• Member Since 15th Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen Aug 2nd, 2021

Bliss Authority

Don't do dark magic, kids, or this might happen to you. Fantasy fan, gamer, inveterate shipper, Flash Sentry apologist, fiction author - fan and otherwise.


A World, Reflected is a somewhat dark, urban fantasy magical girl retelling of Equestria Girls.

Twilight Sparkle, newly an Alicorn and the Princess of Friendship, was dreading her coronation - when a thief strikes in the night, stealing the Crown of Magic and taking it through the gateway known as the Mirror of Reflected Worlds.

Now, Twilight and Spike must pursue Sunset Shimmer - known by some as Princess Celestia's most faithless student - to another world.

Through the mirror, Twilight and Spike find a world, reflected: a world full of echoes of the ponies they know as strange bipedal sapients; a world where if magic even exists it follows much different laws; a world stalked by savage monsters held back only by five mysterious heroines and the equally mysterious hero who lends them his aid.

The fate of both worlds may rest on whether or not five estranged high-school students can rekindle their friendship - with Twilight's help; whether or not an oddly familiar lad proves to be an ally, a friend, a lover - or a fatal distraction; and whether Twilight and the heroes of the reflected world can deduce just what Sunset Shimmer's malevolent plan is - before it's too late for them to stop it.

Cover image courtesy of Yamino.

Sex tag is for romance and examples of (literally) sophomore humor; Gore tag is for implied serious injury.

Chapters (9)
Comments ( 122 )

And we're off.

If you can, let me know what you think about this fic - and why you think so. Feedback is the only way I'll get better at writing.

Chapter 4's first draft is done, awaiting a look by the prereaders. MUCH, MUCH love to the prereaders, by the way - who are: Pattypaw, Sereg, N. Weismuller, Kyronea, and Riki (none of whom are on this site under those names, that I know of).

Why the hell the summary is a copy of the movie own summary?


A quick look at IMDB says this is not the case. :trixieshiftright:

Since "I'm copying the description of EqG word for word" is transparently false, I have to wonder what you're trying to accomplish here.

As to why it's similar... well, it IS a remix/retelling of EqG, so maybe that has something to do with it.

4516841 what I'm trying to accomplish is that just because is a remix you can still be original. And the summary don't help to attract readers...



The short summary could probably stand to be improved; the trouble is how I could do that in all of 250 characters. Any suggestions?

I'm not terribly worried about the long summary, at this point.

4517320 a good summary can be one that give a quick explanation about the story. You can try to add some sort of suspense to get the reader to read the story to know more about what will, and can happen to the story.

sorry I'm not so good at explaining things :/


It happens. Tone is hard to read on the internet without cheating somehow, and I misread your tone as RAR I HATE ALL THE THINGS. :pinkiecrazy:

How's this edit? It reflects the single biggest change between this and EqG canon.

Well this is certainly an interesting take. I do so love the explaination of what happened to the world beyond the mirror's Twilight and Sunset Shimmer seeing as that wasn't actually touched on in the movie other than in brief passing by Pinkie. I'm hoping they rectify this in the sequel. Anyway great job the only qualm I have is that the second half of the chapter was all in italics for some odd reason. Keep up the good work, I look forward to seeing more of this.


Must have dropped a tag, somewhere. I'll go hunting for it and fix it.
ETA: Found it and fixed it. That'll learn me to read it once I've published it just to double-check.

And yeah, thank you! I tried to think of a way to do it without utter silliness while showing Sunset as a credible threat to the Goddess of Friendship in Training, and... well, I'm gratified to know that works.

So, I read the story, liked it, upvoted it, favorited it, then realized it wasn't getting a whole lot of attention. So, I decided to comment on exactly what I liked, hopefully getting a few more readers for you.

So, to start with:

It's a small thing, but I like how you gave each princess her unique domain not just in magic, but in physical ruling - Celestia for Canterlot, Luna of the Wyld Territories, ect. That way, they're equal but separate, so they don't undermine each other's authorities (though I've got to wonder what Mayor Mare's thoughts are on her town become a little Principality. Eh, that's a question for season five).

