• Member Since 18th Aug, 2017
  • offline last seen 11 hours ago

Witchrblizzad


Feel free to ask for feedback everyone! Also Luna, Sunset , Vinyl and Flutter shy are the best.

T

It's been three weeks since the battle of the bands, they didn't have the money for anything and now? Audigo and Aria have disappeared, leaving Sonata alone. It's up to someone with her own demons and a DJ to save the youngest siren from herself, but can she make in time? Or will she be too late? (Oc's in this story are not part of the main cast, though some will have important roles later in the story. They are mine but, anyone can use them so long as they ask first)

Chapters (11)
Comments ( 27 )

Nice, the grammar could use some work, but it's pretty good for a first story.

Nice, I'm waiting for the next chapter.

8435312 gotta agree with this guy, good premise for a story, but there are lots of small grammar mistakes

I can try and help with editing. I'll be rather 'sometimes there sometimes not' tho

8439509

are you sure? cause with school, and work I don't have a lot of time so it might take me a while to get back to you, and I don't want you to feel like I left you hanging.

8439553
I'll be fine. I have school too.

Very interesting path. If you need an extra editor I wouldn't mind helpindlg out from time to time

ok so i had more than a little setbacks and i SHOULD have the next story chapter updated by the end of the week (friday)

Comment posted by Witchrblizzad deleted Nov 9th, 2017

Hmm, content wise, it seems off to a good start. However, there are lots of punctuation errors and occasional typos. If you want, I can try and help you with these :pinkiesmile:

Humm... Celestia a bit ooc here '-'. I mean, be angry and shout to a little girl juste because she tear a page of a book... Sure, she can be disapointed, but direct anger... She have problems. She should consulte her royal psycologist, or something like that.

8701883

yeah, I'm planning for her to do a catch up with sunset eventually, telling her what went on including therapy. She had been less rational due to nightmare moons return.

8702104
yeah, I can accept this version ^^. it could open for more (like how this influence the educacion of twilight by celestia, for exemple). but if this is the case, when Celestia present sunset in the first movie, it will be hypocrite (its something like 'sunset shimmer, an ancien student of mine. but when she didn't have what she want, she became cruel and dishonest. I trie to help her, but she decide to stop her studies and pursue her own pass'). it's just an extract, but the whole scene sound completly different if this is the case. So I supose she didn't say the same things in your alternate universe (I hope '-').

P:S: and now that I think about it, you should think of an explication of why she didn't write in the book (or maybe she have but sunset don't believe it :O)

P.P.S: All I said is to take lightly, many very good fictions doesn't think about this very hard too, but I like to be a bit critic sometime, it's good for my health >:33.

8704890

Yeah! that's some great ideas, I was wondering how to incorporate these recent events into the meeting with Twi and how it would change her studies and you just helped me find out what I'm gonna do!

To me, it kind of makes sense that celestia goes overboard here. She represents the sun, and while it is usually orderly, it flares up and lashes out when under forms of stress. The moon on the other hand is cool and runs on a cycle. It changes in appearance, but only does its best to help the planet stay in check. That’s how I like to think of lulu and celly at least

8959249
yeah, im working on rewriting the story into one that makes much more sense, it will be better and has several recurring themes. On the bright side, it will be out soon!
When I had first written this I had thought it was going to be a few chapters long at most and I had no real storyline planned for it. Now I do!

And who says chivalry is dead

Always the kind-hearted one vinyl scratch

I think it's good that even a bully like her had a code of conduct and frankly I don't see her as being really a "bully" per se more just an angry teenager lashing out at the world because her home life sucked

I say blast that drunken bastard to the tartaruce he crawled out of. One thing above any other things is abusive parents. In fact I know there is a nice cozy spot in the hell for them that I just love watching them burn

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