• Member Since 20th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen Tuesday

FerociousCreation


Improve your skill by making it grow an inch a day. You will surprise yourself after a year goes by.

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Not even twenty-four hours and Starlight Glimmer has already been forgiven for her acts. Even though she and Twilight have become friends, the unicorn has not told the princess her true pain of her past and why she truly hated cutie marks.

It was more than Sunburst leaving and not returning... Much more than that...

Note to readers: If anything happens during the show that may or does retcon any of my stories will not cause me to change any of my original ideas to any of my fan fictions.

About season 6 premiere: Season 6 may have already have Sunburst's and Starlight Glimmer's friendship issue solved, I think the writers for the show could have gone about it differently. But hey, I still liked it anyways.

Art from this comic: http://dragonfoxgirl.deviantart.com/art/Sunny-Star-MLP-Comic-575387911

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 43 )

Interesting fic here, hope you continue on with this.

Beautiful. Just absolutely beautiful. :pinkiesad2: You did a fantastic job of adding on to a topic that actually could be canon to the show. It seemed a bit rear-ended on Starlight hating cutie-marks because her friend left her, but with this here... I see more of what the writers could've added to the show: more of Starlight's personal history.

You, my friend, have just earned a place in my book. :raritywink:

So good!!! Can't wait for more.

Very good. I'll be following this story.

Why do I have a suspicion that Twilight's not going to like where Sunburst is when she finds him?

6696734 Thank you. The only thing us fans and fan fiction writers can do for the time being is assume what went through Starlight Glimmer's mind when she was heart broken by her old friend. Starlight Glimmer is a huge hot topic for speculation so expect this sight to be flooded with fan fictions about her.

But I do thank you for the feedback :pinkiehappy:

“So to stop his annoying chant, I punched him in the face.”

Starlight gave the princess an awkward look as she saw Twilight's crammed face. “So umm... after that day, he continued to call me that silly pet name. And even though I hit him every time he called me it, I loved it.

Twilight leaned over to her friend a bit. “But if given the chance, would you at least talk to him once more?”
“I'd more likely kick him in the chest than be civil. Like I said, he brought pain upon me, and I would be more than happy to deliver.”

Gee. Did you ever consider maybe he didn't want to be around you anymore because you kept causing him physical pain?

The first step is always the hardest...

6795124 Thanks for the error i missed.

However the "Sfow" was on purpose. Starlight's mouth was full.

Well, I'm glad to see this isn't a 'Starlight overreacts just because her friend moves away' fic. This goes more in-depth behind her reasoning. Have a like.:twilightsmile:

6861764 I do want to read that fan fiction though :derpytongue2:

Glad you like it so far :ajsmug:

Well, it looks like Spike might have to be an impartial referee. I can't wait to hear Sunburst's side of things.

6867651 I can't wait to write it all down... :pinkiecrazy:

Moondancer is being cryptic as hell, im sure she would get along fine with Maud if they ever talked...... :rainbowderp:

Moondancer is being cryptic as hell, im sure she would get along fine with Maud if they ever talked...... :rainbowderp:

First, I have to say that Starlight really laid it all out there for Sun Burst. Now he has to give his side of the story...and it better be good.
Second, here are some mistakes I found:

“I'll go get the latter.”
Both ponies looked to see Spike pushing a latter that was attached to a railing that slightly extended from the bookshelf.
Spike stopped walking the latter and began to climb up it.

ladder

Starlight tore her eyes away from the hansom stallion.

handsome

the stallion saw a hostel stare come from her.

hostile

“Hugh?”

Who's Hugh?

6961003 thanks again for pointing those out.

GAAAAAHHHHH THE FEELS!
I really look forward to the next update!

GET TO THE FRIGGIN' POINT ALREADY SUNBURST!!!!!!

7111018 Sunburst stop beating around the bush you whimpering filly!:facehoof:

Goodness he's such a wimp.

The emotion really carries over to the reader, im not even Sunburst and i feel a heartache coming on. Its commenly known not all your decision will have the greatest outcome; whether their right or wrong your action can make you feel bad or upset at yourself for your own choices. Sunburst is stuck in a huge glacier and is going to need to get himself out burning himself along with his situation or pick apart the the subject by chiping away at himself every so often. I really look forward to what happens next.

I would like to read this, but I'm hesitant because it's still incomplete.

Will it be finished?

Well, at least they are going to be friends first.

7147425 its feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeenished. now you can read it

7304333 It just seems more realistic the way I ended it

Starlight and Sunburst have that sexual tension kind of relationship.

Lol, Sunburst just got the FRIENDZONE!!!!!! I guess it works, makes it more realistic and stuff. Either way, great job, loved this story to pieces!!