One thing I was looking forward to was seeing how you handled Flash Sentry. A lot of fans dislike him more on principle, since his actual characterization in the movie was...bland. So I really like how you handled his intro, presenting him as a competent & capable guard. Sunset still gets away, but since she also escaped Twilight we can hardly rest the blame on Flash. I am curious as to why Flash was the only one not affected by whatever spell Sunset put on the other guards - a quick explanation that it only worked on ponies were were already sleeping, tired, or bored to take them out of commission, and Flash was the only one who was none of the above, or another reason you can devise - would have sufficed.

She implied something about the thief and Tirac's high opinion of her under her breath and tried the door.

Twilight! I didn't even know you COULD swear! I'm so proud of you. :)

"night take her sun-blasted soul to TARTARUS"

I have no idea why I like this line so much. I just do.

I feel Twilight is being harder on Celestia than she needs to be. Okay, Celestia never told her about Sunset Shimmer. But Sunset coming back and stealing the crown was something no one could have predicted. And outside of that, Twilight must have understood that she can't have possibly been Celestia's only student. Granted she might have assumed she and the last student were separated by a much longer time period. Still, even if I think Twilight is being too harsh, considering what just happened I don't blame her for being upset.

I'm not at all familiar with the table top RPG you're referring to. Which means I can be pleasently surprised by where this fic goes! :pinkiehappy:

Alright, on to chapter 2...

Right out of the gate, and I like what you did with Spike. His sense of responsibility calls to mind his actions in Equestria Games - taking too much responsibility for things that he couldn't help (anyone who's gotten stage fright can relate), yet casually dismissing the genuine heroism he showed to ("anyone would have done the same thing"). This is the Spike I like.

I also like the reasoning as to WHY Sunset is dangerous, even if she doesn't have Sombra's sheer power or Chrysalis' armies - theres a reason why "better the devil you know than the devil you don't" is a saying.

Aaaaand of course Pinkies biggest concern is the muffin that's practically a cupcake. :)

I'm liking what your doing to their language - sun-blasted soul, pretty moonsent bad, so on. You're using their mythology to create a unique vernacular the ponies would use to emphasize the severity of the situation. I like that little bit of world building, expanding on their language in a creative but understandable way. It's definitely more interesting that seeing 'bucking' all the time. :twilightblush:

Applejack is best pony. I love how, even though she had no idea whats going on yet, she's grabbing her rope, her hat, and she's ready for anything.

"Give me a second to put my face on, with my apologies to the guards; and please convey my earlier message to the malefactors instigating the current fiasco."

Dang it Rarity, I already gave the Best Pony title to Applejack for the chapter!

And d'aww! Rainbow comforting a scared Fluttershy! Pacing wise, it's a good idea because it gets the gang together that much sooner. But the D'aawws alone made it worth it. :)

Pinkie sloooowly moving a muffin to her mouth, hoping no one will notice...I think I did the same thing as a kid. :rainbowlaugh:

"Twilight held up a hoof. "Why don't you start from the beginning, Celestia." Twilight said. "I need to take notes."

Spike looked up from a corn and cheese muffin studded with miniature topaz in the shape of corn niblets, sighed, and got a quill and paper from Twilight's bag. "You mean I need to take your notes," he grumbled.

"That's why you're my number one assistant... and I pay you the big gems," Twilight said, slipping him a 12-karat sapphire for his trouble.'

Hee hee. While Twilight (and everyone else) may take Spike for granted sometimes, it's nice to know that Twilight does show Spike her appreciation. :heart:

Even Fluttershy gasped, even Rainbow Dash shook her hoof, even Twilight winced, and even Rarity muttered "Twits" under her breath.

I admit, I don't know what the grammer rules are regarding the word 'even', but I'm pretty sure it's not supposed to be used this much in one sentence. I get what you were trying to do, but it like a run on even if it's not. It's like using an exclamation make after every sentence! If you do it all the time! Then it loses! It's meaning!

Okay, I'll get down from my soapbox now.

Aaaand Sunset set her bullies on fire. And she killed their pets for a blood ritual. I am now terrified of her. She's a freaking sociopath! :twilightoops:

"Should it come to a fight," Celestia told her, "should you and Sunset exchange blows and spells -" and here she grimaced, hesitating to continue, before bowing her head - "then you should match her blow for blow, and use force necessary to end the fight in your favor, even if it should hurt her." Celestia sighed. "Even if it should kill her. You did not hesitate against the Changelings; do not hesitate against Sunset, either."


