Lord of All Horsegirls
Few outside observers would call the five girls friends. But in the slowly detoxifying environment of Crystal Preparatory Academy, they were certainly allies. They trusted each other (mostly,) respected each other (intermittently,) and banded together to support each other against those who might try to claim their elite position in the student hierarchy (near constantly, despite Principal Cadence’s best efforts.)
Still, “friends” was a strong term for any relationship at Crystal Prep. All five bore that in mind as they exchanged appraising looks at their usual booth in the Shake & Skate Diner.
Sugarcoat broke the silence that had settled over the table. “We can be reasonable about this.”
“Can we?” Sunny Flare countered from next to her. “This isn’t exactly a situation where we can come to a healthy compromise.”
Sour Sweet snickered. “Not without a bonesaw.”
That got a sidelong glare from across the table, the sort of talent Crystal Prep helped hone. “Hence my use of ‘healthy.’ This is a zero-sum situation. There can be only one winner.”
Lemon Zest screwed up her face in thought, the headphones pulled off of one ear showing how seriously she was taking the conversation despite being squeezed in the corner of the booth. (She knew what she'd done.) “If there’s one winner and more than one loser, doesn’t that go into the negatives?”
The rest of the table groaned. Sugarcoat gave her a flat look. “We are not spending the afternoon trying to get you to understand game theory again.”
“Yeah, I have stuff I wanted to get done today,” said Indigo Zap, between Lemon and Sour. She stabbed at her salad and looked longingly at Lemon’s mozzarella sticks.
“They’re for the table, Indy.”
“Wrestling team, Lemon." Indigo shuddered. "I don’t even want to think about how much I’d have to run to stay in my weight class for next week.”
“Ladies?” Sour Sweet fluttered her lashes. “I like talking about Indigo putting some loser from Griffonstone High in an armbar as much as the next girl, but let’s get this squared away first.” Her expression didn't shift, but her grip on her sandwich tightened until ketchup oozed out between her knuckles. “Before I show her how it’s done.”
Sunny nodded. “Agreed. I’d hate for this to come between us long-term.”
Lemon snorted. “Kind of hard to avoid that if one of you ends up dating him.”
Sugarcoat quirked an eyebrow. “‘One of you’?”
“One, I already have a piece of snuggle candy from CHS. B, she’s a she. Gamma, if I went head over heels for every milquetoast so-and-so who could pluck out ‘Wonderwall,’ I’d get around by somersaulting." Having counted off her points on her fingers, Lemon shrugged. "But hey, feel free to go for trial by combat. I can sell tickets.”
Indigo shuddered. “I’m going to need you to never say the phrase ‘snuggle candy’ again.”
“Adding it to the list,” said Sunny, who already had her phone out.
Lemon rolled her eyes. “Come on, it’s not like I told you how we’re this close to getting her cellist friend to—“
Sugarcoat shoved an onion ring into her mouth. “This is why we like you better when you keep the headphones on.”
“I was going to say ‘collab for a song I wrote.’”
“Of course you were,” Sour said with a smirk.
Sunny cleared her throat. “Ladies, could we stop being idiots for a moment?"
"Big ask, Sunny."
"Lemon's words," added Indigo, "not mine."
It took a deep breath before Sunny could continue. "The matter at hand remains unresolved." She jerked her head to the counter.
Everyone turned to a barstool at the far end, where a teenage Adonis worked away at a bacon cheeseburger, any awareness of their scheming lost amid frizzled onions and barbecue sauce. Lesser wills might have given longing, girlish sighs as they looked at that noble countenance, but they were Shadowbolts, and they had their pride. (Moreover, they knew the others expected them to have their pride.)
"If we could avoid yet another Lemony digression before agreeing on who gets the first crack at Flash Sentry,” Sunny continued, "I would greatly appreciate it."
Lemon shook her head. “Still can’t believe he’s the one blowing your collective skirts up.”
“He’s a potent social asset in an up-and-coming school where I’d need a strong connection to make inroads." Sunny grimaced. "Especially with Twilight’s current circle.”
Awkward silence stretched across most of the table with that reminder. Sugarcoat was not so burdened. “Apparently he used to date Sunset Shimmer. I’m morbidly curious to see what other people see in him.”
“I heard the same thing," said Indigo. She flexed an arm in the classic Rosy Rivets pose. "Crystal Prep is full of insecure dweebs who can’t deal with a girl stronger than them. If he can handle Angel Girl, he can handle me.”
Sour shrugged. “He seems nice.”
The others waited for a few moments. “And?” prompted Sunny.
