• Member Since 6th Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Pen Stroke


A fan-fiction author and game programmer that lives in Glendale, CA.

Sequels1

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This story is a sequel to Glimpses


It was supposed to be a simple day for Shining Armor. Take his daughter, Flurry Heart, and niece, Nyx, out to run some errands while his sister and wife handle preparations surrounding the Festival of Friendship. It was supposed to be a day of fun, relaxing activity. Yet, after the arrival of an invading army, the day would be anything but pleasant.

Can Shining rally the defenders of Canterlot to oppose Commander Tempest, if only to ensure he, Flurry Heart, and Nyx can escape? Or are they doomed to be captured and possibly turned to stone? 

No matter what happens, it’s a day neither Shining Armor nor Tempest Shadow will ever forget.

Preread, Edited, and Reviewed By
Illustrious Q, Level Dasher, & El Oso,

Written for the Valentines 2020 Follower Appreciation Lottory Winner - Brony Writer
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Chapters (1)
Comments ( 76 )

Really nice! I'm glad we got more Nyx ^^

Very nicely done as always, Pen!

This was a great way to expand what happened in the movie and bring it into you own universe. And I think this really matches Tempest’s personality. A great story as always :twilightsmile:

Clowns. It's those darned clowns again. What will it take for Equestria to rise above their greasepaint and floppy shoes!

Any day with Nyx Sparkle putting in an appearance is a day worth waking up for. :twilightsmile:

It has been 4 bleeding years! I am hype for the return.

Also, Nyx at the School of Friendship - Think about it ;-)

Heh, certainly a good addition to the movie.

Better then the movie but jeeeze, does that ship even LOOK like a clown ship?

It is very nice to see you coming back with another Nyx story! I’ve been writing my own to cover the absence of more Nyx material, and having a new one today is wonderful!
The writing here is pretty good. I still see some awkward phrasing here and there, but the prose has improved. My only real complaint is that Nyx does not do that much here. Perhaps you could have had her defeat a satyr on her own?
I like how by this point every-pony knows who Nyx is, but they treat her like a normal filly who happens to be an alicorn. I would like to find out how that shift happened.
And I liked how we see Nyx as a teen, getting combat training from Tempest! That should prove interesting.
Nice to have you back! I look forward to more Nyx stories!

It was good to see Nyx again.

Good to see a new Nyx story from the original creator! I mentioned a scene where Nyx was captured by the Storm King in my story of her. Did that give you the idea to make this story taking place in the movie? And I have to agree we should have seen Shining Armor doing something. It left out a lot of characters.

Dan
Dan #15 · Mar 13th, 2020 · · 2 ·

Is Gallus gonna show up as a training buddy?

I honestly don't like Nyx. She seems like a character that's convoluted on her existence/the fact that she's not evil or she is. That being said I'm willing to set aside my dislike for this character for some nice... fluff? Yeah I'd consider this fluff even though there's combat. I think it's also because I've been easing myself up to fluff and slice of life stuff.

Anyway have a like.

Great story, manages to fit into the Past Sins Universe with out having to rewrite the Movie. Also shows how having a competent Commander in Canterlot would have made the battle less of a freaking curb stomp! And makes Equestrian forces look less pathetic by giving a logical explanation of "Fall Back to the Crystal Empire".

ok nice to see more nix but can you please tag this and the rest as nightmare moon stories just for us to not forget that nix is just a clone of NM

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Well, she's not really a clone. She's a different being that was born of Nightmare Moon's remnants. She has NMM's essence within her, but she's not the same character.

10130437
Mmmyes.... Something of a bit of reincarnation, much like Uub is of Buu.

And in O&O, there is a tried and true tactic when you face something you aren’t prepared to defeat.”

“And what’s that?” Tempest asked

For a moment, I thought Shining was going to roll to seduce Tempest. :derpytongue2:

When was Nyx an Alicorn again? She was supposed to be a normal unicorn after the end of Past Sins.

10131603
Nyx never quit being an alicorn. She lost most of her magic when she changed back into a foal as part of her punishment. The story states that her magic level is parallel with that of a normal if not gifted unicorn filly, not that she became a unicorn. Since Past Sins, her magic level has increased in each story, to the point that she can dream walk like Princess Luna.
I wonder how her magic compares with alicorn Cozy Glow in the series finale?

A brilliant reimagining of the world as it was in the movie, I love Mlp, and I know first and foremost that it is a kids show, but I am completely comfortable admitting that there are numerous things that could have been done better. That being said, let me make it clear that I am not suggesting that I know better nor that I could have done a better job than the teams of talented writers, artists, etc. One thing is that the guards are at best semi-competent if rather jumped up security guards and at worst total tools who probably wouldn't know the difference between a sword and a saddlebag , same thing with the wonerbolts for that matter.