When I was a kid, my mom was home alone when a man broke it. She screamed, & he ran out. He was later caught and arrested, but after wards she had a serious talk with me about what to do. I was kid, maybe 11 at most, and this was the first time she talked to me seriously about using all my facilities to defend myself. I can remember so distinctively when she said "And if you kill him, it's okay." It was shocking for me to hear that, but I understand she wanted ME to understand that I couldn't hold back, nor should I. This talk Celestia has with Twilight reminds me of that. While I didn't protest the way Twilight did, I can relate to her shock of being told this by someone she's always known to be gentle and forgiving.

On another note, I like the explanation you gave as to why only Twilight and Spike could go - namely, that only Twilight had the ability to follow Sunset, and Spike was the only one she could feasibly bring with her. I liked the Equestria Girls movie, but I also like it with fanfic writers take the opportunity to fill in the holes the movie didn't have time or pacing to address.

On to chapter 3!

Gotta say, I like how analytical Twilight was about her new body, and how Spike responded in a way that was COMPLETELY appropriate for someone who had just been turned into a dog of all things.

"And I'm a dog. Whoopee,"

Tell it like it is, Spike. :moustache:

Huh. We're going the Magical Girls angle?

You know, I never got into Sailor Moon. I was more of a Dragon Ball Z kid, so I never picked up much of the magical girl genre or developed an appreciation of it. That said, I picked up *just* enough that when Knight Protectors ballroom mask was mentioned, I went 'Tuxedo Mask! Squee!' :yay:

On that note, never apologize for the Sailor-moon style attack names. Pinkie would probably do it even if she didn't have to.

Pinkie is having way too much fun for someone utterly curb stomping monsters. Or maybe she's having exactly the right amount of fun for curb stomping monsters. :pinkiehappy:

And language puns for the win!

Don't have as much to say, sorry.

On to Chapter 4!

You know, I'm really liking how the Knight-Protector is a healer and a protector, rather than a powerhouse fighter. The healer/barrier character is usually a girl (there's a reason they're called "barrier maidens" on tvtropes), so it's nice to see the switch. On top of that, such a role means he can support the main cast and contribute to the story, but without overshadowing the Mane 6 in the process. I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this.

"FLEUR CALVADOS!" Jackie roared, her face flush with anger and secondhand mortification. "Were you BORN in a BARN!?"

I don't know about Fleur, but there's a pretty good chance Applebloom was. :ajbemused:

"Never you mind. It's just - yer black and my sister's an idjit and ah am so sorry," Jackie said in one plosive breath.

Wait, what?

It's just - yer black an my sister's an idjit

One more time.

yer black


Okay, maybe I'm overdoing it. But the vast majority of fanworks I see that show the ponies as humans make them all white - I can only remember one work piece that had one of them being black (I think it was Rarity). So it's nice to see that not being the case here. It's not a big deal (and it shouldn't be), but it's another detail that I appreciate. When Equestria girls came out, I didn't like how they designed the girls so their fur color became their skin color, but in hindsight I realized that was the safest choice they could make. can you imagine the backlash the MLP team would have experienced if they also made the cast all white? Or even if they did diversify, they'd get complaints like "why is Rarity black?" or "what was the point in making Pinkie Pie hispanic?" or what have you.

And God help them if they made Fluttershy asian.

Regarding Ponyville, California...there's a real actual town (or city) in Virginia called Troutville. A town called Ponyville is not a stretch at ALL. :rainbowwild:

As much as Twilight can understand the keeping, breeding, and branding of ponies in this world, I like how you show her *emotional* reaction to it without stating it. You don't say 'it upsets her', but show it by how she very carefully points out to herself why it's okay here while trying to keep her tears in check.

Sunset Shimmer getting her human counterpart out of the way, allowing for her to take her place? Ruthless, but smart. Turning her into a pony? That's just devious. Still, could have been worse - Sunset could have killed her.

Though now I wonder if Sunset did the transformation out of a sick sense of humor, or if she had to keep this universes Sunset alive for some reason. Interesting to see if thats the case.

But it also brings the question as to why she transformed this universes Twilight. Was it just coincidence, poor Lucia being in the wrong place and the wrong time? Or is this indicative of a far more complex plan Sunset has up her sleeve?

On to chapter - waitaminute.


