The Last Three Really, Really Bad Things
Sombra had made it to his feet, and was looking rather ill at ease. The smoke kept billowing out and collapsing in around him, matching his heavy breathing. In one moment, he would be barely more than a skeleton wreathed in smog, and the next he would look just the same as he had all of those years ago. He couldn't have looked more like a demon if he tried.
It wasn't doing any favors for his life expectancy. There wasn't a creature alive in the throne room that wasn't champing at the bit to see him justly punished. The Dragon Lord and the Yak Prince were also being quite obvious about their urge to kill, although Gilda Grieftalons was at least trying to be subtle. The click of her gauntlet against her seat and the grinding of pony teeth were the only noises in the throne room for a good five seconds.
Raven did her best to defuse some of the tension by loudly shuffling some papers around. As she scanned through them, she found that there were barely any charges left to read. Glimmer's revelation had invalidated the last quarter of charges, leaving only three tiny little offenses to list off before they got to the sentencing. To her dismay, Raven noticed that they were decidedly anticlimactic charges. Princess Twilight was probably going to give her a lecture about not following the lessons from that lovely book about The Narrative of Organization again.
Well, there was nothing that could be done about it now. Best to just get it over with.
99. Failure to leave behind an enigmatic prophecy giving a rough indicator of when a period of temporal stasis would come to an end.
100. Deliberate under-performance in a climactic battle between the forces of good and evil.
101. Refusing to die properly on multiple occasions.
"That concludes the reading of the crimes with which Sombra de Umbrum is charged." Raven took a step back, and a final sip from her glass. The boring administration was out of the way, and now was the time for Princess Celestia to pass judgement.
"Sombra." The name was spoken with unrestrained hatred, a sound so unfamiliar to Celestia's subjects that many of them shrank away in instinctive terror. The unstable smoke-monster she was addressing was practically shimmering with fear, his breathing so rapid that he seemed to be exploding a hundred times a second. "How do you plead?"
Judging from the deafening chorus of shocked gasps, everypony had been expecting her to skip that step. Sombra looked more surprised than all of them. "Guilty, of course!"
"Really?" There was that cockiness, the confidence that Raven expected of an Elder Goddess. "I would have thought you, of all ponies, would be the first to claim mitigating circumstances."
Sombra laughed. "As if I could dodge even a single one of those claims. At least afford me the dignity of swift justice, you old bat."
"Very well. Sombra de Umbrum, for your crimes against the peoples of Equestria, Yakyakistan, Griffonstone and the Dragonlands, you are hereby sentenced to sudden, instant and even immediate death. Guards? Drop the barrier."
Loyal as ever, the guards dissolved their barrier spells, leaving Sombra utterly unguarded. Thunder rumbled, energy crackled and the floor split. Fire gathered in the jaws of the Dragon Lord, and Gilda readied her gauntlet.
"Fire at will."
Raven did the smart thing and teleported to safety.
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I love how a lot of these are serious crimes against ponydom, but then you throw in stuff like "demolished apartments without a permit" and trying to sell a fake Crystal Heart.
7208635 That's how the Dark Lord do.
7208663 Sombra was trying to give the regent a magic handjob, but didn't realize he was actually milking a female until he noticed that the fluids didn't smell quite as bad.
Huh, I would have expected #101 to be "jaywalking". (From the old "arson, murder, and jaywalking" trope, of course.)
7208668 Too obvious.
7208667 Oh... dang, I thought it was a reference. Oh well!
7208713 What would I be referencing?
7208717
A book titled "Beloved." One of the major parts is when 2 boys hold down the main character and steal her milk (which she makes akin to rape)
This is a failure of due process really. This Sombra was unwillingly removed from his home which has no existing extradition treaty with Equestria prime. If anything, he should be sent back there to answer for significantly worse and more numerous crimes in their courts of law (or whatever passes for a court of law in a country recovering from untold years of war).