“That's it." Sour flushed under the others' incredulous stares. "What? I can have simple, genuine motives.”
“In theory, sure," said Sugarcoat. "This is the first time I’d be seeing it in practice.”
After a few moments, Sour slumped and grumbled, “And we’re all desperately lonely anyway. Might as well be me.”
Indigo nodded. “There it is. And honestly? Same.”
Sour crossed her arms and scowled down at the linoleum. "Lousy so-called friends. No one asked you to empathize with me. Now I can't even properly hate you."
"Love you too, Sour," said Lemon. The answering raised middle finger got chuckles from everyone at the table, Sour included.
"If any of us weren't desperately lonely," noted Sugarcoat, "we wouldn't be having this conversation."
"As Indigo said, we're not exactly spoiled for choice. The boys at Crystal Prep..." Sunny trailed off. "How did you put it the other day, Lemon?"
"Trust fund dipshits, honor roll dweebs, varsity assholes, aaaand..." Lemon drummed her fingers on the table as she thought. "Right! Background characters."
Sour raised an eyebrow. "'Background characters'?"
"You know, peeps who survived this long by being unremarkable enough that Cinch didn’t notice them. It’s like those bugs that look like dead leaves. Nothing’s gonna eat you if you’re just part of the set dressing."
Sugarcoat nodded. "Truly scathing commentary on the state of Crystal Prep."
"And it makes a handsome guy who got through the Friendship Games without peer-pressuring someone into turning into a demon look that much better," added Indigo.
"Indeed," said Sunny, who hadn't looked away from Lemon. “So, since you’ve declared yourself a neutral party here, who do you think should ask out Flash first?”
Lemon flinched back, trying to burrow into the crease between the booth and the wall. “Oh no, this one’s a negative-two-sum game for me. Whoever I don’t pick’s gonna hate my guts.”
“Coward,” Sour snarled despite the smile on her face
“Absolutely. I know we’re all trying to be better people, but the operative word there is trying." Lemon's gaze swept the group. "We’re all still petty, vindictive bitches, myself included. I mostly mean that as a term of endearment, but still, the only winning move here is not to play.”
Indigo sneered. “Oh, that is such—”
“Hey, are you all talking about Flash?”
Everyone flinched away from the sudden Pinkie Pie. Lemon practically ended up splayed against the wall. The others avoided eye contact with their waitress as best they could, giving assorted vague noises that could charitably be construed as words of some kind.
Sugarcoat, for her part, had frozen up while staring off into the middle distance. “I can neither confirm nor deny that at this time.”
Lemon hesitantly settled back in her seat. After a quick glance to make sure Flash was still lost to his lunch, she waved a hand across the table. “Your school’s ladykiller got himself four more victims.”
“Oh wow! In one afternoon?”
Sunny cleared her throat. “We… may have been discussing this off and on since the Friendship Games.”
Sugarcoat still hadn't moved since Pinkie had appeared. “I can neither confirm nor deny that at this time.”
“Breathe, Sugar," said Indigo. "I don’t see anyone from the school paper.”
Sour narrowed her eyes as she looked around the diner. “It’s the ones you don’t see that you have to worry about.”
“I can neither confirm nor deny that at this time.”
Sunny sighed and poked Sugarcoat in the side of the head until she dodged a retaliatory swat. “You’ll have to excuse her; her father’s a publicist. Why do you ask?”
Pinkie beamed. “Oh, his girlfriend loves hearing about how many other girls fall for him.”
The whole table went quiet. Ambient sounds filled the gap: the clink of coffee cups, the scrape of knife on fork, the jukebox quietly playing a vinyl record at least three times older than anyone at the table. Pinkie's smile didn't shift an inch the whole time, even as the Shadowbolts exchanged horrified (or, Lemon's case, horribly amused) looks.
Eventually, Indigo managed to force out a few words. “His what?”
Bells tinkled. Pinkie turned to the door and somehow smiled even wider. “There she is now! Hi, Ditzy!”
The gray-skinned blonde who'd just entered the diner waved back at Pinkie, who wordlessly pointed her to Flash. The newcomer practically skipped there and, the moment she sat, tore Flash's attention away from the remains of his meal as nothing else had. The two proceeded to talk about next to nothing with more enthusiasm than any of the Shadowbolts had ever seen from their classmates without someone's suffering getting involved.
A content sigh escaped Pinkie's lips, her head resting on her clasping hands. “Aren’t they adorable?”
Lemon pounded the table as she gasped for breath. Tears streamed down a face gone from pink through red and purple, now edging on a worrying shade of blue, her whole body heaving with silent laughter.