Oh well. I'll just sit in the corner here and wait for the next chapter then. Sorry if I spammed your inbox today. :twilightsheepish:


First off: STORYKEEPER IS BEST REVIEWER. Seriously. Never worry about overanalyzing things or offending me, this is exactly the kind of feedback I wanted. You even slapped me upside the head a couple times when I deserved it.

(Ah yes. Run on sentences, my nemesis. We meet again.)

CHAPTER 1 notes:

Twilight's Principality isn't just to be Ponyville, but the lands south of Ponyville (Including Appleoosa, among other things). I'm curious what Mayor Mare thinks of it myself...

I did a long blog post on swearing in this and most of my fics, which I'm not going to repeat. Suffice to say I came up with different blasphemies than you'd get on a world influenced by Abrahamic religion.

If it's not apparent why Sentry was protected, this is a 'not coming up except in authors notes' thing, so: his Cutie Mark/talent/name is specifically as a sentry. The others were excellent marksmen or had attention to detail or were wrestlers or something. Sentry? Is a sentry. A sentry asleep on the job is not an effective sentry, so his inherent magical talent protected him.

Sentry is now a meaningless word.

Chuubo's is hellovfun and mostly a good guide to dramatic pacing. If it further helps, this fic is firmly in Chuubo's Adventure Fantasy mode. Decisive Actions, Getting In Trouble, and Succumbing To Temptation are going to happen A LOT.

Chapter 2: The Spike Appreciation Station. I feel like the writers don't know what to do with Spike a lot of the time, so I cut him some slack and show that he's got respect. He's still a bit of a buttmonkey, but at least Twilight is aware of it and acknowledges that Spike is best dragon. :moustache:

I basically had the :fluttercry::rainbowderp: scene like that for shipping pacing reasons, yeah. I like how the mane six roundup (mane six roundup~!) went.

Sunset: Credible Threat to the Princess of flipping Magic. I liked the idea of Sunset, but in practice I went "she's not at all a threat to Twilight. To school student!Twilight, but not to MAGICAL PRINCESS!Twilight." This scene, and Celestia's "As much as I hate to say it, stay safe even if it hurts her" speech was an attempt to convey that.

I'm glad that struck a chord. Telling people to turn the other cheek is worse than useless advice for dealing with bullies; Celestia would know that. And advise it. Even if it hurts her to think of an acceptable outcome for Sunset.

Also, as to why only Twilight can go: Yeah. Fuck the balance of the universes. The balance of the universe is already screwed up because Sunset had 4 years to screw things up to her liking.

Chapter 3: Apparently I Have Hands

Don't blame me for the magical girl angle, blame the movie. This is just me taking an act 3 asspull and making it an Act 1 turning point.

And yeah, I have a nickname for the Knight Protector. Tuxedo is part of it.


Yeah. I wanted to make it completely clear that Twilight/Lucia were Black, and that JFK is not the whitest school you know. I have that headcanon for reasons, mostly having to do with my circle of friends and Twilight Sparkles We Have Known.

Blink and you'll miss it, but Pinkie/The Lady of Laughter and ???/The Knight Protector aren't white either (you can get blue-black hair out of Europe, but it's a lot more common in Central? Africa, China, and Japan). FUNNY YOU SHOULD MENTION "WHY IS PINKIE HISPANIC" IN PARTICULAR: her reflection's name is Rosalinda.

The Calvados family ARE white, but the Calvados family have an accent to maintain. :ajsmug:

As for Sunset's method of silencing her foes: She turned them into ponies because, as mentioned, she's a sociopath and it amused her. Also; a dead body attracts more attention than a disappearance.

Chapter 5: ...is in progress, I swear! I'll have something up this weekend.

Yay! Watch my happy dance!

EqG had to compress it's story in three days. I don't know if I just missed it or not, but this is the first time I realized this story was actually to take a full month - I can be remarkably dense sometimes. While I admit concern that the story may drag for taking too long, the extra time also means a better chance to really craft a story and explore the characters. I look forward to seeing how you take advantage of this.

They were joined at their late breakfast by a brother and grandmother of Jackie's that Twilight Sparkle was deeply unsurprised to learn of.