Another excellent edition to the universe.

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Considering they stole that ship from the clowns, yes. Very much so.

10174512

“Clowns, Sir,” Swift Sword reported. “Pinkie Pie had gotten pre-approval for a group of clowns to arrive via airship to be part of the festivities. The initial airship came in under that approval using stolen credentials. The lead airship released a smokescreen behind it, allowing the other airships to approach Canterlot without being detected.”

Okay fine, they stole the credentials. I just find stealing an airship a lot cooler, okay?

10175154
except it's clearly a storm airship

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One could think that the clowns were mocking the Storm King, a Storm King’s ship is full of clowns.
Metaphorically, they’re all morons, literally, that’s a great joke. Either way, they had the proper credentials and nobody knew what the airship would specifically look like.

10175764
or as usual the Royal Guard is incompentant

10175769
Okay, I want you to predict how Pinkie Pie would act. She is supposed to know everything since she can break the 4th wall, so how come she can’t see the negative consequences of her actions?

Edit: I guess that means Pinkie Pie is incompetent.

10175796
Because she is clueless at times. She made know the truth but the meanign goes over her head.

10175810
“The hostiles Storm king who wishes to conquer the world stole credentials to hide his army.” The one time Pinkie Sense needs to go off, it doesn’t. It’s not the guard’s fault, considering how we never heard anything about every villain until their arrival, and then nothing again unless they returned, except Storm King and Chrysalis. Chrysalis returned twice. She was Ocellus’ worst nightmare. Just as Storm King was the Hippogriff’s. That’s the only time they were mentioned outside of their appearance.

Great Story, i realy like past sins and the sequels and sidestorys, this could be a Start of a New storyline (Nyx as teenager/ young aduld)

“Where are the young alicorns?” Tempest demanded as she charged Shining Armor again. Her hooves, clad in anti-magical guards, sparked as they hit his barrier, threatening to short circuit the magic.

“I’m not going to let you anywhere near them,” Shining spat as she changed his tactics, shooting out a few blasts of magic and forcing Tempest to retreat before reforming his personal barrier.

Why couldn't we see this Shining Armor in the movie? A badass hero who protects his children from danger.

10196106
I personally would be down for something like this.

Hi there
I've just read this interesting and exciting work.
And I'm just wondering if I can get your authorization to translate this to another language (Chinese)...
And if I could, I will definitely give credit to you and post the original link
and give an link to the translation (if you want...)
So........
Can I get your permission ?

Y'know, the whole stolen credentials trick shouldn't have worked because everyone knows that Clown airships are really tiny....!

Anyway, great catching up with Nyx again!

That was good. It's nice to see a take on what the royal guard was doing during the invasion, and I definitely like the idea of Tempest training Nyx. The post-redemption friendship between Shining and Tempest is interesting to see explored as well.

Eee! I want more teenage Nyx!

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That Conflict ( not convolution.... not being mean here i realize English is not your native language) Is THE ENTIRE POINT of Nyx as a character. The main theme of the original Past Sins is essentially Identity . Nyx looks like NM, has NM's body and powers etc....and was created to be a weapon that overthrows the government and establishes tyrannical rule. She has a " destiny" that she has been created to fulfill. It's the one that society expects of her : the villain Nightmare Moon.

OR she could choose the alternate Identity " Nyx" that Twilight Sparkle creates for her. Which of course is what she does. But the conflict inherent in the choice is what drives Past Sins

Nyx's duality is her greatest appeal as a character in my opinion. Note in this story that when Tempest says her fighting style is fit for a villain, Nyx replies that actually, such a fighting style is perfect for her. Nyx is the most " dark sided" pony in existence. She probably has a a better " knack" for " dark magic" ( whatever that may be in this universe) than any other living pony. When she grows back into her full powers, she will probably overtake Luna for the title of the most terrifying pony alive. Yet she is not evil, she is definitely heroic and has vowed to protect the ponies. I have referred to Nyx as " the most adorable Hydrogen bomb" and For me, this is the core of her appeal.

10435623
I need to preface this.

Even if my 1st language is not English it doesn't change the fact that Nyx is unnecessarily complicated.
Your avatar is a Luna avatar I'm prepared for bias.
I'm aware of how the story goes for Nyx. I've watched comics of her story and done some research enough to know I don't like her.

It's the one that society expects of her : the villain Nightmare Moon.

And they're absolutely right to do so. She IS Nightmare Moon no doubt about it. Nyx isn't some random child that bears the taint of Nightmare Moon. She's litterally made out of her. To not expect her to be evil is to be naive and that's exactly what the problem is to me. Pen Stroke tells me a part of a corrupted Princess that is clearly evil(Nightmare Moon) splintered into something that is not evil (Nyx).

