• Published 30th Jan 2012
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The nature of the beast. - Kintra



The adventures of a sarcastic pessimist who visits a world full of creatures who love and tolerate.

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(29) Life: Stories and spas.

I swear to god I’m going to kill him.

“Give me back my body Light!” I was so pissed right now.

“Eclipse, Calm yourself in a corner. I will be done when I explain to these dear girls your intentions here.” ARGH... I began pacing behind twilight.

“If you say one untrue thing about us I swear to god you better hope I don’t find a way to get my body back.” He laughed.

“You need not worry Eclipse. This won’t take long and then you may have your…Body back. Emotions are much stronger in the flesh aren’t they? Huh.” Twilight spoke up.

“Eclipse? Are you okay?” I saw Light begin cracking the bones in my hand. I do that when I’m stressed why is he doing it?

“No, miss sparkle. I am not eclipse. Eclipse is currently pacing like some sort of wounded jungle cat behind you. My name is Light, Yes Applejack, The imaginary friend. No Twilight, He is not hurt and, No Eclipse I’m not going to let them ask out of respect. The quicker this is done the better.” I shut my mouth and continued pacing.

“Good. Now ladies. I’m sure you all understand that Eclipse is what is known as a human.” They all nodded.

“Very good. Now, given what little knowledge of the Human race, you most likely think that the whole race is very open with its love. But it is not, the human races are cruel sick people. They despise all but themselves and only a very few. Like Eclipse, happen to have any tolerance for anything but them. I tell you this because in his world, Love was arranged.” What?
“They had a thing called prearranged marriage. And eclipse was going to be wed to a woman he did not love.” What the fuck?
“Because of this fact when he came here he attempted to establish contact, because he did not wish to return to the old ways of his world.”
I broke, “Light what the hell are you doing!?”
A pencil and pen floated to him as he wrote something on it.

“Sob story….Really”

Now Light had a cocksure smile as he continued telling the girls of how I chose to abandon my world in the face of a woman I did not love, and how the reason I wish to hold off on relationships is because I want to be absolutely sure the woman Or pony in this case, Is going to be “The one” Whom I could spend the rest of eternity with in happiness.
At this point? I was trying to bash my head into the walls. I kept phasing through. Eventually the story stopped and I could hear all the girls crying.

“Why why why…. What the fuck light! Come on man!”
He stood and placed the note in his pocket he walked over to me and suddenly I was staring at him in his real body.

“You are a fucked individual. You’re lucky I’m not angry at you.” He laughed and walked over to twilight, she was bawling her eyes out he moved his hands to box in her face.

“Tears Eclipse. Now you can be very sure they will not move until you are ready. I did not lie entirely. It was merely a stretched truth.” I rubbed my face.

“Yea, in a taffy puller. That was so wrong. You shouldn’t have told them that. I could have bumbled through my explanation just fine.” At this point fluttershy flew up and hung off my shoulders until I held her. Then she started muttering

“I’m so sorry” while the girls started crowding me explaining how sorry they are and….
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*Sigh....*
I was sitting in a cafe a little ways outside twilights. The girls invited me to lunch because they felt the need to apologize for moving so fast. Especially rainbow that pretty much hasn’t stopped apologizing the past hour and a half. Light was leaning against a wall a little ways away just smiling at me.
I had to admit that while it was a complete lie that I would have to explain someday…It did give me the space I wanted. At least the point that there was no…Sexual tension between dash and I. hopefully now I can cuddle fluttershy without jealous faces. I don’t care about cuddles; they are the best form of un-love around. Oh and hugs.

I suddenly realized I had a stupid smile on my face when AJ poked me. “Uh, Sugarcube? Ya gonna eat that?” huh? I looked down to see a blueberry pie... It had been sitting there for almost a half an hour.

“Yea…Most likely not. A lot on my mind ya know?” Dash immediately offered to down it and I gave it to her. Pinkie hadn’t stopped hugging me. I didn’t mind, but still.