Hee hee. From this, and a few other word choices through out the meal, I'm getting the sense that Twilight is starting to approach the mirror-verse qualities of this world with a bit of humor. It's still a serious situation, but it seems that she can appreciate that it's getting a tad ridiculous (from her perspective).

I'll admit, I wasn't expecting Jackie to come forward as being the Lady of Honesty so soon. But I also can't fault you for that either - that's just her character. Twilight was fully honest to her, so Jackie repays with honesty in return. I like how, even though Twilight couldn't tell Jackie the full story, she was still honest about it. Jackie is fully aware that there a parts of the story Twilight can't tell her, so even if she doesn't know everything she knows Twilight isn't trying to lie by omission.

Speaking of Jackie, I like how she specifically points out that Twilights story doesn't make a believable lie - a lie being something carefully crafted and polished until it's something easy for the listener to swallow and accept fully - and this being part of the reason why she's willing to accept it as a truth. Truth is stranger than fiction after all.

"Welcome to our student Camelot." Mike clapped Twilight on the back with no small amount of either affection or force; his voice had dripped sarcasm. "Let's get inside n' get ya settled before the Knights o' the Lunch Table git us for bein' tardy."

Mike is delightfully sarcastic. 'Knights o' the Lunch Table', hee hee. :eeyup:

Twilight had been too moonsent lucky up till then for her first class to be literally anything else.

Always appreciate a piece of well placed lamp shading. :rainbowlaugh:

As embarrassing as Fleurs assumption was for Jackie, this might be a case where the assumption that Twilight actually IS an Ethiopian exchange student would have worked in her favor. No one would have thought it odd she wasn't familiar with American history, in fact it would have been stranger if she was. Unfortunately for Twilight, Lucia was already expected and her elder brother well known and remembered, so that convenient cover story wasn't going to fly. Like Twilight wryly observed earlier, her luck has been too good until now to last.

And Mirror-Sweetie Belle has a Farsi name? Meaning she and Rarity are Middle Eastern?

I highly approve of this. :raritywink::unsuresweetie:

My only real critique is that I feel like Spike has been forgotten about in this chapter. Aside from a quick mention that he's getting a basket bed and an assurance he's housebroken, Spike has no presence here. I can accept that he wasn't ready to let Jackie know he could talk and understand her - that's his decision and I'd understand Twilight wanting to respect that - but I would have thought he'd have an opinion about Twilight enrolling in the school and him being separated from her. I get that he can't go to the school with her, but he's already demonstrated a strong sense of responsibility and loyalty to Twilight. He volunteered to go to a strange unknown world so he could look out for her, so how does he feel about being seperated from her for 8-9 hours per day? Did he protest? Did Twilight forbid him from following her? Is Spike satisfied that Jackie is looking out for Twilight and is occupying himself with other matters in the meanwhile? I just don't know.

So yeah, it's a little jarring that Spike has been such a great support for Twilight, and in this chapter he's almost invisible.

Still enjoyed it though. :heart:

Well, that's all I got. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to grab some popcorn and wait for the next chapter.




*munch munch munch*

"“I – I'm sorry. I really don't know,” she said. Bends of the Light, I hate this!

“He was the only President in our history to have been assassinated,” Gardener murmured. "

You forgot Lincoln.

""Welcome to our student Camelot.""

This makes no sense whatsoever.

I think you meant ""Welcome our student to Camelot.""

Just my opinion, but it would have been better if you made Spike a well built young teen guy... well built, studly..... yummy.:)


Re: Assasination: D'OH! You are entirely correct. This is what I get for rushing this without a prereader. Fixing it as soon as I'm done here.
Re: "Welcome | to | our student Camelot:" I can't see anything wrong with this sentence.
Re: Spike The Dog and Twi The Human: The story is young and Twilight knows that polymorphic magic works in the reflected world. :twilightsmile:

4870723 wrote : "Re: "Welcome | to | our student Camelot:" I can't see anything wrong with this sentence."

Then you are obviously not a native English speaker or an American because that makes no sense whatsoever to me and is confusing.

4871214 That may or may not be true, but either way it's not advice or a way to fix it.

I mean, come on. "Welcome our student to Camelot" doesn't make sense when Twilight is being welcomed to 'our student Camelot.' As opposed to our knightly Camelot. Or our little Camelot. (I never wondered what Knighthood could mean~.)

Interesting. So, when is Twilight going to learn about skin color being a big deal?


