It is two years since the return of Princess Luna, and Ponyville has been hit with the latest in a rash of disappearances that have stopped and started over the course of about ten years. The police are baffled, as no traces of the ponies has ever shown up, but rumors of a serial killer have been floating around the station. However, when a pony appears in the police station covered in blood, they find out that the rumors have more than a little truth to them, and that the horror stories have only started.
Chapters (3)
Yes, you are definitely the best person on this site when it comes to serial killer fics. After all, you are the mastermind behind The Secret Life Of Rarity.
I don't get it. What happened at the end there?
5289700 She had to nurse Apple Bloom.
Wow this is heavy...and I like it
Whelp, another BronyWriter story for the bookshelves.
What is it with you and serial killers, mate? Not that I'm complaining, of course.
Why am I not following you!
*followed*
5289703 And it worked? I didn't think that was even possible, and then there's the teary scene where she's acting like she just killed Applebloom or something, but obviously that's not what happened unless this is a serious AU.
Calling it now, the blood was Twilight's
5289760 This is BronyWriter, anything* is possible!
*Except extreme cases of OOC
Finally a killer
by bronywriter!
on to reading, tracking, and liking.
winces.......... downvote. admitably one of the better written ones I have come across, but serial killing and ponies never mix, and even as well written as this is, it does not work at all. cause the elements of harmony work by destroying evil things and imprisoning the destructive. they would NEVER, EVER choose a murderer.
it is the exact same problem as cupcakes. the elements would not bond with someone with such a depraved inclination. what applejack has done in this story is more evil than tirek and discord combined. thus, it does not function. at all. would normally rgue serial killing could not even appear in ponies at all bu that is another argument.
ultimately the nature of the elements of harmony are what shoots this concept in the foot time and time again. they would not choose something so cruel and destructive.
5289811 So then why the heck do you read it if you know you aren't going to like it?!
"I hate clop. I think clop doesn't belong in MLP stories, but I'll read and downvote them anyway." Don't like it, don't read it. Besides, you have no idea where the story is going. Whenever I write a serial killer story, I strive to keep the characters as in character as possible, e.g. Fluttershy being an Angel of Mercy killer.
5289811
Spellcheck is your friend. Every time I see you, you always try to shove your headcanons and what you believe how characters from the show should and shouldn't act in authors faces when you don't even know what they have planned in the future. Seriously write a story of your own and see if your headcanons works otherwise shut up and walk away.
That simple.
5289760 She was shaken because it disturbed her having to do that. Apple Bloom isn't her foal, she's her sister. That on top of her father vaguely blaming her for his wife's death, and her mother dying... she's shaken up. On top of that, why wouldn't it work? She's a mare. And they're ponies. Magical talking ponies.
5289868 I do not know, I will admit. still i can guess how it can.
as i said, this is very well written. regardless, it still leaves the major factor of the elements of harmony choosing someone who has killed who knows how many ponies over a course of eight years. no matter what the reasons may have been, it would leave a mark on her soul.
also it seems she either murdered twilight or one of her friends. her having that capacity would have not let her be a candidate for harmony. capacity to murder your pals, definitely a big thing to look for on the check list for the mediums of a god tree.
and i am not saying this just because i hate gore fics. i am saying this because i have read enough gore fics to have a sense of how things can go wrong in them. and i read them to ensure i do not make those mistakes.
You missed a quotation mark before the word, "Her"
5289883 not headcanon dude. which is why I said I would neglect the idea they wouldn't serial murder to begin with.
the sword of the stone would not be claimed by the unworthy. the elder wand would only obey the one who defeated their previous owner in combat. etc.
magical items able to make a choice will reject those who are not what they are looking for or will bond more with someone that represents it more.
the purpose of the elements of harmony is to sustain harmony, balance the light and the dark. a murderer, someone who callously destroys life of others, could never be one. and the elements would not be fooled.
