Hello, I suck at bios but here we go! I like to type and just want to spend my free time making stories here and there, and that is about it for the moment! Maybe more later. :D
Bored, lonely and tired of doing the old same routine Cheerilee hopes for a special somepony to bring spice into her life. Grading papers, answering questions and teaching the young minds of Ponyville has swamped her social life, blocking her hopes of finding Mr. Right! But when all hope is lost to find that special guy, she receives a love letter and all of the troubles that comes with it.
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The title of the book Cheerilee reads doth seem a bit familiar
I like the writing style, the pacing is not too fast and you do a good job explaining Cheerilee's character.
Also, the tags seem to suggest a pairing that I really like, so you have my attention. Please, don't let me be wrong.
You're back, Mephilez. You have my attention.
By the way, 'Lusty Equestrian Maid'? I believe we all know that allusion.
Now that was just about perfect.
I like this idea, it's very cute.
The whole "conscious can talk," thing is a bit annoying and confusing at times. Also you might want put the secret admires' letter content in italic's to make it smoother to read.
this is sooo goooooodddd i cant wait for the next chapter :D
3433012 Roger that good sir! I wasn't so sure how to go about the conscience but I will improve it so it isn't so confusing
I know the feeling of a lot of work, trust me.
I support you, sir.
This story is great. I love the inner dialogue and how snarky her inner voice can be.
She just had to ask THAT question didn't she? >=)
Oh this is interesting, I like the interaction between Cheerilee and her Gay Drag Stallion Conscience Voice (GDSCV) in her head. It's quite funny. And YES!!!!! Twirilee!!! I knew it from the start! I can't wait for Cheerilee to realize that it's Twilight who's her secret admirer. She definitely made Twilight's night when she reassured and hugged her.
Can't wait for the next chapter!!
Interesting...
Very Interesting...
This is magnificent!
3463916 GDSCV? I like that!
I was kinda hoping that scoots had done something even worse to diamond like make her sit on her crown, pointy ends up, or maybe scoots sat on her head while wearing the crown, or strangle her with her own mane....I am stopping now
this is just too damn cute and goofy
Hehe, this was a good one. I like that Cheerilee and Scootaloo are getting along and having fun. And YES ADOPT THE FILLY ALREADY!!!!!!!!
It's good to see Twilight and Cheerilee bonding a bit, I wonder when she'll ask or wonder if her secret admirer is a mare. Hopefully NOT soon, it'll ruin the surprise!!
And Damn Twilight, you have a way with words!
And Cheeriliee's GDSCV is as sassy as ever. . .
The story is amazing and how everything is playing out is eye catching with the added bonus of keeping you wanting more. The BEST part of the whole story so far is cheer's inner voice. I don't know how you came up with the drag queen persona but it's working and I'm loving everything he says. The laughs just don't stop.
The name of that book sounds really familiar, but I can't put my hoof on why.
Anyway, I like the setup so far (for the most part) and I can hardly wait to read more. Nice work!
PS: Sonic much?
At what point did you suddenly decide that Cheerilee's inner voice is flamboyantly gay? XD
Funny stuff. Very neat.
Well, I had several things to say, but I got interrupted for about eight hours or so while in the middle of the chapter. As such, I seem to have unfortunately forgotten what exactly I wanted to say. Ah, well.
Still interesting stuff. Carry on!
3564615 It's just a idea that popped into my head, honestly I never really planned for him to be gay but it just felt right to make his character as such lol! It probably wouldn't be the same story without Cheerilee's flamboyant conscience!
Loving it keep up the good work!
Now this was something I wasn't expecting. No, I don't mean that a chapter finally came out after quite a delay, though it was still a nice surprise. But the fact that Cheerilee lost her job because she finally put Diamond Tiara in her place and that's actually a good thing. You're keeping me on my toes with what's gonna happen next, because nothing's as bad as a story where what'll happen next is more obvious than Pinkie Pie saying she loves to party.
Anyway, good luck on your Finals, I got Prelims in a couple of weeks, so I know what you're going through.
3564477
Elder scrolls has a similar book series in the games
3591540
Hmm. I suppose that could be it...
ok im loving this story! i need more!
keep up the good work!
"who am I to judge if somepony loves another regardless of gender? True love should not be hindered by gender, and how can we all be equal if we can't accept that? "
I fear this may come back into play letter on....
