“So… um… you say you’re from out of town, correct?” Celestia asked her date.
A slimy green hand reached out and grabbed the tea kettle sitting between them. Lifting it up, a tentacle picked up the cup sitting before the figure and raised it so he could pour more tea into it. Taking a sip, he set down the tea kettle and cup back down on the table, drips of slime falling here and there.
“yES InDeED. i hAVe a FARm OuT iN tUScaNY wHERE i HoST NumerOUS WinE TAsTinG EvenTS FRoM mY OwN PrivATE stoCK. WOulD yOu CarE tO VIsiT SOmetIME In thE fUtuRE?” Cthulhu asked, adjusting his tie underneath the teeming mass of tentacles that made up the bottom of his face.
Truthfully, when Luna had mentioned that her next date was a bit on the strange side, Celestia had thought nothing of it. When she mentioned he was a god, Celestia grew a bit more worried, since her last godly experience didn’t go too well. However, who was she to judge from just one ruined date? When Luna said he was an Old God that existed from before the beginning of time, Celestia merely assumed that he’d have some interesting stories to tell.
Now that she was before him, Celestia had to hold back her utter disgust every five seconds. Whether it was his wretched, rotten skin that looked uncomfortably moist, the mass of tentacles on his face that resembled wriggling snakes, or even the dark look of complete and utter madness behind his eyes, Celestia couldn’t take much more of it. Though she had to admit that the dark blue pinstripe suit and lime green tie he wore went excellent together, and that top of the line Rolex on his wrist meant he had some money to throw around as well.
Gulping down some tea along with some vomit that had been traveling up her throat, Celestia managed to cough out, “I-I’d be delighted, Mr. Cthulhu.”
“Oh PlEAsE, CaLL mE CTHULHU, DARK GOD OF THE END OF TIMES, BRINGER OF DOOM AND DESTRUCTION, LORD OF VIOLENCE AND INSANITY, OLD ONE OF THE DARK ONES AND LEADER OF THE MAD, THE ONE WHOSE VERY NAME STRIKES DESPAIR IN THE HEARTS OF MORTALS!” Reaching out for a crumpet with a tentacle, the treat was quickly swallowed by the swarm of slimy appendages on his face. “oR Ph'nglui Mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn FOr sHOrt.”
“Um… good to note,” Celestia said, her hoof trembling as she raised her tea cup to her lips. Not even the calming taste of jasmine with mint leaves could soothe her frayed nerves. Once again, Celestia blamed Luna for this mess. Good business owner and mature gentleman her ass. Celestia was pretty sure Cthulhu was older than the stars, and far from anything gentle or even man related.
“MAy i INTereSt yoU In a TEaCaKE?” Cthulhu asked. He held out said treat with one of his tentacles, the sugary cake once a delightful looking snack with pink frosting. Now it was green, green, and ugh, even greener, thanks to Cthulhu’s slime. “thEy’RE qUITe DeliCIoUs. bEsT iN TOwn, iN FaCT.”
Celestia smiled and screamed silently in her mouth “I would love one, but I’m on a strict no-sweets diet,” she said. Along with ‘no-slime-from-an-elder-god’ diet as well.
“SuCH a sHaME THeN. YoU aRe a PeRFECtly gOOd LoOkInG, inDEpENDent WOmaN, aNd SOmeThINg aS tRivIaL As weIghT ShOULdn’T DictATE yoUR LiFE.” Cthulhu leaned across the table, his tentacles taking the form of small hearts across hideous facade. “YOu’re ALreADy BEauTiFUl.”
Celestia stopped mid-sip, her jaw falling open slightly. It wasn’t every day a god from before the start of time said she was beautiful. Much less one who was beginning to look a lot less horrific, terror-inducing ugly and more kind and considerate.
Giggling, Celestia tried to hide her blush behind a hoof. “Aww, you probably say that to all the pony princesses.”
Cthulhu chuckled, sitting back nonchalantly in his seat with a wink directed to her. “I mIghT, BuT thOSe wORdS hAVe NevER mEANt anYTHing UntiL nOW.”
“Now you’re just making me blush,” Celestia said, unable to hold back her insatiable giggling. Her cheeks were flushed, and a certain spark lit up her eyes as she stared at Cthulhu.
Getting up from his seat, Cthulhu offered his skeletal, bony hand to her. “wOUld yOu caRE tO Go oN a WaLK, celESTiA? iT’s A pErFECt afTerNooN fOr a StroLL.”
Reaching out her hoof to grab ahold of his slimy appendage, Celestia fought back a shudder and said, “I would be delighted to.”
“I hate you so much right now,” Celestia muttered, groaning into her pillow.
“How was I supposed to know?” Luna shouted from at the door.
Celestia looked up from beneath her pillow and stared at Luna with unbridled loathing. “I would think my own sister would take the time to at least research some of the dates I go on!”
Luna dodged a pillow Celestia threw, ducking down as even more items were hurled at her. “Once again, how was I supposed to know he was married? Much less to an even worse abomination than himself?”
“She nearly destroyed Equestria when she found out about us!” Celestia said. “It’s just like with Zeus all over again! At this rate, others will begin to think I’m a hussy!”
“Sister, please, now you’re just overreacting.” Luna stifled a laugh, silently closing the door to Celestia’s room before calling out, “Everyone already thinks that!”
Celestia threw a throwing star that stuck itself uselessly to her door. Sighing, Celestia got up from her bed and made her way to the computer at her desk, www.notforeveralone.com still the open browser. Sighing, Celestia flipped through a couple pages of potential dates, her eyes sifting through them rapidly.
“Okay, this time I get to decide who my next date will be.” Her eyes widened, and a smile soon broke out as she clicked on her potential dating partner profile. “And it looks like we have a winner. At least this one I know won’t have any spouses out for my neck… hopefully.”
