Chapter 2
Chapter 2
“No, I’m sorry.” The mare stuck the towel in her ear and swabbed it around as she winced. Her pale blue eyes really stuck out against her jet-black coat.
Nopony had ever apologized before. I halfheartedly dabbed my moist washcloth at the brown splotches on her cape. “I’m no expert, but I’d think that ‘get the right victim’ should be rule number one for revenge.” My eyes crossed for an instant. “I mean, as a professional revenge victim, I guess I kind of am an expert, and it’s sure not near the top of anypony’s list.”
“It’s not revenge, per se,” she said as she held the towel between her hooves and rolled her mane back and forth to squeeze out the chocolate milk. “I just think I deserve to be a princess more than she does. And she’s standing in my way.” She looked up at me and gave half a smile. “I just wasn’t expecting to be assaulted by breakfast foods. That can’t be good customer service.”
I shrugged. The bell jingled as another customer trotted through the door. A second later, he laughed and shouted across the crowded cafe. “Got yourself another live one, eh?”
The voice was one I recognized, so I pulled out a chocolate-iced, custard-filled, rainbow-sprinkled extra large éclair from the display case and tossed it in his general direction without looking. The lack of cursing told me that he’d caught it in his own magic. I smiled at the unusual mare and shrugged again. “The customers seem to like the show.”
She chuckled. “I stand corrected, then.” She moved the towel down to her neck, where much of the chocolate milk had been trapped by her high collar, and began scrubbing. Her mane didn’t seem quite as black as it had been before. “How much do I owe you for the donut and chocolate milk?”
This was new. “I, uh, I’ve never had anypony try to pay before.”
She fished around in her mane and pulled out a soggy bit bag. “I feel bad enough having assaulted one of my own subjects, and such a nice mare, too. It’s important that my subjects feel respected. And I don’t think anypony respects you once you’ve stolen from them. I mean, I didn’t technically eat the donut, and I didn’t ask for it—well, I suppose I did ask for it, didn’t I?” She squeezed her eyes shut and shook her head, holding up one hoof while she took a breath. “The point is, my actions had a very real cost to you, and it’s important to me that you are compensated.”
I floated a coffee pot across the room and refilled a few mugs, then turned back toward the mare. “You’re the strangest, most polite villain I’ve ever met. One bit for the donut, and one for the chocolate milk.”
“Oh, I’m not a villain,” she said. She finished swabbing her neck and plopped the towel down on the counter as she opened her bit bag.
In between the pale brown blotches of chocolate milk, I saw what looked like black dye soaking into the towel. I poked it with a hoof and glanced back up at her with a raised eyebrow. “And three bits for the towel.”
“Ah,” she said, turning over her bit bag. “Can I owe you for the towel?”
I squinted and looked closer at the fur around her collar. It was definitely lighter. Kind of a… pale greenish blue, maybe?
With a subdued cough to clear her throat, she pulled the collar closer around her neck. “A princess must keep up appearances. Surely, you don’t think that Celestia’s mane is naturally that way, do you?”
I looked her square in the eyes. “I donut know.”
“You are a terrible pony.”
“Yeah,” I said as I took bits from ponies who had brought enough money to pay for their breakfast, and passed them their donuts and coffee. “What’s new?”
She stood up and straightened her collar, only for it to slump back down in a soggy heap around her shoulders. “Well, I shall return to pay for the towel. I have much research to do before I can find this Princess Twilight Sprinkle.”
“Sparkle. She’s Sparkle, I’m Sprinkle.” I stuck my purple flank in the air and pointed a hoof toward the white-iced donut with multi-colored sprinkles. After a few moments, I cocked my head to the side. “Speaking of which, what’s your name?”
She held her head high and tried—I assumed anyway—to look as regal as possible with a soggy red cape smelling of chocolate milk and an uneven mane and coat dye job. “Ravenwing Bloodmane. Princess Ravenwing Bloodmane.”
I felt my eyebrows climb up my forehead as I clamped my jaws together, hard, to keep from betraying my amusement. Some customers laughed out loud.
She nodded toward me. “And now I must learn all I can about this royal pretender. Goodbye, dear subjects.”
“Goodbye,” I said, “and nice to meet you.” I picked up a plate and started swabbing the counter, then froze in mid-swipe, and raised my head toward Ravenwing, who had just opened the door with a jingle. “Hey!”
She turned back toward me.
“You sure you don’t wanna just stay here and read through my binder?”
Ravenwing raised an eyebrow. “Binder?”
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Yes, yessssss, I see my puns have infected the story. All according to plan. Muwah-ha-ha-ha....
Favorite character, hands down, the donut.
What mare is she talking to here? Because I don't see any nice mares. I only see Twilight Sprinkle.
8081232 Seconded.
People find the oddest shit funny these days...
The ultimate Mary Sue name. It's so... Goth, and yet so fake.
8081358 Princess Midnight Onyxsoul. Princess Obsidian Eclipse. Princess Sanguine Darkhoof.
This could be fun.
8081358 Always a critic out there
8081237
Have you met the internet? That's kind of it's shtick.
*headdesks* Okay, I am DEFINITELY following this silliness now.
Chrysalis: "I'm seeking intel on Sparkle."
"You just have to buy one, what you do with it isn't my problem."
Sprinkle: "One donut cover charge."
Chrysalis: "But I don't eat pony food."
Sprinkle:
This should be an alternate universe because Twilight has a different special talent other than magic.Please tell me she's not coffee-obsessed?8081237 I agree.
I was only slightly interested in the story. Then Puns......
Welp i'm all in. Let's see where this goes.
dis gon b good
It is inevitable that some day, Twilight Sparkle and Twilight Sprinkle will meet.
