Epilogue
Epilogue
I couldn’t say that I was surprised to find out that Copper’s destiny was not to become a princess. I didn’t think anypony was. Not even her.
I kind of was surprised when she waltzed into the library with those three annoyingly cheerful fillies, and all four of them were absolutely covered in jewelry. I mean, I should have guessed that she was a jeweler at heart. I hadn’t seen her crown or anything, but I was sure that I would, seeing as she hadn’t shut up about her jewelry since we got on the train.
Apparently, she and the Crusaders had built a forge. Oh, and she invented some new alloy of copper, stainless or sterling or something. Doesn’t tarnish. Then Applejack confiscated the forge, and Rarity agreed to sell Copper’s jewlery in her Canterlot boutique. Good for her.
The train slowed as it started climbing the foothills of Canterlot. Copper poked me in the ribs. “So, whatever happened with your thing, Twilight?”
“You mean the flocks of weirdos like you?”
“Yeah, that. What did the other Twilight do?”
I snorted. “Besides interrogate me about that binder you spilled the beans about?”
She stuck her nose in the air and folded her forelegs across her chest. “You never told me it was a secret.”
“Well, apparently she’s pretty public as it is. It’s not like she hides her castle or anything. So there’s not really much she could do.” I looked at Copper and hoped my grin didn’t look too evil. “Oh, she did say she was going to start a literacy program, to help ponies who can’t read the difference between ‘Sparkle’ and ‘Sprinkle.’”
I couldn’t help but laugh as she punched me repeatedly in the shoulder. One of her brand new bracelets fell off and rolled into the aisle of the train car. I picked it up with my magic and floated it back, taking a moment to study the intricate design pressed into its surface. It did look pretty nice. I guessed. I’ve never really been into jewelry. I’ve always worn paper hats.
I passed the bracelet to her and she slipped it back over her hoof. And then she started talking again.
I studied her face as I did my best to let her babbling blend into the sound of the wheels rumbling over the tracks. She seemed… brighter. Like the last remnants of that horrid dye had been washed out of her fur. But deeper. That inky blackness had been washed out of her very soul.
“What are you… You’re making a face again.”
“Oh.” I did have a tendency to—
“You know, when you’re thinking, you still move your face like you’re having a conversation.” I felt my cheeks burning. “That was your ‘melodrama’ face. Like when you say something really hammy.”
I cleared my throat. “Prepare to be defeated, vile pretender!”
Copper suppressed a smirk and gave me a light shove. “So, I may have been a bit, uh, intense when we first met.”
“You’re like a completely different pony.”
“Yeah.” Copper pushed a lock of her frizzy orange hair behind an ear. “I was trying to be something I wasn’t. I just needed somepony to help me see who I really am, and what it was I really wanted.”
I nodded. “I’m glad the Crusaders were able to help you.”
She put a hoof on my shoulder and waited until I turned to look at her. “It wasn’t them who helped me, it was you. I never would have even considered the idea of not being princess until I met you and…”
She just kind of stopped talking. I didn’t know if I was supposed to talk or what.
She smiled again. Not the kind of smile I’m used to ponies sending my way. “You didn’t think I was a princess, but you were my friend anyway. You were a friend to the pony I really was, not the pony I was trying to be.”
I felt like this was the terrible, squishy, emotional moment that I was afraid would happen. And in the end, I found out that it didn’t bother me that much.
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"Friends."
Friends.
Friends.
Are you sure about that?
Just friends?
Just??
Wait, what? This kind of ended a bit quickly, are you sure there's not more?
I think I take back what I said about being glad I couldn't predict where this story was going.
I was honestly expecting a 'Prince and the paulper' twist on it.. Sparkle running a donut shop to meet her suitors, and Sprinkle being a princess for a few days
That was a sweet* ending,
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg
*Fuck yeah, donut puns!
lol, gg.
DEN DAY FUKKED
I have nothing else to say. 10 points on the
itude meter! I wonder what you'll write up next?
Now kiss!
And then...they banged! <3
That was a nice way to end the story.
8120614
That kinda puts a different spin on "Applejack confiscated the forge..."
Why do I get the feeling that Hap aborted the fic just because he couldn't handle the pastry puns anymore.
Well wasn't this whole thing just delightfull?
Huh. Not bad.
I must be inclined to agree with King Moriarty on something he said about this story. It is very much wasted potential, and it had a barely-baked premise to begin with. It could have been better if this was actually about the fact that she shares a name with Twilight Sparkle rather than focusing on her having a friendship develop with a megalomaniacal douchebag who magically un-douches while Sprinkle randomly does whatever the plot wants. It could have had the potential to be a hilarious story, but instead, we got this thing, which, while it wasn't horrible, was certainly nowhere near the level deserving of the favorite I gave it at the beginning of the story. It started out with a premise that was slightly interesting, and then took a 90 degree nosedive straight into the ground, then went straight past it to the point of utter stupidity that can't even be called a cohesive story. This thing was a confused mess that couldn't figure out what it wanted to be. If this actually focused on comedy, with a large number of jokes that had effort put into them, or even an overload of half-baked jokes, it could have worked. However, it decided that it would give the idea of a cohesive story the middle finger and do absolutely random shit for practically no real reason.
