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Ponyville is a small, charming beach town on Equestria's coast, but it has a tragic history for Rarity. Despite this, she moves with her family to Ponyville to start her fashion business. While she begins to adjust to her new life she still does not believe the "Legend of the Mermare" that visits the Ponyville beaches and docks. Giving trinkets and gifts from the sea in exchange for a book. Especially if everypony in town, even her sister Sweetie Belle, seem to believe it.

So, when she goes one sunny afternoon to relax and read a book by the sea she very quickly realizes that the legend is not only very true but the mermare intrigues her like no pony has ever before.

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Here we go again! Earthsong 9405 draws amazing artwork and a bit of AU world building and I cannot help myself! Her Mernerd!AU idea just seemed too cute and sweet to resist. So here we are once again!
Really though, go see her Tumblr it is amazing.

All kinds of thanks to @Carapace for the pre-reading and support!

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 65 )

This was a delight to see come together.

“Ohmygosh you’re right, Dashie! Be right back!” Pinkie rushed away from the counter, a pink blur on land. Rarity counted five seconds before Pinkie Pie returned with a book in her hands, “Here it is! Its called ‘The Queen and her Bodyguard’ by Monochromatic. I think you’ll like this one toooo!”

I see what you did there:moustache:
Is good fic:moustache:

Running commentary:

Memorabilia-erium - this really stuck out to me for some reason. Maybe because it's in one of the shorter paragraphs. But it seems that Memorabilerium rolls off the tongue a bit more readily.

Also, most of the paragraphs are, like, really long and contain multiple courses of thought or action that are not entirely related to each other. New direction or focus should (not always of course) probably be split into multiple paragraphs.

As an example:

Her hooves tapped across the wooden floor of her room as she became a whirlwind of motion. She knew one could not rush perfection, but she had also become very good at completing her morning routine over the years. First, she went to her bathroom and removed her mask, took a shower, carefully dried her mane, removed the curlers from her lush purple mane, brushed her teeth, reviewed the state of her wardrobe, carefully selected three separate sets of clothing to wear before choosing one, went over to her makeup stand, applied her makeup, and finally opened the window. The smell of the sea and the cry of seagulls filled her room. She looked out across Ponyville with its ‘quaint’ buildings and streets and as always, her eyes were drawn to the Everfree Sea. Its blue waters looked so inviting, which had been one of the main draws for many ponies from across Equestria, such as her family over the years. She knew however that while the sea may look calm and almost beautiful, it could turn on you in a moment and try to take everything from you. Shaking her head, she turned away from the window and looked at herself in the mirror one last time.

Might flow a bit better with this, breaking up the different actions and ideas into their own paragraphs so that one theme pervades each paragraph. Not to say that you can't have multiple ideas in a paragraph, but it should be done sparsely. An example of a good exception to this general suggestion would be panic.

Her hooves tapped across the wooden floor of her room as she became a whirlwind of motion. She knew one could not rush perfection, but she had also become very good at completing her morning routine over the years.

First, she went to her bathroom and removed her mask, took a shower, carefully dried her mane, removed the curlers from her lush purple mane, brushed her teeth, reviewed the state of her wardrobe, carefully selected three separate sets of clothing to wear before choosing one, went over to her makeup stand, and applied her makeup.

and finallyWhen else all was ready, she opened the window.

The smell of the sea and the cry of seagulls filled her room. She as looked out across Ponyville with its ‘quaint’ buildings and streets and as always, the Everfree Sea drew her eyes were drawn to it (Passive voice correction). Its blue waters looked so inviting, which had been one of the main draws for many ponies from across Equestria, such as her family over the years. She knew however that while the sea may look calm and almost beautiful, it could turn on you in a moment and try to take everything from you.

Shaking her head, she turned away from the window and looked at herself in the mirror one last time.

That kind of thing seems to be a bit of a habit throughout the chapter and was somewhat distracting.

Non-critiquing comments ahoy!
'Tis also disconcerting to think of Twilight as a sharkmare, but that's a different thing entirely.

More concerning is... Twilight can't read? What madness is this?

Will be tracking, but will also reserve judgement for later.

Oh, and interesting premise, too. I forgot to say that in my comment. So I'll say it here. Um. Yeah. That's about it.

Oh. And it might be interesting to fit in some more geography too. Towns right on the sea, especially where there are a lot of coves, tend to be rather elevated towns, as in, they have a lot of variance of elevation due to the sea eroding cliffsides into places where homes can be built into the cliffs, and steep talus slopes where roads run up and down a sort of duney rock terrain that can be used to further add some character to the re-imagined Ponyville.