Then, after the young princess mops chocolate milk out of her mane, they'll become great friends--and soon Castle Friendship will have a doughnut shop in the food court just inside the main entrance, just under the banner advertising, "Dine like a princess!"
You know, across from the hayburger joint run by Twilight Spatter.
And the Neighsian-Equestrian stir-fry place run by Twilight Spatula.
Not to mention the Germane biergarten where you'll find Twilight Spaetzle.
It's about time Twilight Sparkle figured out how to make an income from that crystal monstrosity...
8081761
I confess to an extreme fondness for those stories where Twilight is forced to demolish/relocate her castle due to lack of planning permission, the castle not matching ponyville's rustic theme, or because the castle is a massive shiny, reflective, light magnifying health hazard that causes disorientation, damage to the eyes, and/or fires.
Oh man. Short chapters, but they feel like the perfect length. Usually the pacing on a story with chapters this short is like a bullet, but these are just right. Nice job, Goldilocks. This definitely deserves a follow.
Just found this one... And I hope that Twilight will meet Twilight soon. And to find out what kind of madmare is this Ravenwing (even if I have my suspicions).
WHAT.
WHAT IS THIS?
THIS IS AMAZING.
8081933 I am curious what your suspicions are. The story's written already, I kind of want to see if you're right!
All I see is the word "donut." That's all I need, and now that this story exists, all of my dreams have come true. Thank you so much for making this a thing!
I donut know whether Twilight Sprinkle is cruller than Sparkle or not. But the puns are like the icing on the cake.
(I tried, lol)
Also, I'm slightly obsessed with donuts. Slightly.
~Melly~
What a donut-tier silly story. I like it already.
Twilight Sprinkle
This is the best
8082265
The best donut is the Polish pączki (pronounced "paunch-key").
It's a gigantic donut, but to keep the outside from overcooking and then being soaked in grease before the center can cook... they add vodka to the dough. The vodka boils easier than the water, and the escaping vapor keeps pushing the oil away from the surface, which protects it from getting grease-soaked until the center is done!
Then they're filled with custard or jam, and either sprinkled in powdered sugar or glazed. My favorite is the custard-filled glazed.
Around here, you can only get them around Mardi Gras.
8081761
Well done.
8082263 Sending it via MP-if I'm right, I could spoil the reveal, if I'm wrong I'm still eliminating a suspect.
8082413
< They proved quite effective against changelings, though)
Thanks. It was a close thing, but Spaetzle won out over Schnitzel.
There were a number of also-ran contestants. Twilight Salsa placed well, and Twilight Saki would have made it if the castle was licensed to serve alcohol, but Twilight Sausage and Twilight Spatchcock did regrettably poorly in the ratings.
"I donut know."
Shut the fuck up, Twilight Sprinkle, just shut the fuck up...
Lmao, I am following this shit so hard.
8082356
I'll have to find myself one of those babies. Thanks!
~Mels~
8082676 Depending on where you live, they may be available all the time, like they are here. They're kind of expensive, though. They come in a square box of 4-6 donuts for $6 USD. They are delicious, though.
8081761 Agreed. Someone should write that story.
Did not read the chapters yet but the discription reminds of of Clockwork consequence,more spicifically Twilights occupation.
Edit: OK this is really good. Certainly a food for thought... the story not the donuts.
8082848 6-USD (converted from local currency) is about 4 donuts MAX around my area not sure if you could get more though.
Very good work, looking forward to what 'The Binder' contains.
8081237 As it's always been...
8081841
Got any names for those stories? They sound like my kind of humor.
8082848
Not sure where "here" is, but oh well. I live in Indiana, so hopefully I can find those somewhere. Anywhere. Everywhere!
Thanks!
~Melly~
8081358
Princess Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.
I have not read this story yet, but it did catch my curiosity...
And since you say it's complete, just not all chapters uploaded yet, I put it in my "read later" list for now,
and once all chapters are up, I'll binge-read the whole thing in one go.
8083108
There's 2. There's more but I can't remember where they are.
Town Planning
Princess Twilight vs. the Ponyville Zoning Board
8082263
I'd like to believe it is Twilight Sparkle herself just having some time off.
8083611 They're available all the time in north eastern Ohio, and can be found one or two weeks out of the month in south eastern Ohio. I'd be surprised if you have trouble finding Pączki donuts there, seeing how easily I can get them.
What is this mysterious binder, and what does it contain?
8084242 Tune in next week!
8084248 I'll be sure to!
Hoooly shit this looks so out of my comfort zone and also looks like it will violate my views of overpowered Twilight in every imaginable way possible
So I MUST read it!
She's got a whole binder of info on Princess Twi and she's just gonna let the cheesy badguy loot through it eh? Hahahahahaha.
8082356 Huh. I just moved to New York from Cali and I see these everywhere. I guess I'll have to try one.
Of the two OCs, only
Shadow the HedgehogRavenwing Bloodmane has any real depth to them. When I read the first chapter, I cringed inwardly at her description but gave a small nod as it turned out her gothicness was something she picked up rather than that being her actual coloring. Despite that, I will cringe at the name. If one was trying to go for fitting into the setting of MLP, it failed at the naming. I would expect a dragon at the least taking a name like that and that's pushing it.As for Sprinkle, she really doesn't have that much depth outside of being confused with Twilight Sparkle and a master of pastry jitsu. Really, there was nothing for me to really even endear myself to this character. Maybe we'll see more depth as chapters go on, but as of now, I find her more detestable than endearing (or even funny). Ponies get confused and her answer is chocolate milk/donut assault? Seriously, put up a sign or something.