The others weren't quite so amused. “The cutest,” Sour Sweet hissed.
Pinkie considered the girl, and what lay in her grasp. “Huh. I don’t remember you ordering a panini.”
“You, uh..." Lemon hiccuped her way through another breath, skin tone slowly returning to normal. "You may want to get us the check before someone does something she’ll regret, Pinks.”
“Sure thing! But remember.” Without shifting her expression, Pinkie effortlessly plucked the remains of Sour's lunch out of the girl's white-knuckle grip, pried off the compressed top slice, added a glowing hard candy, and slapped the bread back on. In defiance of all laws of God and man, the resulting explosion reinflated the sandwich, which Pinkie returned to its plate. “No fighting in the diner,” she concluded.
None of the Shadowbolts were sure if she meant that as a threat. None of them were sure if she even recognized it as one. “Yes, Pinkie,” they chorused, for none of them were willing to take that chance.
“Good!” She skated off, humming something to herself.
The Shadowbolts watched Flash and Ditzy for a bit. It wasn't the kind of saccharine romance that they could have spent hours merrily mocking, or the obviously unhealthy relationship whose demise they could have fantasized about to keep them warm at night. It was, unsurprisingly for CHS, a genuine friendship that had happened to escalate to love. The two had inside jokes and fond memories and all the other little things that permeated the halls of Canterlot High whenever one of the girls "just happened" to go there to visit Twilight and incidentally observe their target. The couple just held hands for most of it.
At one point, Ditzy turned to them, Pinkie-wide smile on her face, and said something that made Flash straighten up on his barstool and blush bright red. The Crystal Prep girls immediately looked away and pretended they hadn't been looking, had no intention of looking, and frankly had much better things to do than look, thank you very much.
"So," Sunny said to Lemon. “You know how you said we were still petty, vindictive bitches?”
That got a flat look. “I also said we were trying to be better.”
“True, true. We definitely are." Sunny paused mid-nod. "That said—”
“I, for one," said Sugarcoat, "am fine with skipping the part where we act on our vindictive pettiness, then regret it and hastily make amends for what we knew was wrong the whole time.”
“It is the right thing to do.” Sour blinked, pouted, and crossed her arms. "Ugh, having a moral compass sucks.”
Indigo looked around the table. “I feel like I missed something.”
“The music video collab we did with Twilight and her friends,” said Lemon.
“After stealing Rarity’s idea,” Sugarcoat added with a pointed look at Sour.
“Which we could have made work with a better song." After a beat, Sour registered the others adding their own flat stares at her. She cleared her throat. "But that would have been wrong.”
Indigo scratched her head. “Was that when I was out of town for the softball championship?”
"Yup."
"Yes."
"At least one of us did something right on the first try that week."
"Sit on a cactus and spin, dearie," Sunny said to Sour, sweet as sugar.
“Yeah, let’s not do something shitty." Indigo leaned back and smirked. "Besides, Flash probably has some hot single friends.”
“In our area!” cheered Lemon.
Sugarcoat gave her a flat look. "You have a girlfriend."
"The day I resist a meme reference is the day I die."
“Aww, I’m so proud of you girls!”
They all turned to see Pinkie again, dabbing at her eyes with her apron with one hand and holding their check with the other.
Sunny cleared her throat. “How much of that did you hear?”
“It’s a pretty small restaurant." Pinkie leaned in and stage whispered, "Also, between you and me, Ditzy would probably crush every bone in your bodies if you tried something.”
“Wait…” Indigo narrowed her eyes as she considered the couple at the counter before flinching back. “Holy shit, it’s the Iron Maiden. I didn’t recognize her without the eyepatch.”
Sour blinked. “Who?”
“The girl who crushed me during last week’s wrestling match." Indigo shuddered. "We’re definitely not trying anything with Flash.”
Flash and Ditzy—who had just ordered a muffin—got up and left the diner. Ditzy waved at everyone as they went by, a carefree smile on her face. Pinkie and Lemon waved back. Indigo sunk in her seat until her goggles barely peeked over the edge of the table.
“Truly a force to be reckoned with,” Sugarcoat said, audibly dripping with sarcasm.
Indigo popped back up, fear in her eyes like the others had never seen. “That girl is a savage.”
“I was being sincere,” Sugarcoat said in the exact same tone.
Sunny jabbed her with an elbow. “All in favor of setting our sights elsewhere?”
“Aye,” chorused the others. And Pinkie, who giggled and skated off to another table.
“Motion passed," said Sunny. She held up the check. "Next item on the agenda: Who’s paying what?”
