Trixie's Pilgrimage of Penitence (working title) wasn't supposed to be perfect. In many respects, the entire point of the tour had been to exhibit how the former showboat had changed for the better, even if that meant deliberately performing sub-par lest she be accused of boastfulness. Trixie had planned for almost everything to go wrong.
One thing she hadn't counted on was a dangerous lapse into depression, leading her to perform the Moonshot Manticore Mouth-Dive as the opening act without any safety measures. And while everything turned out more or less fine, the local newspapers are going to have a field day with this story.
Unless, of course, a credible source can swoop in and convince them she wasn't in any danger.
Chapters (1)
Just for the record, this is very much a case of "this idea is just interesting enough to write about" and "I put too many hours into this to throw it away".
You should be very proud of this story, because it was funny and well thought-out.The internal consistency was there all the way and all in all it worked. The only thing I could disagree with was Trixie's tendency to wish violence on Featherweight, which seemed a bit much. Other than that, a fine and funny story.
I don't have any problem with a talking manticore either. This is the magical land of Equestria, where even cows and sheep talk, and where even birds and dogs, bees, spiders and butterflies are canonically fully sapient. (In fact, it can often bother me when an author ignores this just to make things more "normal".) So Merlin the Manticore is absolutely plausible. He's also a very funny character here, and a consummate professional. I can see why Trixie would work with him. Would you mind if I borrowed him for future stories?
7182569 It's less that Trixie's wishing violence on him, and just that I personally find him to have the most punchable design, and decided that the universe at large just conspires to make him really easy to physically abuse.
And the reason I'm not proud of this is that I've written much, much better.
Merlin the Marvelous Manticore is definitely available for anyone's stories.
Heh, well played, Merlin. Well played.
This story was great!
Personally, I'm just glad this is focusing on this part of the episode instead of it's more base breaking aspects but as that's off topic and I don't want to get into it because it'll just give me a headache I'll give you a Big Mac instead.
Obvious joke was obvious, but still enjoyable.
BAM! Surprise articulate manticore!
Yeah I had a feeling that the manicore was in on it.
OK, now that I gave this a good read, I have to say that this is the best explanation to many things in the episode, No Second Prances. First off, Trixie going into a deep emotional depression to take her own life, very clever of Featherweight to ask and it does seem like it at first, but then after everything that happened with the Manitcore stunt and him bowing at the end made me wonder just what was up with that Manitcore. Glad to see you didn't disappoint with the plot there!
Now Trixie and Starlight are a marvelous duo. A group of two ponies I really hope continue in later episodes, otherwise I'll be re-watching this episode for may years to come, but I liked how you made them... click together and blend so well. It was like they knew each other since they were born. You've really done this well with my two favorite unicorns. Love it!
Now a few things that made me go WTF?
It was really only two things, Talking... Yes talking. In all my time in the fandom I never read a fic where Featherweight spoke or a Manitocre for that matter. I had the same reaction when I saw this iGIF of twilight.
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But that aside I really would have to nit pick at this to find anything really wrong with it, and I don't like doing that so that's all for now m'lord.
My verdict? To the moon.
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I enjoyed this. I would say more; but I have a lack of sleep and a high lack of brain function right now. I had to think for five minutes just to make this.
Okay, but where's the comedy tag? XD
7190237 I find it's better to assume my audience won't laugh at the same things I laugh at.
7190313
Understood. :)
"Well... uhm..." the manticore looked sheepish, as did Trixie. "Ok, we admit that was kind of a plot hole."
"Eh... plot.. hole? Is that some perverted reference to pony-manticore relations!?" the reporter looked shocked.
The manticore and his stage partner looked at each other. Should they tell the pony that their entire world was scripted by hairless monkey gods? Would it doom them all? Would the gods become angry that their creations had gained self-awareness and erase them from existence? As if using some form of literary-based telepathy involving Deadpool and Pinkie Pie, they came to a mutual conclusion. "It's true. We're lovers."
After this revelation, all manner of strange relations began, including a 5-way with the hydra... the perverted hairless monkey gods were pleased.
7182569 Merlin also finds Trixie delicious... but in another way.
*Alondro watches audience members vomiting in stanzas...*
*... and laughs...*
7184146 It's rather a catch-22 situation. If the manticore was in on it, then Trixie was faking her depression to guilt-trip Starlight into 'saving' her... which goes back to Trixie using Starlight to one-up Twilight... which makes her even MORE untrustworthy because it suggests she had this backup deception in the works THE ENTIRE TIME!
