• Member Since 19th Oct, 2014
  • offline last seen Last Thursday

LiterarySerenity


Hi! I'm a creative writer with a drive to become a better storyteller. :D


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If you have ever wondered how the saying "Don't look a gift horse in the mouth" came to be, please venture inside and learn one fairytale version of this tale.

Now featured on Equestria Daily (http://www.equestriadaily.com/2015/02/story-legend-of-gift-horses.html)! ^_^

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 50 )

Hmmmm........ Lavender..... Creates a huge impact.......... Observant........... Reasonable......rational.........logical.....magical... Powerful...... Twilight. That's twilights spirit.

5238963 Maybe, ^_^ Thanks for featuring this piece in your library, and adding it to your favorites. :D

5240381 your welcome! :)

5243966 Thank you! A story tends to have many tales wrapped inside it, and I hope you enjoyed this gift. :D

This was hilarious:

"It might surprise you how many pot-related spells I have come to know"

Incidentally, I thought this was a clever story, well told. I enjoyed it. Well done! You certainly know how to write.

5257307 Thank you! My ultimate career and personal goals include learning to become a strong storyteller, so your kind words really mean a great deal. ^_^ And thanks for adding this story to your favorites.

That was a wonderful story! I wish I could write this well!

5286184 Thank you so much! :twilightblush: That means a great deal to me. ;3

That was interesting! I had never ever thought about that before! *scribble scribble*

Minor typographical errors, nothing major. 10/10 for originality!

Thanks for adding to the Species of Equestria!

5387158 Thank you so much, and thanks for adding the story to your favorites! ^_^

Iovely story:pinkiehappy:
10/10 for originality indeed!

Wow, that was great! I've always loved mythology, and this was a really cool myth that feels like it could actually exist in Equestrian lore! If it weren't for some grammatical hiccups, I'd give it a 10/10, but because of them, I'll have to knock it down to 9/10. Still, liked, faved, and followed! Cheers :pinkiesmile:

5612919 Thank you so much, for your kind words, the favorite, and the watch! ^_^ I'll have to go back to revise those hiccups.

The connection to the phrase felt forced and entirely unnecessary, honestly. Other than that, I really liked this.

5619109 Yeah. It was a little hard there, but I'm glad you enjoyed it. ^_^ Thanks for the favorite as well.

I LOVE it!!!!! I truly hope it gets featured on EqD!!!! Continue to shine BRIGHTLY, LiterarySerenity

Yours truly,
Brightly Litt:derpytongue2::pinkiesmile:

5649275 Thank you so much for those kind words, and hopefully everything will go well. ^_^

This is honestly one of the best works that I have ever read. It reads like a true masterpiece. I sincerely wish you the best of luck in your goals and anything else you wish to do.

Haven't finished reading, but I wanted to note that your sentences don't feel as smooth as they could. Word choice is a little odd, and things don't flow as well as they could. Story could use a but of polish in that regard.

5663075 I'm honored! Since my dream is to become a masterful storyteller, your kind words are among the highest praise I could receive. Thank you so much! ^_^

Well, holy crap. I quite enjoyed that.

I'll agree that it could use some polish here and there, but the story I see is bueno. Take a favorite. :duck:

5668996 Thanks, and I'm glad you enjoyed it!

I'm afraid I followed you home. :raritywink:
This was a wonderful story. I'm glad I had the chance to read it. :pinkiehappy:

5741505 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :pinkiehappy:

D'awwwww!

6560608 Aw~ Thanks for watching me!

6569637 and thank you for writing such a lovely tale.

PresentPerfect
Author Interviewer

Really good stuff. :D

7888376 Thank you! I'm glad you liked it. ;3

This is a very sweet story. I like it a lot.

7890145 Aw~ Thanks for your kind words. I'm glad you liked it. ;3

Yup, I love this.

7899505 Thank you, and thank you for the favorite! :twilightsheepish:

A fascinating fable, complete with actual amniomorphic spells from Equestria's own hairy potter. Great work. Thank you for it, and congrats on the RCL induction.

7993996 Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it :pinkiehappy: . When I learned RCL wanted to feature the story, it really made my day.

And the history of the greatest hairy potter is revealed. All hail Stairswirl. :pinkiehappy:

7995678 Starswirl can do anything he likes. He's just that powerful of a wizard. :twilightsmile:

Huh there's actually a story out there with a nice not grumpy and mean starswirl the bearded!

7997698 Thank you! There's also the Reflections arc of the comics, which helped to influence my portrayal of him. I love the thought of him being a wise but eccentric wizard. :yay:

Goosebumps and feelings galore <3 Thank you so much for this!

8010191 Thank you for your kind words! I'm happy it gave you goosebumps. :twilightsmile:

I admire your story's central conceit. You turn the phrase "gift horse" from "the horse that is a gift" to "the horse that gives a gift" by treating it as an Anglo-Saxon compound noun. I think Tolkien would have smiled.

I would make one criticism about your choice of words. You are attempting to tell a fairy-tale, something timeless and universal. Yet your words are often modern and particular: entity, attention span, insignia, radiated, and so forth. These yank the reader back from "long ago and far away" to the here and now. When that happens several times within a single paragraph, the effect is disorienting.

To say this to you is a bit of a presumption, for an author's choice of words is one of the most intimate and personal aspects of writing. And I would not have you change a word of this story because you have had at last your dream, and it is yours and a good dream. But since you say in your author's interview that you want to improve your writing skills, may I direct you to a couple of things you might find interesting?

The first is Ursula K. Le Guin's essay "From Elfland to Poughkeepsie." It's very short--only twelve pages--but there is in that little space a great deal of thoughtful observation about word-choice in fantasy, observation which a writer may readily put to good use. Moreover it's a pleasure to read for its clarity and grace of both thought and writing.

The second is a book, but like Le Guin's essay it's a quick and joyous read in which you will learn a great deal: The Ring of Words: Tolkien and the Oxford English Dictionary . It explores how Tolkien's apprentice days as a researcher on the OED taught him not only the vocabulary but the prose aesthetic which later made Middle Earth so vivid and powerful a creation.

I'm sure those two works will be helpful to you as both a scholar and a writer. If you were curious about some much inferior work on the same theme, I could point you towards some of my blog posts as well.

But read those two, at least. You won't regret it :twilightsheepish:

8041703 Whoa! First of all, thanks for your insightful feedback. I know paying closer attention to those types of details will strengthen my stories in the future, particularly since I tend to gravitate toward fairytale and fantasy pieces. Thanks also for the links to the works by Ursula Le Guin and Tolkien (who definitely earned their reputation as skillful fantasy writers), which I'll be sure to check out soon. ;3

Thank you again! I'm grateful for all the advice I can get from fellow writers. ^_^

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