7330835 Thanks. Again, I think the show could have made Starlight a little more upset at Sunburst and he should have been a little more sorry about what he did. Like you said, 'Realistic."

I feel like you should make more use of contractions when the characters are apeaking. It sounds a little unnatural for everyone to say things like "have not" rather than "haven't"

I liked this story at first but as it goes on it just feels like it is just meandering around. The story told by Sunburst became too melodramatic and boring for me. Personnaly I can only read about them crying for the same reasons so many times before I stop caring.

I'll leave the story with a like because of how much I enjoyed the first couple chapters, but I don't think I will be finishing it.

7531316 I will admit there is a lot of crying, but it was to capture the idea of regret. Thanks for the criticism. I improve a bit more when it is constructive and makes me more aware of my errors.

Hmm. Kind of a lot of random tense changes, here. Have you looked at getting an editor? Here's an example of what the first four paragraphs could look like.

Morning was an enjoyable time for Starlight Glimmer. Quiet, relaxing... a start to a new day. A nice cup of coffee rested in front of her as she munched on a simple plate of peanut-butter and banana sandwichs. Nearby, Spike loudly chewed as he chomped through a bowl of colorful gems.

Ten days had passed since Starlight moved into Twilight's castle / told Twilight her story*, and she was beginning to enjoy her new lifestyle. A few moons** ago, she had visited Our Town and told the villagers there her side of things- not going into full detail about Sunburst, of course. If she had, it would have meant another waterworks display, and Starlight was not willing to put herself through such a trip of painful days gone by again.

Today, Starlight was slated to spend some time with Rarity. The fashionista had said she was working on a new lineup of outfits, The After Hours of Day. Starlight assumed the dresses were going to be themed off of the night, though she wouldn't be surprised by something else.

When she had awoken that morning, she wandered around the castle, looking for Twilight with no success. When the young whelp got up, she asked him if he knew her whereabouts, also to no avail. She was trying to ask her alicorn friend if she could borrow a copy of the Daring Do series. Starlight was interested in the story, since both Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash have given it such great praise.

First paragraph: nothing major, but with the amount of flashbacks, should the scene really start here?

Second paragraph: it's unclear what it's been ten days since Starlight did. Also, a moon is roughly a month... Has that much time really passed?

Third paragraph: doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the stuff at hand. I presume Rarity is going to be relevant later, but this information might fit somewhere else better- Starlight trying to use it as an excuse to get out of talking with Sunburst, perhaps?

Fourth paragraph: "young whelp" is a fairly rude thing to call Spike. In general, it's fine to just use Spike, him or the dragon where appropriate.

7837127 I have looked into getting an editor, and I had one. But there were a few problems: editor took way too long, editor changed the story as they edited, and editor lost interest after five chapters...

But let us delve into your critiques.

First Paragraph: I just wanted to start this paragraph with a scene set up, just to give the reader a picture. However, I have seen writers not give too much detail of where a character is, or what time, and their scene make perfect sense.

Second Paragraph: There was no need to explain exactly what Starlight Glimmer did after more than a week has passed. Maybe I should have explained more on what she did that made her new life more enjoyable, but that is for the reader to decide I suppose. Besides, I did write out that she did go to her old village and apologized. However, the many moons was a poor choice of words and I was not aware of how long that actually means. I will change that.

Third Paragraph: Like the first paragraph explanation, scene set up. Your suggestion may have worked as well, but I feel that Starlight's plan for the day should be addressed first.

Fourth Paragraph: Whelps are known (at least from what I have read and seen) are the smallest of what dragons are. He is a baby dragon still. Unless whelp is an insult in MLP, I see no reason to fix that.

Thank you for the feedback.

Well, there's an abusive relationship in the making. Liked the story and all, but I really couldn't get behind Starlight's constantly hitting Sunburst. Like, seriously hitting, not just playful punches on the shoulder.

I hate Sunburst, and nothing I've read can change my mind about this.

However, that was pretty emotional, and I'll admit even if I hate the ship, you did a really good job on it.

8747745 I am glad you liked the emotional levels in my story. And thanks for not hating the story because it has a ship/ character simply for the fact that the story features someone you don't like. :3

It’s Sunburst, not Sun Burst or SunBurst, Sunburst

That did not need to be so long. The first chapter was fine, but the rest of it was pure “tell not show”, quantity over quality

10163609 I cannot disagree with this. If there’s anything I’ve learned after this was showing and telling. It’s easier to tell than show in my opinion.

This is not sarcasm when I say thanks for the reminder. It’s important to notice what your stronger and weaker creations are and why they stumble or are stable.

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