• Published 30th Jan 2012
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The nature of the beast. - Kintra



The adventures of a sarcastic pessimist who visits a world full of creatures who love and tolerate.

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(31) Life: Teleports and moons

Brew was home. My fucked up little family was now only missing one princess. But how did…
“Wait. Is the teleporter working Brew?” She laughed.

“Sure, but only if you carry me in.” I raised an eyebrow at that. Oh well. I had a pony of near Luna level intelligence at the size of Sweetie belle in my arms. If there’s one thing you do, you don’t question the smart pony. They ALWAYS KNOW. It’s like they can read your minds or something…..


“Thinking about us unicorns reading your mind again?” God dammit.


“I had that squinty eyed ‘you’re gonna do something evil’ look didn’t I.” She just nodded.


“I really need to learn how to hide this stuff better. I swear, earlier I was staring at vinyl’s butt until we got to the door, She called it and she wasn’t even looking! *Sigh* It’s insane trying to hide anything from you guys.” She laughed as I walked through my door and up to the Teleport pad.


“Okay, now hold on to me tight, I don’t want to like…I don’t know fly off in transmission or something. That would really suck, and then I would never become a teacher.” Teacher…Right, Makes sense I guess.


“Okay…” I stepped onto the pad and felt it sink to the ground under my weight. “Uh…”

“It’s fine eclipse it’s supposed to do that.” Ehehehe…I was quietly freaking out…Teleports…Oh god…My worst enemies…

“Okay… Umm… Ca… Hold up...” I took a deep breath and heard brew say “Canterlot castle.”

“Transmission ready, two biological life forms detected, Caution advised, over weight bearing capacity, Registrant 000001, Call sign ‘Eclipse’ Unlocking safeties.” I heard something that sounded like heavy metal drilling its way into marble, I looked down to find the pad had now entered siege mode on my floor. “Uh…Brew.” My voice cracked.

“Calm down, God you’re a little girl.” Says the filly.

“Safeties override active, please confirm Registrant 000001, ‘Eclipse’ is onboard.” Uh…

“Well?” I looked at brew. “What?”

It repeated “Safeties override active, please confirm Registrant 000001, ‘Eclipse’ is onboard.” What?

“Say okay, or something.” Why is she making me teleport!? Oh wait it was my idea… Fuck me...

“Uhmm…. Shit...Confirm?”

“Registrant confirmed, Select destination.”

“Wait destination?” Brew just sighed

“Duh?” I stared at her. This thing was gonna teleport me! I don’t Teleport well!


“Canterlot castle?” I heard a faint whirring. Then a mechanical plate popped open and raised what looked like a remote to me.

“Please take the RRD for your convenience.” Oh great, RRD like, what really rocking dong? Rarity’s rainbow dash?

“It stands for Remote return device you dork!” Brew! So angry!

“Oh…Right.” I used my free hand to pick up the hand held remote…doohickey. I looked it over and it was roughly the size of my mouse back home… I put in my pocket as the small arm retreated down.

“How did you guys even do that?” She looked at me...

“Magic.” *Snort*. Oh god…I’m a dork.

“Pads one and two are ready, please confirm travel.” Brew laughed.

“Last chance to back out.” I sighed…

“No… I need to see Luna, Even if it means throwing up on someone’s floor again...” Brew laughed.

“Confirm” We were enveloped by a bright blue light.

When I could see again I was in Canterlot castle, my room. Right in front of my bed. But all my junk was gone; it was just a guest room now. Not an Eclipse room. That made me a bit sad...Brew jumped out of my arms and landed with an “Oomph” She’s small I’m big, lottsa gravity.

“Good were here, Now Get off my pad so I can check if you broke it fatty!” I wanted to be angry or at least make a “Oh new she dint” face. But I was way too happy. No puke! No dizziness! Nothing!

“Wow.” I said as I stepped off the pad. “That was….Way smoother.” She laughed.

“Yea, we developed it with you in mind. It’s a bit slower though. About 15 seconds from point a to b, For an Alicorn? They are here, and then they are there. No delay.” Oh…Right.

“Should I smile and pretend to know what you’re talking about?” She laughed.

“Good to see you too Eclipse. Happy to have you home, Luna’s in her room.” Sweet. Gonna go hug me up on some moon princess.

I left the room while brew played DDR on the various runes in the teleporter pad. It was weird the way she was tap-dancing on it but really, she knows what she’s doing. I don’t. I closed the door behind me and took an immediate right. Walking down the hallway I saw the two guards in front of Luna’s door. I stopped in front of them.

“The princess of the night in?” They didn’t speak.

“So, you’re the strong and silent type eh? I can respect that.” They still didn’t say anything.

“If you stay quiet too much longer I may have to start having conversations with myself.” The guard looked at me.

“Are you seriously gonna stand here Eclipse? Go in. Were just doing our jobs.” I shrugged.

“Well it’s been a while; I missed you Guard number A. And Guard letter 2. You were both my favorites!” I heard the guard on the left snicker

“See! There!” I pointed.

“Cut loose guys come on! You may be on guard duty but that doesn’t mean you have to be hard-asses about every….Actually yes it does kinda mean you have to be a hard ass.” I looked at the guard on the left; He regained his composure a bit.

