There has been a crime most foul in Ponyville! However, Twilight Sparkle is on the case, and she has finally gathered all of the suspects under one roof.

Tonight, she will discover the truth.

Tonight, one pony will face the justice they so richly deserve.

Tonight, she throws the book at them!

Featured 8/20! You guys rock - and deserve a free library card or some overpriced coffee!

Click here for a whole dang reading of the story! It’s now available on YouTube!

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 41 )

“Plus, she has been running on nothing but obsession and caffeine for a week now, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that crazy bitch when she crashes.”

Wiser words were never spoken.


Ahh, yes. Really nice setups. RainbowMac is a new one to me. And the classic "curse word in the last line of the story" to seal the deal.


Apple Farming In The Age Of Electricity, by Growing Shock. How To Pick Up Mares, by Creeping Daily. Strength And Competition: What Mares Really Like In A Partner, by Buff Himbo. And… six issues of Country Life magazine.

With all these being checked out by Rainbow, I think it was referring to the RainbowJack pairing

Judging by the way they handle Ahuizotl and the other Daring Do villain, murder apparently is legal in Equestria.

I think the twist implication was one-sided Appledash.

Could be wrong, though.

Poor books, murdered by the very one that loved them the most.

Poor Dash, suppose it explains why she's always competing with AJ.

Okay, that last line made me laugh.



Think I am just confused. Makes sense.

“Plus, she has been running on nothing but obsession and caffeine for a week now, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that crazy bitch when she crashes.”

Truly Rarity is the most experienced of us all.

Stories like this are my favorites, the kind that could be seamlessly slipped into the show without anyone noticing. Well, except for the crazy bitch comment, but that's just cause of ratings. I could actually imagine this one playing out as an episode.

I absolutely loved this, hilarious! :rainbowlaugh:

Now we know how Rarity really feels.

"here is a murder,” Rarity"
"here is a murderer,” Rarity"?

Well, the humor was hurt for me somewhat by the degree to which I empathised with Twilight, but other than that, an unexpected bit of fun. :)

That was a good story.

When you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains no matter how improbable, must be the truth.

Ahh, another great read.Well done.
Now to work on Asylum...

“Plus, she has been running on nothing but obsession and caffeine for a week now, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that crazy bitch when she crashes.”

"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer."-Mark Twain.

It was a wonderful story with a fantastic punchline at the end.


I feel like there is an untold story there. She speaks from experience.


It’s my Planes Trains and Automobiles moment - worth the ratings tag for that single line!


What’s funny is that I did also want to make them fit Big Mac too. He is quite literally a red herring. Eh? Eh? :ajsmug:

I’m not sorry.

Not murdered; Manslaughtered (Bookslaughtered?)!

Murder requires intent.

From what the old interwebs tells me, this instance of death would be considered involuntary manslaughter (bookslaughter?)

me but with methamphetamine

I love this!

Twilight glared at them and took another defiant sip. “It helps me think.” Slurp. “And keeps me focused. On justice.”

my favorite line. The on justice punchline made me cackle

“Plus, she has been running on nothing but obsession and caffeine for a week now, and I don’t want to be anywhere near that crazy bitch when she crashes.”

That one got me haahhaha


What does the M in MLP stand for? That's right - MURDER.


That was my intention, but I am very bad at romance, it has to be said.


We hurt those we care about the most.


She probably keeps borrowing AJ's library card too, just to have an excuse to visit.


Mission Accomplished :rainbowdetermined2:


You can't spell Experience without... uh... Rarity? :twilightblush:


Yeah, that last line was my Planes, Trains and Automobiles moment.

Worth it.


Thank you! Glad you enjoyed it!


I think Rarity is also a little upset that Twilight got to do the grizzled noir detective schtick before she did.


Dangit, I knew that was a typo, had someone point it out to me, and I still somehow failed to put in the correction when I uploaded the story. Every time, I swear!


Thank you!


I think I agree.




And that is an amazing quote!


Book Slaughter does hit differently than burder... Like, Book Slaughter sounds like an 80s cartoon villain that fights against our hero, who is trying to convince 5-9 year old children the value of reading.


I am so glad. I had too much time with Twilight and coffee, it must be said.


Victory is Derek's! I'm glad that line didn't end up feeling too out of place.

ah... book "murder". For $3.99 a day, you can save a confused Twilight by donating at the library today:trollestia:

She also accepts Starbucks gift cards, dark fedoras, and confessions.

Incredibly funny fic. Loved it. There were many good moments, my favorite is the running gag of Twilight slurping her coffee. The twist at the end was so simple and yet brilliant. Poor Twilight. All that blood on her hooves. I don't know how she'll ever be able to forgive herself. I wonder if she'll turn herself in for involuntary bookslaughter or try to cover it up?

The only thing I didn't really like was the AppleDash, but that's just because I'm not a shipper. I did think the joke with the book titles was really funny though.



I’m not much of a romance guy myself. But I did like the idea of a one sided crush - if just to sell the joke that it wasn’t Big Mac but Rainbow Dash. Misdirection is the name of my game… and I am on New Game+.

… that sounded better in my head.

Ha no it was the one line that sold the story perfectly

All of them were so patiently despite knowing it's nonsense
So hearing their true thoughts made that perfectly clear.

Typos are sneaky.

Note to self: never play among us with Twilight. She would freak at the meetings.

This felt like an episode from the show lol great read!
Burder lol!


Agreed, with the exception for the last line. And the fact that the show almost never had Twilight do actual librarian work. Thank goodness for fanfiction.

A piece of advice: when you make stories like this, try to clarify in what period of time it is set because it is only at the end that one realizes that it would be located in the first season

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