• Published 30th Jan 2012
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The nature of the beast. - Kintra



The adventures of a sarcastic pessimist who visits a world full of creatures who love and tolerate.

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(40) Life: Problems

By the time I had gotten home I convinced dash to separate herself from me, just so long as I could say goodbye to vinyl properly. When I got to the house however the only person I say was a MUCH smaller Light, Sitting on the doorstep, he was now roughly the size of thorn, and his voice was beginning to crack.

“I said, good bye… I said it… She just left. Told me to say thank you… I…I didn’t want her to go eclipse…” He started crying. I wanted to as well. But I was done. I could only shed so many tears for a pony tat wouldn’t even say goodbye… I would miss her, and I would be always mad at her. But I would always, love her. If ever she came back, she would be welcome in my family. Nothing could come between….

“Is that Aj?” Something came between it, I walked into the house to find Aj thorn and be talking to each other.

“Hey girls.” They all turned to look at me. Applejacks face turned red and she turned back to the fire, so did thorns. Be? She looked at me and put on a devilish grin.

“Hey Eclipse. You ever had Applejack?” I’ve actually had the cereal, it’s delicious.

“If you’re referring sexually, like I’m going to assume you three have, No but I seriously feel left out...” Be and myself began laughing as thorn and Aj just blushed all the redder.


“Now, ah don’t know where yall get off on tellin other ponies private business like that. But am not standin fer it. Yall better cozy up right quick cuz ah like to think am at least semi-proper in manners!” I looked at be, we had played this game before with a few “Noble ladies” Be had this amazing talent of finding the Perfect spot to touch somepony where they would melt. She and I used to torture noble ladies until Luna caught on and busted us.
She smiled and flicked her ear. Twice, so the tip. I walked up behind aj, taking off her hat I leaned over the couch putting it on.

“Aj, does that mean you wouldn’t have me?” I began playing with the tip of her ear. Oh man, I don’t know how Be finds these areas. Applejack, the biggest hardass of the mane six. MELTED. It was beautiful.

“Ah…Oh…Celestia...” Oh yea. Thorn was looking kinda jealous so I waved her over. She had this spot behind her right shoulder, for some reason she loved it. She was out like a rock in ten seconds flat. Then rainbow came in and landed on the couch next be, Watching me play with Ajs ear, Who was now literally laying on the couch, One leg over the side and her tongue hanging out of her mouth.
“How is he doing that?” I heard rainbow ask Be. Most likely a mistake they looked at each other for a moment, Be studied her prey.
“Oh rainbow. With a big hulky stud muffin like Eclipse... I think you know.” She placed her hoof just under rainbows wing and began rubbing.
“Oh….Oh….Woww….” Her words became slurred as she fell on the couch. A few minutes more and she were in the same stupor as Applejack. Be and I bro hoofed and went into the kitchen.
“You know Be, no matter how many times I see it that still impresses the shit out of me. How do you do it?” She laughed.
“It’s a gift given to only the most renowned sexual deviant.” I put a cup of water in front of her and waited for her to take a drink.
“So what’s my weak point?” And across the room. Sweet.
“Wow, Got some distance.” She coughed a few times and recovered.
“Seriously? You want me to size you up now?” I laughed.
“Sure, Aj and Rainbow won’t be up for another few minutes at least and thorns passed out.” She nodded.
“I don’t know why that spot on her leg does that. It’s so weird.” I agreed.
“You really want me to? Right now?” I smiled.
“Let’s make it a game.” At the mention of game she brightened. “I like games… What’s the prize?”
I laughed. There’s only one bed in the house big enough for the three of them. “Master bedroom.” We brohoofed to seal the deal.
“Alright stand up straight. Let me look at you.” I stood…More. And waited as she looked me over.
“Turn a little.” I obliged. We kept this up for a good ten minutes, Rainbow and AJ had woken up and were in the far side of the kitchen discussing Be`s “Ability” and whether or not it could find my spot.
After another fifteen minutes of turning Be finally said. “Okay, I got it... Come here.” Oh this is gonna be good. I leaned down to her. “Well? Where’s my spot?” She laughed. “Between your legs. Now, Should I move my stuff in now?”
A few minutes later, I had her stuff moved in. She wasn’t wrong, damn human anatomy.
After a while I caught back up with the now pintsized light in the living room, Das was upstairs talking to AJ about…Whatever, So I had time.
“Oh, hey eclipse.” I sat down next to him.
“Hey, light. Earlier today…You said eventually you’re going to start calling me dad. What did you mean by that?” he sighed and stood, trying to walk in place to get used to it I would assume.
“I…Okay, Eclipse, You know how my body is going to shrink?” I nodded.
“Well, I’m almost positive that when it finishes, my mind going to be erased.” What?
“Sorry, actually that’s a little dramatic; I’m going to forget pretty much everything. And after that, I won’t know who or what you are.” So…Wait. Just like that his heads gonna pop and he will have no clue what’s going on?
“I’m a little confused here light, help me out.” He sighed.