“Right… Damn. I guess, Sorry for making you laugh and get fired. So ruined your day.” He shook his head.

“Nah, your good nothing ever happened down this isle except that brew kid running back and forth with some of the
weirdest things ever.” I nodded.

“Yea, she’s like that. Talk to ya later.” He confirmed with a “Yep.” As I stepped up to the door. I knocked a few times.

“Luuunaaaaa” No answer

“Lunnnnnaaaaaaa” Still nothing…Man, She must have been trained by the guards!


I just opened the door. To find the room empty. “Well sum bitch.”… The garden! I walked over to the side window in Luna’s room; I could hear the door shut behind me. I looked over the edge. And there she is. The princess of the night. Hmmm. How to make my presence known….Ohhh… That’s nice.

“Hey Luna!” I saw her look up as I shouted over the edge. “Eclipse!?” I laughed.

“Catch me!” I threw myself over the railing and immediately felt the pull of her magic as she floated me down to her. When I got down there she socked (Hoofed?!) me in the shoulder.

“How dare you scare me like that! You could have been killed!” I looked up.

“It’s only one story, at most? Broken leg. Maybe two. And a migraine. At least I called first!” I smiled and looked at her. She just smiled back and rested her head on my shoulder I hugged her back.

“It’s good to see you again Luna.” She laughed.

“Yes Eclipse... Most certainly good. Although. I admit to have seen you before this occasion...” I nodded.

“You’re the one who moved my stuff to my new room.” She coughed into her hoof and laid back on the grass.

“Yes, I…May have moved it all while you were asleep. I admit I haven’t been very good at not thinking about you, I thought you would be angry… You sounded angry at least.” I leaned against her. Been a long time…

“I…Was in a bad place when you said that you were going… I ended up kinda…Sealing myself off. Sorry. It’s a human thing. Ponies are very straight forward. They don’t have ulterior motives or what not. Humans are…Different. And not in a good way, so I’m sorry I couldn’t give you a proper goodbye. But I still gotta ask… We cool?” She laughed.

“Eclipse. No matter how dark my nights get, you always brighten them. We are cool.” I laughed.

“You know that was super cheesy right?” I looked up at the stars. They seemed brighter tonight.

“Yes. Super cheesy. But true none the less.” She smiled at me. And we laughed.

Just like that. My biggest mistake was fixed…One of them.

I spent the next few hours talking to Luna. Catching up on her “Royal duties” and such was a real pain for her. Apparently there was always some dumb creature prancing in the back of her mind trying to do something stupid…To which of course I responded with

“I actually have a creature in the back of my mind trying to sabotage my relationships.” After a short conversation about Light, and me calling her a liar for saying I wouldn’t hallucinate. I passed out.

When the morning came around Luna was still there. When I woke up she just smiled at me. That’s something I missed. I hugged that stupid princess again and told her just how much I missed her.

“But you have to go.” She finished.

“Yea… I need to take care of some ponies. And maybe finally get over my inter-species fear. Shit, everything I ever read said it would be easy. Find one you love, suddenly everything’s peachy. Now I’m stuck behind a tree which I’m almost positive is functioning as at least half my heart. And still can’t bring myself to try and…DO anything with these girls.” She just nodded.

“Perhaps they are the wrong ones?” I just hung my head as I sat back in the grass.

“The mane 6? Maybe. Vinyl? I know for a fact I could love her. She’s so much like me. Bulls-eye? Easy, But it would break Thorns heart. Thorn? It would break Bulls-eyes heart. Both of them? I don’t even want to try that.” Luna laughed.

“Maybe you simply need more time, you have only been here a few months. Who knows what you can accomplish in a year.” Using English words against me. How dare she.

“It’s cool if you say seasons. I understand the timing system now.” She laughed.

“Months are just easier.” That’s for sure.

“OH!” Suddenly she got really excited and ran off. I was left wondering what the hell happened for a few moments before realizing she had returned to “The Royal Duties” I wonder if that meant looking for a Suitor at some point...

Could throw my name in the hat; see how much it screws things up. I know we could never be lovers, But it didn’t mean I loved her any less.

When I got back to the room I saw brew asleep on the bed, and a note on the teleport pad. I picked up the note.


“Eclipse”
If you leave me here, I will hunt you down.
I want the room next to that pretty white pony you like
Not the one with the balcony, the other one.
Oh, try not to wake me? I was up all~~

The note became steadily less readable until the giant saliva trail made it impossible.

I picked Brew up and took the “RRD” Stupid name. Out of my pocket. I pushed the button. And waited.
Fifteen seconds later I was standing on my pad in my room. I quickly stepped off the pad, and walked into the hallway, I carried brew down to her desired room between vinyl and Thorn (Which was also Bes if she ever came home) Coolest thing is all these rooms were already furnished so I just carried her in, Set her on the bed and left. To come face to face with a rather angry Rarity.

“You LIED to us about your arranged marriage!?” I sighed.

“Downstairs please, I don’t want to wake brew.”

She softened for a moment and then huffed her way down the stairs. Everypony was here. Except me, and Light. Even Celestia and Luna were here. All scattered about the room. All for vastly different reasons I would assume.
I went to Celestia first

“What’s uh…Going on?” She smiled.

“We’re going to talk to Light.” Whut?

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