• Member Since 27th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

BronyWriter


I write pony words. Millions of them. Some people actually think they might be worth reading. I am very thankful for that. Also, I have a Patreon now?


Comments ( 92 )

Nice. I like. Ty for a very interesting and well planned story.

Good stuff. I don't think I've ever read this sort of thing before. In fact, the only thing I can think of that comes even close was the movie The Machinist, and I loved that movie.

I love how you make it so Twilight feels paranoid because "everyone looks at her", it makes me think of the Imp of Perverse by Edgar Allan Poe.

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I was thinking "The Tell-Tale Heart" with the paranoia but I haven't read all of Poe's works so that might be more fitting. But yeah, this is definitely Poe-esque. And that's a compliment.

I read this while listening to Blood Theme

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I can understand how you see the Tell-Tale heart, as they are similar in the aspect of paranoia.

You know, I only read stuff this dark when it's written by you.

1782373 I'm honored. I take it that you read Rarity and/or Cutie Mark Crusaders then?

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Read Rarity on FF.net, and was super happy to find there's a sequel. :pinkiehappy:

Some books just aren't meant to be read, I guess. In a way I feel sorry for Twilight, but this story illustrates how her mania could get the better of her. Very provocative, very well written. :moustache:

I know there's a movie I saw where the good guy turns out to be the killer, but fuck if I can remember the name. Just... Choose one from the list and make a reference yourself, it's late, I'm tired, and I've got a body garbage to burn.

Se7en
Silence of the Lambs
Something by Hitchcock
That one episode of Psych
The pilot of Torchwood

1984332 Se7en the good guy went insane as opposed to being the ultimate killer, the two killers in Lambs were never seen as good guys, I haven't seen much Psych and none of Torchwood so I guess I'll think of some Hitchcock film.

Really, though, I never hid that Twilight was going to be a killer.

That... was disturbingly convincing for Twilight, and with a good escalation of creepiness.

I'm surprised Celestial didn't do anything to stop her a long time ago.

2012839 She would have if she had known. Twilight never actually sent any of these letters.

Hmmm... At first I would have headcanonized this as occurring during the secret life of Rarity, but after finishing it, clearly I cannot. As has been mentioned, your depiction of Twilight was as goodnas it could have been consideringnthe content. The gradual descent and paranoia seemed oddly real, yet we can 't feel bad for her because she would have acted again. Once again, a very strong character story.

How do you keep giving me chills like this?

Oh man, I burst out laughing when Twilight was all "I'm so relieved, Imma just up and murder the pony next to me now." :rainbowlaugh:

I'm calling discord. Anywho this was really well done.

I felt really weird reading this...I'm not really sure how to feel about this. I mean, with Rarity and Blossom, it sort of felt...right. But this? I'm not sure. This almost felt like betrayal. I know that sounds stupid, but I can't really describe it any other way. I'm going to have to think about this for a while before I come to any sort of conclusion.

My weird feelings aside, pretty good story.

I really enjoyed the way this developed, gradually getting darker as Twilight descends into madness. I also liked how we found out about everything second-hand from what Twilight had written in these letters, and how they found their way to Celestia despite Twilight never intending for them to. Overall a very enjoyable story with a great premise and execution.

I can tell you twilight.:trollestia:

I like it, well written, and it does an excellent job of portraying the guilt ridden descent into madness.

I have wondered what it would be like to kill someone in cold blood, I contemplated it, and I determined that it would have an extreme negative impact on my psyche. I would never actually commit murder, but as an intellectual and self-proclaimed philosopher, it is my duty to contemplate things that others wouldn't be willing to contemplate. Also I may have some minor sociopathic tendencies.

I had read the Secret Life of Rarity Trilogy (and the alternate ending) long before I read this. (I also read my fair share of Kaiden :pinkiecrazy:) So I was a little biased in my reading because I already had 'canonized' versions of murdering ponies and crazy Twilights. But that being said, I thought this piece was very well done and I'm happier now that I read it. That's not weird at all :pinkiecrazy:

9/10- Liked; Favorited; Will recommend to a friend

That was... chilling.
I- uh.

Just. Well done fic.
Twilight was creepy, but as these were just her logs about the actions, and not her full reactions (except for the one borked letter), the playout doesn't seem that unbelievable.
Which... Is something alright.

Liked and faved.
:twilightoops:
M

this this my friend was a very intresting and chilling read i loved it:pinkiecrazy: here have a like and a fave

A reading I put together of this story

Normally when i dream about doing something

Pretty interesting how the typo had been there for almost two years now. :twilightblush:

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It's.. Actually creepy er listening to it than it was to read it.

Decided to dive into old stories that you made.

This story - especially the dream with Pinkie Pie - made me pretty sad. It's creepy but interesting.