I don't normally read fics like this, but apparently you can make me like them, which is quite the achievement because I would usually leave it abandoned in my read later list after the first chapter. So, yay for you
5289945 So many parts of that are your headcanon.
...I count 7 assumptions that are not necessarily part of canon:
(1) magical items able to make a choice
(2) will reject those who are not what they are looking for
(3) or will bond more with someone that represents it more.
(4)the purpose of the elements of harmony is to sustain harmony,
(5) balance the light and the dark.
(6) a murderer, someone who callously destroys life of others, could never be one.
(7) and the elements would not be fooled.
5290017 analysis. head canon would be something like presuming rainbow dash is a lesbian or something.
5289945
So, to clarify, you believe that neither luna nor celestia committed a single wrong before luna was banished? The leaders of a long standing nation have not killed, and have not led others to kill?
Oh this is going to be good....
5290121 it is less the killing and the cosistent killing without conceivable purpose over a course of eight years. if the regal ones have killed ,it was to protect themselves and their ponies. and no i do not think they conquered enemy nations, and in reality that is the case. got put in charge cause they are a hybrid of all three ponies. there was no rulers of the united equestria before them.
5290137 Alrighty. It's all headcanon when it comes to things not explicitly said in the show, so my ideas are no more valid than yours.
Years needs to be replaced with hours. Unless you're talking about Applejack?
5289928 Also the word and should be replaced with an.
5290356 I do mean hours. Fixed.
Well, I'm just gonna... *Smashes computer to pieces and locks room, shuddering* This is the kind of power a writer can have, and that is scary. Still, good writing. I think.
Let the show begin.
Killer Rarity was one of the first fics I read (happy start, I know) and that was great. This should be good.
Congratulations!
This is 100th story I have added to my favourites list on this site.
You have won...
A comment saying this is the 100th story on my favourites list.
Such a great start! But do you need an editor for this one? With a little trimming (especially in those end scenes), and a bit of extra detail, this could really be killer. Thanks for sharing. I can't wait for the next one.
I will most definitely be following this.
Oh by the way, are the ponies anthro? I'm guessing not, but you mentioned Applebloom trying to nurse from AJ by going for her chest, when I imagine that non-anthro ponies have their teats lower on their belly.
5291175 Do they? Well shows what I know about equine anatomy. Which is to say, only what the show has taught me. And fanfiction. So that didn't fall into that category.
5291192 Everyone makes mistakes.
But yeah, equine teats are between the hind legs. Which would make Applebloom trying to nurse AJ doubly awkward and creepy.
5291250 We'll just... keep it as is for that reason, then.
5289703
But, horses don't nurse from the chest. Unless they're anthro.
5291256 Alrighty then!
Please tell me this will turn into a long and touching story following through to the effects this has on applebloom and maybe even her foal. Like the secret life of Rarity. I think there's a story just as good in here.
5291427 I know... now, anyway. Didn't know that when I was writing this...
Their. Great start, I actually expected this to star some what like SLoR; glad it didn't.
I don't know if I'm just tired but the last part of this doesn't make any sense with the context provided.
This is dark and heavy. I love it.
I'm not too certain about this. It's likely my own personal tastes talking, but I'm getting the feeling this might go down the same path that made me not like Secret Life of Rarity: melodrama. Drama is good, but drama just to invoke drama isn't something I particularly enjoy. Scenes that are there for the sole purpose of invoking a particular emotion, rather than having a reason to be there and invoking a strong emotion as a result. I'll give it a shot, but I have my doubts.
And to add my own two cents...
I've never really understood this line of thinking when authors/writers/artists/directors spout this. Well, how will I know I don't like it, unless I read it? No one can divine the true quality of a story on a short description blurb alone. It's impossible. Guess, of course, and sometimes the guess may even be right, but first impressions are never infallible.
And for the other cent...
5289811
Incorrect. Fan | fiction. It quite literally means: "fiction written by fans of a TV series, movie, etc., using existing characters and situations to develop new plots."
The very basis of all fanfictions, meaning every single one that has ever spurted from the dreary depths of fanfiction.net to the wet, slimy corners of /b/ are all noncanon. You are accusing a story from straying from the source material, when it's foundation is built solely on it from doing that exact thing. I will reiterate: every fanfiction ever made is not canon.