That sparked a new round of friendly not-quite-bickering. And behind the counter, Pinkie happily sent a photo of the five of them to a particular group chat. It was always nice to see people making progress.
Bet you thought that "5x" in the short description was referring exclusively to the Crystal Prep girls, huh? 
Yes, this timeline had a World War II. And a World War I. A goofy little tale like this doesn't need an entire alternate history plotted out for it.
This probably doesn't qualify for the Spring Fling, but my muse apparently liked the brainstorming in Estee's Discord server enough to get a dialogue skeleton out of it. And frankly, I'll take whatever executive function my brain provides. Hope you enjoyed it; it's always fun working with the Shadow Five.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- FanOfMostEverything · 3.2k words · 162 5 · 2.2k views
- Bicyclette · 8.9k words · 45 11 · 781 views
- FanOfMostEverything · 5.1k words · 129 3 · 1.6k views
- FanOfMostEverything · 6.3k words · 70 5 · 870 views
- FanOfMostEverything · 4.6k words · 60 7 · 672 views
- FanOfMostEverything · 6.3k words · 230 8 · 3.1k views
- FanOfMostEverything · 4.2k words · 83 2 · 949 views
- Moproblems Moharmoney · 8.9k words · 43 4 · 622 views
Stats
Page generated in 0.089 seconds
Total duration
550 users online
1,107,580 hits today, 2,782,760 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Somehow, whoever writes them, they make Lemon a gay one. Interesting.
Okay, now I need a wrestling AU.
Inside Baseball Alert: From where I'm standing, this means something different than Sunny intended. I know that wasn't her intent because the Pinkie Pie of the friend group is the one being addressed by the statement.
Granted, the resulting explosion arguably did that all by itself. None of them wanted to actually make said argument because Lemon Zest always gets uncharacteristically quiet when the topic of magic comes up. (I needed a changeling on the team for Reasons™ and she's Chrysalis' daughter in The Fan-Continuity That Shall Not Be Named, so...)
I feel like they should fear Pinkie more than Ditzy if they cross a line, but that's me.
Wait...
So which one of these girls receives messages from Big Sis telling them that Sombra places coded messages in the crossword puzzle?
Regardless, that was a fun little story. Always good to see the Crystal Prep girls.
Woah, Wrestler Ditzy! Iron Maiden! Niice!
I was wondering if Ditzy was gonna appear! Then she did!
...
That explains the name!
...
Heh, Sour Sweet name wordplay!
...
I wonder if Flash was more embarrassed to have more admirers, or that he was out of it enough to not notice that he was being talked about? Hehe.
...
Oh, the eyepatch is to help with her strabismus!
...
----
Typo:
say in my weight class for next week. > stay in my weight class for next week.
I love the Indigo Zap disclaimer on the cover picture.
I don't know why they would try and write her out.
Love it. Fantastic.
Correct on not qualifying for the contest, sadly, though DitzyFlash would certainly be a welcome pairing.
11539422
It just seems to be one of those things.
11539456
I liked the explanation in one story that her family is part of Big Sugar.
cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/817137022031626314/1089595491903352852/destroyed_in_seconds.jpg
Love this version of the Shadow Five (taking the name too). Perfect banter of mid-reformation antagonist, which is absolutely my jam.
Been a while since I read stuff from you, but this got my interest and reminded me why I like what you write. Great job!
This line alone justifies an uphoof 👍
Probably not what I was meant to focus on, but there's a lot of good sandwich business in this story.
Yeah, there's the drummer in his band, and... um... maybe the guy with the beanie is nice? Or the one with pointy orange hair?
It looks like the girls are going to need to lower their standards.
Somehow I'd completely forgotten that Pinkie could make confections explode. But yeah, this was fun.
Lemons girlfriend is vinyl right? Cuz I totally ship them
This was a hoot to read. I love how you characterized each of the Shadow Five here, Lemon especially.
Flashditz supremacy! Yeehaw!
A - The best ship.
B. The best shitty rich kids learning not to be assholes.
C. The best usage of my mad warblings.
Several thumbs up FOME!
11539452
Thing is that getting blown up doesn't give you much time appreciate how much pain is involved. You're either dead, unconscious, or in shock right away.
Having your bones slowly broken one by one leaves you aware for the whole process.
11540203
The explosions don't have to be large explosions. And considering who we're talking about, she has other things she can do besides just blowing things up.
Insight into the lives of the Shadowbolts is always fun, especially their quest to become less bitchy
YES!!
11540227
When has Pinky ever been one for less-than-excessive in something she does?
