• Member Since 20th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen 6 hours ago

Foals Errand


Guess whose back?!

Sequels1

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She is just beautiful, so talented, so brilliant. Celestia would give her crown up for a chance to be with a mare like her. But, she can't just ask her out. The timing must be perfect.

Editing done by the brilliant Don't Look At My Name Bro I am seriously lost without you!

Competition fic with The_Weatherbug- Lies of The Pristine

Inspired by Lie

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 66 )

Great story sis! I'm glad to see it finished! Great job.

this was a rather cute story and i enjoyed reading it. Good job

puu.sh/gemkX/ba20b9d19f.png
FimFiciton is derping for me :derpytongue2: Now, time to actually read this!

There needs to be alternate ending where they play board games until the end of time.

5675937
Hmmmm, tempting got any game recommendations?

5676058 I think you should start off with nice, sane games (Sorry!, Parcheesi, Battship.) and then their mental state collapses as they move on to the notoriously torturous games. (Candyland, Mouse Trap, Monopoly.)

If you want, I can pre-read and help decide on stuff like that.

This was adawwable.

5676070 And then they played the game that never ends: Dungeons and Dragons.

5676058 Hey Foals, your story was featured again

56

“I despise that bird of your’s, Tia,”

your's

Where, then? Or shall I say when then?”

Hahaha. Doctor Who reference. I get it. And If I'm wrong, well sorry.

5676818 I think it's more like any time traveling show, reference :rainbowwild::ajsmug:

After reading both, I can honestly say that I like this story more. Don't get me wrong, both are great. There's just something about the way Celestia and Luna interact that makes me like this one more.

5676428 D&D isn't as badly viewed as the others I've mentioned.
Monopoly is never-ending, Candy Land always restarts at the last second, and Mouse Trap can never be played because no one has all the pieces!

Oh, I just love the sisterly interaction between Celestia and Luna. I could actually see them goof around in private.

The ending was cute, too.

“You do realize there is another title she’d go mad to have, don’t you?”

You mean "Professor", right?
:twilightsmile:

“Will you go to dinner with me?"

Oh Celestia, the years you've gone since you last dated have not impacted your tact at all.

5676058 If they're playing till the end of time, they might have long enough to play a round of Risk...

I like this, but the first person thing really bugged me. I got thrown off each time. It was just too weird. I did really enjoy this story, though.

I greatly enjoyed this. You get an upvote from me, and I consider myself quite the connoisseur of Twilestia (as if that means anything). Kudos to you, friend.

Nice little story, but that last part where Twilight says: "I've loved you since i was like six." Feels weird to me... :unsuresweetie:

Oh Celestia you're such a Bakadere.

There were some slopes on this story... But generally it was nice.

Also... SIX? FRIGGIN SIX? WTF TWILIGHT!!!

5678199
Probably 'cuz we're not immortal beings that have a thoroughly skewed view on romantic relationships. I mean c'mon, the first thing I'd do if I met a legitimately immortal being would be to hide the kids. Not saying they're all pedophiles or anything, just...well, concepts like inter-personal relationships and age would start to not mean a whole lot to someone that's been alive for a really, REALLY long time!

Twilestia remains creepy as shit because of the power dynamics.
Twilight can't break Celestia's facade, win arguments with her, hurt her, or do anything else that one would need to do to form a meaningful relationship.

5678524
As much as I love Twilestia, I agree the power dynamic has to be addressed in anything that tries to be deeper than feel-good fluff.

Not that I mind feel-good fluff. :twilightsmile:

5676058 Cards Against Equestria

Oh My! I absolutely Love the Doctor Princess reference! :heart:

aCB

Celestia never got too much of a personality in canon other than being a mother figure and having a small sense of humor. This would have been a great time to expand on that, especially with the first person point of view. I didn't get that, but honestly, it was good without it. A little more personality on her part would have made it great.

I give it 10 out of 10 top story
I was like this :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh: through the whole story
so good :heart::pinkiesmile::twilightsmile:

5676625

Theres no 's on yours, when used in that manner. Should just be "yours"

56

5680340

Yes, that's the error I was pointing out. If you check the story it's still there.