Next chapter, as a matter of fact. Carrie isn't the full name of Rarity's reflection, you see - It's short for Qarima...

5106380 How long until the next chapter? I'm REALLY enjoying this story. It's well written, makes sense and is a much bet'er representation of EqG

(if you can find the reference in this comment I'll promote your story ;) )

5344426 Sad to say I can't find it, but I have been working on Chapter 7 and it will be up as soon as I can post it.

5346561 It was a reference from the Gaudel Chronicles. Bet'er is an antagonists name.

I don't normally comment on stories midway through, but I'm making an exception here:

Firstly, I know it's not one of the cited RPGs, but it's still interesting to see the magical materials of Exalted here. Appropriate choices for eveyone; Celestia and Luna are obvious, and Twilight only slightly less so. Cadence is interesting, especially the color of the jade, though she still makes sense. After all, the Dragon-Blooded are the only ones with a genetically inheritable Exaltation, and love is often a prelude to other events. Soulsteel is omitted for obvious reasons.


I do get a lot of mileage out of Pinkie being sanguine, but I get just as much out of Applejack's melancholy, Fluttershy's phlegmatic moods, Dash's choleric nature, and—

Rarity's supine position on her drama couch? :raritycry:

Thirdly, I was very surprised by how Luna was present during Sunset's punishment. Either it only took place a few years ago, or it's another aspect of the alternate universe.

Fourthly, remember that you need to respond to comments from the chapter where they were made, or the commenter won't see that you've replied. Now, onward!


The magical materials of Exalted, and a few other places besides, are a thing in what your Agent Heartstrings would call world Eight-Five-Alpha. Orichalcum, Lunargent, Evoker's Jade, and Starmetal are present, as is soulsteel - although the Caller of the Dark Rainbow, the Burning-Eyed Centaur called Tirek and The Black Goat, Defiler of the Dead called Grogar are the only known manufacturers. As far as I can tell, Harmonic Electrum is unique to that world and zed-zed-Alpha.* Outside Dust from Chuubo's is also present, known to savants as Discordium; so is chimeric glass, the favored forge-material of those creatures of Dream and Nightmare.

Rarity tends to the melancholic and plegmatic under humour theory, I think.

The punishment took place 4 years ago. I think this barely squeaks in if you assume each season corresponds to a period of time a bit longer than a year; it wasn't my intention to make that mistake with canon, which hasn't stopped me before. :twilightblush:

* The canon.

Well, this is a trip thus far. I do hope bringing the band back together is a matter of more than getting the deceived parties to actually compare notes. On the other hand,resolving friendship problems is Twilight's specialty. Furthermore the friendship-magic equivalence could allow her to figure out how to use magic with her new body.
...Social Link Go?

Also, going by Iris's irises, this universe is iridically chromelanic. After all, she doesn't seem like an albino...

Loving this thus far. Eagerly looking forward to more.

5368354 Welp, you faved it. Now you've done it. Hordes of your fans inbound in 3... 2... 1...

It won't be quite that simple, but that's one of the major issues. So is [REDACTED]. The Worst Night Ever was carefully engineered trauma the likes of which not even Ben Lehman has seen.

And yes, mildly magical eyes. It's more pronounced in battle form. You've seen the alts of Pankhorse and Brad (ASSHOLE) Dreamybottom; they had magenta and cobalt hair, respectively.

I gladly accept your blame. :derpytongue2: Blue plus Metal equals artifice, and Karima has that in every sense of the word.

I am very happy with Ashleigh. Insightful, kind, generous, and apparently burdened with the luck of Naru Osaka.

Ah, we see our first transformation phrase, and it segues directly into the Name of the Moon speech. Good thing the manticore is sufficiently cowed for Karima to finish it. This is Rarity's analogue, after all. She'd probably refuse to make with the smiting until after she finished her dramatic reveal. (That, or smite three times as hard for the interruption.)

Of course she uses adamant. It's literally magical diamond.

Generosity's attacks seem like perfectly acceptable Exalted Charm names. Heck, the first one even seems like a Harmony Elemental Charm. (Forthright Raiment of Jade, Cackling Raiment of Soulsteel, etc.) Have I mentioned that I love how you're incorporating elements from at least three different magic systems? Because I do.