The setting is also a character, and the way the setting is described can greatly influence the impact of the story and its mood without relying heavily on character moments to drive it. It's especially useful for atmospheric romances or slice of life, and even some drama and thriller stories.

Sad to say I don't really have any good references at the moment, I'm mostly just writing from experience and rambling on.

Bright! Is that you? OwO I didn’t know you wrote crackship fiction... something fishy here :p

Yee!!at first I thought I read this but just realized that I saw the original on Tumblr is all. Great version!!

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Thanks again for the Pre-Read!


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Just plugging along.


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All advice is welcomed. I’ll look into editing it later. I was a bit skimpy on the editing process.

is this shipping or is there an pun that someone else will come up with?

I like these Rarity and Twilight AU stories, and I really like this one, and I get Monochromatic is kind of the inspiration behind the trend but I wish any of them that involved a book could be a bit more original than just having the book be The Queen and the Bodyguard. For me it's just immersion breaking and getting to be annoying. Nothing against the author of this story or Mono, I like both of ya, I just personally don't like that kind of fourth wall breaking stuff.

This is going to be deep, right. It's hard to fathom an illiterate Twilight. Still, the tail is no fluke. I hope not, as I would try to keep current on this. Guess I'll just have to dive in. I expect a soleful story that doesn't flounder. I know the puns are bad, bu I can't kelp it. Don't keel me. I do like the sound of it.

Somthing happened to twi during the battle against the storm king didnt it

that or twi can only talk by singing, and i can understand an ileterat twiolight as books dont last long underwater. the meremares probably have a different writen and spoken language so she cant read equestrian

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Not illiterate, just not a speaker of the local language.

Welp, now that this pairing has happend, it's just a matter of time till something similar happens to the other main six. Shippings of mer- and mare (or stallion) and probably some sexy tributes and interpretations of this and other stories to come. Oohh~ the perverted side of me can't wait. Lol.

I can't wait to see what will be done with this story!

well i enjoyed this begining and will track it for future chapters ^^.

I follow earthsong and I have to say it's great seeing one of her AUs put into story form like this. Hippogriff Dash is a nice touch.

ah.. gives me a similar feeling as The enchanted library... i'll put this on my read later list.

8936794
Dear, you flippped this (._.)/P

Yessssss!

Now Twilight is just precious!:rainbowkiss:
I'll be following this story and take your time with the chapters, no need to rush it.

'Till next, have a nice day!:twilightsmile:

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Thank you all for the well wishes. It is the cider for which fuels my writing.

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Twilight understands Eqquish, she just doesn't read Eqquish. Speaking Eqquish is something she can do but as seen Merpony physiology plays some role in making it hard for Twilight to get the words right. Especially since the Merpony language is more a series of sing-song sounds and other noises. So she mostly parrots phrases and words she has heard before. She has most ponies read to her, sticking around long enough to learn how to read is a problem.

Especially since she is not supposed to be doing what she is doing.

On top of ink not reacting well to water.

Color me intrigued.
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Of course I would find you here.

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thanks for the heads up

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She seems to have a bit of magic. No water proofing spells for the books?

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glad i can help in some way ^^

holy crap that was so adorable!!:rainbowkiss:

“Yea! What makes your eyes so special compared to ours?” Rainbow Dash demanded

is this a reference tp 'MY BRAND!!'

“Here it is! Its called ‘The Queen and her Bodyguard’ by Monochromatic. I think you’ll like this one toooo!”

LOL cheeky lil' devil you!! referencing something and being metta twice?

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I’d thought of that possibility. Land ponies certainly would have that kind of spell. A race of isolationist merponies however wouldn’t see the need to create that kind of spell. Maybe if some unicorn with a knack for spells taught it to her...

“No, not like that I mean, like really, REALLY meet Twilight.” Rainbow Dash turned to Pinkie Pie, “Do you have that book you were saving for Twilight?”

somehow i don't like it that it looks as if Twilight was a cassual neighbor and visitor.

“I suppose we still have a few more hours of sunlight. I could read a few chapters to you…” Rarity said. Twilight must have understood because she gave another series of singing notes and let go of the pier to dive down and flip back up into the air before she settled on hanging onto the pier again. “I’ll…take that as a thank you, and you are welcome, darling.”