Yeah I'm not buying that

I need to reinforce the fact that I am not against complicated plots. I am into the Fate anime franchise and compared to that Nyx doesn't hold a candle in complexity.

In all the story of Nyx there is no clear-cut villain just the nebulous evil of Nightmare Moon that is said to "mind-control" everyone. The cultists aren't evil they're mind controlled. The head-cultist isn't manipulating them either he's mc-ed too. The kid that's clearly made out of Nightmare Moon and isn't some random kid implanted with her isn't evil...
memesmonkey.com/images/memesmonkey/3f/3f6f7dcf11437fb47220d3e5028c90e5.jpeg
I'm just done. I know this is supposed to be a kids fandom but at this point to me this all seems like a flood of excuses so that everyone gets out scot-free and that is tiring to a fault.

Why is Nyx not evil? Because Pen Stroke said so.
Why is are the cultists not evil? Because Pen Stroke said so.
Why is the lead cultist not evil? Because Pen Stroke said so.

And that's why I dislike Nyx and her story.

10438487
Yeah, you continue to miss the point. Not every story needs a clear cut villain. In fact most of the time, in real life, there is no clear cut villain.

Why is Nyx not evil? Because she CHOOSES not to be. Choice is the whole point of the story. You seem to think that she SHOULD be evil. Doomed. Nothing for it, so bad so sad. What a horrific world that would be. No free will, no choice, no subtlety no shades of gray, no chance of redemption just condemnation.

I don't see what you want to punish Nyx for. She got away scot free? I don't understand this at all. Nyx didn't choose out of her own free will to act the way Nightmare Moon did when she was Luna. Luna made those choices, and she was indeed punished for her choices. When Nyx acted out of her free will, she made the correct choices.

You slam the story as simplistic because Nyx has free will and chooses something other than to be a nightmare Moon Robot. You want a villain dammit! Somebody has to be punished! And if you don't see that then it is for babies!

What I find childish is your worldview. No nuance, no shades of gray, no free will, no chance of redemption no subtlety.

10439484
No I'm not missing the point, you are. Idgaf if there's no clear cut villain. I don't like that it's used to absolve all characters of responsibility.

This should never have been a point of choice(Nyx being evil or not) if Nyx is Nightmare Moon. Again I've experienced a lot of stories where you have to deal with the duality of evil. Baldur's Gate, Dark Messiah of Might and Magic, Beyond Good and Evil... None of them however go like "the part of the pure evil decided not to be evil anymore" like Nyx does. They usually make it clear that there is a distinction between the person and the evil force. The problem with Nyx and her being overly complex in her not-evil-ness is her creation. She should never have been magically made/conjured. She could have been a vessel that hosted Nightmare Moon and it would have made a lot of sense. Right now it's just not making any sense why she isn't evil. She's Nightmare Moon with a new coat and different name.

I never said that I wanted to punish them, simply that every character gets to dodge any responsibility because "Oh we're mind-controlled". It would have made sense if the lead cultist (I don't remember his name ok?) was the mastermind or there was an inner circle that coerced and maybe MC-ed the other ponies but this is just getting ridiculous at this point. As it stands the mind control is a cheap get out of jail free card that robs the story of its weight.

By this point Nightmare Moon could just have inhabited one of their bodies, or just straight up mind-control Twilight. Or Celestia! None of that happens! Why? Because the writer said so. There's no reason it shouldn't be outside of her abilities.

I never "slammed" the story for simplicity. Wtf are you talking about? I never said anything about no redemption. You don't know anything about me. You say I'm against redemptions and one of the biggest things I write about are redemptions of Chrysalis. Gimme a break.

10439566

This should never have been a point of choice(Nyx being evil or not) if Nyx is Nightmare Moon.

And that right there is the exact part where you miss the point. You just think the entire point of the story should not have happened. You can like or dislike it, you are free to think it is good or bad, but that is literally the whole point of Past Sins!

hey usually make it clear that there is a distinction between the person and the evil force.

..which was the whole point of the first half of the story where Nyx is a filly. The point is to show her as a distinct person.

Right now it's just not making any sense why she isn't evil. She's Nightmare Moon with a new coat and different name.

She also has a completely different EXPERIENCE. She got to be loved and in turn to love her mother, friends, and her town. This is what makes her not evil.

he should never have been magically made/conjured. She could have been a vessel that hosted Nightmare Moon and it would have made a lot of sense.

She IS a vessel for Nightmare Moon? I don't see why her being created ( as a vessel for Nightmare Moon) through magic is bad.

