• Member Since 16th Aug, 2011
  • offline last seen Last Monday

BrightIdea


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The Mortal Realm of Equestria is besieged by unknown shadow-demons that seek to kill all living things. No where is the situation more dire than in Ponyville which has faced more and more of these attacks taking a gruesome toll. Rarity, Priestess of the Gods at the temple in Ponyville enacts a ritual to seek the aid of one of the Divine, gods and demigods that will help a pony for a price. Can the mysterious Goddess of Magic help Rarity save Ponyville and find out who or what is behind the Shadow-Demons?
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Inspired of by Earthsong9405's Goddess AU. This is only my own take on it all that this is has flowed from the inspiration that Earthsong9405 has inspired.
Love the art! Love the ideas! What? You have not seen it or heard of Earthsong9405? Blasphemy! Go here and take a look!

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 41 )

wow....... just wow twilight in this is even more dense then normal this is freak great, give me moar

This looks like something to keep an eye on. I wonder, will this story detail the difference between actual divinity and simply powerful magic?

This is AWESOME!!!! I've been searching for God/Goddess stories for a WHILE!!!! You see, I've just seen the trailers of the new Amazon TV series, 'American Gods', and I've been interested in god stories ever since!

Very interesting piece. I really like the world building at the moment and the Pantheon has an interesting setup.

Nice touch with the offering. Very Twilight and funny reference all in one.

Will Sweetie Belle be appearing in this story?

8157113

Fun fact she almost did in the first draft.


8149503

I believe there is. Earthsong9405 has mentioned it somewhere along the line in her Tumblr. Divinity at least appears to be a sort of sync with certain elements/forces of the universe. A Unicorn uses magic but the God or Goddess of Magic is the manager of Magic and is also Magic.

Since Gods can die in this setting...

8157419 Earthsong also created the Bodyguard AU as well

8198764

That she did. I blame Mono-senpai for my Raritwi obsession as of late.

8198767 I blame Mono for introducing me to this pair. At first, the only Twilight x Mane6 pairing I liked was TwiDash....now, now I'm obsessed with RariTwi as well...CURSE YOU MONOCHROMATIC!!!!!!!


jk not really. Still love your stories Mono

This is lovely! I'm a big fan of Earthsong and so far I'd say I really like your take on it! You write character interactions very well, I enjoyed every conversation Rarity had with those around her. I'm loving both her and Twilight! Your take on the characters are excellent, Rarity as the self sacrificing head priestess and Twilight as the smart, yet dense, guardian of magic. Their first meeting was a joy to read!

I look forward to reading more!

8310849

Thank you! I swear I am working on the next chapter but for the last month I've been either traveling or looking for new job prospects.

8198769
Same. I was only TwiDash Trash but then the divine revelation of Mono-Senpai has changed my ways!


8157113
There is your Sweetie Belle! Temple Ninja!

kind of hope twilight knew granny smith back with granny smith was a filly and some how granny smith remember her.... would be funny

good chapter I cant wait fo rmore

Nicely put together character introduction chapter. I can only imagine the shenanigans Rarity and the other priests and priestesses have to put up with with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle training at the temple. I'm sure Rarity's generosity has to extend to her patience quite often!

Well if there aren't already Temple Ninjas I expect Ponyville will be getting the first trio soon... :rainbowlaugh:

“MAH APPLES!”

Is that a reference to what I think it is...?

Nice, badass Applejack chapter!

I'll bet those priestesses are going to get an earful tomorrow.

:ajbemused:: "Ah don't CARE if it wasn't you who sent 'em, you tell whatever highfalutin deity that was that Ah don't need the kinda help that makes apple trees explode!!"

Great chapter!

The goddess of weather accepts her sacrifice of nap-adequate branches. Now lift your hammer, worthy mare, and command the lightning!

Rarity stared at the corpse of the Timberwolf.

And we are off with a bang.

The Queen and the Bodyguard by Monochromatic

You just had to, didn't you. Anyway, me likey! It gets painful at times, but it's a fun read^^

8456448
How painful? What can I work on?

8456554
It's plain grammar, wording, stuff like that. You need a proofreader for it, badly. For example:

Rarity had nearly lost her composure but like an dancer twirling a silk ribbon she twisted and turned her words and composure. And Trixie enraptured as she was followed Rarity’s suggestion.

"an" to "a" is a small one. "composure" is not something you can twist or turn, as far as I'm aware. You clearly intended to use "enrapruted" as an adjective here, but it reads as thought it's supposed to be a verb. The whole second sentence is a mess, actually. Ah, never mind that part, it was actually much simpler - you lost two commas. There are some things that can be done still though, I believe

An actual sentence would be something like this:

Rarity had nearly lost her composure but, like a dancer twirling with a silk ribbon, she twisted and turned her words to the desired effect. And Trixie, enraptured as she was, hanged onto Rarity's every word.

"to the desired effect" I put in there because, well, it sounds about right as to what Rarity was doing. I swapped out "suggestion" for there was no such thing in the bit of a dialogue that this two sentences follow - it was a reiteration at best.

Do note, I myself am by no means great at writing - just good at nitpicking xd As I said, I like the way you write; however, it can be hard to read at times. That sentence is one of the more egregious examples tho.

I could probably try and analyse past the grammar and such(i.e. pacing for example) but:
a) I'm bad at it;
b) I'm sleepy;
c) it seemed just fine so far.

I don't think finding a proofreader will be too hard(just check some Raritwi groups, or those dedicated to proofreading) - especially if you pick up the story. I would love to see it shine with some dedication and polish. Hope this helps, and goodluck :twilightsmile:

8456612
Yes, yes I try to make too complicated imagery sometimes and I get tied up in it.

Mono's really becoming THE Rarilight Shipper, isn't she? Not that that's a bad thing, not at all. I honestly WISH I could write as good as that.

8682645

I thought the same thing, but practice-practice and I am getting there.

8683444
Indeed you are. Looking forward to what else you've got in store for us.

8793547
When I stop being a terrible person.

I really have not had much time at all to write lately. Which sucks. I need to make a more concrete effort to sit down and write!

8794687
I know that feeling alllllll too well. I have my own story that I was gonna write (actually managed to make a bada** prolouge if I do say so myself) but my idea isn’t something I wanna do anymore. I kinda wanna write my own Raritwi but incorporating it into the original idea. It’s kinda complicated. I’ve had the idea in my head for four years then started to write it Sophmore year and stopped after the first ‘chapter’ then a few months back (technically last year) I read what I wrote and was like ‘ew...’ and re wrote it then added my prolouge (which I sent in a PM but didn’t save to my notes like an idiot) and now here I am...

No stories. Just reading everything there is to read on here...

Sorry ‘bout that....

8683444
I just realized something, why did you replace Cadance with Chrysalis?

8946378
That is something to ask Earthsong9405 about, it is part of her original AU Idea.

8198769
Lol I know ships are crazy my most recent ship hook is Trixie and Aria.... yes I'm wearing flack plate and a helmet.

“Now, the offerings.” Rarity slipped out the item Trixie had delivered to her and tossed aside the cloth that protected it. “The Queen and the Bodyguard by Monochromatic.”

HAH! That's good, I like that.

9086471
Game of Thrones and Warhammer 40K crossover.

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