This is really interessted also that it is as if tow races interact with each other and try to understand each other.


I hope Twilight is not to casual here and isn't just doing stuff with everyone, that would make it appear less like a legend to me if that makes sense.

Maybe trough Rarity they could get to know her later.

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“Real! Your real! Really, really real!”

You're

I guess only Rarity thought of Twilight as a "legend" if many others saw her already.

you should really learn how to use punctuation
in particular you seem incredible adverse to our friend the "comma"

Really good start. Can't wait to see how the story plays out and I'm sure Mono will be happy to see her stories mentioned.

There's more than a few leaps of logic here. Otherwise, decent storytelling.

Ri2

My only real complaint is that it seems odd of Rarity to be so skeptical of Twilight being there, given that it was recently proven mermares exist. Also wonder why there's a 'legend.' Or were mermares regarded as mythical until the battle of Mount Aris?

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Twilight is a legend.

For Ponies who do not live in Ponyville. Twilight has a relationship with the locals of Ponyville but not the tourists and such like Flim Flam.

Rarity is skeptical of Twilight being real because after Merponies came into the spotlight again suddenly a lot of places were saying there were Merponies around-which turned out to be untrue or outright faked-to get tourist money. There is a more personal reason for Rarity to not believe in Twilight but for the most part it comes off as people claiming Elvis is alive and living there or what Roswell is to Aliens.

Ri2

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Ah, all right

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I'll have you know Roswell is a fine upstanding alien.

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Can't speak to Elvis, but as a New Mexican, can definitely confirm about the Roswell stuff.

Basically the only thing a non-tourist goes to Roswell for is heroin.

Reading on the dock?
Having a maregarita on the beach! That one i buy for a bit :)

I noticed in the artwork of your chapter that Twilight lacks breasts. As a sea creature, who presumably would have live young with fully developed teeth, she wouldn't need breasts. Nice attention to detail.

inb4 joke about looking at breasts.

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Well, it doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her being a sea creature. It depends on whether she's a mammal or a fish. Fish don't have breasts. Only mammals do. In fact, that's why we're called mammals, after mammaries. Even dolphins and whales have them, hence why they are mammals and not fish. If she reproduces like a fish, then she would lay eggs, and would not have breasts. If she reproduces like a mammal, however, she would have a live birth, and should have breasts whether they have teeth or not. They could be sunken in and not visible most of the time like other aquatic mammals, but she would still have them. It's ultimately up to the author to decide how she works.

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so her "hair" if she was a fish would be more like specialized scales instead of actual hair is that a correct assumption

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Possibly, if that's what the author wants. She could be a fish with some traits that are usually found in mammals, or she could be a mammal with traits usually found in fish. There are examples of that sort of thing in real life, actually. The platypus is the best example. It's a mammal with several traits of different kingdoms. It has webbed feet and a bill like an aquatic bird. It also has legs that stick out the side of it rather than beneath it like a reptile. Also like a reptile is the fact that it's one of like five mammals that lay soft, leathery eggs. Or if the author wants, they could decide that Twilight isn't in any of the animal kingdoms. She's just a mythical creature with traits borrowed from several.

On the topic of hair specifically, Twilight's could be like catfish whiskers, which are actually made out of skin and are used as sensory organs. Or, and this may or may not actually be true, it could be like a species of fish I've heard of that has something like hair that secretes a substance that wards off predators. Animals can get pretty crazy. It could be all sorts of things. If the author wants them to be highly specialized scales, then that works for me. Or if they want it to just be hair, that's fine too. Twilight has the benefit of being considered a mythological creature by other mythological creatures. None of her features even need to be explained, as the readers would have to be suspending their disbelief pretty far to even get to that point.

I've probably talked about this crap for much longer than I really needed to. I'm certainly not any sort of authority on animals, but I do enjoy the topic.

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it is a fun topic to discuss and I could see the hair being a sensory organ only instead of sensing vibrations they sense magic and with magic being a thing for living creatures to use it would make sense on how she got to the battle at the mountain base in a relatively short time other then being in right place and time if that makes sense

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Hope the author is listening, cuz this is WORLD-BUILDING GOLD. Not even being sarcastic, I like this idea. I tend to not like convenient coincidences in stories so giving explanations like this are always a good thing in my book.

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I'm in agreement when people just happen to be in the right place at the right time it just feels like dumb luck when that happens because plot demanded it

Really well written. I am looking forward to how the story will progress. :)

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