Hold your ground but do not be unkind. (Ponyphonic, "Shy Heart") He/him. Ponyfic Roundup reviews every Wednesday.
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Rarity knows her way around the landscape of romance and heartbreak, and that includes being there to help out when a friend's relationship falls apart without warning. She can deal with the fact that it's Twilight who's sobbing wildly on her shoulder, even if it is a bit on the damp side. She's rather more taken aback when she discovers just who the new Princess has been getting herself involved with...
Review: The City of Doors
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That escalated quickly... and ended well.
Good job!
Eh, it was okay. To each their own, but the ending didn't really fit what you were building up to. Just my take.
4128339 Thanks! It was one of those silly late-night ideas that turned into a story, and I just couldn't help myself.
4128406 You're welcome! It was supposed to have that impression, so I'm glad it did!
4128626 a night where an idea for a story pops up in your head?thats happened to me twice but they didn't become as funny or good as this one!
4128487 Thanks for the feedback. I'm actually now curious about what you did think it was meant to be building up to? The reason I ask that is that the ending actually came first: the whole of the rest of the story was written to lead up to it. This is basically a (slightly literary) crackfic; it was never intended to be a shipfic in the usual sense of the word.
What happened before the story starts was that after deciding to learn about rocks to try to be a better friend to Maud, Twilight finds a rock that's so perfect that she falls in love with it. Because of its godlike beauty, she names the rock "Celestia". She accidentally shatters it in a terrible magical accident -- so "Celestia" literally breaks up. Rarity, of course, thinks that Twilight was having an affair with Princess Celestia, but that's just a red herring. Basically, this is a story in which Twilight is devastated because she's ruined her wonderful relationship with a rock.
ROFLMAO!!!
Funny, in a terrible sort of way!
4128655 Now there's the reaction I was hoping for!
...one spell.
...break up.
...shattered friendship.
...
4128645 All of this emotion for possibly the best brick joke ever.
4128766 My work here is done.
Thank you!
4128838 You do not know how hard it was for me to avoid a literal "brick" reference in this fic.
Uhhhh............................................... nope. i ain't got nothin'
4777080 Confused? Well, if you want an explanation of what the story means, read the spoiler-tagged part of this comment.
4777119 no i read that. I'm still at a loss for words
4777159 Oh, I see; sorry. Well... this story has a Random tag on it for a reason -- and now you know what that reason is!
37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrjnpltYDB1r3ovdbo1_400.gif
Just... take a like, a fav, a ribbon, and a feature recommendation and we'll never speak of this again...
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
You're going to pony hell for this.
4789337 Oh my... thank you so much!
Er, for leaving a comment, of course. Which you apparently did. I don't know what it was about, since my memory has mysteriously been blanked. Oh well.
4789839 Sounds good to me; it's where all the cool ponies go, after all! (Though given my lack of coolness, I guess it means I'm going to Pony Hell's Kitchen...)
I... uh...
...
I had to read the last line a few times to actually understand.
Nice job on this though, felt like serious crackfic, if that makes sense.
DJRD
4791779
Yes, it does! That's exactly the sort of thing I was going for, so it's really good to read a comment like that.
(Thanks for the favouritey thing, too!)
That... That was good. I feel like it was the perfect length for what the story was meant to be, and it did everything well. I noticed what might have been a few missing words in a couple sentences here and there, and a couple fragments, but nothing that really broke obtrusively into the experience of reading the story, so not really a big deal. Very well done, overall.
4829867 Thank you very much for the comment. (And for the favourite, too!) I'm flattered by your assessment, and I'm glad you enjoyed the fic. I agree with you that this was a natural shortfic; it could have been spun out to five times the length, but I don't think it would have been significantly better.
Oh? If you feel like it (and only if you do) I'd be interested to know where those were. It's a fault I do have sometimes, so I wouldn't put it past me!
Well, what do you expect on a story with this title, eh?
But a little more seriously, while I can't guarantee that all the fragments you noticed were deliberate, at least some of them were. This one, for example:
It was a conscious decision not to add "There was" to the front of that line. I felt that gave it a little more immediacy.
And oh, you're the writer of Seashell! That's fairly near the top of my Read Later list now, so I'll try to return the compliment when I've read it.
4830208
Missing words...
Looks like it's supposed to be, "Rarity felt on surer ground now that she knew that this was the sad outcome of a romantic entanglement..."
"But Twilight, who seemed to have gotten hold of herself a little more now, was responding anyway."
(just part of a word, I guess)
I thought I may have seen another one, but I can't find it again, and if it's that subtle it's probably nothing worth worrying about.
