drooling :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

a beautiful sad chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

aaaawwwwwwwwwwwww that was so beautiful and lovely chapter :heart::heart::heart::heart::heart::fluttershysad::fluttercry::fluttercry:

By the second chapter my brain just decided to auto-correct all the mistakes, so the only other problem is pacing.
Other than that, good on ya m8!

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