• Member Since 21st May, 2013
  • offline last seen Yesterday


I have no heart and my avatar makes everything sound sexual. Also, It's pronounced "sam-ee".


Gabby and Gallus go on a quest to find something to eat. Unfortunately for them, citizens of Ponyville seem to have a completely different ideas about food.

A comedy of a culinary variety.

Contains mild gore, absolutely no vore, only about 6% of fat. Gluten-free. May contain trace amount of peanuts.
Preread by hawthornbunny (truly the right bunny in the right place) and Cinder Vel.
🇺🇦Translation🇺🇦 by FoxcubRandy, edited by ColdSky.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 99 )

Well, that was ... different. Fairly entertaining. I would have thought that Fluttershy would be a bit more understanding of omnivorous creatures.

Good concept, awkward execution.

well, that was amusing.

pretty funny. Glad it was Daisy and lily that panicked like that. Although I must know. Why exactly did Fluttershy wig out like that? Out of all the Mane Six, she'd be the one most comfortable with carnivores.

There is that comic, yes. The animals that were fighting are even referenced in the story:

“Unless you want to be prey too. Puckwudgies, tentacled plants, sea serpents, vampiric jackalopes, chupacabras…”

But the thing more fans would be familiar with is that Fluttershy fed her carnivorous animals with live fish on the show. Which is why there is so much accepted fish eating in the story.

So yeah you are right about Fluttershy in this story.

"Atha ma lay vatal éneeralt yen."

Her friend got eaten and story leans on that fish is accepted food to be eaten by fully sapient races because fish don't talk (or so ponies think). That is my guess at least.

I'm having one of those what the Hell did I just read moments.

This is what annoyed me this season's hearthwarming episode. You see Gabby whose always complained no other griffons would give her the time of day and treated her like an outcast aside from Gilda, but then you have Gallus who knows all these Griffs where Grampa Gus even acted as Gallus' guardian so WHY is Gallus spending so much time alone? You'd think he'd at least spend time tolerating Gabby's nonsense if only not to feel so alone.

Anyways, this was pretty sweet. Loved their little journey for meat, Gabby and Silverstream with Gallus would make for a fun day together episode.

I wonder if Gallus ever gets awkward conflicting feelings towards SS given her hippogryph form and her seapony form. That one Celestia play certainly gave him a fresh perspective on her.

Everything they had to go through to get a piece of meat.

Nice plot anyways.

And Starlight: I'm pretty sure lambs really suffer. A lot.

“Fish don’t talk,” Gallus said.


because fish don't talk

But it's okay to eat fish
'Cause they don't have any feelings...

Starlight should do a lesson on The 3 S's of Carnivory:

  1. Sessile: Is it rooted in place? Unrestricted eating!
  2. Sentient: Will it try to flee if you try to eat it? Eating is permissible as long as:

    • It is not a companion animal.
    • It is not a work animal.
    • It does not suffer unnecessarily.
  3. Sapient: Will it call the Gendarmerie/Guard and/or write a letter of complaint to the local PM? Not for eating!


More concerning was the part of Granny Smith shooting firearms against children.

Fun story, but I'd like it better if the various references to sheep being eaten were swapped out for pigs. Having Gabby eat something both harmless and capable of talking (and complaining about their servitude at Pony hooves [1]) is a little too edgy :rainbowdetermined2: for my tastes.

[1] The whole "are sheep slaves" thing is a whole other bucket of worms :pinkiecrazy:

I dunno, in the show, cows can talk and they still stampede. In this case, their behaviour is still that of an animal even if language communication is possible.

There are plenty of signs that animals communicate with one another in the real world. If a person were to understand a certain animal, and it's still an animal in every respect, what would it need to say to prove eating it is wrong?

Maybe Gallus and Gabby have never met. Due to animation restrictions, it looks to us like there are probably 50 griffons, but if they are not an endangered species then they would have to number in the thousands, just to have the biodiversity they need to continue, I guess.

I see someone has read his Richard Adams.


So the cows stampede. Sometimes they wear dresses.


And watched his Monty Python. :twilightsmile:

"...Remember that one time there was a bunny stampede in Griffonstone? Some griffon ate them and got sick. Something about fat and vitamins.”

'Rabbit Starvation' is real.
The meat is too lean (absurd as that sounds) and it takes more vitamins to process the meat than what humans get out.
A malnutrition time bomb.

“Also, forgive her, she’s from Griffonstone, they only have potatoes and hallucinations due to malnutrition!”

Shame on you for using this old meme, SHAME!

Pretty nice crackfic, make me laugh.

“Eagle,” he managed to think right before the Black Rabbit of Inlé took his soul on yet another great adventure.

Aaaand there you earned my like!

What's that prove? For all we know, the Flim Flams saw easy money selling clothes to gullible cows.