The fragments that I noticed most were the ones in the fourth to last paragraph, where there's a series of them that start with, "The words". I think those in particular would work better if they were complete sentences. For example,
I feel like this works better as maybe something like, "The words had proved that not even she knew everything about the mysteries of love in all its remarkably varied and endlessly surprising forms." Maybe it's just a personal preference thing, but I don't think there's as much urgency on these and it seems to me like they'd read better as complete sentences.
I'm looking forward to seeing what you think of Seashell. I'm glad you're interested in reading it.
4830811 Thanks very much for that!
Arguable, I think. It's not wrong as it stands, but you could say that it would be a more balanced sentence if written the way you suggest.
That one is correct as it stands: I'm British, and British English uses "got" for the past participle as well; the standard language doesn't have "gotten" at all, other than in the phrase "ill-gotten gains".
I think you're right in that this one is a case of personal preference. I like it the way I wrote it, since I'm deliberately repeatedly emphasising "the words" for, well, emphasis.
*Gets to the end... GROANS*
Well played, good sir. Have a Like.
5090199 Thank you! Just the reaction to the end of the fic that my evil mind wanted.
i loved doing a dramatic read on this good work
4128645
Hmm, and here I thought it was the horsehead statue that had been standing on a plinth on the library floor since season 1 ...
5223301 I don't see your point: where does the horsehead statue come into this?
When I first glanced at the character tags, I thought :
Oh sweet Celestia, I was wrong.
5224585 I guess you could also make some sort of an argument for an OC tag. Well, sort of.
5223365
Oh, I don't really have a point as such -- just that I was expecting through most of the story that "Celestia" had been Twilight's name for the horsehead statue. Don't know why. So it felt slightly anticlimactic to learn in the comments that in the author's mind it was just a random rock.
5224836 Heh, I hadn't even thought of that idea! I almost wish I had now... but then again, the Maud angle would have been difficult then, since Twi didn't know Maud existed back in S1 days. Anyone reading this wants to write that story, though, don't let me stop them!
I went into this, knowing those tags. I was thinking: "Okay, when will this get random?" I was thinking RariLight heartwarming and some wacky shenanigans, as crazy as that sounded. I was then met with a tale that wasn't making much sense.
And then I came across the ending. And then I scrolled up and remembered there were mentions of Maud. And then I read it again. And then I looked back at the title of the fic.
I've got nothing. So here, take my upvote, and I'll slowly creep back into the shadows, secretly wishing to see more Twilight x Celestia fics, though it shan't be delivered. As Rarity would say: "Let us never speak of this again."
Good words to live by.
5347746 I think that's probably for the best.
But many thanks for your comment! As for more TwiLestia stories... one day I might write a prequel to this one, but I suspect that may not be quite the TwiLestia you had in mind...
At first, I thought it would be Smarty Pants. Then I figured it was the horse-head bust from the library, but no, that was destroyed by Tirek's spell. Thus, the reveal makes perfect sense and no sense at all, at the same time. That's not easy to pull off. Well done.
5682147 Thank you.
Though you're not the first person to bring up the horse-head bust; this story was published before the S4 finale appeared, so Tirek wasn't an issue. If anything, canon has done me a favour by removing that particular option!
6085269 Thanks!
The punctuation has been fixed now. I'm afraid I went through a rather odd little phase (phaselet?) of abusing semicolons like that, as I note you've already noticed in another story of mine. I'm really not sure why, though I have a nagging feeling that it was probably the malign influence of some Victorian author who had the same idiosyncrasy.
And I'm glad the story amused you. It's not as if there's any other reason for it to exist!
4128645
Oh.
OH.
I...
I, uh, thought that Twilight accidentally petrified Celestia.
7008356 I've had that reaction a few times -- I'd probably change a couple of things about the story if I were writing it now, to make it a little clearer, but I think I'm going to leave it be. Thanks for reading!
Using only two periods in an ellipsis? That's certainly odd; I'm not sure if it's (somehow) intentional or not. Otherwise, I liked how this showed that Twilestia can be just as much of a disaster as it can sail smoothly, and having Rares as a good friend, even if it was all over a statue.
9305143
Nope, just a mistake. Fixed now. That said, it is something you see occasionally over here. For example, here's a Daily Mirror front page; for some reason it seems to be house style there, and at The Sun, to use only two dots. Standard BrEng does usually have three, though.
Anyway, thanks for reading! I'm actually a little startled that someone would read this fic now, as it's really fallen out of view for several years. I'm not going to claim it's the best fic I've ever written, or even close to, but it still makes me giggle stupidly. So there's that.
9305172
I think I've read a few of your other works before, so poking through things was neat.
I like to read more or less whatever catches my eye, and this happened to!
Now that you bring up that screenshot, I'm not so sure I can say that it is wrong, since that paper is British. For all I know, that's all good and kosher in British English.