• Member Since 7th Oct, 2019
  • offline last seen April 24th

Chiko


Life's a journey with no destination, and I forgot my map.

T

After losing her sister, Rarity buries herself in her work.

Just as lost, Apple Bloom and Scootaloo, armed with a personal Ogres & Oubliette's module, try to help the seamstress open more than just her boutique.
❄ An intimate epic written for FanOfMostEverything's Imposing Sovereigns II.
❄ Loosely inspired by the stage play of the same name by Qui Nguyen.
❄ New adventurers beware! Spoilers lurk in the comments.
❄ Story is complete and is the silver medalist.
Royal Canterlot Library featured.

Chapters (30)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 93 )

oh my gawd,,, is this inspired by the play? with tilly and agnus?! omg if so, then im totally reading this ! <3 my school did that play last year and it was so amazing !!! cant wait to read this ! <333

What play is 9913676 talking about? Who are Tilly and Agnus?

9913676
Yep, that's the one. The play stuck with me, and I wanted to take my own spin on the premise. Hope you enjoy it.

9913698
She Kills Monsters is the name of the play. Tilly and Agnes are the sisters that the story follows.

“Preferably with a weird and exotic name,” Scootaloo added. “Like Susan or Karen.”

:rainbowlaugh: Nice. You had my attention. Now you have my interest.

Quite intriguing this far. I've never seen the play, so this should be quite the experience. Looking forward to more.

Rarity's more damaged than she knows. I can only hope further sessions offer her closure and allow her to heal.

I remember this play from when my high school did it our senior year. Absolutely loved it, and your version is looking like it might become even better than ours.

I don't know the play but this story intrigues me.

9914835
Glad to see that I've got your interest. This story is gonna go some places, so I hope you enjoy the journey.

9917666
I'm certainly taking a more dramatic angle than the original play. I wanted to focus on the emotional core that I wanted to see more of from the original story. Hope it stacks up.

9918660
No knowledge of the play is needed, but it is a fun read/experience anyway. Especially live where the DnD rolls are improvised sometimes. It's more of a comedy, so the tones are wildly different.

Always make nice with the druid. They're great allies and truly terrible enemies.

This is me acknowledging how every chapter is exactly 500 words but still feels like a substantive piece of just the right length.

9920586
Oh, thank god it's working. Lots of rewrites and editing went into this to get it just right, so thank you for the reassuring comment. I really appreciate it.

I love this story and I've just recommended it on my blog. Hopefully that helps.

9922821
Oh my... Thank you so much! It really means a lot.

Self-care is dragging damsels to their doom.

Wait...

In any case, magnificent stuff thus far. This is a master class in how to say a lot with a little. As Daedalus said, these do not feel like 500-word chapters.

9924124
I think I'm incapable of writing chapters longer than 500 words now. Thank you for the kind words, especially since I rewrote that chapter several times, and it hurt to make every time.

Obvious in hindsight, but it still caught me by surprise. The question is how much Diamond knows...

I definitely need to go back and reread it from the beginning once it's finished.

I refuse to believe that this account isn't an alt of one of the writing juggernauts of this fandom. This is top-notch storytelling and uses the vignette style with devastating effectiveness to capture so many emotional moments with authenticity and brevity. I'm very much looking forward to the end of the story and I wish you best of luck in the contest, even if I don't think you'll need it.

Sisterly bonds and ice queens...

When did this drift into Frozen territory?

This is some beautiful exploration of Sweetie's mindset through the medium of the game. I'm really loving what each scene says about Sweetie's relationship with Rarity, and with the other people she knows.

I cried and I think I need to call my sister. It's a beautiful story that's giving a full life to so many characters. Thanks for writing!

This story continues to be excellent.

Hmm... May for Pinkie, and going by the diamond, Marble's the older twin here and they were born around midnight, May 1st. Poor Cloudy.

In any case, excellent way to showcase the damage Rarity still hasn't healed. An actually intimate get-together might help... if she can find the time.

I was part of she kills monsters as a light operator. The name of the story was what caught my eye. I look forward to reading this and seeing how it plays out compared to the play.

Part of me can't help but think it would be best to let the issue go quietly. The rest knows it couldn't. It's as much a part of the mourning process as the module. And that process may finally be drawing to a close. Now it's just a question of what happens between the sisters.

This has been quite a trip.

Absolutely cannot wait for the conclusion. This has been an incredible journey, in the game and outside of it, and I'm very glad to have witnessed it.

A magnificent tale, very well told. Thank you for one heck of an emotional journey. Best of luck in the judging.

What 9931304 said. That was a remarkable story. Congratulations, and thank you for it.

I'm tearing up right now. This was such a beautiful story, and I loved the framing of it, and how it was used with devastating emotional effectiveness. You managed to tell so much within the contest word limit, and really showed off an efficiency in word use, which is pretty cool too.

I think this is the best entry I've read so far, and I really do wish you the best of luck in the judging.

I can’t echo what everyone else has said enough. This was a wonderful journey through and through. Emotions were high and felt very realistic, and the oblique way you told the story was just right. I haven’t seen the original play, so I don’t quite know how far removed this story is from it, but you did a great job adapting it, from what I can tell.

I wish you the best of luck when the judging comes around—not that you’ll need it! I will gladly lose to this story, if that’s the way it goes.

9931304
Thank you for reading. I'm grateful for your consistent comments through the updates. Best wishes with judging the thousands and thousands of words you have to read. I hope they're all as enjoyable or better than mine. Though, I do apologize for hitting the word max and making your (and the other judges’) job just a little bit longer.

9928568
I’m quite touched that I got that emotional reaction out of you. I sincerely hope you and your sister live a full life of love and happiness.

