• Member Since 24th Jun, 2012
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Talon and Thorn


E

While trapped in another world waiting for Trixie to recover Ditzy gets to know the version of herself and her daughter that lives there. Are they better or worse off than she is? Can she learn anything from the path their lives have taken?

Part of the Lunaverse

Takes place during Crisis on Two Equestrias while Trixie is unconscious.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 47 )

LUNAVERSE CANON..............AHHHHHH

DISREGARD EVERYTHING; AQUIRE PONIES!!!!!

3205257

Actually this is currently non-canon pending a general consensus from the group.

3205362 Damn.......still gonna read it. While crysis was not my cup of tea (too adventury for my lazy tea drinking habits) i make a point of absorbing as much lunaverse as i can.

I hope more author's fill in the gaps from that time. I want to see a conversation between the two Cheerilees. They would probably be the least different.

Fun Story. I liked it.

Hmmm.....I just wonder what's going to happen if any of them meet up with M!Zecora. My head-canon for that encounter has Ditzy telling Raindrops to stand down.

Anyways, this went about how I expected. Of all of them, the Element of Heroic Self-Deprecation would have the easiest time with her alternate. Now, Cheerilee, that's somepony who's gonna have a problem with her alternate, done-nothing, gone-nowhere self.

3205574>>3207208

I think Blackbelt has a story in mind for Cheerilee vs Cheerilee. However, we don't know that M-Cheerilee has done nothing or gone nowhere, the closest we know if that she used to be a clothes horse back in the '80s' judging by the picture of her during the cutie mark lecture. Like Seethe I think the two of them might be quite similar having both gone 'adventuring' and now are settling down.

Dinky and Sparkler didn't win the sisterhooves social, Berry Punch and Ruby Pinch did. Sorry but things like that really bug me.

3207815

Ah, that's my bad.

I guess this is slightly different universe to the standard M-verse then,

Edit: I've changed it to doing well in the social.

So much dawwwwwww.....

I love the Ditzy Doo's family.

Ah so you have published it, sorry I missed it; I still have some issues with the Dinky's but less so than before (in hindsight I probably could have suggested M!Dinky be better at art given her mroe controlled magic, but C'est la vie. :scootangel: Sorry) Anyway this was an excellently written story, and I found everyone both possessing depth and a great deal of likability. I especially like this take on Dinky. Great fic, have a thumbs up.

3236408

Thanks.

Well to me I think both Dinky's ended up equally poor at art (About what you would expect from a young child), Ditzy can recognise ponies in the her daughters art only because she knows who they are, she tends to know who her daughter draws so she can recognise them, grey blob is probably her, spotted blob Pip, etc. She can recognise an orange blob is carrot top in M-Dinky's picture because she knows its someone close to Dinky and she's orange. She doesn't recognise Time Turner because she doesn't know he's close to Dinky. In an earlier version M-Dinky was good at arts and craft's due to Turners influence (its stayed a bit with a project being in her bedroom) and in an even earlier version (before you saw it) she had a party trick where she disassembled and reassembled her watch using magic but I felt that was too powerful given her age.

Now I'll rabbit on about how I saw the characters vs how they turned out.

Although I don't entirely see L-Dinky as a Sue theirs not to many 'weaknesses' you can pin on her the only thing I can think of it being to mature, thinking of everything as 'What would Momma do?' takes away some of her spontaneity and childhood. M-Dinky is slightly less mature but it allows her to be more of a child, she gets to rebel a little and fits in better with other children (I think some of the other foals may think of L-Dinky as a spoil sport / teachers pet).

L-Ditzy on the other hand I see an have more flaws, she self effacing to a flaw and seems unwilling to accept help or recognise she needs time to herself. Her other self on the other hand is less driven to give her all for her daughter but it's left her more relaxed and balanced if somewhat less mature.

Time Turner ended up a bigger part than I had planned and I think he may have become to much the perfect step father. He's ever helpful and good with both Dinky and Ditzy I should probably have highlighted the relationships not being prefect he doesn't always get on with either of them, he feels a bit awkward disciplining Dinky and he feels that Ditzy could focus a bit more (he was originally very time and punctuality obsessed but that dropped away). I was trying to show Ditzy being in a relationship not being a cure all, they have more time for Dinky but also have to have time for each other as well.