“Simply put eclipse, I’m going to die. The me you know will be no more, my mind will change, I will still be for the most part what I am now, but…I won’t be.”
“That’s a little depressing.”
“I’ve had time, I’m over it.”
“You’re not worried about what’s going to happen?”
“Not really, I know we’ve had our falling outs, And I know you say you hate kids. But I also know you won’t abandon me.” He was right, I wouldn’t. And I did hate kids…Well…Human kids maybe.
“I’ll take care of you man. No matter what happens. You may have started as an annoying emotionless talking tree. But you’re still my friend. And even if some day I have to deal with you calling me dad, I’ll just have to ship you off to college and smarten your happy ass up so we can get back to insulting each other.”
He started laughing. Which was good. He sounded almost pained by this whole situation, and I wanted to be there for him. Shit, I may as well be his dad already. Oh god… I’m gonna be a dad…I’m not old enough for that shit…
I started rubbing my face. Thankfully a distraction came up.
“Where am I sleeping?”….Heh.
“Want one of the other bedrooms? You can keep using mine for now, if you want.” He shook his head.
“Can I take the one across the hall? I like being near you; I know that may sound a little freaky...” I laughed
“It does, but it also makes sense. We were sort of attached to each other for a few months.” He laughed at that. “Good times.” Good times…
“Hay Eclipse, Where do ya want these fancy dud’s o yours?” I looked to find Be levitating my mannequins’. At some point thorn had done the laundry and hung them back up. I loved that girl, so cool having a maid, even if she does enjoy getting wasted. And hitting on straight people when she swears she’s gay.

“*Sigh* Move them into the little observatory room at the end there.” She gave a quick “Yep” and they started rearranging.
“So…You won’t abandon me?” Light sounded scared; to be honest I didn’t blame him. He knew he was going to lose everything. How would you feel? Knowing every memory you worked so hard to achieve was going to be ripped away, leaving you as nothing but a hollow empty shell of your former self.
“No… I won’t abandon you Light. You’re an annoyance to be sure. But your one I enjoy.” He smiled and headed upstairs. I ended up calling after him
“Don’t let the girls rearrange the whole house, I’ll see you guys later, I’m gonna visit big mac!” I could almost swear I heard something expensive break when I said that. But it didn’t matter, it was barely noon, Vinyl was gone, I knew she would leave. That’s why I put the money in her bag, No time for long goodbyes. Rainbow ended up joining me on the way. She kept trying to nuzzle my neck while flying but would over adjust and have to catch herself. It was cute. She stopped when we entered town though. I’m pretty sure I knew why. Most everyone in town was watching me, most of them knew and liked me, but I was still human. So very much not pony.
And one constant law of the universe? Bigotry. Everywhere you go; there will be one type of person who thinks they are better. In this case it would be the pony “Purists” the ones who feel the genetic code must be pure or some shit. I didn’t much care for it.
We made it to the hospital without any issues, not surprising considering where we were. Eventually we got Big macs room number and dash and myself walked to his room (They wouldn’t let her fly) Inside we found Big Macintosh talking to twilight, His jaw was fixed and he smiled when he saw me, So I guess I was at least forgiven, But that, I guess is why I’m a drama magnet, Twilight turned to me and the look in her eyes was the same one dash had; one of joy over getting a second shot.
“Oh…Well shit.” Choices…. Fuckkkk.

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