“That was very brave of you to face those dangers to get away from false love Eclipse!” *Sigh*

“It wasn’t that dangerous…” At all…. EVER. Apparently the girls now thought that my manticore battle took place before I met twilight. So now I had been stabbed in the chest, and while dazed and disoriented I scared spike while trying to get help. They locked me up because I couldn’t speak since the manticore poison was working its way through my system and blah blah…. *Sigh* that dude got me wrapped in a web of lies thicker then applejacks….Hat…OH...

“Hey aj. Can I borrow your hat?” She just nodded as I took it and put it on; it sank a little so I had to lean it back. Tiny ponies big nugs... “How do I look?” She laughed…Applejack just laughed. “Yea your right. I’m more a fedora person.” I put her hat back on her head...

“Hey, you guys know where I can get a razor?” Suddenly everyone was very uncomfortable.

“What? W-why do you need a r-r-razor Eclipse!” Oh fluttershy. Stop being so damn cute!

“So I can shave.” I started playing with the good two inches of fuzz I had.

“Need a haircut too...” they all calmed down immediately. Then rainbow butted in.

“Just go see Lotus and Aloe; they would be happy to give you a shave and a haircut, just 5 bits.” Wait. Shave and a haircut? 5 bits? It has no meaning these are ponies. Roger rabbit is not historically accurate.

“Alright I’ll do that then.” I said standing. Then fluttershy and rarity stood as well.

“Don’t worry about us dear, we actually had a reservation for later today, Hopefully Aloe got some coffee this morning. I remember how she was the last morning she had a hangover.”

“At least you guys can’t throw up.” Rarity turned “What’s that dear?” I followed her. “I said perhaps you can show me the way?” She smiled and led me to the spa.
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Aloe and lotus were two very…Exotic? Ponies. They had an interesting accent and the moment I entered they acted like I was ill. When I finally did get a shave they insisted I get a full treatment with rarity and fluttershy.
Have you ever tried turning down two ponies? At the same time? I would have had an easier time explaining molecular science to a mole-rat. Not that I knew any molecular science, so I suppose...No anyway. I ended up passing on the mud bath but I had been literally FORCED to join them in the steam room. Damn cute ponies…
Eventually I was sitting in a room in my boxers (After I explained why I had them) on while rarity and fluttershy draped in towels were sitting in the other corner of the room talking. Light was sitting next to rarity listening to them talk…About what? No clue I was singing.

I need another story,
Something to get off my chest.
My life gets kinda boring,
Need something that I can confess.
'Til all my sleeves are stained red,

From all the truth that I've said.
Come by it honestly I swear.
Thought you saw me wink, no
I've been on the brink, so

Tell me what you want to hear.
Something that will light those years,
Sick of all the insincere,
So I'm gonna give all my secrets away.
(This is a chunk of the song Secrets by One republic.)


I had finished the song at least a couple minutes before I opened my eyes to find Rarity curled up next to me asleep. Fluttershy had at some point actually made it behind me and was laying her head on my shoulder. I seriously did not know what happened. I looked at light. He just shrugged and said “You zoned out.”
I sat there for a good fifteen minutes listening to these girls breathing. Light was kind enough to take over the steam, until Aloe? I want to say its Aloe stumbled upon the sleeping ponies and smiled. I asked for a couple minutes more. And she obliged. Nice lady.

Shortly after rarity and fluttershy awoke from their naps they explained that they don’t know why but they heard me start singing and just curled up. So either I have an amazing singing voice or that song is amazing…It was the song. And that fact that I can’t seem to multitask for shit. So I always end up focusing on one thing so hard that my ability to see anything else slips. *Sigh*

“Stop thinking Eclipse. Your just gonna hurt yourself.” I shook my head.

“I’ll stop thinking when you decide on whether you want to be laid back or posh, I’m sick of trying to keep up with you.” Rarity of course automatically assumed I was talking to her; I just patted her head and said light.

She needed no more convincing.
These poor girls. I’m most likely a psycho to them. I keep talking to myself and the princess told twilight it was “Nothing to worry about” that happen yet? I’m pretty sure the princess isn’t one to mess around when it comes to “Spreading the word.” So wouldn’t she have already…..
“How did we get outside and why are my nails painted?” Fluttershy and Rarity just giggled at my expense. Seriously. These girls are mean!

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