Comment posted by redmar deleted Aug 22nd, 2018

Oh, that’s counsellor Glimmer,” Gallus replied. “And she’s not pink, she’s heliotrope.”

“Is that even a colour?” Gallus asked.

The upper sentence shouldn't say Gallus or else it needs to be more clear that it's not Gallus who mentions heliotrope.

Finally, a fic where griffons are just normal people. Also why the hell did no one tell them about this, they were really expecting carnivores, carnivors of all things to survive with just fish? And no one just came and told them selectively that there's a place they can eat other meats at? Nonetheless, I loved the interactions between Gallus and Gabby, they acted like long-term friends who have no problem swearing around each other and they didn't have to hide who they were because of ponies judging them.

I remember that from QI!

...a foal with enormous teeth in a pickle jar...

I'm forced to wonder the precise meaning behind this line. Was it a foal, with enormous teeth, in a pickle jar, or was a foal carrying a pickle jar in which were enormous teeth? And in either case, why wasn't that a noteworthy thing?

I guess it's always Bon Bon because she used to deal with dangerous creatures on a daily basis.

Yeah, it was more about the fact that she used to know that bunny Gabby ate. She'd probably sell or even give them the pigasus, if it wasn't for the fact that it was Discord's (also, eating a pig with wings created by Discord is probably not safe, even by the magical pony land standards).

Well, Gallus looks very different from Griffonstone griffons, so I guess he may be from somewhere else. Maybe he was shunned because of that.

I guess the lambs were pretty silent about it.

Back in her day, it was probably accepted to shoot griffons on sight (though I guess they only had longbows back then).


[1] The whole "are sheep slaves" thing is a whole other bucket of worms :pinkiecrazy:

Hmm, now I wonder if Equestria's sheep are like those animals that wanted to be eaten in The Restaurant at the End of the Universe


I dunno, in the show, cows can talk and they still stampede. In this case, their behaviour is still that of an animal even if language communication is possible.

Maybe in Equestria there's a sliding scale of humanlike vs. feral. Giraffes, pigs, and goats don't even talk, cows can talk, but they're more animal than human, and ponies or zebras only have some animal traits, mostly appearance.

On a side note, your avatar reminds me that I looked up screencaps of the Flower Trio while writing and noticed that as of late, they get more scenes where they're happy rather than scared of something. Maybe they eventually got professional help.
Well, he at least saw her:
Also, I wonder who is this griffon kid. Did Gilda lay an egg between the seasons?

The question is, do they stampede in dresses?

Yeah, that's what I was thinking about.

Aww, I knew I got someone confused there...

I blame Smolder and her greed. Though then, even Ocellus hangs out in there.

Hmm, gotta make it more clear in the text. Basically, the foal is closed in a jar and it happens to have big teeth (it's a reference to my older story called Zombons, where Bon Bon uses her candies to create zombies. I actually wrote it long before the 28 Pranks Later episode...)

Actually, as written, it makes for a damn funny "wait, wut?!?" line. And neither of the possible interpretations I posited actually takes away from that effect.

The explanation you offer is pretty neat though :rainbowlaugh:.

We know very well that griffons love to eat horses...

The CMCs just... disappeared one day. My, Gabby's looking rather plump. :pinkiecrazy:

9125328 Marinading in wine then slow-cook stewing partially breaks it down and makes the nutrients more readily available. It's how the French prepared quite a bit of game meats.

Before a tick bite left me allergic to most mammalian meat, I made a venison stew with a French recipe. It makes even the toughest cuts of meat melt in your mouth.

Bunny begs for its life, Gabby just laughs and slices its leg tendons to make us run while she bats it around as it slowly bleeds out.

“Bunnies don’t talk either!” Gabby rolled her eyes. “Neither do pigs. And back in Griffonstone I ate a sheep, even though they talk.

Sheep begs for its life. Gabby slits its abdominal cavity open and pulls its entrails out while it gasps and chokes on its own blood and bile.

Predators. Sick bastards, I tell ya.

Starlight smiled sheepishly. “The lamb didn’t suffer. Much.

Starlight enters the dungeon where dozens of young lambs ripped from their sobbing ewes are chained in cells where evil ponies like... hmm... Prince Blueblood (cuz everyone hates him anyway) forcefeeds them. "And now, my sweet, tender, succulent lambs," she cackled and held up a long, curved steel blade. "We're going to cast lots to learn who dies today!"

Eh, it's Starlight. Of course she's still an evil psycho in secret.


9126001 The griffons in the show ate scones with acorns on them.

Gilda, in her first appearance, ate an apple.

Only omnivores like bears could do that.

I think that it's mostly for taste when they eat stuff like that, they don't get any thing from it and fish isn't going to fill a carnivore.