So....Cthulhu at last....hmmm its going to be rather hard to beat him. I look forward to what's next.
hahahahahaha poor celestia.
My sides!
Poor Celestia... and we say she's a troll...
Seriously do Aslan or some other male god...
I shall enjoy this sadistically.
with that hit i call Alicord from Hellsing
*Braces for hilarity*
4131292
4131258 with that hit i call Alicord from Hellsing
You know Cthulhu is a girl, right?
lovely. Glad to see you updating again!
mary sue alicorn oc PLEASE
You know, at first I thought it was gonna be Shuma Gorath, but then i'd realize he'd call her a waste of flesh, but not before calling out that him and Discord used to be roommates, the latter of which being nigh intolerable.
Now I'm adding Shuma Gorath and Dormammu (Why not? There was Sombra and Cthulu) to my wishlist.
Though they're not truly immortal, it'd be nice to see if any of the Noah from D Grayman count; namely, the Millenium Earl
oooh, dis gon b gud
Celestia needs to accidentally go on a date with Twilight Sparkle or Cadance. Let the awkwardness commence!
Hilarious as usual!
Please do Hades from Kid Icarus: Uprising. Seriously, he'd be perfect for this story.
Let's see...Immortals that can handle this-
1)Jack Harkness (well, while he might aim and try to hit more things than Molestra, I suspect that if he fell for somebody or somepony, he'd be monogamous but not blind).
2)Wolverine (so far, short of him being actually killed, he's outlived every other member of the X-Men).
3)Allucard (of Hellsing fame. Mind you, he would love any challenge he could face...but I think he's more Luna's speed, which would be hilarious..."I tried to find you a coltfriend, and now we're getting married in a few months!").
3)Morgana (from Darkstalkers, if you want to go the girl route...).
4)Atomic Robo Telsa (yes, that's his full name, and dating a immortal pony wouldn't be the weirdest thing he's ever done).
What about Vivec, of the 36 sermons fame? Some of the Aedra would make nice matches. Esp. Julianos or Stendarr.
XD
ohmyword lol!!!!
these are great!!!
God Emperor God Emperor God Emperor...?
Soliare.
It's so obvious.
Do you even praise the sun?
Yeah... I can imagine Celestia being a bit grossed out by the lord of all things profane and slimy...
Look at it this way, Celly, at least it wasn't the Overfiend.
4131332 Hmm...
what about Thor or Loki from Avengers just for the hell of it.
Then follow it up with Superman (cause he's practically a god and according to some comics becomes one)
Gandalf? or Morgoth from LoTR
oooh what about a Doctor Who? Perhaps Q from Star Trek if we're on the sci fi scene?
Those are all of my suggestions.
Viral, after the end of Gurren Lagann would be an interesting try, especially if he tries to explain spiral energy.
("yeah, we found an energy source that's generated by extreme hot-bloodedness.")
4131796 i say alicord because of the joke he put in. No to the blue boy scout, but yes to the rest. Maby Asura from Asura's wrath
Bad alicorn OC.
Bad alicorn OC would be awesome.
4131806
It can't be Viral, because he doesn't have anything dramatically wrong with him.
Good parts about Viral:
* Prestigious job
* Travels
* As honorable a man as there ever was
* Secretly a total softy and a family man
* Always prepared to defend those whom he cares for or swears fealty to, to the last
* Handsome
* Hot blooded
* Brings his own vehicle, which is undoubtedly the single coolest vehicle ever invented
Bad parts about Viral:
* NOTHING
4131292
Yeah, I'm definitely voting for Aslan. He's that one guy/girl everyone meets who would be totally awesome except for their devotion to their creepy apocalyptic religion.
Slender an is immortal pick him.
4131947 Its not a creepy apocalyptic religion... But I do understand how his... meddling almost oddly distant perspective can creep out or annoy people.
I think this is the best chapter so far. SUPER LOL
~Leonzilla
4131287 Yea about that does anyone have any ideas on who might be Cthulhu's wife?
4131947 Wow, I never thought about Viral in such high regards before(I mostly picture him as this one guy whom always got his butt kicked time after time); but I can totally picture him like that after the finally.
~Leonzilla
Saw chuthulu. Lose 1d100 sanity
How about a date with Alduin from Skyrim
4131524
I support this. Hades or any of the Kit Icarus Uprising chars would be awesome.
Though I'm not sure if maybe Pyrrhon yould fit even better.
Kewl ur bak!1
Me, pick me! I'm obviously just an innocent immortal jester, I'd never destroy the world...or all of them.
The Doctor.
still waiting for the God Emperor of Mankind
And the winner is !
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11111/111111327/3588180-chuck_norris_bday.jpg
4132347 holi shiet ur grammur iz su guud
My sides are in orbit. How are you supposed to beat Cthulu without either Morgan Freeman or Chuck Norris?
4132424
>username Lionblaze
>avatar Jayfeather
Huh?
Zeref, the immortal black mage!
img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120311122424/fairytail/images/thumb/5/54/Zeref_Mugshot.png/640px-Zeref_Mugshot.png
Although… his death magic does tend to go off when he cares about the lives of other living beings… and when he becomes a cold-hearted psycho who would easily kill puppies, then it works fine… Did I also mention he knows how to make demons?
The about THE GOD EMPEROR OF MANKIND? He's great with children.
Hidan from Naruto. He's Immortal, he's got a mouth that'll put any sailor to shame, he kills for his psycho-god and enjoys it. I think it would be a good chapter.
4132496
The only thing more overrated than perfect English is Bobby's creative output. <3
Shao Khan!
Jack -O-Lantern
4132460 Hrrmm.... I sez Gork 'er Mork!