11539422
I'm afraid you'll have to look elsewhere for Wrestlequestria Girls, but I'm glad you enjoyed this.
11539451
I contend that the best puns are those the speaker didn't mean to make.
Personally, I'd make Indigo Zap (an almost fanatical devotion to the
PopeQueen) or Sour Sweet (see how emotionally stable you are in a world where it's much harder to harvest love) the team changeling, but there's definitely an argument for it being the one you'd least expect.11540203
Pinkie may have little sense of restraint, but it's not like we ever see her going full Demoman. There is a subtlety in the ways of Pink. (It'd be hard to throw surprise parties otherwise!) Plus, from the Shadowbolts' perspective, she's less a person and more an inscrutable force of nature. They've had enough of messing with those after Midnight Sparkle.
11539454
Would you believe I've never even seen A Beautiful Mind? (Fun fact: I live just a few miles away from John Nash's old house.) This may be the most beautiful bit of serendipity I've ever seen.
11539456
It was a really good burger, but Ditzy was more than happy to bring his attention to the peanut gallery.
11539463
No idea, but I was happy to bring her back.
11539475
Rest assured, I do still have plans for an entry.
11539616
... Thanks? I hope you've just had other things to do and didn't dislike my other recent work. Either way, glad you liked this one.
11539656
Came up with that one after I thought I was finished with the story. Glad to know it worked so well.
11539701
Hope springs eternal. And I'm sure they have great personalities.
Only from their perspective? Even her friends try very hard not to pry.
11539783
The average candy bar has more chemical energy than a stick of TNT. The real trick lies in getting it to release it all at once. (By this logic, the most Pinkie can do with a celery stick is to make it into a sparkler.)
11539921
She is, yes. It's an entirely reasonable ship. Heck, they've spoken to one another in canon. In the background of Friendship Games, but still, that's more support than some get.
11539972
They're a delight to work with, especially Lemon. I love working with characters who approach reality from an odd angle.
11539985 11540151 11540327
There's something poetic in one of the fandom's most beloved characters ending up with one of its most reviled.
11540556
...Did I discover the outer boundary of Most Everything?
In any case, that is a remarkable coincidence indeed. I thought for sure when they started talking about game theory in the story that it was a deliberate reference.
A Beautiful Mind was one of my favorite movies for years, though thinking about it now I'm not sure its discussion of mental health has aged well. Russell Crowe's Nash was an early inspiration for my Star Swirl the Bearded.
11540570
He's only reviled because they stuck him in there and did nothing with him. If this were a fighting game, Flash would be the generic karate dude seeking nonspecific revenge for the death of his father/sensei/hamburger.
And then Fleur walks by...
11540589
The movie is overdramatized shit. Read the biography it's based on.
Same for the Men Who Stare at Goats.
I give the Imitation Game a pass, since Benedict-kun <3 <3 <3.
If anyone decides to do a movie of The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage, I hope he auditions to play Charles Babbage.
11540570
Is this part of Oversaturated btw? I assume not, because Sour isn't with...whatever her gents name is, and Vinylisn't hooked up with Octavia,, but you can never be too sure lol
11540602
He's Blue Ryu?
11540560
Oh, apologies. I meant the first thing. Been a while since I've sat down to read on Fimfic in general. Mostly doing pre-reads.
11540602
"Dr. Karate! You killed my father again!"
-- Rumble McSkirmish, character in the 'Fight Fighters' video game
(from the TV show Gravity Falls)
11540679
Ryu is blue. The Player 2 red guy is usually thought to be his dad, Jo.
Such a shame the player 2 joystick was broken on the cabinet my daycare had.
Yep, Ninja Gaiden at daycare. Back then, nobody batted an eye about kids seeing the notoriously gruesome game over screen.
11541809
I was thinking more Street Fighter than Ninja Gaiden
11541931
Oh, you mean Ryu. Not Ryu.
Fun fact, Jay Tavare played Code Talker.
Is that another way of saying crushing or feelings for him?
I ship it.
Indeed.
11540677
It's implied Vinyl is with Octavia, by way of Zest trying to set up a threesome.
11541958
Funner fact: "Code Talker" is possibly the laziest codename in the series, seeing as he's a Navajo old enough to have served in WW2. The only other competitor is Fatman the morbidly obese ordnance technician.
The characterization of these adorable jerks was a treat.
Thank you for writing.
This, and another story with them that I read, made me realize I should do a story with the Shadowbolts sometime. They have a great group dynamic and comedy - I'd need to rewatch the special to get a fix on their personalities.
Also Pinkie being the nicest bouncer--without even realizing it--was great!
Excellent story.