I could see this sort of mentality realistically happening to people. It makes me wonder if she had access to the private interview records if her curiosity would have been satisfied early or if it would have only fed the curiosity to grow itself? Was she imagining the glares due to paranoia or was she misinterpreting a worried-for-you look?

Your stories tend to have a lot of darkness to them (not a bad thing). I've run into a lot of serial killer stories written psychologically sound-like,

This is my favorite kind of creepypasta. Seeing Twilight's gradual descent was fascinating. It didn't go in the direction I anticipated, though; I really expected her to commit a few more murders before being caught. Regardless, this was delightful October reading.

Well done. Well done, indeed.

the creepy part is that it is possible (in real life) for a scientist or intellectual to have those thoughts, although another thing to act upon them in this day and age

Holy shit. This was different.

I suppose the moral of the story would be: "Some questions are better left unanswered".

2 dark 4 me

You might want to change this into mature with all the gore and stuff, but it was a creepy good story.

5449651 What gore? Two lines of Twilight explaining what she was doing? Nah.

Not as dark as I like but still It was a excellent story! Nice read! :rainbowwild:

Very well done.

I have to say, it took me a while to get into the SCP-style writing, but it really, really worked. I can appreciate an ending like that, leaving it right where it needs to be.

I like this story, conceptually and in execution. The writing is good and the pacing is pretty much spot on. I feel like it lacks context, though. Murderers don't just happen. They have motivations and goals, even if the motivation is rooted in a thorough break from reality. Twilight reads a book and then decides "I'mma murder some dudes now" pretty much out of the blue. I know it's ultimately just a pretext to set up the events you really want to write about, but it seems like a wasted opportunity. You could have done so much more with that.

Serial killers come in so many flavours, and a lot of them could quite naturally grow out of the kind of person Twilight is. Divine Command killers, for example. Twilight, already obsessed with her teacher, finally snaps and begins hallucinating letters telling her to kill for the sun's greater glory - with her social anxiety and blunted affect, schizophrenia isn't such a stretch. Or maybe being pent up in a tree all day every day gets too much for her and she turns into a thrill killer, seeking for the emotional and sexual satisfaction she can't get in any other way by turning to violence. Or maybe she's grasping for a feeling of control, being constantly tested and at the mercy of someone infinitely more powerful than her every day of her life since her childhood. There are tons of options that would have made this much deeper than it ended up being, with so many ways to explore the character through it.

Well, maybe another time. Perhaps you'll find interest in rewriting this into a longer story one of these days.

5453897 oh, believe me, I know all about killers. I study then as a hobby, and am a criminology minor. This story is also two years old, so I would probably do one or two things differently.

In terms of Twilight, though, in this one I suppose you could call her a sort of control killer. Remember everything she did when she couldn't figure out Pinkie Sense? Or when the disaster was coming? Or Lesson Zero? She will go to any length to figure things out and get control back. Having a question that she couldn't answer, on top of the forbidden fruit of she shouldn't, would really gnaw at her. And we know from the show she's not mentally stable anyway.

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Yeah, I can tell. I don't agree with the immediate motivation, but you definitely got the general psychology down. And never mind how old the story is, I just felt like chatting. I didn't even pay attention to the date. :rainbowlaugh: If you aren't interested in rehashing that stuff you don't need to respond, though. I just think it's interesting.

Anyway, I agree she's definitely majorly into control, but her personality makes me think Dr. Mengele more than Jeffrey Dahmer. She wants to live out her neurotic impulses, but she wouldn't break the rules (as she sees them) to do it. Too anal for that. She wants to feel legitimized, not dominant. When she does the doll thing, which I'd say counts as the only example where she really crosses a line, she does it under the rationalization that it's what her teacher expects of her. She still feels she's within the realm of what's allowed, just without any consideration of morality. Abducting someone from the street to clandestinely cut them up in her basement is out of character for that.

What I would expect, should she go crazy, is falling into the opposite extreme. Not open rebellion, necessarily, but transgression for its own sake - breaking the rules to deal with the stress of always having to stick to them. Freedom is the ability to exert control over your environment without being limited by outside forces. Some people shoplift to get that kind of feeling - the perversion of breaking rules for the sake of breaking them is the motivation, not the act in itself. Thrill killing is really just different from that in intensity, not motivation. An interesting way to deal with the same theme as your story would be to follow her gradually progress through the various taboos she can break in response to pressure, looking for a bigger kick each time. Degenerative deviancy, basically. It's not quite coincidental that a lot of killers did start with killing small animals, after all.

Comment posted by Tawny Flower deleted Jan 2nd, 2015

You...you portrayed that very well. It was...a bit creepy-
OH WHO AM I KIDDING THAT SCARED THE HECK OUT OF ME

That was probably the best murder story I've read so far on this site.

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