Claiming that characters and events will or will not take place is arbitrary, unless they are taken into context from the story itself. Applejack being a serial killer? Of course it is not canon. I am not canon. My Oreo cookies aren't canon. A fanfiction must be judged solely on how it is structured, what plot threads it has, the plot cohesion, and any character or plot development it may have. It must be judged on how it stands compared to what it wants to be.
That's the only fair way to judge a story.
Now, perhaps you don't like the very idea of ponies being serial killers. That's fine, but that alone does not condemn a story. Personal opinions do not have the right to pass judgement for the crowd. It's the one versus the many, and while the many do not invalidate the opinions of the one, the reverse is also true. No, it's not a flaw in the story, it's your own personal tastes. Here's the thing: it's okay to not like something based on personal tastes.
For example. Everyone here likely enjoys the Secret Life of Rarity to some extent. I don't. I think it asks for too many contrivances to be made in order for Rarity to do what she does, and I feel she should have been stopped far sooner with the amount of kills she was raking up. I feel absolutely no sympathy for her, even when the story is prompting me to feel it. I felt I was being milked for sympathy for her, despite her never asking her friends for help after she was "cured" and lying profusely to Twilight to cover her crimes.
And that's fine. That's just my own take. Maybe people can shut off the brain more than I can, or have found other facets of it to enjoy. That all comes back to the point: publicly denouncing a story based upon personal opinions, not actual facts or logical deductions, is an authoritative dismissal of evidence fallacy. Claiming that the Elements wouldn't bond with anyone else isn't supported by anything in the show or the fanfiction. That doesn't invalidate a fanfiction's quality, that only shows your personal preferences. There is a clear difference to be made.
5289898 Maybe a nitpick, but I thought mares could only lactate around and after giving birth?
5292068 Dunno, actually. I just went off of the idea of nursemaids. Not sure how it works for ponies, so... *shrug* used it in my story.
5291822 I'll add in a few more cents.
1. I only tell people "if you don't like it, don't read it" for one of two reasons. 1. they continuously read multi-chapter stories, or several stories in a series, and repeatedly tell me how awful it is and how much they hate it. 2. If they know going into it that they'll hate it just by the genre. If someone tells me "this is a killer pony fic, so I know I'm not going to like it" then I respond with "then don't read it."
2. I'm not a melodrama kind of guy. I agree, melodrama for the sake of it isn't good. I tried to make sure every scene in Secret Life fit in to develop Rarity's character and her arc. As for you not liking her or sympathizing with her, of course you don't have to. She's a psychotic mass murderer. She butchered tons of ponies (and if you think that it's ridiculous that she didn't get caught for so long, 1. she lives in a society without murder and 2. I could give you lists of Earth serial killers whose kill counts put hers to shame by at least double, and they're in a world with teams designed to track murderers) and ruined her life and the lives of those around her. She completely got what she deserved in the end. I've always believed that. When I write serial killer Mane Six stories, I try to keep them in character as much as possible, or at least make their descent reasonable. I don't put in drama scenes for the sake of it. I certainly don't intend that here.
A good start so far, but why is all the text accented, rather than just the speech?
5292085 I did a little research and yes it is possible for someone who has not given birth to produce breast milk. However after birth is when they produce the most. In equines I found (and I not an expect so don't quote me on this.) that a mare's teats are hidden under there fur unless there pregnant or recently given birth.
Although I you really think about it would have actually been harder on Applejack as Applebloom would have had to suckle harder to get enough.
Hmm, a killer fic starring my favorite pony. I'm sure the history/reasoning will be top notch, though I'll definitely be thinking about this one for a long time. Great writing does that to me, I have a hard time letting go of stories that strike a chord with me.
You most probably answered that.... but...on a scale of "1" to "OhmyGodwhyamIreadingthisIneedabrainbleach" will it worth giving a shot? ... oh, no sex tag... le shrug. Might give it a shot then
Let's see if my psyche can handle it... a little bit later, when more chapters are in production.