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Comments ( 43 )

“She should be fine,” Starlight said. “I think alicorns are immortal. I mean, probably. What I’d really be worried about is--”

Now I'm really curious about the effects of drug tolerance given there's no lethal dosage.

Majin Syeekoh
Story Approver

Oh my gosh this is amazing.

most likely Twilights snorted so much cocaine, that she's gained a pure immunity, or comedy for the sake of comedy

Ok. This made me laugh hard. What an awesome and fun as buck idea. You did and amazing job and they are very in character. Really fun job.

So... does this count as part of the RariTwi bomb?
I swear that line wasn't in the description when I first looked.

Delightful stuff, especially Fluttershy's ability to commune with Discord. And the machine elves. And Double Diamond being a coke dealer makes the perfect kind of mad sense. Thank you for a wonderful, almost literal crackfic.

As for the venom not working, remember: Princess Snowflame feels no pain!

That's all good and well, sure, but it doesn't do anything to explain why there are fucking iguanas on the coffee table.

Ok I lost it watching that, that was glorious. Now I need to read the story. That was just amazing.

That ending is pure gold :rainbowlaugh:

Ponyville Castle, the Fortress of Friendship, Twilight’s Crystal Castle, the Bastion of Brohoofs, could be described in a lot of ways. It could be called a reward for a heroic feat, a fitting seat for Equestria’s newest princess, an incredible zoning violation in Ponyville city limits. At the moment the only description that mattered to Rarity was ‘40 bedroom, one bath’.

How the fuck does this monstrosity only have one bath.

“What is taking her so long?” Rarity hissed, pacing in front of the door and trying not to think about a certain unladylike pressure. “Even Rainbow Dash wouldn’t have spent half an hour in there, and she thinks she can get over being lactose intolerant if she just drinks enough milk!”

Oh fuck my stomach hurts now.

Twilight Sparkle, Princess of Friendship, was hunched over the sink, one of Pinkie Pie’s crazy straws in her telekinetic grip, with the end in a line of white powder.

When's Rarity gonna join her.

“Okay, so, so, it’s like a stock market for books, right?” Twilight said. “You bet on which books will be popular, and you buy shares, and the printer pays you dividends based on how many they sell. It’s great, right, because then you can just buy all the shares yourself and it’s like, it’s like self-publishing but you can get other ponies to chip in and- and you can sell the stocks later! And- and publishers will like it too because they don’t have to carry all the risk! I was thinking of setting it up myself but like, should a Princess get into business or is it like, a conflict of interest?”


“How much cocaine did you take, exactly?”

One metric fuck tonne

“Twilight, dear, love, why in Celestia’s name would you think I didn’t use cocaine?” Rarity laughed. “Darling I’ve done so much blow that it would rain snow if you shook me too hard! I’m not upset that you were using, I’m upset that you didn’t save any for me!”

So that's why she's so white she's not a marshmallow she's a cokehead.

“I haven’t been able to get a dealer since Fleur went into rehab as part of her plea bargain. You’d think Pinkie Pie would be able to get her hooves on some coke but she won’t even touch the stuff, which... is probably for the best.”

*Shudders* you mean she's not already?

“They were friendly, but unfortunately I wasn’t able to translate fifth-dimensional designs made out of living song into practical fall fashion. On the other hoof, now I know why Fluttershy is able to deal with Discord so well.”

.....ok then

“Who is it?” Starlight asked. “You have to tell me if you’re a Royal Guard! It’s the law! This is my own private domicile and I won’t be harassed!”

You don't actually have say if you're a cop until you're arresting them. Also love the Breaking Bad reference.

“Are they gone yet?” The book whispered, before turning back into Chrysalis. “I can’t believe that didn’t kill them. It was pure manticore venom!”

Oh...........Well shit.

I didn't know I needed this story.

Was I supposed to feel slightly mentally raped?

Because I do. Just a bit. In a good way though, as weird as that may seem.

Upvoted for the summary alone.

Pinkie Pie on cocaine, oh dear God what have you done? This is very amusing while stoned


The last (and only) time Pinkie did cocaine, she spent four seasons as a clown for a heavy metal band before the drugs wore off.

*walks in.*
*looks around.*
*walk right back out*
"Not even going to ask."

“Oh. Oh! Right! Bathroom! Uh. I’ll just…” Twilight grabbed her things, the straw, the mirror, the cocaine, a ruler to help get her line perfectly straight, and awkwardly stepped around Rarity. “Should I--?”

Clearly this is the problem.

She needed to curve the lines so they twirled.

My only disappointment was there wasn't any proper Snowflame references. 9/10!

How many toads did you lick to make this fic?

This all makes too much sense for something so ridiculous.

So you claim that you wrote this without drugs, but the premise of the fic is that nobody can be crazy without being on drugs. >_>;

Written in a few (but oddly, not drug-fueled) hours


The reference in your comment made the story experience even better.

This was a riot.


Pinkie's crazy without being on drugs, though.

You’d think Pinkie Pie would be able to get her hooves on some coke but she won’t even touch the stuff, which... is probably for the best.

love fluttershy being a naturalist drug user, her conspicuous residency next to a magical-pharmacological wonder filled forest makes perfect sense, as does her other friend tree-hugger or w/e her name was from that one episode (you all know the pony!)

Very fast paced comedy, well done

Majin Syeekoh
Story Approver

You cannot stop me.

My reach is unknowable.

"Ju wan' some cocaine mang?"
-Twilight Sparkle

As a fellow nerd who does large amounts of drugs, I’m very much looking forward to reading this. Also I don’t think I’ve ever seen a story rated M solely for drug use.

Okay having read this, a few observations:
I dunno why this needs to be rated mature. It’s not like teens don’t know drugs exist.

In general, I feel like cocaine isn’t worth it for how much it costs, but I won’t turn it down if it’s free.

The last time I went to her for, ah, inspiration, she gave me something that made me see machine elves hiding behind reality.”

Fun story: I don’t like smoke in my lungs, so when my friends offered me DMT, they put it in a water bong thinking it would be less harsh. Unfortunately the moment the smoke hit my throat, I coughed violently, flooding the entire bong, wasting $40 of DMT.

Also, you got right the part of meth making you horny (pun unintended.). The last time I had too many of my ADHD pills (about five times the daily dose in one night) I procrasturbated for seventeen hours straight. Not good.

Thank you for writing this; I enjoyed it very much.

Is this concept and title based on the best DC villain of all time?

Snowflame, "Cocaine is my god!" With superpowers fueled by coke.

So... which one of the cocaine fueled supervillain who harasses a comic book reviewer for apparently funzies?


I miss the fan webcomic that expanded on Snowflame.

Majin Syeekoh
Story Approver

What is good without bad

Oh, keep going Crissy, keep going. You'll definitely make her immune to literally everything short of swimming in lava. Then she'll proceed on her own and get immunity even to that just for the collection of shit she immune to. Not even hard thing to do considering her ability to turn in a fire elemental.

Good thing Twi were high on chemicles, though. She'd read her like an open book. :trollestia:

That really does explain a lot. Like the singing. And there's no way Spike isn't on something the way he's always happy in the mornings.

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