• Member Since 25th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 22nd, 2020

Weeping Angel


Retired

T

Demon. Villain. Witch. All of these malevolent words have been used to describe Sunset Shimmer. What can a mare do? She ran. And now after 10 years of running, it's time for her to leave the ghosts of her past and save Equestria. When the bearers of the Elements of Harmony disappear and the creatures of Equestria need a hero, they turn to one pony alone. Sunset Shimmer, the mare who can see where the mountain meets the sun.


~~Sex tag for risqué jokes and speech. Sunset's humor can be a bit perverted at times.~~

Untagged characters include: Princess Cadence, Trixie, Changelings/Chrysalis, Spike, Discord, Zecora. I'm sure there are more, but these will be the main ones you find throughout the story.

Special thanks to SirRage for proofreading,
Polaris for the first round of editing,
Drgnwolf for the major editing afterwards,
Swirling Line for the amazing cover art,
and PureLogic for help with Luna's speech in the intro paragraph!

Chapters (3)
Comments ( 87 )

I'll be keeping an eye on this story, seems interesting...

3893553
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoy the plot so far!

3893573

I did see the reference with Luna's speech, quite clever I must say.

The pacing and staging of the scenes seems a little rushed/fast, almost like you were rushing for the story to get to the point Could use more of athmospheric descriptions and staging and just chilling and taking things slower overall.

The plot itself seems like a flat out crazy concept in an intriguing way so I look forward to seeing how it forges ahead!

3893670
Thank you:twilightsmile: I'm glad you did. I always liked that song.

3893678
Thank you for the suggestions! It really helps when people actually tell me what they didn't like in the story.

Yes, the faster plot was intentional, and I will be slowing down in the next chapter. But also, I'm not very good at slowing things down. That's something I always struggle with.

And I'm glad you like it! The inspiration for this thing came to me from the book "Where the Mountain Meets the Moon". It's pretty good for a children's book.

You made a few mistakes with your Middle English.

> “What could thee do?”

This should be:

> “¿What could thou do?”

> “Or are thee an idiot like your mentor was?”

Should be:

> “¿Or art thou an idiot like your mentor was?”

I already had this helped somepony else with Middle English; so now, I repost what I then wrote:

#1 · 21h, 10m ago · · ·

>> MariusIoannesP

No, I am not a linguist. I just saw that “with thou” is wrong, double-check the grammar of Middle English, and posted the grammar.

MariusIoannesP

#2 · 21h, 28m ago · · · Walabio

>> Walabio Wow. :pinkiegasp: Are you like a linguist or something? I used to want to be a linguist when I was a kid.

Walabio

#3 · 22h, 57m ago · · · MariusIoannesP

>> MariusIoannesP

English was much more like German with 5 cases and much more verb conjugation, then a vowel-shift severed most of the suffixes. This is a common pattern:

A language has lots of suffixes, a vowel-shift severs the suffixes, leaving it an isolated language (no cases, genders, or numbers on nouns and no conjugations, aspect or tenses on verbs, with no grammatical endings on words) with grammar indicated solely by word-order. Its grammar is like Chinese.

Then prepositions or postpositions and number indicators fuse with nouns, forming cases, thus bring declension. Pronouns fuse with verbs causing conjugation and particles, and adverbs like will for future and already for aspect fuse with verbs, thus bringing aspect and tense. Its grammar is like Latin.

Then a vowel-shift severs the suffixes again.

¡Around and around it goes! ¿Where it stops? ¡Nopony knows!

I Forgot about whom:

Who is the subject.

One uses whom as the object.

¿Whose property is it?

¿Whom doth she love?

¿Who washeth the dog?

¿With whom thou swimmest?

¿Who burneth whose tree?

¡Now thou canst write like Princess Luna speaketh!

:twilightsmile:

Thou aught to remember that the word “thou” is always singular. The most common mistake is to use it for addressing groups.

MariusIoannesP

#4 · 1d, 6h ago · · · Walabio

>> Walabio Now, it's fixed. Thank you that was very informative. It reminds me a bit of German.