9931318
Thank you for joining the journey, and I'm still very grateful for your blog post. I think it may have doubled the likes, and brought a lot more views to this humble little story. It especially means a lot that you did so for a fellow competitor. I wish you all the luck in the world for your own story.

9931347
I find myself revisiting your comments a lot. I genuinely don't know how to respond to such kind words, so I just stopped replying to comments. I expect this story to get lost in shuffle. Though, I know that if I never receive another comment, I have yours to read and re-read to make this whole attempt worth it. I hope your entry does well and places. I'm so nervous for the judging thanks to today's flood of stories and now that the actual juggernauts have submitted their entries.

9931633

I will gladly lose to this story, if that’s the way it goes.

I’m sincerely honored you believe that my story can place. I’m trying to find a way to correctly phrase it without really downplaying my story, and in turn your opinion. I just know that all the writers involved, including yourself, are capable of producing great stories.

This story is also pretty far removed from the stage play. You can read the first pages of the preview on the play's page (or watch it on YouTube) and realize they have wildly different tones and souls to them. I just took the premise and ran in the opposite direction. The flashbacks chapters with Sweetie Belle and Rarity don't really exist in the play. The DnD plots within the stories are different. And that's just stuff I can recite off the top of my head.

Though, perhaps I should make a blog post or something that makes it clear that this isn’t a direct adaptation and outlines what makes it different. I dunno, I guess I feel the need to justify it since I do take inspiration from an outside source that's not just a FiM/EqG episode. I suppose I'll do it if a judge asks it of me.

The first chapter and already you might have me hooked. This does some fantastic work with implication, especially that bit right at the end.

(Also noticing the 500-word chapters, as another commenter has already pointed out. That's a sign of some real effort in the construction.)

9945804
I'm glad to have caught your attention. Administrative Angel is a big inspiration and a large part of the reason why I committed to writing this. Especially that first chapter, so it's neat to see it come full circle. Thank you for the kind words, and I hope you enjoy the journey.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

9914825
Holy shit this was funny. Caught me completely off guard.

RBDash47
Site Blogger

Extraordinarily well done. Very impressed that this is your first story here. You must write in other capacities?

Finally got to finish reading this. I'm not one of the judges, but if I was, this would have a damn strong shot at a medal. Masterful work with word economy, pacing, and with what to say and not say. This feels like fragments of a much larger story crammed into 15,000 words, but it's the right fragments -- and even that fragmentary nature reinforces your story, mirroring Rarity's fragmentation. Each bit works independently -- which is damn hard to do in 500 words -- and they add up to something greater.

Kudos as well for using the play as a base and finding a way to build from it that brought your story out, rather than simply ponifying it as a carbon copy with the same theme and tone. I wish more authors took that approach to crossovers.

9946867
It's flattering, of course, that I could be an inspiration, but also a bit humbling that I could inspire a work of such craft. Thank you, and I hope there's more where this came from. :twilightsmile:

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

9914825
Yeah, this is really charming. :D

I did indeed go back and reread this once I'd cleared out my reading list, and it still blows me away. Best of luck in the contest, I think you have a good shot at placing.

This time around I thought I saw a thematic purpose in the 500-word chapter limitation. Rarity was not given enough time to say all the things she should have said, or do all the things she should have done, with her sister. And that stings deep.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Absolutely devastating.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Yeah, that hits hard.

She wore a crown made of a pristine white towel and a matching dress.

This is a fantastic sentence :raritystarry:

This was rather incredible. Some fantastic prose throughout, and a wonderful understanding of what was necessary to include and what wasn’t. A handful of moments felt like the brevity hurt them just a tad—the jump from ”if I did it’s your fault” to Rarity looking at the casket came perilously close to unintentional comedy territory, but as a whole, this packed a heck of a punch for its size. You did a wonderful job with this :twilightsmile:

9949217
I've worded before, yes. c:

9953144
I guess we have 9914825 to thank for bringing our stories to each other's attention.

I never once thought someone would analyze and interpret any of my stories. I'm beyond touched and humbled. Even if my stories try to contain a near obsessive attention to detail, I never expect anyone to dedicate more than a passing thought to them. Thank you for this. :heart:

There may be more from me, maybe not. I've always been kind of nebulous. May we meet again in another life, fellow traveler.

9957883
I'm glad that line's getting attention. It's one of the few jokes I spared when I had to kill my darlings in the editing process. Although, my favorite one-liner in this story was a casualty. I really needed the fifteen words. F.

9959629
I'm loving everyone's thematic interpretations of the 500 word chapters. They're all lovely and hold truth to them. The best meaning in art is the one the viewer discovers and resonates with.

Thank you for reliving the journey. It means a lot. This story does reward attentive and/or repeat readings with the little details, so I'm glad you caught some new stuff.




Everyone, please don't get my hopes up by saying I can place. My heart can't take it. I feel like I'll let everyone down when I don't. The kind comments are enough.

9964525
Through the entire writing, editing, and publishing process, I constantly debated which of the last two chapters should end the story. They end on different sides and extremes of bittersweet, and I still don't know if I made the right decision, but I'm glad to see that the published order does indeed work and doesn't pull the emotional punch.

Thank you for reading, and I hope the journey wasn't too taxing, traveler.

9967696
I don't think I've ever been directly complimented on my prose before. Thank you so much. I'll carry it in my heart. :heart:

Thank you for reading and your kind words and critique. Best of luck with your other journeys.
May they be worth the read and your time.

This was a beautiful read. Thank you so much for writing it.

9924939

I refuse to believe that this account isn't an alt of one of the writing juggernauts of this fandom.

That's a pretty demeaning sentiment. It implies that only someone with a lot of FIMfic followers could write a good story.

There's a new concept in last wills and testaments, I wonder if anyone else has ever done something like that?

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!