Finally Carrot Top was originally a bigger character but got dropped a lot due to me having a phobia of to many characters (A problem I'm having with this months Time and Time again chapter) so she faded away. She is M-Dinky's second / third parent and quite an influence on her she could even be slightly jealous of Turner. I might even write a Carrot Top version of this story maybe with the two Carrot Tops going into the Everfree to look for a herb to help Trixie, certainly I think both Carrot Top's feel that L-Carrot took the 'correct' path.

3238739
The picture points makes perfect sense, I think it was just the framing that made it feel a bit, different. The watch probably would have been a bit much I agree.

As for Dinky, I can see how that, might, be a flaw, though it does sort of strike me as a "none-flaw" but debating Dinky isn't an effective use of our time. Regardless I liked M!Dinky very much as a character in her own right.

I think Time Turner came across fairly well and given he was effectively hosting it makes sense he'd largely be on his best performance. But the "Bloody" ETC and a few other points did highlight that while their relationships is generally good he isn't perfect. Overall I think the relationship designed here was very well done as were it's effects on Ditsy, not over done, the relationship wasn't the end all be all for her life, but it was an advantageous and happy improvement.

I think seeing more of CT could have been good, but it would have been difficult to juggle all those characters in such a short frame of time. A CT story would be extremely interesting and given your skill I'd like to see it. Best of luck. :scootangel:

This was great. I was disappointed by the lack of non-Twilight/Trixie interaction in the main fic, so more little sidefics like this would be awesome. Particularly, Rainbow Dash and Raindrops come to mind. I know they aren't counterparts even in Element, but it seems like it would be an interesting conversation. Or maybe Carrot Top and Applejack? Or Carrot Top and Rarity, even? The possibilities are just endless!

3205362 it's canon for me. You did a great job balancing the two, there. Very heartwarming. Also, is Time Turner Doctor Whooves and has a TARDIS in his backyard?

3291202

Nope sorry, he's just a random pony that happens to look a little David Tenantish. Although in my part of the L-verse the Doctor has gone by the name Time Turner, although it's not clear if there are two of him or not

Huh, I've always thought that the headcanon in the mainverse was Sparkler considered Ditzy to be like another mother. That would have made for a rather heartwarming revelation that would inspire Lunaverse's Ditzy to try harder with her.

3319479

Maybe but given the L-verse relationship between the characters (which presumably is copied over to this version of the M-verse) that would be rather strange. It would mean that Sparker treats her fathers mistress as her mother, which although not impossible would probably require a closer relationship between Dinky and Carter and would indicate that Carters wife was not a very good pony (both her husband and daughter abandon her) so I probably wouldn't want to go there.

I do not know how I missed this, but I did. The picture Dinky Doo drew contains Doctor Whooves. I wonder whether this Ditzy Doo is the Assistant.

I finished reading this little story. It ended nicely. This may sound cloppy, but it would make narrative sense for the Dame Ditzy Doo of the LunaVerse to consider the offer of TimeTurner before rejecting it and have her Bubbles try to talk her into it:

Dame Ditzy Doo is stuck in another universe until the Great & Powerful Dame Representative Beatrix LulaMoon can travel. Everything she does is without consequence because the CarrotTops can make for her a MorningAfterPotion. At that point she should remember that the last time she thought that she could do something without consequences, she destroyed a family and burdened herself with a foal. She should say no.

Bubbles, understanding the thinking of Dame Ditzy Doo should understand her refusal and understand what it is like for her to have no relations with ponies for so long, should encourage Dame Ditzy Doo, reminding her that the CarrotTops can make MorningAfterPotions and that, this time, no adverse consequences can occur.

One can get great comic relief from TimeTurner:

Extreme disappointment from TimeTurner when Dame Ditzy Doo initially declines. He can nervously prance around muttering “¡Please say yes!” while Bubbles explains to Ditzy Doo that it is okay to say yes this time and while Dame Ditzy Doo reconsiders the offer.

¿Should Dame Ditzy Doo, after reconsidering, accept the offer? I do not know. That is something for the author (you) to decide. Either way, one can get a little more comic relief from TimeTurner:

If her Dame Ditzy Doo consents, TimeTurner could yell “¡Yay!” much louder than FlutterShy and wake Dinky Doo. Before their fun can begin, they have to put Dinky Doo back to bed before their fun can begin.

If Dame Ditzy Doo says no, TimeTurner could try talking her into changing her mind when both Dame Ditzy Doo and Bubbles give to him the glare meaning “¡No means no!”. At this point, he can quip, “I believed that only FlutterShy is the StareMistress.” before excusing himself and returning to his home.

