Troubled youths like Sunset Shimmer and Trixie Lulamoon can end up on a dangerous path. They can fall through the cracks in the system, spiralling into a vicious cycle of self-destruction and crime. They can become a disgrace to their families, their school, and their Nation.
That's why Principal Celestia has asked Twilight Sparkle to return and find a way to set them back on the straight and narrow. Twilight, being the Princess of Friendship, knows exactly how to solve the problem.
They have to perform but one simple task ...
Chapters (1)
Not going to lie. That just felt...off, about midway through and that off feeling kept through to the end. Furthermore, the "joke" here, or Twilight's scalp, wasn't terribly funny to begin with. I kept expecting Rainbow Dash to ask what the hell is going on. That bit with Sunset and her secret photo of Flash also was...just weird. I'm not even trying to get any Flash hate going here: in the movies it's made clear Sunset never even cared about him, and while this is verging on headcanon here, she was born a bloody pony: a near naked human with a jock strap probably won't cut it for her. Finally, the reasoning Celestia and Luna go through with why Sunset and Trixie were being punished was, while somewhat legitimate in Trixie's concern, utterly stupid when it came to Sunset.
However, that bit with Luna was genuinely funny, so that's something. I feel like this fic had some potential here, and the writing itself was relatively well done, but it suffered from awkwardness in concept and some things that I personally found ridiculous, and not in a good, ha-ha way.
Edit: Was thinking about giving this story a down vote because to me, at least, it fell flat on several fronts. However, while I personally didn't like this story all that much, it did have some funny-ish moments, and the writing flow and structure was pretty good. So, I think I'll abstain from upvoting it or down voting it.
So, in effect, this edit was useless and a waste of everyone's time (including my own), but I feel the need to say and stress that there were some good elements in this, and there is potential some potential here.
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Thanks for your comments! I was hoping more people would find it amusing, but alas it was not to be. As for being a bit off, well, I'm a little bit off, so no surprise there.
This was creepy
I laughed several times. I didn't know what to expect and it was great. I figured I would end this in a quote that made me laugh but, by the end, there were too many to choose from.
For what it's worth, I thought you did a good job. I can't write comedy despite the literary greats calling it the easiest form of literature to write.
"fear no quadratic!"
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Thanks!!! This one was kind of a break I took while working on some heavier stuff. I somehow ended up on that YT video, and the thought of the EQG teens in that situation wouldn't leave me alone.
If jmj approves, it was worth doing.
Now, back to our regular M-rated programming
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"...and the sturring wheel wood like a baseball bat."
A hilarious story, especially the contents of Sunset's locker.
I feel I should point out that they should really award the trophy for the Battle of the Bands to Trixie, as she was the one to advance farthest in the competition without using performance-enhancing magic to cheat. (She did pull the lever of course, but she was under the effects of mind control magic at the time, so cannot be blamed for that.)