• Member Since 1st Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 38 minutes ago

Diokno44


I am a memebr of the Guardians of Equestria fleet on Star Trek Online

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It's been a few weeks since the events at Camp Everfree. Things have been pretty calm in the human world, the occasional Turducken or Timberwolf popping up notwithstanding. However, ever since Sunset gained her pendant, she's been having vivid dreams, almost like memories. Dreams of a lanky blonde guy, of a bombastic redhead with a large hammer, dreams of a silent, ebony haired young man. But that's impossible, Sunset wasn't a human prior to passing through the mirror....

....right?

(RWBY Crossover)

Chapters (9)
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Comments ( 264 )

FIRST! And you have my attention.

7956083 Thanks man, yeah, trust me, I´ll have more coming out hopefully by next week at the earliest

Interesting... though you might want to work on your formatting a bit; it's kind of hard to track who's talking, and the paragraphs kind of come off as large blocks of text.

Still, this is different from most of the RWBY crossovers I've seen anywhere, so I think it has promise. Hate to see how Sunset reacts to finding out she got disintegrated in her pass life.

7956226 Oh, thanks Iowa, love your fics, BTW. Yeah, Sunset might have a mental breakdown finding out she got....shot through the heart, and Cinder´s to blame. Also, I might have some more RWBY characters pop up.

Sunset and Pyrrha....you have my immediate attention.

7956419 Yeah, this picture, and a post in the RWBY Fan Club, prompted this fic

7956595 Also, some other RWBY characters might pop up, and don´t worry, Flash Sentry is not Jaune

7956663 Thank Christ for that. Flash doesn't deserve to be Jaune, he's too awesome to be downgraded to that blue haired douche.

7956672 I´ll probably make him an OC

Well this has my attention and I can't wait for more it seems awesome.

7956940 That would make sense but still...Neptune's cool too. I wonder if flash doesn't like the water?

Now I feel like making my own Rwby crossover story:twilightblush:

7957012 Could work
7956940 Also, you should do the fic

7957056 We could bounce around ideas in a PM

7957030 Oh and also

She could, through the openings in his armour, vaguely make out some sort of rabbit looking face taking up a good portion of the front of the jacket

I see that you have watched volume 4

And

Pepo Peter´s cereal, which, while not the best tasting cereal in the world, was better than nothing

Nice use of Pumpkin Pete's flakes in this.

7957112 Yes, that was amazing. It was nice to see Ruby laugh again.

And yeah, Pumpkin Pete´s might show up again

Gentlemen, gentlemares, let us take a look at this book we that has caught our eye, I have a sneaking suspicion that we won't be disappointed.

I was right, this is definately worth reading.
You don't see a lot of fics where the fact that there was/is a Sunset from the human world is just that, a fact.

This is good, real good! Apart from some missing quotation marks and a few lowercase letter starting sentences its good. I love the transition and fact that it mixes with RWBY, the second I read the first few sentences I thouht you were implying a Percy Jackson reference of some sort, but then I kept reading and it clicked in my head you were doing RWBY. Cant wait for new chapter!!

Okay, this sounds interesting. Please do go on. :moustache:

7957561 Well, It kind of makes sense. In pretty much every story I´ve seen with parallel universes, there are, more often than not, copies of each individual in some way, shape, or form.


7957881 Huh, reading it over again, I can see how one would see that

7957369 yeah,, but I really can't wait to see where this goes.

7958437 Don worry, the next chapter will come out by next week

Interesting, the art cover speaks for it self.

7959197 It´s where I got the idea

7959409 KO who's going to be Sunset love interest since this story has a romance tag?

7962921 Let´s just say our reborn Ms. Nikos will run into her white knight soon enough.

7962997 KO so Jaune Arc is also reborn into Equestria Girls world as well, wonder who he is now?

The pacing could use more work.

Also split paragraphs after dialogue.

Other than that good story.

KO awesome chapter, seem love of different worlds always finds each other no matter where and when you are reborn! Hope there's gonna be some fighting soon. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::rainbowdetermined2:

Well this is going to get awkward fast as they keep calling each other y their original names. I wonder how their friends will react to their backstory?

7963392 KO I think it might be better than my RWBY story, hope you check it out and my other stories and my blog as well.

7963425 Probably tear up. Note, I will reveal this Jaune´s fate as it pertains to the version of Remnant they come from. Note, it will feature a war with Salem and the Grimm as many fans have speculated will happen

I assume the __________________________________________________________________X___________________________________________ is meant to cleanly divide the page, but the page width depends on the font you're reading in. You generally can't get around this problem on FimFiction. For me, a few _ dropped into the second line.

7963505 Huh, I never knew that, thanks for the tip

7963392 Good luck!

Also have a little conflict in the relationship.

This is advice from a prominent RWBY writer, Coeur.

Seven Beat Romance(Butchered Edition):
1. First meeting.
2. Puppy Love.
3. First Conflict.
4. Resolution.
5. BIGGER Conflict.
6. Plot Twist.
7. Resolution.

I was kinda hoping for a cool amnesia-style story where Sunset is haunted by the recurring memories of a past life while trying to figure out what they mean before someone from her past comes to reveal it. While what you've done can still work, I feel like the pacing is way too fast. At least establish more of the background and conflict that she might be experiencing before she solves the mystery. 2600 words in and the initial conflict is effectively solved. Too fast.

Anyway, besides pacing there are also more typos than I'm comfortable with, particularly the asymmetric scene breaks. Other than that this doesn't seem bad so far. That fact alone ranks this story pretty highly compared to other RWBY crossovers on this site. I look forward to reading the next chapter.

Well that happened a lot faster than I thought it would.

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