You know what would've made their differences a bit more significant to me? That the Maneverse's Ditzy goes by the name Derpy. I'm sure there could've been quite a bit of good dialog to come from that subject, but since RDD evidently didn't go there, it's understandable that neither did you.

4453793

It we considered but given her name was already set in crisis derpy would have to be Times pet name for her and that would seem a little cruel.

4454848
Well, since it IS an alternate world, maybe in the Maneverse her given name is Derpy. But of course RDD evidently didn't go there, so neither did you.

Had this fic in my backlog for ages. While I wait to hear back from my editor over EoI though, I fond myself with some extra time so finally decided to I hit this up. All around pretty, good. I'm not entirely sold on the use of Time Turner personally, but you made it work well enough in context. The scenes between the two Ditzys as well as with Dinky were all golden though.

I sort of can't help notice how tertiary Carrot Top is in all this though. The story feels like it was written with just Ditzy, Bubbles, Turner, and Dinky in mind as if Carrot Top were more of an almost forgotten afterthought who only shows up long enough to remind everyone she exists and than disappears again just as quickly.

4703962

Yeah, Carrot Top was a bit of an after thought for this one, I basically wanted as much Ditzy / Ditzy interaction as possible and her room mate fell by the side lines.

Funny you reading it now as hopefully over the next month I'll be writing two sort of sequels for this, Dinky's birthday which follows on the 'should Ditzy date / have a life of her own' thread and a currently unnamed story taking place at the same time as this one with the two universes Carrot Tops discussing her M-verse self's life and trying to cook up something to wake up Trixie.

4704576

and a currently unnamed story taking place at the same time as this one with the two universes Carrot Tops discussing

Wait, really? Because speaking of coincidences, I'd started work on my own Carrot Top and Carrot Top story as part of an excise to work though my extended bout of writer's block. Not sure if this is serendipity, or just plain awkward.

4704611

Well I guess we can have a Carrot off then, may the best man win!

Yeah, I've had a general idea floating around for a while and I thought I'd finally put it down over the next few week after I finished Dinky's birthday.

As I wasn't necessarily aiming for canon I don't mind if we both write separate stories, I just don't know if it's better to share idea's or to remain quiet until we've both written them.

4704715

As I wasn't necessarily aiming for canon I don't mind if we both write separate stories, I just don't know if it's better to share idea's or to remain quiet until we've both written them.

Same here.

Canon is never my priority when writing a fic. I just try to write what I enjoy and leave it to others to decide the rest. Furthermore, in the case of Crisis Crossovers I'm not sure canon really even matters in the same way as it does elsewhere, since most of it isn't supposed to be stuff that ever directly comes up again.

As for sharing ideas, hard to say. A coordinated effort might result in less toe-stepping, but could also make it harder for either of us to get what we actually want out of writing in the first place. So far as timeframe goes though, I don't think we have a direct overlap. Mine is set while the Trixies and Twilight's are all still in the Everfree. So I guess any contradictions would only be in regards to what the two Carrot Tops talk about. If you wanted to read my drafts, I could upload my rough 2,000 word WIP copy, otherwise though I'll just wish you luck.

4704813

You're would be before mine then, mines set over the same time scale as this story so staring a day or so after the Trixies and Twilights (T&T like me :pinkiegasp:) get back from the forest and running until the Lunaverse posy head back home.

We should probably take this to PMs still unsure as to whether I want to know what your writing, if it is very similar then I probably don't want to waste the time writing the same story twice but likewise I don't want to read it and absorb too many idea's so that a story which would probably start being very different ends up quite similar.

Oh, decisions, decisions :twilightoops:

4704914

We should probably take this to PMs still unsure as to whether I want to know what your writing,

Well then, PM me then if you decide you want to read anything of mine... or if you want to try getting me to read any of your ideas first. Don't feel like you have to obliged either way though.

Over a day had passed since the Trixies and Twilights had been brought back from the Everfree forest

Forest
___________

“I just talked to the other me, she’s got some ideas for possible treatments but she needs some rare ingredients from the Everfree for them.”

combine that dialog with CT's dialog above.
________________

Dinky accepted this olive branch. “Of course dear, why don’t you bring your book out here and we can look through it.”

Ditzy
________________

“How about Quelf?” asked Dinky?

"."
____________

“Ok, you can go first then said Dinky levitating a dice towards Ditzy.