The school probably starves these kids

9126748 Uhm, rather leaping to conclusions there, aren't ya? Considering they seem to gorge themselves on party treats as well.

It's pretty clear Equestrian griffons are omnivores. In the same way that Equestrian minotaurs aren't half-breed human-cow mutant that live in labyrinths and eat people.

The most blatantly obvious sapient carnivore is the chimera. The conjoined trio were quite happily going to devour Applebloom, despite having a conversation with her.

Now THAT'S a hard-core, stone-cold PREDATOR!

Yeah, but I think they might be starving. They go to Equestria, everything there is sentient and you're judged for eating it. Plus they look like they happen to be much more carnivorous, look at Griffinstone and the food they eat if you can call it that. The place is way too destroyed for farming and I doubt they would trade with ponies since they have nothing to offer and have too much pride. Not to mention being half of two mainly carnivorous creatures I don't think a cupcake is giving you more than just the flavor and a bit of weight.

And a fish isn't going to do anything either, it isn't as fulfilling as meat or heavy, which is why seafood is preserved for the Summer. So if this is all they're eating I think they must be starving or just malnourished.

9126881 They certainly don't look it. Gilda and Greta were certainly in good shape. They don't show any of the tell-tale signs of malnutrition, which would include very obvious fur and feather loss.

I see someone finished Dante's Inferno.

Remember, kids show. They can't show the signs to rank in viewers, we can assume and theorize so it's all free game. ( Also why I'm waiting for Gen 5, storybuilding before giving the pilot is just👌)

“Artist at work. Please, don’t scare the artist or she’ll never pay rent.”

Sounds like this has been an ongoing issue. :rainbowlaugh:

I loved the dialogue in this, especially how casual it was between Gabby and Gallus. Made it seem like an otherwise pretty chill day for them (for the most part) and that's perhaps what sells this fic the most. :twilightsmile:

It wasn’t just his opinion. His brother Acorn actually conducted quite a lot of research on ponies, but he mysteriously disappeared during one of the experiments, when he stood in front of that big thing spewing smoke and steam that kept appearing in town, always at the same times of the day. Speedwell kept looking for him afterwards, but all he found was a wet patch on the ground.

Why are you like this?

“Don’t worry,” the bat mare said in a deep voice. “I’m used to, umm… irrational attention.” She looked around, but Gabby was already somewhere else.

Note previous comment. It's a brilliantly hilarious story, but still.

In the scene where Angel Bunny was talking to Fluttershy, what does sniffing glue have to do with the Flower Ponies?

Crap i'm allergic to peanuts.

Oh well.

"Silverstream emerged from the lake, holding a large rainbow trout in her beak. She smiled at Gallus and Gabby, biting off a large chunk of the fish before transforming back into her land-based form. Her eyes widened when she saw Gabby."

Her seapony form doesn't have a beak, only her hippogriff form does. You might want to change "beak" to "mouth", in that case.

“How many more times I’ll have to explain it wasn’t me?” should be “How many more times [do I] have to explain it wasn’t me?”

"Grampa Gruff when he was a bag full of gold." Uh, do you mean another verb? Perhaps "had"?

“We were just wondering where have you been.” A better phrasing might be "We were just wondering where you were" or "where you've been".

They're obsessed with gold, specifically *pony currency*.

I'd call that a decent indicator that they trade with ponies - or at least other nations - for a LOT.

Thanks! Such a nice story! :derpytongue2:

9126960 Theory demands evidence. What you have is a postulate.

I have theory, since I can point directly to visual information presented from the show.


Theory demands evidence. What you have is a postulate.

Here's your evidence in the upper-left hand corner of screen shot:

But, hey, filling in the blanks and omissions from a kid's show is partly why this site exists :trollestia:

And I always wondered where Dash kept getting her bacon from...now I know. :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

Now I wonder if Scootaloo tasted like chicken...


Prince Blueblood (cuz everyone hates him anyway) forcefeeds them.

"It eats the food, or else it gets the hose again..."

When let out in the garden, my dog steals strawberries, as well as other berries. Sometimes even apples, if they fall on the ground. Still, those aren't the base of his diet (also, we can't really let him out there when grapes get ripe, as those are poisonous to dogs and he probably doesn't know that).


The most blatantly obvious sapient carnivore is the chimera. The conjoined trio were quite happily going to devour Applebloom, despite having a conversation with her.

It likes to meet the meat. Also, I wonder if adult dragons eat ponies.


Sounds like this has been an ongoing issue. :rainbowlaugh:

It's probably an issue since they started living together.

I blame my tendency to insert references to other fics, so it seems like a loosely-connected verse – in Crystal Rose it was heavily implied Lily's paranoia is the result of substance abuse (and that Daisy was adopted by fainting goats which is why she always faints when facing a danger)

Fixed :twilightsmile:

Got it lol!

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