"Maybe I should review some stories." · 2:35pm May 9th, 2020
That's right. I am exactly that angry, frustrated, and looking to take it out on the world. Plus about 170%. Additionally, my creativity is semi-shot right now because did you see the last blog? and in any case, you really don't want me writing when I'm in this kind of mood. So... maybe I should review some stories. Because being on a site like this involves caring about people and it's just been so long since I helped my Hatedom with a recruiting drive.
So... how to do this for maximum damage in a way which creates the minimum number of corpses?
*considers*
Volunteers.
...yeah. That'll still alienate people forever, but it limits the damage to the volunteers themselves and everyone who follows them. Given the daily influx of new members, I can't turn more than 99.9999% of the site against me and the remainder will need some time to catch up on the news.
So. There are now Review Slots open. And you can submit a story to be reviewed -- but there are certain conditions. For starters, you have to be the one who wrote it.
That's right. You are volunteering for your own vivisection. We're going to make those cannibal victim advertisements look like pikers.
Da Rules:
* You may only submit a story which you wrote by yourself, all the way through. No collaborations. Someone else having edited is fine.
* The story doesn't have to be complete, but it at least has to have established itself. First-chapter Displaced where your non-OC has just finished buying the Lack Of Personality Pack will not do well.
* Word count limit for submissions is 10k, give or take. (10,200 is fine. 11k may be pushing your luck. 250,000 and bodies will fall.)
* In the event that I get Too Many Submissions, priority will be given to whoever drops the largest bribe in my Ko-Fi jar early arrivals.
* General Mature content is fine, but no fetishes. I am not in a good position to break down any interests I don't personally have, and that will make it difficult to fairly judge the results. Additionally, no foalcon, no non-con, no foalcon, no foalcon, no foalcon, and in case you didn't get the point, this means NO FOALCON.
* By submitting a story, you hereby swear that you will not unfollow, pull any extant Patreon pledge, go on a full-or-partial-catalog downvote spree, or seek any other kind of post-review reprisal up to and very much including getting your own 4chan account.
* I will make up other rules as I go along. Because there is no system which y'all won't abuse. So nyah-nyah.
Because I am cruel. I am vicious. I can't help it, really. I've been told that I am pompous, self-important, and cruel, and this diagnosis came from someone on the Internet, so you just know it has to be 100% true except for all the ways in which it's just a drastic understatement. Really, someone should just have my account deleted already. Doesn't everyone know I'm Pony Hitler? And as Pony Hitler, I am going to do to your story what I once did to a supposedly-innocent piano. I will kill, murder, dissect and lay the results out on a medieval anatomical table and don't look that up.
So go ahead. Push your poor, innocent story onto the chopping block. The execution will be posted before local midnight on Sunday. They say writing is all about killing your darlings, don't they? So why not let someone else swing the axe?
Welcome to Story Review Weekend.
Because pain shared is pain lessened really, really funny.
Yeah, right.
Like this is actually going to happen.
Except for the piano stuff and accusations. Which already happened.
Of course, I could get a really significant Ko-Fi bribe.
So... maybe?
Me! Me! Mememememe!
Ahem. I submit What Cats Know for consideration.
(Honestly this probably isn't going to soothe your anger so feel free to look elsewhere for things more to your peculiar tastes.)
Alright. How do I submit? Pm or right here in the comments?
In any case, here you go. Have some nice, cozy 70-isch crime.
I’ve always wondered what it would be like to throw myself on a grenade...
My second best work.
This is going to hurt...
Well, I could always inflict We Don't Talk About Captain Thunderhoof on the one who dared me to write it, but at 24 kilowords, you'd be well within your rights to refuse. (And even if you weren't, you could always rewrite your rights such that you were.
) All things considered, I ask that you consider a suspiciously familiar origin for Scootaloo.
- MLP: FiM
- Drama
- Sci-Fi
Scootaloo's as orphaned as an orphan can be.I like you too much to subject you to my writing.
I know I'm terrible and lazy, no need for reminders.
Well, I would like to receive a review of my fiction.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/437528/a-tied-date-literally
I would like to receive some critics and points on where I should start a sequel, like what kind of ideas I should have and how the sequel should start.
Perhaps you could do a review of my Sunset Nikos fic? https://www.fimfiction.net/story/363684/sunset-nikos
Well, why not. What’s the worst that could happen?
- MLP: FiM
- Portal
- Adventure
- Comedy
- Random
Once again, Derpy Accdentally a Portal Gun, this time sending Amethyst Star to the world where the humans come from. Can she survive living on Earth until she gets returned to Equestria?Posting this feels like stepping out into freeway traffic, but at least we get to put "there's no such thing as bad publicity" to the test!
Here you go!
Why not?
I hope you like this one. Theory & Practice
Well if you need targets for your ire (and I really, really understand why, as I've been reading your blogs) I do have this one brainless story that you are welcome to treat like a pinata, as it is already filled with questionable content past their due date and should be trashed. Just remember to flush.
- MLP: FiM
- Slice of Life
Diamond Tiara enters the Running of the Leaves. She wants Rainbow Dash to coach her. She gets Discord instead.- MLP: FiM
- Romance
- Slice of Life
The unlikely romance of Moondancer and Vinyl Scratch.5258956
Didn't they put a ten k word limit? I know there's wiggle room, but 72k is a lot.
Just remember, you brought this upon yourself.
- MLP: FiM
- Equestria Girls
- Random
Twilight and Super have a short chat. Then Scootaloo visits the human world to become a math wiz, then tutors Sweetie Belle who becomes a civil engineer.5258959
Whoops. My mistake. I thought that said 10K min. My bad.
