• Member Since 21st May, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Samey90


"I'm starting to believe you don't have a heart." – some author, after a review of his fic.

Sequels1



T

Boring train rides bring ponies together. But is there a train ride boring enough to bring Vinyl Scratch and Maud Pie together?

Now with a reading by Commando_Pony and another one by Obscure.

Cover art made by me from vectors found on derpibooru.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 34 )

Thank G-d this isn't a clichéd ship. Well done, sir.

Next time they meet: Vinyl glasses Maud, the end.

4098105
That'd be a really short sequel... :ajsmug:

10/10 better than Octascratch. :moustache:

Wow! That was great. Now ship Maud with Luna, because you are correct. The Moon is a giant rock.

Maud would make an excellent student/lover/successor for Luna.

4098193
I guess Luna would have a hard time telling Maud to leave her Moon alone... :rainbowlaugh:


4098157
I must admit that Maud is much funnier to write than Octavia... (hmm, a Maud/Octavia fic would be just too sarcastic...)

That was really cool.

4098133 ehh glassing somebody can be worse than a torture, a million little peices of glass in your face.From this story

I liked it! Good job!

4098673
4099664
Thanks :pinkiehappy:

4098998
Nice story :pinkiehappy: I guess Maud wouldn't react to that...

Hmm... You seem familiar
:applejackunsure:
Oh, hey, I've given you a review before. Well, I hope you liked the feedback, 'cause here comes some more!

This was an intriguing idea. Unfortunately, it's hardly anything more than an intriguing idea. Had it been executed more believably, this could have been a fairly decent fic! That's your number one issue though; this story is very, very hard to believe or take seriously. This key problem stems from multiple flaws; The pacing is rushed (typically in a romance fic you want to have a somewhat slower pace; unless it's a clopfic, but even then it can be argued), Your characterization is still off, and at times it was even a bit repetitive. And by repetitive, I mean this:

A grey mare with a violet mane was reading some papers with an indifferent expression.
Her voice was devoid of any trace of emotion...
...she could swear that not a single muscle moved in grey mare’s face since they’d met.
Her tone didn’t change even for a moment.
On a second thought, Maud’s expression didn’t change...
Maud['s] expression changed again without actually changing
... when Maud spoke again, her tone was emotionless as usual.
...she heard her voice – as usual unfazed by anything – saying exactly one word.

Along with all the other sentences that say pretty much the same thing. This ties in with your characterization, but I'll talk about that later. You see, all those sentences above (and a few others) say pretty much the exact same thing with little to no creativity. Saying a character's tone or expression didn't change is fine, but try to squeeze in a bit of creativity! Instead of saying Maud's expression stayed the same for the third or fifth or eighth time, you could say something like: "Vinyl's eyes drifted from her across the other pony's face, tracing the smooth valleys that had been set in stone from years of wearing the same few, subtle expressions--Vinyl was so used to the faces of those who spent their lives smiling in the sun, to the lines and wrinkles of their cheeks. The same scars she saw in the mirror every morning, left there by the kiss of happiness. 'Do you need something?' She finally heard the flat voice of the other pony and snapped her eyes back to her book..." I'm not saying my writing here is necessarily better than yours, I'm just trying to give an example of how to say the same thing with a bit more creativity. Throwing in passages like that can also help slow down and smooth out your pacing quite a bit.

So, speaking of Maud... Sweet Celestia, what have you done to Maudie! She's not emotionless, condescending or snobby! She's just... used to a slower lifestyle than everypony else. Maybe it wasn't your intent, but condescending, entitled and utterly apathetic is kind of how she comes across here. Maud is an understandably difficult character to write--you really have to get the character in order to keep her from being just plain annoying. I'm not sure how to help you there other than simply to suggest looking more closely at her character. Oh yeah, and her poetry. You do realize that the first peom Maud recited in the episode was bad, right? It was bad, on purpose, for comedic reasons (shock value). Yet both of the poems in this story follow the form of that first poem, and both are a bit painful to listen to, let alone to hear Vinyl compliment. Oh, and then there's Vinyl Scratch--Vinyl actually wasn't so bad. At first, anyways. Where she started to fall apart was just about any time you mentioned her liking Maud. It just wasn't believable. Vinyl and Maud make an interesting match, but you have to acknowledge how different they are for it to be believable. A match like that can't just start liking each other. Something needs to push them together, probably pretty hard. I'd imagine Vinyl wouldn't like Maud much at first, but might get pushed into starting a conversation or two out of sheer boredom.

Not everything about this story was bad though; as I said, Vinyl wasn't so bad near the beginning. Most of the other highlights were single lines, such as this one near the beginning: "Vinyl already guessed half of the plot from that picture and hoped that the other half would surprise her." It's not much, but little lines like that can really enhance a story.

To reiterate, you have an interesting idea, but you go way too fast, and your characters are painfully off at times. I've noticed an improvement, but you still have a ways to go; it's still a intriguing, and makes a nice "writing prompt" story. I'd be hard pressed to recommend it, but I wouldn't advise against reading it.

Rating: :ajsmug:

This review was brought to you by Weekly Watch; I've been gone for a while, but I'm back with a new system that I hope means I can bring you better, more in-depth reviews while taking a bit of a load off my shoulders. Your fic, along with its rating and review, will be featured in a results thread later this week. Hope my feedback helped! If you wish to express your gratitude somehow feel free to simply join my group, but it's not necessary. All I want is to help create better writers.

Decided to read this fic, link: My Reading

Just remember this is my first time doing maud! (even though it's not that hard)
And my first time doing vinyl! (I tried to sound like her... tried)

4123230
Cool :pinkiehappy: Currently I have some issues with my internet connection so I'll only be able to listen to it tomorrow... Can't wait.

You should totally make this a full story, I loved it!

4123230
Hmm, it says that this movie doesn't exist...

4133207
It's alive I cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye that it's live, it's just YouTube. (and yes that reference was needed)

4133207

Just checked, it was youtube, (it lied to me when I was uploading it)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ATptHTSMi0

4148957
Cool :heart:

"It's time to do that physically, come on, Vinyl" :rainbowlaugh:

Maud muttered something in her sleep... Oh fuck...

That's exactly what I say when someone wakes me up in the morning xD

Btw, I made up the title of the paper Maud was reading by googling "geology paper"...

oh sweet Jebes

A Vinyl Scratch
And Maud Pie
Shipping
(I think)

YES:rainbowkiss:

That is so very nice and promising... and so is the sequel. And I really wish for the sequel of that sequel. ^^ It's very well-written... and very heart-warming to read. Thank you so very uch for writing such a nice story.

He was standing next to a horrified mare, aiming his (stunningly large) sword at something that looked like an enormous mass of green tentacles. Vinyl already guessed half of the plot from that picture and hoped that the other half would surprise her.

I-I-I;m sorry it;s too funny:rainbowlaugh:
INNUENDOS EVEERYWHERE

Fun story. Like Maud and Pinkie or Maud and Trixie, there's a nice wide gulf between their personalities that makes for fun chemistry. The part where poker came up got a few good chuckles outta me.

Wow, I didn't expect that to be so adorable.

4474528
Yeah – it was kinda first time I went out of my dark/comedy comfort zone. It got more popular than any other fic of mine at that time...

4492999
Thanks :pinkiehappy: I really like your voice :twilightsmile:

Vinyl Scratch's feelings feel very rushed but I liked your portrayal of Maude.

Wow, this was way more adorable and coherent than I expected this to be. Never saw VinylxMaud coming. (I mean as far as running into this fic)

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