“Uhhh… No, mommy, I don’t wanna go out and play...I wanna go to school…”

:rainbowlaugh:

That made me laugh.

So much d'aww. That's really all I can say, this was very well written even by your standards, Foals.

That was the cutest thing everrr

5678524 You want this story on creepy pasta? I can tweak a few things...

5677905 That would be interesting. Though they possibly can play axis and allies? I just finished a game of risk tonight. Do you think it would drive them crazy if they saw me playing rock paper scissors?

Well... it started out well enough, and then somewhere around the third flashback it seems like you got impatient and the pacing just crapped itself...

I wrote a review of this story. It can be found here.

5685891
Hi there. I have noticed that you are leaving unsolicited reviews for this author. While some people appreciate this, some do not. Most reviewers are at least kind enough to offer constructive criticism, yours seem to simply be negative and borderline derogatory. If you dislike this author, then do not read her works. If you want to criticize, please at least be constructive. Most people here are simply trying to share ideas and thoughts, it is rather unkind to follow someone and point out flaws you perceive, as many of them are subjective. Just a friendly suggestion, thank you for your time.

5687373
I don't follow Foals Errand, and I don't do it to be mean. I'm a reviewer; I just review pretty much everything I read. As it so happens, Foals Errand has made the featured story box a bunch of times with stories that made me curious, and I ended up being disappointed in them, but I wrote reviews of them because I read them. Sometimes even my reviews of things I don't like get people views; I had someone note on that very blog post that a NRed story intrigued them enough to read it, and they wouldn't have done so otherwise had they not read my review.

And sometimes, people read my reviews and don't read stories; such is life. And really, that's kind of the point: to try and help people figure out where to spend their time.

I was not intending to be derogatory, but I do review stuff; I also notify everyone whenever I do so.

My reviews are primarily intended for the audience to become aware of what a work is and what it is like; I also note my reaction to it, and point out any flaws or awesome stuff that I notice, and that can be helpful to the writer; however, most of the time, my reviews are aimed at the general fan-fiction reading audience, not at the writer.

Unsolicited reviews are a very common way of reviews being done; most people who just review stuff randomly do it out of the blue, reviewing whatever it is that they're reading.

If Foals (or anyone else) doesn't want me to review their stuff, all they have to do is ask, and I won't read it and won't review it.

Looking over the post, I didn't notice anything too terribly mean-spirited about it; I did remove one bit that I think you were misinterpreting, as that was not my intent with it and it wasn't critical to my intent there, and I think it might be what made you feel like I was dumping on the author.

The removed line was meant to express the fact that while I enjoy Twilestia, there are a lot of Twilestia stories which I feel don't have Celestia very well in-character, and thus I end up reading a bunch of Twilestia stories and then disliking them because of it. Thus "I should have known better" was basically "I got my hopes up for a good new Twilestia story and didn't end up happy with it."

I'm not trying to dump on authors when I say I don't like their works, and I do try to avoid things I don't think I'll like; I don't just randomly pick out people to pick on, the stories I read are almost always chosen because I am hoping to enjoy myself, or because someone recommended it to me, or because someone asked me to read it.

The title and description made me think of "waitin' 'til marriage".

this cute little one-shot needs a follow up badly

5687373
I saw nothing wrong with his review.

Both this and Lies of the Pristine have their merits, but I liked LotP just a bit more. I think I liked this one a bit better in a happy-go-lucky kind of light, while I liked the other one better in how it felt a bit more personal and less silly.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

3999 word chapter
4000 words total.
Lolwat.

Coming from a fellow writer, this is really good. Especially since I've just submitted a story revolving around Princess Luna and Celestia. I don't find too many fellow girl writers on this site, so that's a nice change. I really enjoyed this. The overall tone of it reminded me of 'Fangirl' by Rainbow Rowell which I definitely recommend. The playfulness of Luna's antics and the stubbornness of Celestia collide in such a way that it just creates such a nice flow through out the story.

I give it 5/5 :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

- A :twilightsmile:

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