If it wasn't... then Trixie DID almost kill herself and there's no explanation for why the manticore was bowing.
Also, the manticore being in on it is really the only plausible explanation of how a weak mare like Trixie managed to capture a manticore in the first place.
Anyway, let's face facts: the episode's story falls apart the instant you think about any key facet of it. Too much was simply tossed in without the narrative shoring up the plausibility.
I prefer my completely insane explanation: the manticore was a professional stunt carnivore who was the same one who worked for Hoofdini (which is why they both looked 100% identical... ignoring the more plausible explanation of copy-pasting the vector design to save time and money in the animation rather than using two different manticore designs) and just didn't tell Trixie ahead of time because the fearful ones taste better.
7192362 You fail to take into account the most obvious explanation: the manticore is actually made of papier-mache, and is operated from inside by ten disenfranchised breezies (not everyone gets back through that portal, after all).
Trixie never was in any mortal danger. She just needed Starlight's help getting out because, let's face it, would you want to get into close physical contact with a bunch of creepy breezies? You don't know where they've been.
7192362 yeah but to be fair a lot of episodes would have major plotholes if you thought too much.
Also Silver quill made a point, which I agree, that she wasn't trying to kill herself. She went through it because the show must go on no matter what, it might be something she picked up from Hoofdini.
Also if whole manicore was on is the thing , it does not mean that Trixie would be manipulating Starlight. It would mean it was a safety measure because this the first time that Trixie has ever attempted it.
The heart felt massage is possible a just in case thing.
As for the Trixie not able to tame the Manicore she possible got it from a tamer of some kind.
Also it not mean she wasn't danger because there is still stomach acid to worry about
7192514 This is the most plausible explanation possible.
7193050 Yeah... it's POSSIBLE she got it from a tamer.
But we have no information.. The episode's narrative relies on the audience to fill in the gaps in information, something a GOOD narrative doesn't do with questionable scenarios.
This story needs more press.
7295609 It also needs more push.
Well, that was entertaining. Well-written, well-thought out expansion of the source material with a very nice twist that explains everything. Thank you for it.
7343275 Glad you enjoyed it!
Huh, guess that would explain how Trixie managed to get a manticore secured on stage with just a collar. And I find it funny how Featherweight uses his status as a colt to get away with asking those kinds of questions though I feel like he was really close to getting punted.
7569198 Enormously close. If this had happened before their reformation, he would have gone sailing over the horizon.
I don't know why you say this isn't good, enjoyed the read, and like the story, just because it's not how you would say your best doesn't mean you should think it's your worse
Lacking substance? does that mean it's bad? I eat cup noodles like an animal because they're quick and tasty, not for substance! Your one-shots are kind of like that "oh my, I need to go to sleep but this is less than 3k words...it should only take a couple minutes. Why look! here's another!"
So, you get upgraded to the full Platinum Comment Status. Which includes almost half of the thoughts I had while reading this story.
There were some witty lines but for some reason I liked this one the most, I don't even know what a voice being punted over a horizon could possibly mean but the imagery was amazing.
Just kidding, THIS is my favorite! that last one just took second.
HAH! Ok, do you have something against children? or journalists?
Too bad they aren't aware of that...
Holy mother bucking applesauce THEY DO KNOW!!
Manticores love whisky, just sayin'.
7725857 I just don't like Featherweight.
7725863 Oh, I didn't look up his character.
Holy graham crackers with cheese! I look at his character for 5 seconds and want to trip him into a puddle.
You, dear sir, are justified.
Three things.
1) The fact that you presented Featherweight in a sort of 'nerve-wracking and eager' light was both amusing and puzzling. Amusing because of these moments from the story:
Puzzling because I don't remember him ever being like that in the show. I mean, I've missed quite a few episodes - the last episode I remember watching was from somewhere in Season 6 - so maybe that's why.
2) Merlin the Manticore is an absolute delight. All of his dialogue is either endearingly sassy or just plain enjoyable. I like him. Is he an OC?
3) I dunno, there's just something about the idea of Trixie having depression and hiding it from Starlight (is that what happened?) that gets me thinking about Trixie's character and her friendship with Starlight...that's a good thing by the way.
Nice