By this point Nightmare Moon could just have inhabited one of their bodies, or just straight up mind-control Twilight. Or Celestia! None of that happens! Why? Because the writer said so

Well she DID inhabit them! "The Blessing "that Spell Nexus had and he spread around was literally a form of possession! Like that is explicitly stated multiple times in Past Sins And what Did Nightmare Moon want ? A VESSEL! Her own Alicorn body INDESTRUCTIBLE so much stronger than any unicorn body. Hence Nyx. But Nightmare Moon's essence was in Spell Nexus and the cultists NOT in Nyx who was a copy of NM's body, but not her desires etc. When Spell Nexus gets his hooves on her he pours the blessing into her that is the soul of NM if you will. But By then he has THE EXPERIENCE of being Nyx : a filly with friends who is loved by her adoptive mother and her friends and really her town. THIS is the reason she is not evil.

As to why she did not possess Luna or Celestia, Spell Nexus while possessed by NM came to despise the sisters. The sisters may also have been able to detect the magic during the possession attempt etc.

Anyways , yes you misunderstand the character of Nyx and the point of Past Sins. Feel free NOT TO LIKE IT. But you can't say " this story would be so much better if things that are crucial to the point of the story were different" because then it would be a completely different story. Again don't like the story, feel free to dislike the story, but understand that what you dislike about the story is the whole point of the story.

I am done. One last request, can you stop being a Dick and take away the downvotes you placed on my posts? I did not downvote any of your posts. Please treat me with the same respect with which I treat you.

10439645

You just think the entire point of the story should not have happened.

I'm saying that the premise is broken. Stop putting words in my mouth.

You're arguing with so much bad faith you don't know it.

..which was the whole point of the first half of the story where Nyx is a filly. The point is to show her as a distinct person.

Which like I said.., fails due to a broken premise.

She also has a completely different EXPERIENCE. She got to be loved and in turn to love her mother, friends, and her town. This is what makes her not evil.

She is the fucking literal embodiment of an evil force! Unless Nightmare Moon herself is not evil then Nyx is evil. All you have to blame for this is your broken premise. How many times do I have to mention this?

She IS a vessel for Nightmare Moon? I don't see why her being created ( as a vessel for Nightmare Moon) through magic is bad.

No Nyx IS Nightmare Moon. We didn't create a new child, we created Nightmare Moon.

From the TV tropes of Past Sins:Amnesiac God: Nyx, a reincarnation of Nightmare Moon, starts out with no memories of any time before the resurrection ritual. She later finds pieces of her old self that contain memories from when her previous incarnation had tried to bring about eternal night. She was not happyabout what she found. She remembers everything after the cultists complete the spell that created her and she grows to her full size.

Reincarnation: While the term is not used specifically, it is one of the biggest themes since Nyx is the very essence of Nightmare Moon reborn. The other theme would be redemption via the reincarnation.

You see the problem here? Nightmare Moon isn't a person that turned evil. She is the evil of Luna and if we take the comics she's an evil FORCE. That can't change no matter the reincarnation.

Well she DID inhabit them!

I meant others. Twilight, Celestia e.t.c. Similarly to how she inhabited Luna.

The sisters may also have been able to detect the magic during the possession attempt etc.

That's what YOU say. And as much as Spell Nexus despises who he does that means nothing if his fav alicorn baddie is to win. It's his hubris then. Which is possible to have but it doesn't make the story better if the premise for one's victory is the villain's stupidity. Not like it matters to what I'm saying.

Anyways , yes you misunderstand the character of Nyx and the point of Past Sins. Feel free NOT TO LIKE IT.

I don't misunderstand. I know what her point is. I'm saying her story is BROKEN. The logic of it. I don't dislike the character itself, I dislike how it was made.

But you can't say " this story would be so much better if things that are crucial to the point of the story were different" because then it would be a completely different story. Again don't like the story, feel free to dislike the story, but understand that what you dislike about the story is the whole point of the story.

NO IT WOULDN'T. I just proved you wrong on your "vessel" theory by quoting the fic's own wiki. Plus you just said essentially that the same purpose would be served if Nyx was a vessel. I just made it clearer by doing a separation of what Nightmare Moon and Nyx are more distinct. STOP LYING.

And "feel free to not like it" is a moot point because you fucking hounded me for not liking something. You repeatedly misinterpreted my words, put words in my mouth, and by now I'm basically a hater to you.

I'm a dick because I downvoted a comment I think is bad? My initial comment had 9. Are the 9 people who downvoted me being dicks? Of course not! Btw you repeatedly misinterpreted me and accused me of things I didn't say. Did I accuse you of ANYTHING other than misinterpreting my words aka lying? NO. Just accept a simple inconsequential dislike.

One last thing I actually like this fic. So I'm really eager to see how you pin on me the fact that I'm a hater if I gave this fic a like. Unless you don't think I'm a hater in which case leave me alone.

Comment posted by Caligari87 deleted Sep 23rd, 2020
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