This story was quite good. Wasn't quite as funny as the Discord one by NBD but still funny in places with some of Sombra's... odder crime like the taco stand one.
7209386 On the one hand, good on you for spotting a legal thing that I wasn't aware of.
On the other hand, I feel I should point out that the ponies of the Crystal War timeline would probably just kill him. And that would have cut the list short.
Wow, what a way to go, but this is Sombra we're talking about here. Well placed list of charges based off groups but some are very... odd. Well it is a comedy... of sorts. compared to previous works I'd give this one a 7/10. Good idea but kinds mediocre on execution, if that makes sense.
Guess it just wasn't as funny as I was hoping. Still not a bad try though. My fic Sparkling Lime was a huge flop too.
7209953 I'd argue it's much worse than that. The ideas are mediocre, only worth anything if I decide to write a larger story about Sombra's pre-banishment days. The execution is also decidedly sub-par. I only really wrote it to prove that I could.
Thanks for lying to make me look good, though. Also, loving the new avatar.
Heh, the long list of charges reminds me of a scene from Atomic Robo:
atomic-robo.com/comics/1422211801-ARV101_int_print-10.jpg
7209983 SU-33's are really cool. Also I'm easily pleased.
That sounded a lot better in my head.
100. Deliberate under-performance in a climactic battle between the forces of good and evil.
101. Refusing to die properly on multiple occasions.
Some of the best for last. Well, you did it. All 101. In a timely manner, too. I enjoyed it, but also felt that this story could've easily been a rather dark and serious one if spun that way. It made me interested in the days when Sombra had complete control over the Empire. I'd also add that some of the "facts" were humorous, but most of them sounded right on the mark about Sombra's crimes. Dark and slightly disturbing.
I guess that's why there's a DARK tag at the top. Mine was more... stupid to the max.
Still, you actually did it. Never shall I doubt you again... random internet person!
7210606 It definitely did give me more than a few ideas for a potential story about Sombra's past, but at the end of the day, I felt like a list-fic has to be a slightly absurd comedy, or else people will start asking why it isn't a proper story.
7208667 I believe that's referred to as a "glowjob."
7213993 That is simultaneously one of the greatest comments of all time, and a term I hope never to repeat.
101. Refusing to die properly on multiple occasions.
I like how Sombra's underwhelming performance in The Crystal Empire is a crime.
This was a good read with some great black comedy.
It seems I have a thing for reading your work fashionably late. Anyway, this was very good my friend! Hope to see more stuff for me to take my sweet 'ol time on soon!
Honestly? I prefer this one to the original. Never been much of a fan of shaggy dog stories, and this was a lot more consistent in tone and item quality. Thank you for it.
7343321 Glad you enjoyed it!
This one caught me a bit by surprise, but I'm not sure why considering your other characterization of Sombra. I thoroughly enjoyed this story and it promted me to read NBD's piece that inspired it. I'm torn between the two as they both have their pros and cons. But I do know both have been added to my favorites.
I enjoyed reading this from Raven's perspective as it's not one I'm used to seeing. Some parts felt a bit... drawn out I guess would be the best way to put it. And I do understand the need to break up a list, at the same time, the list is what drew me in. Mostly the insane charges brought forth. On the other hand, ending a chapter on a list point feels like a bad idea. I don't know. It could be a no-win situation there.
One aspect I noted, and I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I liked how some of the things mentioned in Sombra Does His Taxes made their way into this story. Out of all 101, these two gave me a good chuckle:
Overall, another well done story and not a lot for me to be critical on.
Before I read this, what is the Dark tag for ?
And how bad does it get ?
So he was murdered the first time for his crimes. They came back to kill him again. They also speaking on they chose firing squad which to me is silly. This guy got vaporized by one of the strongest magical items in the series. Blasting him down with magic in my opinion won't fix the problem. And could they charge a Sombra that's not from their world with a crime? Interesting