," said
_____________

This is different, thought Ditzy as she ran off into the house to find the items.

delete
____________

“Turner, Carrot and I normally have a bottle of a Friday. You don’t drink, you don’t bowl, what do you do?”

missing some parts there
_____________

Thus it was with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face that Ditzy Doo left that world for ever.

forever.
______________

Ditzy really does need a more solid support group to get her some more free time.

5201322

Thanks I think I've fixed most of those now.

In my head cannon Ditzy has somewhat of a support group around her, she and Heavy Roller and her bond as single parents and Rarity's mom Pearl helps her and Raindrop's parents with raising a unicorn.

5202066

Not in L!Verse. That's the one I was talking about. In L!Verse cannon. She mentions Sparkler, and her friends. But she comes up with excuses as to why she can't use them. And it makes her life harder that it has too be. But if she got herself a support group, she could have those days off like Bubbles stated, and take time to unwind to make Dinky happier.

5202120

Well in Dinky's birthday Pearl and Magnum are helping her prepare for he party with Mr and Mrs Cake so maybe it's something we can work towards, a few more season 2 or 3 stories showing her having a bit more free time

5202198

Yep. And I never read that fic yet [It'll be on this read through of S2]. It's good though that as if S2 she's got some sort of support group. Although I'm glad that Trixie and Twilight are there to teach Dinks and the other unicorns magic. But yeah we need some S2 and S3, fics where Ditzy get's some time to unwind. Hopefully before she's shipped with Big Mac.

5202366

There are a few hints in that direction in dinkys birthday as well.

5202433

XD. I remember seeing RDD posting somewhere that Ditzy was shipping with Big Mac, and Carrot Top with that one pony that she's shown with on the show. Although I hope we get a few mareXmare Element Bearer ships. It'd really suck dragon ball Zs if the only Filly Fooler couple was Lyra and Bon Bon. And would really suck. But DitzyXMac would be cute.

5202569

Ditzy x Mac gets implied in the non canon time travelling dinky story and I'm working toward making it canon, although over a long time scale. Trixie x raindrops is a pairing in RDD's heat story, again non canon.

Personally I have nothing against female x female pairings i m not usually that keen on pairing off the mane-6, I prefer then to date outside of their close friends.

5202613

What non-canon? I only know that he posted that pairing being planned on being canon on a random thread ... I think it was shortly after I posted Date of the Fire Diamond [still sad that didn't get canonized]. And I partially agree on outside of the circle of friends with the M!Six. But L!Six, I'd kill to see Cheerilee and that one guard in Hero of Oaton that had the hots for her, or Twilight [Twily needs the love]. Or a mare with her. Since canonically she's been married [drunkenly and forgot about it] to Notary, dated Rares [once], and had numerous mares have a crush on her.

And it feels weird that only one of the L!6 is in a dedicated filly fooler relationship. in the entire cast, and supporting / secondary cast.

5202948

Mac x derpy is suggested in I'll see you soon

Trixie x Raindrops occurs in In the heat of the moment

Both are what RDD refers to as his Sexyverse spin off.

Personally I like Ditzy x Mac, Cheerilee x Heavy Roller, Lyra x Bon Bon (of course), Trixie x Pokey, Raindrops x that guard and poor Carrot Top not paired off yet.

For other lesbian partnerships well Climbing the mountain has Vicerene Wallflowers x Holly Bush.

5204344

Don't know a Heavy Roller. Can't find that pony in any MLP site. But Idk. I like her better with another mare like we've been seeing her hinted with, or temporarily with. Although, yes she's bi. But that WallflowerXHolly ship is the equivallent to a Background PonyXBackground Pony ship. I was thinking more along the lines of Support / Secondary Characters. That we get to see / have impact on the story or get to see every so often.

And Carrot Top last I heard was getting paired with this pony.

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5204769

Heavy Roller is the OC who is Scootaloo's dad in the L-verse, he's made a few appearances through the first season.

Yes, I know there is some plan to ship CT with Written Script but I don't think he's even appeared yet (Although his alternative universe twin might if me and Emeral ever agree on it (It's sort of the sequel to this story but with CT rather than Ditzy).

5205950

Oh, yeah! Can't believe I forgot Scoot's dad's name XD. But yeah that might be a cute ship in some ways, but suck in others. Since Raindrops is mostly straight; CT and Ditzy get stallions. And Trixie isn't interested in relationships atm. That makes 3 potentially 4 straight ships, and only one Canonical F/F among the Mane Cast, and a majority of the support and main cast.

Look forward to that CT sidequel of this of yours and Emerald's.

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