• Published 30th Jan 2012
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The nature of the beast. - Kintra



The adventures of a sarcastic pessimist who visits a world full of creatures who love and tolerate.

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Scroll Three: Welcoming

You ever did something really stupid? But that stupid thing ended up being the best part of your day? It’s funny how every time I did something to hurt or scare these ponies they always tried to smile. Always tried to help... Oo... that's depressing.


As I regained my ability to see after the flash I looked back to twilight, and instead found myself staring into the heart of darkness herself, Okay that's rude. But Princess Luna, not Celestia answered twilight's letter. Luna towered over me (Mostly because she was standing on top of the cage, balancing on the bars. Me? I was still on the floor head barely above said bars.)
Luna and I locked eyes for almost a solid minute before she spoke...That is to say, barked at me. "Uh, Princess? I don't speak your language." I said as helpfully as possible while trying to pull myself onto the bars of the cage. I honestly thought that no one in this world would speak my language after Luna couldn't, and then another flash filled the room depositing Celestia a few feet from where her sister stood. "Great, Another chance to explain that I don't speak equestrian." I mumbled to myself sitting on one of the bars, my feet dangling into my ex-prison "You do not speak equestrian?" You don't realize just how amazing her voice sounds, not till you hear it yourself. The voice actors on earth were good, but...Wow. Chorus of angels... I looked at Celestia in what I want to say was a "Surprise" face but in reality may have been a "What the hell" face.


We stared at each other for a moment before Luna turned to her sister and started barking angrily. Barking... Is there a better word? It really is just a jumble of pretty noises and barks. Anyway, getting off topic. After a few angry barks at Celestia she turned to her sister and responded in kind, I of course was lost. But Luna seemed to be okay with it as she flew herself up to where Twilight and AJ were. Leaving Celestia and myself alone on top of the cages. She laid down and waited patiently like she knew I needed a moment. Which looking at it now. She did. "So... You speak English?" I said dumbly while trying to find the right words to describe this pony. She smiled at me and to be honest I was freaking out. It was weird enough being trapped in a different world but to be able to handle it the way I did took a lot of "You'll be fine" self-talks. But I'm not gonna repeat them.

After a moment of her calming smile she laughed, I shit you not, the god-princess of Equestria Laughed, in my face. I wanted to be angry, but giggles are infectious. I started laughing to. It was nice, but short lived as she spoke. "Yes human, I speak English. Although I just learned it as you spoke. I do hope you don't mind. I may have taken the language from your head. You have a very...Colorful way of speaking." She stated looking almost entertained by this whole process of word-ripping and mind-fuckery. "So you took a look in my mind found my mental dictionary and copied the pages?" I said with less emotion then I would have liked. "That sums up what happened rather nicely yes. Although some things are guarded. Like I am unsure as to what you are thinking, only your natural functions can be copied by me. And your ability to speak is nature to you." She stood and walked over to me, and looked at me like I just dropped a nuke. "Now, would you care to explain why you hurt Twilight's Assistant?"

I honestly did try to explain why he was hurt, how my strength on this planet is stupid and can’t decide whether a gentle squeeze should crush rock or whatever. I explained how my poking spike in the back of the head was the first "Super-strength" moment and how I didn't know it existed till then; the second time was when I accidentally pried the door of my cage off its hinges, still an accident. And now me being able to push my way through cement bars blocking my way. Thankfully when I explained it was an accident she was a lot less angry with me, or more accurately she no longer looked like she was attempting to peer into my soul.(Though as a side note, She probably can.)

"So you are saying that it was a simple mistake that you wounded spike, pried a door of its hinges to get at him, and the first time it wasn’t a mistake was when you broke free of your cage, I do apologize about the cage by the way, Twilight was simply unsure as to what to do with you, she thought that you were dangerous. Though having met you I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt these ponies on purpose would you." I knew it wasn’t a question, it was a statement maybe to threaten me or maybe to force me to agree, neither of which she needed. I didn't want to hurt some of the best things in my now upside down life. Not to mention when she said I broke the door to get at spike I understood WHY applejack thought it necessary to hoof me in my nug.

"Princess, I swear on my own life that I would never intentionally hurt your subjects...Unless they were assholes, but I don't think that's a problem." Ahh... The stupid moments. You can just breathe deep the stupidity leaking off this scroll can’t you?
The princess stared at me a moment. "Asshole, yes that's an understandable feeling, but even those that are, assholes, as you put it. Are under my protection, now mister?" She left a hang. "Uh my name is Kyle." I felt stupid. "Yes, Mister Kyle. I now give you three choices as to how to live from this point forward. One, you come to Canterlot and allow me to study your "Strength" finding a way to limit it. And teaching you equestrian. Two, staying here in Ponyville allowing twilight to do the same thing, or three, we can have you imprisoned." The third choice was dripping with venom, where is my happy princess! To be honest, all three choices were...Okay. But still kinda sucked. "Uh question princess, that first choice, after learning and limiting and all that good jazz" the princess snickered at good jazz. I made a mental note of this unimportant fact. "Would I be able to return to Ponyville? And make a proper apology to those I wronged. Or, well. To spike, I guess."

At this point the princess was smiling not just from the good jazz thing, but also because of my wish to apologize properly. "Yes, Kyle you can return after the studies are finished and we have found a way to limit your power, although I could attempt to do the opposite to you as I did to myself, placing equestrian into your mind. It would be experimental of course, I’m unsure of possible side effects you see. Not to mention if humans can or cannot be affected by magic is another question..." The princess stared into a corner for a few minutes mumbling to herself. I wasn’t about to complain. But she said I could return after learning the language and limiting my strength, not to mention she’s better at the whole "Magic" Thing then Twi was, so I figured Celestia would be the quickest route. Silly me, Get the book worm that would do nothing but work on the problem for days at a time or the princess with royal duties. Another score on the "This kids an idiot" board.

"Princess? I would be happy to come to Canterlot where we can study n stuff. As long as you can promise me that whatever you do to me allows me to control my strength. Not a constant limiter, having strength like that could be useful at times. Especially in a world of horses that are so much stronger than a human." I said while standing from my makeshift Bar-chair. She stopped muttering and looked at me with a (Creepy) Smile on her face. "But of course. We will find a way to allow you to control your strength. Perhaps a soul -lock could be applied to your strength..." And again she began mumbling. I stood and walked over to her which must have been pretty scary for Twi, she almost fainted...poor girl. I placed my hand (Gently.) onto the princess’s side. "Celestia, you can think over the problem while were safely away from anyone I can hurt alright? I hate to say it but from the looks of things everyone hates me except you, so I’d like to get the hell outta here." She stopped muttering about "Soul locks and magic shards" Long enough to look and me, smile and teleport us to Canterlot.

Have you ever teleported? It’s not as easy as it sounds. In fact, it’s harder than it sounds. The couple apples I ate disagreed with my mode of transportation, as I turned from the princess and threw up on her "Royal floor." Ugh. Couldn't even make it to a window, or a bathroom. As I regained my composure long enough to stand the princess just stared at me, concerned? Disgusted? Both? No way to know. "Sorry." I said still feeling a bit woozy. "For what? That is a human greeting is it not?" I wanted to laugh. I wanted to scream. This was going to be a long...Long process.

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