Woo i love that this story flows so well,
i also knew exactly what Mortar was up too!
I think I only spotted a few mistakes but i cant remember where they are at so it must not have been important!
Pleas keep up the good work and I hope for more soon!
Yay! New chapter! Good work with dealing with Cheerilee's slump. It wasn't too long or too short and did everything right. Good save from Twilight, and yes I grinned like the devil when Mortar got his face smashed. I liked that Twilight just didn't do the "I'm a princess, so give her the job or be sent to the moon", but actually proving that there was something wrong and giving him a real reason to let her get the job, or else.
Anyway, good job and hope to see the next chapter soon
Yay! New chapter! Good work with dealing with Cheerilee's slump. It wasn't too long or too short and did everything right. Good save from Twilight, and yes I grinned like the devil when Mortar got his face smashed. I liked that Twilight just didn't do the "I'm a princess, so give her the job or be sent to the moon", but actually proving that there was something wrong and giving him a real reason to let her get the job, or else.
Anyway, good job and hope to see the next chapter soon
Having her conscience call her gay killed me and I hope you are ready to pay for my funeral bills.
Ya know, Cheerilee, for a teacher you sure are staggeringly stupid
lol i loved this chapter... though its a tad sad...or is it happy... hmmm kinda both
i was hoping she would have wrote her admirer and mentioned how she felt or was starting to feel for Twi, at least to try to get some advice from said Admirer...
i think that would be great to see a reply to that letter lol
though in most situations what would probably really hurt an admirer... well good thing that this is not most situations
3742075 I apologize for any death my writings may cause
I hope the bills aren't too expensive!
Great chapter, I love reading awkward romance. They give me this warm fuzzy feeling mixed with the smug makes-people-want-to-punch-me-to-the-next-century grin, it's a great feeling.
Aaaaand Cheerilee just screwed up big time, I swear. Hope she resolve's this soon, but I think I know how this will progress and I like what I'm guessing. Anyway hope to see the next chapter soon!
I favorited this cause i've got a soft spot of twi romance stories, but there are several things that i think don't work well with the story.
A minor one is the use of quotation marks for cheerilee talking to her inner conscious. I think apostrophes would work better just so its not confusing on whether she is speaking in her head or out loud. Everytime i see the quotation marks around her inner thoughts i keep waiting for someone around her to be looking at her weird for speaking out loud. Thats just a minor gripe though.
I have two bigger complaints about the story though. The first being how mean cheerilee is, especially in the first couple chapters. I stopped reading halfway through chapter one due to how cheerilee seemed to hate both her job and half her class. It took me two days before i picked it back up again, and only then because i just really love twilight stories. I can understand being frustrated with work, but it seems to go beyond that to down right disdain for her career choice and having to be around children. She even makes up names for snips and snails that seem completely out of character for her. Sure she can be frustrated with her job, but getting satisfaction out of essentially being a mental bully herself just doesn't sit well with how she has been portrayed before. Even her joy at seeing DT suffer seems over the top and DT is the one you could argue had it coming. You can say that she only thinks these things but doesn't say them, but thats still a mark on her character and makes her unlikeable. I think easing up on those elements will improve the story greatly.
The next big thing has to do with the whole Mortar/Rich/Paper weight plot. I think this whole section was handled pretty poorly as it makes our heroes out to be pretty bad themselves. Lets start with the Mortar bar scene. Why was roofies needed? The scene would have worked for what you intended with just mortar trying to get her wasted so he could sleep with her and bringing in date rape drugs was completely unnecessary. The implications this scene has looks bad for our heroes too. One, what kind of teacher is cheerilee if the first place her student thinks to look for her is the bar? What type of princess is Twilight if she knows for a fact that date rape drugs are served by the bartender in this bar so well that she even knows what it looks like, and yet she does nothing to stop the practice before and arguably after. This is a serious crime and she is a princess yet doesn't try to shut down such an establishment because why? They just leave with a threat about not doing it or violence will occur, but no legal action is taken against the place. In fact, just having the place being able to serve those drinks so openly that even Twilight, the one who stays in the library all day reading books, knows not just of it but what it even looks like specifically speaks volumes of the corruption of police/mayor in the town. When you really take a hard look at the implications of that scene, everyone involved looks either corrupt, unprofessional and just downright incompetent.