8120859 I have to agree with you and King Moriarty, I felt like this story had so much comedic potential that was sqandered by having a heartwarming lesson. While not specifically bad the lesson didn't feel as good as the comedy could've been. I would also like to say that while th characters developed, it felt rushed and I feel like we barely got to know the characters you introduced at all. The comedy also felt forced at times if not a little weak.
8120755
I just don't get why ol Spike puts up with this silly stuff!
I do!
Sweetie Belle!
Spike gets hotter fer some reason around ya...
Almost burned down the barn when Sweeties sister came by
enough of this
Dragons!
indeed Twilight
Mmmmmmmmmmmm donuts
Seriously, I was half expecting something like that at the end, and yet it didn't happen. It feels a bit hollow in that regard- plus, it could have easily gone on for much longer. Oh well.
That was decent. It certainly lived up to the "slice of life" description.
8120589 Sequel! Sparkle asked Sprinkle to take her place for an event!
I expected Sparkle to be more sympathetic to Sprinkle. Not to just go major bitch mode on her and shove everything back into her face. I'm disappointed with the ending. It could have been better.
8120934
Which could either be comedic (Bored with the Gala!) or dark (Sprinkle's duty to Equestria: Be Sparkle's kagemusha).
8120859 It's like walking into a donut shop and finding mostly waffles on the menu. They're not bad waffles per se – they're perfectly decent – but I was kinda expecting more donuts.
8121017 How about her Kagemushi?
en.wikifur.com/w/images/thumb/e/e0/Unclekage.jpg/354px-Unclekage.jpg
Furries are all around you...
8120893 So what I'm hearing is that you felt like there was a hole in the middle.
*flees*
... That's it? This... doesn't really feel like a completed story. I mean, I know it's labeled as Slice of Life, but even so, it just... It felt rushed towards the end, and the mood feels like it shifted from the first chapters. I mean... The ending wasn't horrible, but it's still sort of like... If I could take back my like without giving you a dislike, that's about where I'd be. Oh well...
8121077
Agree.
Could use a bonus chapter where she returns to her donut shop.
And another weirdo emerges.
I've waited until the end of the story to comment so that I could give some more holistic feedback on the story as a whole.
And, while I want to say I enjoyed this story, I'm sad to find myself walking away disappointed, confused, and a little frustrated. There are a bunch of elements I want to touch on here, including the premise, characters, and the "plot".
Starting with the premise, it's something that I find very, very hard to get into and find believable. Equestria's a place of wackos and weirdness, we all know this, but somehow every villain, suitor, and person looking for Twilight Sparkle somehow thinking Twilight Sprinkle is the same pony is pretty hard to swallow. As you mention repeatedly in the last couple chapters, Twilight is very public about her life. Why would anyone think she's in a donut shop in Canterlot when it's so very publicly known that she lives in a big castle in Ponyville? That's not just dyslexia, that's giving the entire populace of Equestria the idiot ball in the worst way. Without any Comedy or Random tags to try and justify this "because genre", I'm finding myself at a loss for how I'm supposed to accept this, but okay, we've all dealt with implausible setups before.
Next, I want to talk about the characters, specifically our protagonist, Twilight Sprinkle. Our first brush with her shows her as little more than a rude, violent, jerk of a character with no redeeming qualities. Then later on, with seemingly nothing to bring on this change, she's cracking really out of place and forced-feeling donut puns. And just a short while later, she's letting this strange, possibly-psychotic mare use her shower, sleep on her sofa, wear her bathrobe, and accompanying her to Ponyville. Then all of a sudden she feels conflict at the prospect of Copper Crown being her friend, something we'd only seen in passing mention in Chapter 1. My point here is that Sprinkle, I found, is inconsistent. I didn't know where this story was going because I didn't know who Twilight Sprinkle was, and the impression I got was that the writer didn't really know, either.
Which brings me to the "plot." It seemed to go by very quickly with no real point or purpose, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. One could argue Slice of Life doesn't need to have the same kinds of conflicts you find in other genres of stories. However, as others have pointed out in the comments above, this story seemed to end very abruptly with no real conclusion. The creepy stalker binder was all brushed under the rug, and Copper finding her real purpose in life was just explained away without us having the satisfaction of seeing her make that discovery. Any sense of resolution was brushed aside or glossed over so fast that there was no chance to revel in any of it. A few I have discussed this with felt as if the ending was a cop out, and I'm partially inclined to agree.
All of this isn't to say that there wasn't some stuff to enjoy. Though Sprinkle is entirely unlikable and inconsistent, the few scenes where she interacts with Copper Crown are kind of fun. They're the only scenes that really provide any grounding and insight into who Sprinkle is and why we should be rooting for her at all. I actually also liked Copper Crown. She's a total loon, but an endearing one. I really wanted to see her discover her destiny as a jeweler, which really only made the ending where that was just brushed over so unsatisfying and so disappointing.
