• Member Since 1st Sep, 2012
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Diokno44


I am a memebr of the Guardians of Equestria fleet on Star Trek Online

T
Source

This story is a sequel to The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle


(Alternate Continuity to Rated Ponystar's The Assassination of Twilight Sparkle)

A plot to assassinate a newly crowned Princess. A guard's warning. A trick, and vanishing. After an assasination attempt on the life of Twilight Sparkle is discovered, the perpatrators think they have succeed but they were wrong.

For, perhaps, Twilight Sparkle yet lives.

Chapters (4)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 101 )

Interesting. I'll follow this to see where it goes.

now this is a nice spinoff to the other one

Aka, if luna acted like an actually intelligent character and realized 'wait a second, i'm a fucking demigoddess and a ruler!'

i immensely do not like that story when it turned into just a stupid conspiracy that makes no sense.

Letting her nearest & dearest know she isn't dead is merciful, but is it wise? How good will they be at faking grief? I think it would be smarter (if crueler) to let everyone think she is dead until they're sure they've caught all the conspirators.

Interesting opening, however this author has a tendency to create openings of stories, go a little way, and then abandon the story to never be finished.

I'll hope that this one proves an exception.

6509612 Agreed. It just became really contrived by the time we got to "Ponies must get jobs depending on their cutie marks" and "The nobles are all greedy, corrupt, and power hungry, except for Fancy Pants." And now we're supposed to believe these ponies actually have a leg to stand on, and are provoking a civil war? In reality, it might make sense, but against characters that are basically gods, it's not possible without hitting said characters with the idiot ball.

It could use some work, but for now I am curious to see what you do with this.

6509951 in reality it works because no one has the capacity to blast down a door, let alone having entities that are bsaicalyl god like.
and even then it only works so long as you can convince other people not to kill you.

AT the very lesat my issue is that it was sooo easy for them to save Twilight as thigns are. Luna could have even done what happened in this story, fake twilights death.

I can finally sleep well let go of my anger... for now anyway. I have to ask, did you have permission to write in this universe or is this in your own universe?

Compared to the original, this feels like it has a more solid premise, but also too fast paced with little emotional impact.

6510289 I can say he didn't. I had tp work hard to get Rated Blessing to a future story on this subject.

It's nice to see an alternate story to the original. What bothered me about the original story was not only the presence of the orichalum, but the bullshit conspiracy theory going on as well.

(This small complaint is filled with spoilers for the original story. Beware!) "Oh, the only thing in Equestria that's capable of killing an alicorn is this incredibly-rare metal, which just so happens to be owned by the Pie Family. Drama!" I'm sure Princess Celestia would know about and keep tabs on stuff like that, like a law requiring reports on any and all orichalum deposits/storages. Even if ponies faked them, she'd somehow know about it. She's responsible and smart enough to not let something that goddamn dangerous to her and her fellow alicorns go unaccounted for. I know there's such a thing as "suspension of disbelief" when it comes to fiction, but it's just too much of a plot contrivance for me to handle. There's also too much bullshit about the conspiracy for me to rant about, so I won't...

6510655 okay. I just know I had to work hard to get my story going so if Rated is okay with this not going to press.

A bit too rushed, superficial feelings for my tastes. And an out-of-the-blue-for-the-sake-of-it-adding-nothing-to-the-story shipping, just so they can kiss...

6510655 This would indeed be an interesting turn of events in the story. Glad you got the permission from the original author to do this. Can't wait to see what transpires in this.

Does feel a little rushed but at least it doesn't feel like wading through unnecessary details. I would rather have a quick read that gets the point across than one that feels too long. Got to say though that I would avoid any Twilestia here. Have "Forest" be her hoofmaiden and emotional support be her reason to be sleeping in the same room. This coming from a fan of Twilestia. It just doesn't feel right in this one with what happened in the last one.

I was looking towards to this, really - the original, while a superbly emotional read, always felt like it had some holes and flaws, especially after it tried to bring the larger conspiracy in to what should have remained an emotional exploration of how various people reacted to Twilight's violent death.

Then my ability to take this one the least bit seriously evaporated when Flash was retconed out as Twilight's significant other so that she could make out with Celestia. Just ... no.

6512200 I will still play this as seriously as possible, TwiLestia or no.

Great. You've equipped her with Spy's Dead Ringer. Why not go all the way and hand her the Eternal Reward?

if this story die's i'll personally spank you're flank :trollestia:

,,,,,, I would redact the whole twilestia stuff dude. That is not gonna make a strong case for your story.

Okay, let's see what Trotting Dead Guy wants.

6520085 good it's sad to see good stories die :twilightsheepish:

6520200 Blueblood. They aren't receiving a petition from a high-ranking noble, they're getting notes from someone who's going to be dead as soon as they get him to out himself.

6520214 Oh, so he's a dead stallion trotting

6520218 I'm thinking of the phone-call the MIGHTY MONARCH made from prison to his henchman. 24 had got on his last nerve and Mr King Butterfly Man said "I am no longer talking to you....I am talking to a dead man. Upon my release or escape, I will seek you out" only to be interrupted when 24 told the rest of the Fluttering Horde the Boss was on the line.

6520233 Ah, its been awhile since I've watched Venture Bros

6520234 It's also been a while since they put on new episodes. Me, I'm waiting for Archer to return to see if Ray survived getting sepsis.

Interesting so far. I'm just surprised that they didn't arrest Gallant Heart already (after two weeks of the crime)... unless they are waiting to discover the "mastermind" behind the attempt and capture all them together?

Would not Luna to be spying Gallant Heart's dreams by now? Or are she waiting for the conspirators to relax before drop the Nightmare Hammer?

I wood like it if you wood plz explain what you changed because I am confused. Things like :moustache: being made her little bro instead of son or :rainbowdetermined2: and :yay: living together. Other then that I like your story. :pinkiehappy: :twilightsmile::heart:

6520547 It's a personal,thing, I just feel like Flash was just made to have her have. A heterosexual partner,my hat,,and the guy doesn't have much personality

6521177 I was referring to the TwiLestia stuff in this chapter. If Twilight is supposed to be with Flash Sentry, it feels really weird for some of the dialogue to indicate that Celestia was in love with Twilight.

6521301 Twilight and Flash are friends with benefits, with Sunset being with Flash

6521332 That just further throws off this story, because if Celestia was in love with Twilight, there is no way she could train herself to keep their relationshp under wraps while Twilight is in disguise. At least with Flash Sentry, he'd have guard work to distract him.

6521439 I am having her as a hoof maiden, and Celestia will be perfectly in control,fo her emotions,methought she may lapse a bit.

I love this. I liked the Fic that inspired this, and I hope Twilight's revenge is epic!

Aren't people going to be suspicious about this mysterious new scribe who shows up out of nowhere to vault all the way up through the ranks to Celestia's side and just happens to do so at the very moment when Twilight died? Even if the nobles aren't paying attention, there's bound to be plenty of other scribes who coveted that position and will want to know who's filling it.

6525885 Dont worry, I'll cover that

Liking this so far, I can't wait to see the look on Blueblood and his fellow conspirator's faces (hopefully including Blueblood's father) when Twilight revels to them that she's not dead.

6617541 I must think on how to proceed, and I'm working on The Knight and Princess of the Sun. Do note, I shall lax in uodates tomorrow, for you shall lose me for a time to Fallout 4

6617611 ohh no fallout 4 shall swallow us all :twilightblush:

6617618 So yeah, updates will come, slowly

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!