• Member Since 28th Jul, 2015
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

DR-Fluffy


[Insert inspiring quote here]

T
Source

Starlight Glimmer, depressed over the actions of her past she goes to watch the sunset when Trixie show up and talks to her about forgiveness.


______________________________________________________________________________________
This story is based on this video.

Chapters (1)
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!
Comments ( 13 )

I think you did a pretty good job of it.

I liked it, the story did a very good job of giving a little but of stories to characters who really needed it, I really liked it.
I can't wait to read your next story! :twilightsmile:

Yes, Trixie's and Starlight's conversation were almost word-for-word of that YouTube clip. I still liked this story though because it almost fits perfectly. Though I think Sunset Shimmer would have been a better choice. It's hard for me to picture Trixie actually saying that and Trixie is my favorite pony.

6972468 hi so you joined team rocket pinkie pie lol

good story you did a good job telling it

I likes these quick, quality one-shots. Just the sort of thing I can enjoy while having a cup of tea and a digestive biscuit. I am British after all, you know.

Eventually you stop caring about the guilt.

Hi there!

I think this story is very beautiful, and I could see something like this actually happening in the show.

However, I just want to add that it is possible to forgive yourself, it just takes a lot of time and love from others.

Anyway, overall your grammar is pretty good, although it could use a few tweaks.

"Trixie spoke her voice both smooth and calming, ..."

the adjectives "both smooth and calming" interrupt the sentence, so put a comma before and after them.

"...familiarity then confusion, before she could open her mouth to speak ..."

Because these are two sentences, put a "but" after the comma there.

Furthermore, you used "then" when it should be "than."

I know, grammar is annoying at times, but you did do a pretty good job of taking care of the story and making it clear. You also captured the somber, bittersweet mood very beautifully.

Great job!

The pioneer with a heart for people and a thousand stories to tell ~+~

6995529 I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and thanks for pointing that out I'm always looking to improve my writing.

You predicted the future! You're a psyker!

7183605 Shh...don't give away my secret :raritywink:

Ye did a good job mate.
Congrats.:moustache:

Login or register to comment
Join our Patreon to remove these adverts!