• Published 30th Jan 2012
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The nature of the beast. - Kintra



The adventures of a sarcastic pessimist who visits a world full of creatures who love and tolerate.

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(41) Life: Manliest of men

It’s not often that I thought that being with these girls would be a curse. Truly, I felt I could not only be myself but love them at almost any given time of the day, but then I realize, “Oh hey, she likes you too! Show her some attention!” And shit goes downhill. I admit, I’m a sucker for big eyes, cuddles and whatever the fuck dash was doing with my neck. But now TWILIGHT!? Seriously?! Whoever is dictating my life is a DICK. /Cough\ I mean, it’s like this dude just likes to watch me Writhe under a pile of love! He offers me the most amazing ponies ever, I get a few nights with one because the other two are so nice and now that SHE is gone, both of them are back trying to get under my skin with adorableness!
On one hand you have the obviously loveable Pegasus, who would be nothing but loyal and do anything for you as long as you were loyal to her.
On the other you have the nerdy bookworm who can always use a hug, is absolutely adorable when she gets frustrated, and has magic that can do some SERIOUS shit.
Every time I get ahead in life, something pulls me back, Beats me in the head with a stick steals my wallet and then, tells ME I’m a horrible person. Why can’t I just get a semi unloved life? I mean, it would be sad, damned sad… But choices? Not so hard…

“Hi eclipse! You come to see big mac too? I was just coming to see how his jaw recovered; I got to do the final repairs myself!” And she’s giddy…I need to go weep in a corner.

“Yea, I was coming by to say hi, didn’t expect you to be here twilight.” She got up and walked to my side.

“Yea, I’ve been here most of the day, just trying to get stuff done!” Stuff... Okay?

“Oh man. Big mac I am so sorry that happened.” Big mac looked at me as I got closer. Then he socked me in the shoulder. (Ow…)

“We cool then?” he laughed.

“Eeyup. Aint nothing to it. Ya were lost, and them plants do some funny things.” Should I tell him it was light? No.

“Yea they certainly did. But again Mac, if you need anything, Like at all. Just get me, if I can ill help.” He thought for a moment then looked at dash and Twi, who were currently in a sort of a silent stare down.

“Eeyup, I actually could use some assistance Eclipse, but the girls may need to wait outside.” I shrugged and turned to the now very angry looking ladies

“OI!” Me yelling that scared them both and they looked at me all innocent.

“*Sigh* Just…Wait outside okay? We can talk about…This, later.”

“Yes…Okay.”

“Alright...”

“Eeyup.” I laughed. It wasn’t that funny but hearing him throw it in was pretty enjoyable. After they left the room I turned back to big mac who was now actually sitting up on the bed.

“Alright, what’s up?” he looked at me a moment. If he wasn’t already red I would say he was blushing.

“Ah need yer help with…Well… A girl.” A girl?

“You sure I’m the best person to come to for that there big mac? I mean, Twi and dash are fighting over me, but I guess I had a bit of an effect on them.” He just nodded.

“Eeeyup. Ya obviously know whatcher doin, so ah was hoping ya could offer some…Insight.”

“Well, Alright…Who is she, is she pretty, and do you like her?”

“Eeyup. Her names Lotus, she `an her sister run the spa, ya met her?” I was trying not to laugh, this poor guy…

“Yea, big mac, I’ve met her and her sister, Listen, when it comes to lotus, I have only one suggestion.”

“Just one?”

“Just one, be yourself. Visit the spa a few times, ask her out. Trust me mac you’re an eligible bachelor out here, half the mares in town want a big strong tank like you.” At that he looked out the window, I saw a smile creep across his face.

“Eeyup.” Eyup. Alright, now...


“I’m really sorry man; I gotta go deal with the two ladies fighting over my affection.” He nodded as I turned. He would be fine, Lotus and Aloe, Oh man, I wonder how he will react when he finds out they do everything together… Heh, Chances are he will take it like a champ. Now….

I stepped out into the hallway to find rainbow and twilight staring at each other some more, Under any damn circumstance I would have let it break into a fight just to see who would be victorious. But dammit! I can’t let them fight over me.

“Ladies.” They both looked at me, expecting me to choose most likely. So I did the one thing I could do.

“Nope.” I left.


Ten minutes outside the hospital I was heading up to the tree where I first met sweetie belle while twilight and rainbow followed. They hadn’t said anything since I started walking, and to be honest It was a welcome silence.
When we reached the tree I sat against it. They both sat on either side of me and waited. I looked up at what I could see of the sky through the tree, It was a little past noon. Time really flies when you’re attempting to stop two friends from going at it over you. Oh GOD. I would have killed to be able to say that on earth. Now I’m here and it’s what I do every damn day it seems…

“Okay… Speak your piece.” They both looked at me.