I love the synesthetic effects as Twilight's system struggles to find a sense to work with for the magical input. I also like how she's taking notes. She's not used to being a passive observer in these sorts of matters, as that's a problem she plans on fixing.

It is concerning that the Lady of Generosity isn't willing to give the benefit of the doubt. Mind you, I'm sure she feels justified in doing so. She's meant to.

Laura - green-hair - raised a closed fist and shook it. "Woo! Score one for Teen Girl Squad!"

Cheerleader! :pinkiehappy:
So-And-So! :rainbowdetermined2:
What's Her Face! :yay:
The Ugly One! :raritycry:
and Tompkins. :ajbemused:
Sorry, Hikaru. You can be a Greg.

Loved it, in case you couldn't tell. Eagerly looking forward to more.

I do feel that they're better represented with SHARDS than colors. Karima would make a good Ethersworn Canonist.

I like my Ditzy like I like myself; disabled and brilliant. She does actually have Bosemans in my fic (Bosemares?) but that's an aspect of her character, not her character full stop.

Twilight steals from the best. You haven't seen what I plan to do with sonomancy yet, or its single greatest practitioner on four hooves - Vinyl. (Not to mention her two-hoof and a tail betters. Shoobedoo, ye dawn-forsaken sirens.)

Part of the magic is that her speech CANNOT be interrupted. Comes with a free Respect Commanding Attitude with purchase of equal or lesser value.

Flank (n.) means side. As such, Twilight's saddle8ags could not have "slid down to her flanks". Ponies have hips, and a 8etter word for the direction in which the saddle8ags slid would pro8a8ly 8e "8ack", as she did not yet know that she was a 8iped.

~Vriska Serket

Comment posted by Bliss Authority deleted Jan 3rd, 2015


I am aware of the difference between flanks and hips ("blank flank" notwithstanding), but you're right - that sentence is doing it wrong. I'll do an edit of the story before I post Chapter 8 to fix that and other oddities I've noticed.

I also responded earlier, but not to this chapter. Oops?

5457589 Yeah, I see the deleted comment. That quirk of the site is a little annoying, isn't it?

~Vriska Serket

Oh yeah, this looks right up my alley.

5465543 That's always lovely to hear, but is there any particular reason you're looking forward to it?

5465773 Magical Girl Twilight is what I've been wanting the Equestria Girls movies to turn into since before the first one came out. Between the promise of that in the story description and the additional character development for Flash, this hits all my hopes for that 'verse.

Great characterization of the mane six, and really interesting difference between Sunset being powerful on her own as compared to Nightmare Moon and the others and what that means regarding a conflict with her. And wow is she a solidly dark opponent.

The bit about familiars and blood Magic seems like a bit of a Chekhov's gun, does Spike count as Twilight's familiar? Or Owlowiscious, perhaps?

5467202 Can you tell I started writing this pre-Rainbow Rocks? In Sunset's case, she's the devil they don't know.

Spike is absolutely Twilight's familiar, and a sapient willworker that's memorized Platinum's Missive of Flame to boot. Chekhov only uses the finest 12-gauge hartshot.

Goooooo, Spike!

The blow sent him flying, sailing in a parabolic arc through the air until he landed, back-first, on a gnarled tree root and crumpled backwards with a sickening snap.

Noooooo, Spike!

Yeah, that's definitely Flash, the cutie mark matches.

This chapter goes out to everyone who thought "Wow, magical girls based on the Mane Six would have been awesome if they weren't an Act 3 asspull in Equestria Girls!"
No? That was just me then?

Haha, we've already had this conversation, but it definitely wasn't just you.

5469120 That right there is why I included the gore tag. All the little girls and boys love that wonderful crunching noise, to quote Cheese Sandwich's VA.

Stuff will get messy, but not that much messier.

Woah, that's a harsh fate for human world Lucia, assuming something that's hopefully temporary now that Twilight is on the scene can still be called a 'fate'. Also, it's interesting what you are doing with the names, it's fun having them be different but still related.

And then Twilight grinned at her, and said: "You can tell your sister I'm done talking to her little pony now."
Fleur nodded and did exactly that, word for word, at the top of her lungs.