Thanks for pointing that out.
Let me just frantically shuffle through my fics for a second. Which one am I overly attached enough to that someone mentioning it is going to stroke my ego but not so personally invested that my favorite author shredding it is going to leave me intact?
Screw it. My newest one.
Haha
I don't write <10k stories
Here. Have one of my one-shots!
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Sad
Based off of a poem by Jacob Steilein. Because of a prank by Diamond TIara, Cheerilee loses her job...Came as fast as I could.
[Unpublished stories cannot be embedded]
Well I guess I'm a masochist, so I'd like to out forwards
Ditzy Doo meets Ditzy Doo
Although if you are happy for a single chapter of an anthology where the chapter is less than 10K but the whole story is then
Carrot Top grows a tree
Although I think most of my better work is longer, for a given definition of better.
The doctor is real in.
Choosing one is hard, so how about a story I also wrote because I was mad at something? :V
- MLP: FiM
- Romance
- Comedy
- Random
Celestia invites Twilight over for tea and chess. Things don't quite go as planned.(checks for traps) (Rolls a 4) Ok, looks safe to bring out this piano.
I would give you a choice between two of my weak attempts at Continuum writing:
-From ancient and dusty days of 2014: Cutting the Chord, Swinging the Hammer, and Dropping the Piano which follows that poor *sniff* piano.
-From 2019: So The Other May Live, a tale of the love of parents and children.
Estee bringing down the hammer on our poor fics? Sounds like a good time.
I volunteer the following:
- MLP: FiM
- Slice of Life
Lyra is convinced that Ruby Pinch and Berry Punch are undercover supervillains, and she will do whatever it takes to expose the truth before it is too late.Or Special Delivery, if you prefer something shorter.
I THOUGHT of asking for a review of my (as yet incomplete) Starswirl story.
But, there is enough sorrow in your life already.
+ Why should you be asked to do something that
NO ONE else on planet Earth has ever done?
5258919
This made me realize I’ve never actually looked through all the stories you’ve written.
I'd go with Dead Foals Everywhere, but let's take something more family-friendly (it's relative):
- MLP: FiM
- Dark
- Comedy
Gabby and Gallus go on a quest to find something to eat. Unfortunately for them, citizens of Ponyville seem to have completely different ideas about food.for this i almost want to break out my total lack of ability to write and submit something but after careful thought i have decided that it would be unreasonably cruel to subject someone i dont like to that, much less so someone like you
Only 10k words? Why must you cast out all my best stories this way?
I'll request this one. Don't think it's seen a review yet.
- MLP: FiM
- Sci-Fi
- Slice of Life
Ever curious, the Explorer journeys across the great eddies of space. Her goal? To make new friends.5258973
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn%3AANd9GcSpPARKYyY2roIrVseYAwz2BKHV7MbcUD6M_I6pWm4LX5L5Qe43&usqp=CAU
Well, darn. I'm disqualified.
5258920
Same, except misery loves company and I have no shame.
5258993
That’s what she said
5259053
Lol, apparently it’s been stewing in my “Ready For Review” folder for who knows how long, to the point that I’m going to have to reread it because I remember jack shit about it.
I actually don't have anything suitable; Masterweaver wrote part of Escalation. I wrote Nothing Happened and The Final Failure for the Break Away Collab; they're both mine, CleverPun just offered some advice. Are you willing to do something that was a part of a collab?
5259072
Now that I think on it, PresentPerfect did a review on it. But that's okay, I'll gladly accept more!
Apparently I AM in fact, that kind of masochist.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/140568/bad-roll-of-the-dice
The first story I posted here... give it to me hard.
5259062
I don't understand why you're being rude and downvoting over me making a statement that I don't write short stories.
5258961
...I find that picture of Scootaloo to be incredibly frightening, and I demand, demand, an apology from whomever had the temerity to create it.
In writing.
CursivePerfect cursive.Black ink.
Three pages, front and back.
Triplicate.
When it is complete, please direct them to my house. I will be too busy to answer the door, so just have them put it in the mailbox.
Thank you.
That is all.
(Grabs childhood Blankie and crawls under the bed to whimper)
Here. Have the one time I've ever really managed to limit myself to something under 10k words
- MLP: FiM
- Comedy
- Random
Trixie's wagon wheel breaks, stranding her in the middle of Hoofington. Unable to fix it herself, she must call upon Equestrian Roadside Assistance for help. If help will ever come, that is. Which it probably won't.Quick question: does the story have to be here on FimFic?
5259078
As they say on lawyer shows "Asked and answered"
5259269
I wrote those chapters myself; it was an anthology of stories, each written by a different author, as a part of an ongoing narrative.
5259277
Well, why not.
- MLP: FiM
- Equestria Girls
- Adventure
- Comedy
Just because she isn't an alicorn doesn't mean Sunset Shimmer won't open an alicorn-sized can of beatings on Equestria's latest threat.I've asked you for editing in the distant past year of 2015, but not for that story.
- MLP: FiM
- Star Trek
- Adventure
- Comedy
- Sci-Fi
Beam down to the planet while the natives are asleep, get the crystals, beam out. Simple, right?This one was actually based off one of your prompts, so I'd love your opinion on it.
If not for the deadline being so soon, I think I'd be tempted to write something just to submit it. :)
...Looks like you've got quite a few submissions anyway already, though, too. :)
Good luck, Estee.
Screw it, I'll throw my hat in the ring. It's just too bad your qualifications make some my favorite stuff unsuitable, but give this one a spin. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/383106/ships-passing