• Member Since 13th Jan, 2015
  • offline last seen February 19th

QueenMoriarty


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The cultists thought they couldn't go wrong with a resurrection of King Sombra. They'd get a cool ruler, rad hallucinations, and he'd probably chain them up and whip them! It was the perfect plan...

Until the police showed up, hit the Dark Lord of Crystals with a paralysis spell, and dragged him off to court.

"All rise, Princess Celestia presiding..."


Inspired by the utter hilarity of naturalbornderpy's 101 Interesting Facts About Draconequi.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 45 )

Sombra is still a better leader than George W. Bush.

I love how a lot of these are serious crimes against ponydom, but then you throw in stuff like "demolished apartments without a permit" and trying to sell a fake Crystal Heart.

55. Obtaining the ingredients for butter without consent.

I'm curious, is that a reference to Beloved, or is it just something for rape

7208663 Sombra was trying to give the regent a magic handjob, but didn't realize he was actually milking a female until he noticed that the fluids didn't smell quite as bad.

Huh, I would have expected #101 to be "jaywalking". (From the old "arson, murder, and jaywalking" trope, of course.)

7208667 Oh... dang, I thought it was a reference. Oh well!

She pushed up her glasses and stuck out her tongue at the former tyrant.

Like a boss.

7208717
A book titled "Beloved." One of the major parts is when 2 boys hold down the main character and steal her milk (which she makes akin to rape)

This is a failure of due process really. This Sombra was unwillingly removed from his home which has no existing extradition treaty with Equestria prime. If anything, he should be sent back there to answer for significantly worse and more numerous crimes in their courts of law (or whatever passes for a court of law in a country recovering from untold years of war).

This story was quite good. Wasn't quite as funny as the Discord one by NBD but still funny in places with some of Sombra's... odder crime like the taco stand one.

7209386 On the one hand, good on you for spotting a legal thing that I wasn't aware of.

On the other hand, I feel I should point out that the ponies of the Crystal War timeline would probably just kill him. And that would have cut the list short.

Leave it to Pinkie to drive Twilight crazy first chapter in.

"You know Pinkie there are many types of a Nazis in the world." :facehoof:

"There are?" :pinkiegasp:

"Yes, regular Nazis, Neo Nazis, but you're the worst one, Grammar Nazi.":twilightangry2:

Or something like that, and that's a long list of things Sombra got against him.

Geez Luna, talk about awkward....

Poor Starlight, but that chapter confused me until Multiverse Theory was applied. Well done.

Wow, what a way to go, but this is Sombra we're talking about here. Well placed list of charges based off groups but some are very... odd. Well it is a comedy... of sorts. compared to previous works I'd give this one a 7/10. Good idea but kinds mediocre on execution, if that makes sense.

Guess it just wasn't as funny as I was hoping. Still not a bad try though. My fic Sparkling Lime was a huge flop too.

7209953 I'd argue it's much worse than that. The ideas are mediocre, only worth anything if I decide to write a larger story about Sombra's pre-banishment days. The execution is also decidedly sub-par. I only really wrote it to prove that I could.

Thanks for lying to make me look good, though. Also, loving the new avatar.

91. Unimaginable torture.

92. Imaginable torture.

I laughed at this, but kind of feel like I shouldn't have... :unsuresweetie:

7209983 SU-33's are really cool. Also I'm easily pleased. :pinkiecrazy:

That sounded a lot better in my head.

19. Extensive equine trafficking, to the point of officially listing slaves as the chief export of the Crystal Empire.

Best so far.

34. Selling unlicensed and functionally worthless "blood crystal jewelry" for the market price of snakeskin purses.

Is that what the Red Woman on "Game Of Thrones" wears?

54. Denying all of the above while drinking tea.

69. Failing to provide reasonable excuses for declining to attend one's own royal wedding.

Enjoyable ones. :moustache:

91. Unimaginable torture.

92. Imaginable torture.

:rainbowlaugh: :pinkiecrazy: My kind of dark comedy.

100. Deliberate under-performance in a climactic battle between the forces of good and evil.

101. Refusing to die properly on multiple occasions.

Some of the best for last. Well, you did it. All 101. In a timely manner, too. I enjoyed it, but also felt that this story could've easily been a rather dark and serious one if spun that way. It made me interested in the days when Sombra had complete control over the Empire. I'd also add that some of the "facts" were humorous, but most of them sounded right on the mark about Sombra's crimes. Dark and slightly disturbing.

I guess that's why there's a DARK tag at the top. Mine was more... stupid to the max. :applejackconfused:

Still, you actually did it. Never shall I doubt you again... random internet person!

7210606 It definitely did give me more than a few ideas for a potential story about Sombra's past, but at the end of the day, I felt like a list-fic has to be a slightly absurd comedy, or else people will start asking why it isn't a proper story.

You bastard! You killed Starlight! :twilightangry2:
Prepare to taste my wrath alt. Sombra :twilightangry2: :flutterrage:

Oh God, what was he going to do with that Yak butter?

7213971 In his defense, he thought he was giving a magic handjob.

7208667 I believe that's referred to as a "glowjob."

7213993 That is simultaneously one of the greatest comments of all time, and a term I hope never to repeat.

54. Denying all of the above while drinking tea.


:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
It's not the denying that was the problem, it was that he was drinking tea. It's outrageous!
:rainbowlaugh:

101. Refusing to die properly on multiple occasions.
:rainbowlaugh:

Overpriced tacos?! The fiend!

I like how Sombra's underwhelming performance in The Crystal Empire is a crime.

This was a good read with some great black comedy.

It seems I have a thing for reading your work fashionably late. Anyway, this was very good my friend! Hope to see more stuff for me to take my sweet 'ol time on soon!

Honestly? I prefer this one to the original. Never been much of a fan of shaggy dog stories, and this was a lot more consistent in tone and item quality. Thank you for it.

I get the sinking feeling that he could get out of all of this by stating that the Statue Of Limitations has run out.

This one caught me a bit by surprise, but I'm not sure why considering your other characterization of Sombra. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and it promted me to read NBD's piece that inspired it. I'm torn between the two as they both have their pros and cons. But I do know both have been added to my favorites.

I enjoyed reading this from Raven's perspective as it's not one I'm used to seeing. Some parts felt a bit... drawn out I guess would be the best way to put it. And I do understand the need to break up a list, at the same time, the list is what drew me in. Mostly the insane charges brought forth. On the other hand, ending a chapter on a list point feels like a bad idea. I don't know. It could be a no-win situation there.

One aspect I noted, and I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I liked how some of the things mentioned in Sombra Does His Taxes made their way into this story. Out of all 101, these two gave me a good chuckle:

91. Unimaginable torture.

92. Imaginable torture.

Overall, another well done story and not a lot for me to be critical on.

7490567 And claiming Double Jeopardy, seeing he was already executed.

Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?

So he was murdered the first time for his crimes. They came back to kill him again. They also speaking on they chose firing squad which to me is silly. This guy got vaporized by one of the strongest magical items in the series. Blasting him down with magic in my opinion won't fix the problem. And could they charge a Sombra that's not from their world with a crime? Interesting

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