“What?” In unison, just like that.

“Simple, girls. I’m going to give you both a shot. Give me your best reason for fighting each other over me.” They looked between me and themselves. Eventually Twilight just sighed.

“Rainbow, I don’t want to fight you over Eclipse. I do want to be with him, but if it means that much to you, go ahead.” Good girl Twi, Don’t risk your friends over me.

“No, you take him Twilight, I tend to be able to spend more time with him anyway, and you deserve him more.” Wow, Okay. I’m candy! Want a piece!?

“No rainbow I was being selfish and unreasonable, you take him.”

“Twilight, I was being selfish. You take him. I’ve been with him the whole day!”
Oh god… Are they gonna go at this forever? Yup, there we go. Respond Twi, balls in your court Dash, and back at Twi…..

“Enough!” I couldn’t take it. They both stared at me. I just wrapped an arm around both and pulled them in


“Look, Girls I understand you both want to be with me, and I respect that, and absolutely love it! But I can NOT stand by as I become a rift in your friendship, So I want you two to kiss and make up, and…I can’t believe I’m saying this… But don’t think about me anymore. I love you both WAY too much to risk it.
It’s stupid that I’ve said this twice now.” I dropped the hug and stood before turning and looking at them both.

“I love you girls, I do, I always will, you are ALWAYS welcome in my house, and in my heart. But not at the cost of friendship, especially yours Okay?” They both looked at me as their eyes watered over. I wanted to shed manly tears, I wanted to HNG, I wanted to hug them, I wanted freaking Diabeeduus. But right now, it can’t happen.

“I understand Eclipse…I’m sorry.”

“Yea, I’m sorry too. I didn’t know that our…I guess attraction, was making you uncomfortable…” Uncomfortable? Oh man. She has no idea, Ill most likely be up later tonight thinking about her little neck nuzzles and… Never mind. But still! Uncomfortable? PFFT.

“Well, I suppose there’s one option...” They both looked at me.

“We could do a three way date.” The looked at each other, I tried really hard to keep a straight face. It didn’t work and they both ended up mock-laughing at me.

“Well I tried.” I tried indeed… I left the girls on the hill to talk out whatever fun they were having. And headed to the only other place I knew of to relieve my stress….Oh god. I stopped.
“I’m a girly man.” I let that sink in a moment.

“Ya know…Nothing changed.” I shrugged and kept walking to the spa.
When I got there I found a furiously blushing lotus talking to big mac. I let out a “You get`er dog” in my mind as I talked to her sister. Turns out fluttershy and Rarity were just starting a steam bath, and asked if I wanted to join them. Since they were, Why not!

After a moment Fluttershy Rarity and I got to the steam bath room…Booth? It’s more like a booth. Anyway, we got in and sat in our usual spots, those two in the center me on the outer edge. This time I just listened as they talked about everything. I closed my eyes and just listened eventually it got quiet but I knew they were still here, the door hadn’t opened. I really shouldn’t have worried, I mean. My chest no longer had a tree in it so they weren’t hiding in the opposite corner. But still.

“You think he’s asleep Rarity?”

“Of course darling, No one can sit in this Perfect temperature and not be out like a light!” She realizes I’m not a pony right?

“Well, Okay. Are you sure?”

“Yes dear now stop worrying. Were only taking a little peek.” …Excuse me?

“Uhm…Okay, But what if he gets angry?”

“Darling, Its eclipse… He may cuddle us a little too hard.” …Dammit, she’s right, my attacks are ineffective.

“Well, if you say so…You’re...Not gonna touch it are you?” WHAT?!

“I was thinking about it, it seems rather…Soft.” What in god’s name…

“Can I first?” Well... I suppose I don’t mind….

“Of course dear, please do.” Then I felt fluttershy place her hoof.


On my chest. Right where my leechwood was. I didn’t mean too, I let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh…It is soft... it’s not all grey anymore either…” Oh man… I thought... Oh. They had me worried.

“Why does he wear those garish boxers? Is he hiding something?” I laughed. I didn’t open my eyes though, fluttershy pulled back.

“Yea, Rarity they do hide something, No I’m not asleep and this whole conversation was... REALLY wrong.”

“Oh darling I’m sorry, we simply didn’t want to bother you.” I laughed a little more, I couldn’t help it.

After what just happened.
Oh man. I opened my eyes and saw them both within grabbing distance, so I pulled them in and hugged them. Rarity of course took the chance to satisfy her curiosity and poked my flesh-chest. Was weird not having a tree there. But she seemed comfortable enough.
And then I realized. I was always so nice, And touchy with these girls. They never complained about it because they enjoyed it, Was it really ME pushing the relationships further then intended? I’m an idiot.


“So that’s what your hiding.” "Oh.." *Sigh*

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