8120573 It will probably come up in a sequel.
Of Doughnuts, Copper, And Ass-Kickery: A Tale of How A Visual Twin of Twilight Sparkle, A Former Overthrower of Twilight Sparkle, And Twilight Sparkle Herself(Starring As Herself) Save Twilight's Friends.
I kinda like the character of Sprinkle. Especially as the converse of Sparkle. Perhaps she will run into Trixie and Glimmer in a sequel, and compare notes.
I noticed that this is Hap's first multi-chapter story on Fimfiction, and I 'm afraid it shows. I hope the comments can be a bit more constructive on its criticisms.
My advice is to keep writing... I'm sure the next story will turn out better just from experience alone. I won't fave, but I will look forward to the next work.
Well I hoped for more shenanigans but thats ok i guess
Loved the fic. If you ever write a sequel I'll definitely read it. Had a longer comment, my phone ate it.
Thanks.
8120573
Totes besties. And roomies.
8121255 Horribly broken image link.
I liked it. It does feel like a slice of life one shot in multiple characters about a mere that discovers friendship.
But it did begin with the promise of a wacky story about a Twilight lookalike that serves as a an unwilling shield to all the weirdoes that would otherwise assault the princess, her usurper-turned-friend and the adventures they would have. Maybe with a dash of shipping (don't judge me, I'm not the only one who thinks they're cute together).
Also, that it would be bigger.
It's not a bad story. It only promised so much more with that first chapter.
Keep writing, Hap. As your first foray into multi chapter fics this was good. It could be better? Undoubtedly. But it seems to me, specially because of the tag, that the promise of the beginning was unintentional. It was a rather enthralling story description, too.
My counsel is, be more careful with your promises. This is MLP, a donutier that deals with being a princess lookalike with flair and pastry violence is not a slice of life prompt, but an adventure one. Readers expect you to follow with what your story promises them, and those are not always obvious when you put them down.
8121108 Just to add to this:
The first part breaks the whole "no one can figure out where Twilight lives" thing. If the information is so public, then there is literally no reason, even with your mass dyslexia thing, why anyone should confuse Twilight's freaking castle with a donut shop. Ever.
The second part is still a blatant cop out. Mass freaking dyslexia. It would barely work for a oneshot with the Random and Comedy tags slapped onto it, but at least then we could chalk it up to "because genre" as Timaeus said. And that, despite my opinions on the sort of comedy that falls under, would've been fine because the joke is over before you start to think too much about it. In a chaptered fic, it doesn't hold up. Especially when your reasoning for why the main character doesn't get in trouble is "well, anyone could find out where she is because it's all public." If it's all public, then how the hell do ponies mix up their location? Sparkle -> Sprinkle I could almost buy. But "Crystal Castle in Ponyville" -> "donut shop in Canterlot"? No. That is literally not how dyslexia works. At all.
But what did Sparkle do/say about the suitors?
Sequel?
I don't know if I want a sequel, but I want more of this...does that make sense ?
Also Doctor Disco is right, my shipping sense is throbbing and my hands are itchy.
8120760 Guess he didn't want it to be a half-baked story. Right, now that that's done. *gunshot*
8121438
Holy shit yes thank you for making me realise this is what I wanted without even knowing it :D
8122103 I know, but with so much left to explore? It almost feels like he's being flaky.
(and the puns keep coming)
8120589
It'd take a big paper hat to hide those wings, and knowing Sparkle, she'd spend way too much time dividing the sprinkles, frosting or other toppings as her OCD kicks in.
An enjoyable story but could have been more, as others said. Still, worth a read.
And this story is gone; I'm sad to see it go.
Short and Sweet. Like a box of donuts, good to the last bite.
Good.
Hello olleH
Damn it, Zoreth!
8121108 While your perspective is understandable, there's a pretty big problem with it. You really seem to have missed how big, or rather how small, this story is supposed to be. If it was meant to be a longer multi-character epic, you would have been spot on, but it's a lot smaller than that. In addition to being a slice-of-life story, it's also focused on one particular character. Also, it happens over a very short amount of time, probably three or four days at most, certainly no longer than a week.
Perfect case in point, you say that Sprinkle's character is inconsistent. That assumes that everything we see in the first chapter is all there is to her, which obviously isn't true. Of course there's more to her than just a bitterly frustrated pastry chef running her own doughnut shop. The story does a good job of showing the cracks in her facade even back in chapter 1, before Copper Crown even arrives. And then after that, we learn things like how Sprinkle is on an almost-first-name basis with Celestia herself, which is a pretty loud implication about the hidden depths to her life and character.
Most of your other objections also seem to ignore the scope and focus of the story. Copper Crown learns her real talent off camera? Well, she's not the important pony here. What matters is how it was her budding friendship with Sprinkle that ultimately lead her to her self-realization. And that, again, brings us back to the main character.
Even your objection to the premise ("*Everyone* mistakes Sprinkle for Sparkle") doesn't account for the scope of the story. It's all from Sprinkle's point of view, and she's very annoyed and frustrated at the frequent mistaken identity issues, so she indulges in hyperbole about how it is *everyone*. Even though it very likely isn't.
Overall, I can't help but conclude that you really didn't understand this story at all.