Walabio

#5 · 1d, 19h ago · · · MariusIoannesP

> “with thou”

Should be:

> “with thee”

Personal pronouns in Middle English

Nominative Oblique Genitive Possessive

1st person singular I me my/mine mine

plural we us our ours

2nd person singular informal thou thee thy/thine thine

plural or formal singular ye, you you your yours

3rd person singular he/she/it him/her/it his/her/his (it) his/hers/his

plural they them their theirs

Remember that possessive pronouns and the indefinite article ends in the letter N before vowels, semivowels, and the letter H.

Conjugation:

Singular

I Walk.

Thou walkest

She, It, or He walketh.

Plural:

We walk.

You Walk.

They walk.

Oh yeah, the reference is to Ozzy Osborn.

The moon rises song!!!!! You know, her speech? EPIC!!! :D

¿Why has not every pony dead? Half of their world experiences never-ending day, while the other half is in perpetual night.

3893963
Oh. I knew I got some of that wrong! Thank you for helping me with that, I'll fix it once I get home from school.:rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowwild:
3894033
Um...not the reference that I was thinking of...:rainbowderp: Close enough:pinkiecrazy:

3894100
Haha, yeah, me too! It was the first MLP fan song I've ever heard. It's been stuck in my head forever.
3894548
Yeah, I should put that in. But I don't know what you mean by never-ending day. The sun has been gone for a while now. But thank you for telling me this, and I'll start to hint at that in the next chapter. Maybe that'll clear some things up:rainbowkiss:

3895598
3893963
Most of that sounds correct, but I wouldn't use an inverse question mark in an old english style question. It isn't used in the following transcript of Romeo and Juliet, as well as the wikipidia article on old English. I know '¿' is used in Spanish, but I don't think it's used here.

3898614
No, it isn't. The Old English punctuation is mostly the same as normal English.
So, you're right. I didn't add the question mark. Just the words. :twilightsmile:

3898623
Ah ok, I was going to comment on it yesterday but didn't get around to it.

Also, Apple Bloom's (if that is AB) cutie mark in the artwork looks awfully lot like the old Apple Computer logo, which is pretty cool :twilightsheepish:

3898614


Inverted punctuation is an example of modernizing punctuation:

Only in the last few centuries has English worked out its punctuation. Most reprints of old text have to have their punctuation modernized because no standards existed a few hundred years ago. Not only did every author punctuate differently, but since none were sure how to punctuate, authors would try different ways of punctuating different works. Let us Look a at Chaucer, Shakespeare, and the King James Bible:

Modern reprints of Chaucer update the punctuation because of the irregular punctuation of the original. The same goes for Shakespeare. When England stopped being Catholic, it decided it needed its own version of the Bible. English punctuation was not yet settled, so its punctuation was all over the place. Most modern reprints have modernized its punctuation.

Nowadays, we have modern punctuation like ellipses ( … ), M-Dashes ( — ), question-marks ( ¿ ? ), interrobangs ( ⸘ ‽ ), Exclamation-points ( ¡ ! ), double-quotation-marks ( “ ” ), single-quotation-marks ( ’ ’ ), et cetera. If we modernize the punctuation of Chaucer, ¿why not also modernize the punctuation of Princess Luna?

You had my curiosity.

Now you have my attention.

3926693
*salutes*
Thank you, kind sir. I hope you enjoy your stay:moustache::moustache::yay:

Something 'special', huh? I could make a sex joke, but I won't.

4007096
Don't worry, Sunset has all the sex jokes under control. Her mind is dirty, dirty, dirty!:pinkiecrazy:

4007149
I would say "prove it", but honestly I don't want to know:rainbowlaugh:

4007114
1) I could totally see that,
2) I hope we'll see that.
Protagonists with dirty minds are so much fun, after all^^

4008638
:pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy::pinkiecrazy:
She is actually very much like me. :rainbowlaugh:
Plus, what fun is there without a little chaos? With Sparkler around, the awkwardness of the two together will be better if one of them is dirty.

It is good. It needs 2 things:

* Editing
* An explanation about why the world is not dead and frozen.

4010160
1. Polaris is editing, she just hasn't gotten to it yet. It will be edited soon.
2. OK. It'll come in the next chapter:raritywink:

Hm, interesting so far.:trixieshiftright:

Also, Luna's speech was the latter half of The Moon Rises, the best Nightmare-Moon Song I've ever heard.

