• Member Since 4th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 15 hours ago

caveman0803


T

Short Stories featuring Twilight and Cheerilee between 100 and 1000 words featuring various authors.

For information or if you want to contribute check out the thread.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 16 )

Oh my gosh. Yes!
I love these type of stories.

Hello, caveman0803. I'll be your editor for today. Let's get started, shall we?

by a flower stall and noticed that they were selling flowers

this seems redundant. Either eliminate the "and..." clause, or make it into something slightly more comedic: by a flower stall and noticed that they were selling--what else--flowers

They are her favorite afterall.

should read: they are her favorite, after all, Remember the comma at the end, as you go into another phrase instead of a new sentence.

“Afternoon Cheery. How was class?” Twilight asked

missing period.

Cheerilee looked at Twilight with a smile on her face.

“It was good. I gave the children study time near the end of class, so i’m just about done grading their papers.” Cheerilee said.

it's more than acceptable to have this in one paragraph.

“Thats good because I have plans for today.” Twilight said

That's good, because... and another missing period.

“Oh really?” Cheerilee inquired “What plans would that be?”

"Oh, really?" Cheerilee inquired. "What plans would those be?"

“Well it starts with these.” Twilight said.

"Well, it starts with these," Twilight said.

Twilight you shouldn't have!” Cheerilee exclaimed. “Oh my goodness they’re beautiful. Thank you so much!”

Twilight, you shouldn't have!" Cheerilee exclaimed.

Twilight said with a smile

period.

finish these later.

should be a comma breaking the monologue, not a period.

i’m going to take

I'm going to take (capitalization error)

Twilight and Cheerilee left the school to go to the hill that the two mares had their first date at and a thought occurred to Twilight

missing period.

“Her smile is as beautiful as an entire field of Sunflowers.”

is the prompt supposed to be capitalized? If so, sorry for wasting time here.

No real story errors, knowing you're supposed to keep it short. This was adorkably fantastic. :coolphoto: I go!

You changed between Twilight being an alicorn and a unicorn part way through

Twilight remembered one of Cheerliee's stories, concerning moldy cheese and a goat.

I don't want to know

Then the door swung open, smacking Cheerilee in the face. The lavender alicorn stepped out to see the victim of her un-careful door opening clutching her bleeding muzzle.

what a way to start a relationship

5217389 that's because each story is written by a different person

5258837 No, during this chapter, one line Twi was an alicorn then further down she was a unicorn.
With Roseluck...

she called after the purple alicorn

With Applebloom...

the purple unicorn asked

And I do know how prompt collabs work, I'm in the OctaScratch one

Cute. I liked this one a lot. Actually, I liked the others too, but i'm too lazy to comment on all of them.

This is like the third story I've wrote about a drunk mare.

I think I have a problem.

ok that list need to be shown on they wedding day or night before

this is one of my favor shippings that sadly not a lot of story out there of which is just sad

7483467
It was the BEST save of her life. I have the feeling that Cheerilee wasn’t gonna take any old excuse.

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