- Member Since 20th Oct, 2014
- offline last seen Feb 20th, 2020
LiterarySerenity
Hi! I'm a creative writer with a drive to become a better storyteller. :D
LiterarySerenity
Joined 20th Oct, 2014 ·
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Great Story! You did an excellent job with Zecora's rhyming! The story-line is believable, too. I hope you will continue writing! I will certainly continue reading.
MeadowRose
Wasn't Applebloom good with construction too?
Okay, let's see what we've got here...
Apple Bloom. Her name is two words.
Okay, if your headcanon is that there's a "Summer Wrap-Up", that's fine and you're entitled to it, but I'd just like to point something out:
Summer doesn't need to be "wrapped up".
The whole point of Winter Wrap-Up is to clean up all the ice and snow, wake up the hibernating animals, and plant the spring crops. Because the change from winter to spring is a major seasonal shift. What exactly, I ask you, would there be to "wrap up" to transition from summer to fall? Hmm? Much preparation it takes, hmm? Difficult it is, for the weather to turn slightly colder, hmm? Every leaf, ponies must individually change color, hmm?
Bad Yoda impressions aside, I don't think you actually understood the purpose of Winter Wrap-Up. That, or you just assumed every season has a "Wrap-Up", without stopping to think about it.
I'm sorry, did you...did you not pay attention to that episode at all, and how Apple Bloom didn't actually enjoy dancing? She was just trying to find something to do to occupy her time. I seriously doubt she went back to that school ever. Waited around outside it to talk to Tender Taps after lessons, maybe.
This sentence needs an enema.
Your Zecora-ese needs work.
This is a decent short story, if centered around something we've all pretty much taken as canon at this point. It does, however, need a bit of polish in the areas indicated above.
7328058 There was a Summer Wrap-Up mentioned in the comics. That's probably where that came from.
I'd put a space between each paragraph, but otherwise, no problems.
7327236 Ah, thank you very much. It was the first time I'd really worked with Zecora's rhyming (or at least for a longer piece), but I'm so glad you enjoyed it. ^_^
7328505 At least a little bit, anyway. ^_^ There's always so much writing to do, but this story kept tugging at me. If that makes sense.
7328227 Thank you! I've made those changes already.
7328225 Yep, that's exactly where I found the idea. They never mention Summer Wrap-Up in the show, but it almost seemed appropriate because of how much ponies help the seasons along in Equestria.
7328058 First of all, thanks for your feedback. I appreciate it, and it's already been very helpful for me (especially for details like Apple Bloom).
EchoWing is right, though. I got the idea for Summer Wrap-Up from a scene in one of the comics, where ponies in Ponyville are actually singing about the same celebration. Of course, the thought of the ponies having to guide the seasons from one to the next has always been a big thing in the show. Don't you remember from "Tanks for the Memories," when pegasi were literally putting up icicles to the eaves of roofs? In a land like that, where it's odd for places such as the Everfree Forest to change on their own, Summer Wrap-Up does make an strange sort of sense. I mean, autumn is subtly different than the summer--and although I can only imagine what the process would involve, the ponies are the ones who have to guide it along. For all we know, "Summer Wrap-Up" could really involve helping all the leaves get their autumn colors, etc.
In addition, I was under the impression one lesson from "On Your Marks" included how you could enjoy something, even if you might not be good at it. Apple Bloom may have joined the ballet dance because she couldn't think about anything else, but by the end of the episode she actually comments she plans to keep learning to dance (unless I'm mistaken). Our interpretations might have been a bit different, which is completely fine, but that is what I came away with there.
Once again, though, thank you for all the help! It'll only help me to grow as a writer.
7327489 Yep, you're right. They did hint at that in the show. But they haven't seemed to return to it yet, with stronger hints that Apple Bloom had a stronger interest in potion-making. Maybe we'll see Apple Bloom do a construction project sometime in the future, though. It'd definitely be interesting.
"Comment posted by LiterarySerenity deleted at 11:50am on the 22nd of June, 2016" due to technical difficulties.
7328756 I would argue that the comics went a little too far with the "Summer Wrap-Up" thing because the writer of that issue thought it would be a neat throwaway gag. And you can't really use the pegasi bringing winter as justification for it, because winter is a MAJOR CHANGE. That's also why it needs to be wrapped up. Summer transitioning to fall shouldn't need to be a big production--all it would take is Celestia subtly shifting the sun to cool things off, and the pegasi changing the wind patterns. Because fall is a subtle season that slowly transitions to winter. It doesn't come all at once, and in some places, it doesn't really even come at all. Now, the Running of the Leaves is a thing that happens in fall in Equestria, yes, but it doesn't really make sense that there would be any sort of big production in transitioning from spring to summer to fall when the changes really would boil down to sun and wind pattern adjustments, which don't really need as much work as bringing and then wrapping up winter.
Like I said, it's your story and if that's the headcanon you want to follow, you're free to do so. I'm just trying to show you why it doesn't make sense.
7329257 You bring up some great points! And going back to the comic, you're right. It does look more like a gag--so I wound up just taking that part out entirely (thanks for the editing help!). I still do wonder if the ponies might help out during the transition from summer to fall in some other way. Of course, then I realized that in-show, they do hold the Summer Sun Celebration. So perhaps any preparations they would make would go towards that, which would really be what marked the transition of the seasons.
7329418 The Summer Sun Celebration appears to simply be the Summer Solstice--the day with the longest duration of sunlight during the year.
Anyway, glad I could help out.
7329553 Of course, on a bit of a side note, I do hope we get to see more of the festivals that take place in Equestria. It might shed even more light on how ponies impact their world.
Thanks again!
7433749 The two seem to get along very well, and I agree. I'm looking forward to an episode where we get to see more interaction between Zecora and Apple Bloom. ^_^
This was such a nice little story to read.
I always liked the idea of Apple Bloom becoming Zecora's apprentice, and I'm genuinely displeased that's not what ended up happening in the show. This fic really scratches that itch I have for this kind of content - if only we had more Apple Bloom and Zecora interactions before the series ended...
I can't help but wonder if the rhyming was intentional - as if to imply that Apple Bloom is already on her way to being something akin to Zecora herself. But I'm pretty sure I'm overspeculating at this point.
That was a very fun read! I hope to read more from you on a later date.