4013884
Thank you for noticing that! I absolutely LOVE that song, it's one of the best MLP songs there is!!
And I'm really glad you like it!!

This seems pretty interesting, but I'm afraid that Luna's archaic dialogue is still pretty off, and it's bugging me. You might want to look up some resources on correct Elizabethan grammar. In particular you keep swapping thee for thou, and you use modern terms mixed in with the archaic ones. (There's at least one "your" that needs to be a "thy", and a "has" that really should be a "hath", and I only got a few paragraphs in. Do it one way or do it the other, don't mix them.) And you don't conjugate any of the words that go with the thees and thous. (You can't say "thou would" it's either "you would" or "thou wouldst", unless maybe you're a lolcat.) I know it's hard stuff, but I'm one of those who knows it too well to read it done wrong without cringing. You might find http://www.sonic.net/~wtallant/uo/speak5.htm to be useful, and http://alt-usage-english.org/pronoun_paradigms.html has a proper conjugation chart.

Alternately, there's no reason why Luna can't have picked up modern grammar, she would find it perfectly understandable, you and your were used in the Elizabethan period.

4016929
Ah. I knew it would be off.

Originally, I had it modernized. But my proofreader told me to do more of the Old English, and I tried my best because I have no idea how to do it. I'll fix it when I get the chance, but thank you for pointing that out to me:twilightsmile:

4032302
Thanks! Found it online, and it was pretty so I chose it:heart:

Dark Equestria

A fretful sky
An absent sun
A distant heat
A deathly hoof
City against city
While the planet turns from gold to gray
And gray to black
No yesterday
No tomorrow
Just an everlasting now
Fleeting and forever
Circle, cycle, scythe.
And the six-sided architect
Freethinking
Unblinking
Holds the fate of all things
In the palm of her hoof.

4047995
Yay! It will most likely feature in the next 1-2 chapters!

This is an interesting AU. Now that Sunset knows she's needed to release Celestia (and hopefully the Mane 6) from their prison, she'll start thinking of ways to achieve that goal. It seems to me like she's been reacting to everything that's happened since she left for the human world, and it's left her a bit tunnelvisioned. Speaking of the human world, should the Epic Quest(tm) fail or take long enough, it could be a refuge from Nightmare Moon's forces, as she would have the experience advantage over there and most magic being nonexistent through the portal.

As far as the story goes, it is well-paced, enough details to let the reader fill in the blanks themselves, but not too many to distract from the plot, which you seem to be focusing on as opposed to character development. With things speeding up, the party will have to survive the horrors of the Everfree with nearly nothing but their wits, which I have always enjoyed.

Favorited, and I eagerly anticipate your next chapter.

4050014
Thank you so much! I am very happy that you enjoyed it, this is one of the stories that I am working on the most.:rainbowkiss::heart:

PS I just LOVE torturing my favorite ponies! :pinkiecrazy:

Who doesn't? :pinkiecrazy: Also, it apparently works the other way round too - I tortured Silver Spoon so much recently that she suddenly became one of my favourite characters...

4063672
I just love Silver Spoon... might try torturing her next!:pinkiecrazy:

4063766
Poor Silver Spoon... (says the guy who, apart of putting her through horrors of war, thinks about writing a dark slice of life fic about her struggling with drug addiction... :pinkiecrazy:)

3898789 This person gives bad advice and should not be listened to.

Just saying.

4127635 That crap about punctuation. It's terrible advice. Haven't read this story yet, just added it to my RL list, but skimming the comments, I caught that mess and couldn't not comment on it. :pinkiesick:

4127641
Oh, okay. That's fine. And thank you for putting it in your RL list.:twilightsmile:

Beautiful and lovely. Now this is the kind of AU I can dig.

Can't wait for more chapters! Keep up the awesome work!

4127770
Really? I'm really glad you like it! This is the one I actually like the most out of all of my stories...

Thank you so much!

More chapters will be up either today or tomorrow, depends on when I can get it to my editor.:heart::rainbowkiss:

Hey, is that a 'The Moon Rises' reference? NICE! One of my favorites. :pinkiehappy:

Just reading the description makes this story seem epic!
I'll give it a read.
Please don't send me back in time!

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