Sunflower
By caveman0803
Springtime in Ponyville. There isn’t a more peaceful time for the small village than when you can go out in the morning to go on a picnic and enjoy the scenery, and Twilight Sparkle knew that. She was on her way to the local elementary school to see her how her girlfriend was doing and to surprise her with a proposition. On her way there she passed by a flower stall and noticed that they were selling flowers.
“I should buy her a bouquet of sunflowers. They are her favorite afterall.” she thought to herself with a smile.
After making her purchase, she continued on her way towards her destination. As the school came into view, so too did a dust cloud of destruction. It took all of Twilight’s power to avoid the chaos that was recently released students and to make it out alive. After the chaos had ended and Twilight saw that it was safe, she continued on towards her goal.
She opened the door while hiding the bouquet behind her back and saw the pony of her dreams. Sitting behind the desk, reading over various assignments, was a cerise colored mare with a light pink mane. She walked up to Cheerilee and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Afternoon Cheery. How was class?” Twilight asked
Cheerilee looked at Twilight with a smile on her face.
“It was good. I gave the children study time near the end of class, so i’m just about done grading their papers.” Cheerilee said.
“Thats good because I have plans for today.” Twilight said
“Oh really?” Cheerilee inquired “What plans would that be?”
“Well it starts with these.” Twilight said.
Twilight brought out the bouquet she was hiding and Cheerilee’s eyes lit up.
“Twilight you shouldn’t have!” Cheerilee exclaimed. “Oh my goodness they’re beautiful. Thank you so much!”
“Only the best for my lovely Ms. Cheerilee.” Twilight said with a smile
“Flattery will get you everywhere, Ms. Sparkle.” Cheerilee said
This statement caused both mares to start giggling like a couple of school fillies.
“Are you almost done?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, but I can always finish these later.” Cheerilee said “So what do you have planned?”
“Well, i’m going to take you to our favorite spot on the hill for a nice picnic.” Twilight explained.
“Sounds amazing.” Cheerilee said with a loving smile.
Twilight and Cheerilee left the school to go to the hill that the two mares had their first date at and a thought occurred to Twilight
“Her smile is as beautiful as an entire field of Sunflowers.”
Hello, caveman0803. I'll be your editor for today. Let's get started, shall we?
this seems redundant. Either eliminate the "and..." clause, or make it into something slightly more comedic: by a flower stall and noticed that they were selling--what else--flowers
should read: they are her favorite, after all, Remember the comma at the end, as you go into another phrase instead of a new sentence.
missing period.
it's more than acceptable to have this in one paragraph.
That's good, because... and another missing period.
"Oh, really?" Cheerilee inquired. "What plans would those be?"
"Well, it starts with these," Twilight said.
Twilight, you shouldn't have!" Cheerilee exclaimed.
period.
should be a comma breaking the monologue, not a period.
I'm going to take (capitalization error)
missing period.
is the prompt supposed to be capitalized? If so, sorry for wasting time here.
No real story errors, knowing you're supposed to keep it short. This was adorkably fantastic. I go!