Next we have the Paperweight office scene with Twilight and Cheerilee. In this scene Twilight uncovers corrupt practices by the mayor, embezzlement and bribery by the principle, and assholery(maybe? The whole issue with the finders clause and what not was confusing) by Rich. Instead of bringing this to the attention of the school board and getting such a corrupt individual fired, she resorts to blackmailing both Paperweight and Rich, essentially committing a crime themselves. By doing this, since she allows him to retain his position while knowing his corrupt practice, she also makes herself and cheerilee accomplices in those crimes. It doesn't end there though, now we have Princess Celestia blackmailing Rich to make sure he continues to put money into the school system. WTF is wrong with this town? You may not have intended for Twilight and cheerilee (and Celestia by extension) to have committed crimes to get her job back, but thats essentially what you have done. I think you over complicated it to make the villains more unlikable but really we didn't need that, you could have just settled with the basic plot of the principal cowering to an angry parent who donates 25% of the budget, to Mortar being an asshat who was trying to get cheerilee wasted so he could bone her, and to it all being solved without resorting to criminal practices. I think that whole sections needs a rework, cause our heroes come out covered in filth for no reason whats so ever.
Thinking back on how corrupt the town seems to be, its starting to make sense why no one at the orphanage has bothered to ask where scootaloo has been or why she is staying at an adult mares house.
3751151 I had not intended for the story to come out like that and I see where I messed up. Also I was about to get to the whole incident with the bar, the whole conflict with the principle with his crime and even the whole orphanage with Scootaloo in chapter 8. But looking back on it now , I probably should have resolved it during that chapter and that was a lazy fuck up on my part. I will go about tweaking anything in the earlier parts if I go down that road. And i have always wondered how to make the mental conversations less rough, I will see what I can do about that. So I apologize for these problems and thank you for your input.
at first i was like 21k words i dont have the time for that right now...
well im glad i made time and i can not wait for the next parts of this... its getting interesting!
Why is it that the bad guys never learn to stay out when they lose, over and over? Oh well.
Keep it up, this is really good, and I can't wait to see Mortar knocked on his flank, AGAIN!!
Drunk Lyra is best Pony!
Also I've always liked Cheerilee ever since I found out she was an eighties girl. Reminds me so much of my High School days.
And then Twilight opened Princess Twilight's School for Gifted Ponies and hired Cheerilee to teach... LOL.
Seriously though, I don't think Cheerilee will be out of work for long once Twilight finds out.
And then Cheerilee finds certain letters sitting in the library? I'm totally calling it now, the secret admirer is Derpy!
Ooooooh, this is gonna be good!! I wonder what he'll do, anyway AWESOME CHAPTER!!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
ps. Clop sidestory where Twilight and Cheerilee get a little kinky? Pwease?
At least it wasn't called "The Gelded Stallion"
And Mortar reminds me too much of my ex, may she burn in hell.
Ah Mortar, you are a clever rogue but you are letting your emotions and need for revenge cloud your judgement. The downfall of all cheap villains thankfully.
I do love a good Twicheer story.
3878477 Aaah don't tempt me! I thought about a doing a little side thing but I dunno, I might do something. But for now things will be sfw!
3863912 You're telling me, my fingers are still sore from the 21k of typing! Must. Not. Procrastinate!
3886756
Come on! Just a cloppy oneshot, clop for the sake of clop. It doesn't need to be posted as part of this story, just post it up as a new one. I bet you can make a great Twirilee clopfic! Just a side story to bring some sexy passion without making the main story NSFW.
I don't see the problem with your publishing pace. Heck I have waited more time and gotten a lot worse chapters for it. Not to mention shorter. 21k words. Damn, that's a drool worthy update. Keep up the good work.
PS. Favorite well earned.
MORTAR YOU BASTAAAAARD!!
WHY MUST YOU MAKE ME CRY LIKE THIS!!!???
TWILIGHT AFTER YOU RESCUE CHEERILEE LOCK HIS ASS IN A DUNGEON!! And make sure he gets a whole lot of "special" time with some of burlier Royal Guards of the not-so-straight disposition.
Oh snap! Mortar just does not give up. Twilight should rip his balls off when she finds him.