Hah! :pinkiehappy:

I could almost see Sharding the Elements. Fluttershy would like Bant, Rarity Esper, Applejack Naya, and Dash would rpobably race dragons in Jund. Grixis is practically anti-Harmony, but I could see Pinkie being the Light In The Darkness there, ruling over a town to keep it safe from the monsters outside it and making sure everyone is happy. Twilight is a Child of Alara.

Having them on Tarkir, Applejack is definitely a member of the Abzan Houses. Dash is also very Mardu. I could see Rarity being Sultai, but I imagine it's harder to be generous there. Fluttershy would probably be a Temur Mystic, which leaves Jeskai for Pinkie, who would likely be a Bloodfire Adept. Twilight, I don't know about. We're not done with Tarkir just yet.

Also, slightly differing from Fan, I'm of the opinion that Laughter is very Red in colour, since red is the colour of passion. But everyone's got their own take on things.

Anyways, as to the fic, I am definitely enjoying it, and am glad I followed Fan's link a while back (I was already reading the Demesne of Twilight Sparkle). I hope you update faster than I do! :P

Speaking of, I should get on that...

5472327 Given that civilization and order are more important to Jackie than to (Fluttershy), I'd swap those affiliations: Jackie from Bant, Fluts from Naya. But yeah, pretty much.

5471171 I am SO GLAD that this plot point works as intended. I was worried about it when I posted, that it would be too silly.

What a great and so perfect take on human Granny Smith. The corncob pipe? Oh yeah.

Regarding Spike, are we talking standard poodle or miniature? Mainly I ask because my mother has a standard and they are surprisingly big, which doesn't quite match with dog Spike from EQG. On the other hand, we're clearly taking a different path (at least in the small details [and some of the large]) as the movie, and big standard poodle Spike is an amusing mental image.

"The Element of Honesty," Twilight breathed. "This world's Element of Honesty."

Speaking of large different details.

Oye, AJ, if you're going to hate Rarity, don't spread it unearned to her sister. Not that Rarity probably earned it either, but AJ doesn't know that yet.

"Her name's Shireen, and you are being an obstinate mule," Michael replied - not unkindly.

Thank you, Mac.

Ouch, now that's an unfortunate very first question on her very first day. Twilight needs to find some convenient overview of history (probably both world and American) to skim over as quickly as she can. Unless you've been living under a rock there are things you really should just know.

5473177 My intention was that Spike was morphed into a toy poodle to preserve scale.

Pinkie's reflection was wearing the Element of Laughter two chapters ago, but this is where that becomes CLEAR. They serve as REDACTED UNTIL CHAPTER 7 for the REDACTED. So yes, a key difference.

It probably should be a golden apple to match the canon, and because I identify AJ as White-aspected and Fluttershy as Green, unlike FoME. Well, as Bant and Naya, respectively: they're both White/Green.

Mac has the unenviable job of keeping Honesty honest. I'm also foreshadowing things about him this chapter, but that particular mantelpiece blunderbuss hasn't been fired yet.

This voice belonged to someone that Twilight recognized. Someone with a face and frame that was both delicately featured and rugged, like a stone carving of a colt; someone with almond-shaped eyes that were as grey as stormclouds.

Dang, pony Flash made quite the impact on Twilight given that mental description of him. Or maybe that's her impression of the Knight-Protector from the other night?

"E'nope," Mike said. "This the hill you wanna die on, C'ron? C'mon."

*whistles* Mac apparently makes an excellent wall. Vaguely makes me wonder if he might get into the magical girl (heh) business too, we know it's more than just the mane six that have powers given Flash.

"Why would you call Mike 'Seabiscuit?'" Twilight asked.
Iris leaned in with a feral smirk, cupped a hand to Twilight's ear. "Cause he's hung like a horse," Iris stage-whispered. Mike turned as red as the stallion he reflected.


Loving Flash's characterization, the whole squad-mate, "Don't want you to think you owe me", oh yeah.

They all broke apart at the "Gala"? Nice. But part of it involved a reenactment of Carrie in Rarity, definitely not nice.

"I get it," Iris grumbled. "I got it the first time. Does every saying where you're from sound like it's from a cheap paperback with a dragon on the cover?"
"Probably," Twilight said, shrugging. There were certainly enough dragons back home for a whole library of pulp fantasy novels.

I have this hilarious mental image of dragon photoshoots to produce those pulp fantasy novel covers.

Rarity next chapter? Excellent.

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